Youngjae stared blankly at the house across from his own, feeling so numb as he tried to process everything that had happened within the last couple of days. He breathed in deeply, but it hurt. It really hurt to even breathe right now, feeling like there was a thousand pound weight on his chest. How could this have happened? Stuff like this didn't happen in real life, no – it only happened in movies. Right? Right?

The teen hadn't been allowed to go back to the hospital, to Daehyun's room because of how hysterical he'd been and now he just felt so, so numb. Daehyun didn't remember him. He didn't remember them. It hurt, it ing killed him to know that he was just a stranger to Daehyun now.

Youngjae pulled his knees to his chest, breathing in deeply. Every single inch of his body ached from the tossing and turning he spent the whole night doing. Sleep never came, not even just a couple of minutes. When sunlight filled his room, he went straight towards his computer, searching up everything he possibly could about amnesia. He tried searching for cures, answers but nothing was promised and nothing was guaranteed. There was a chance Daehyun would never remember him or their memories.

“Youngjae.” The teen slowly looked towards the front door, watching as his mother stepped out holding a mug. “Do you think you're ready to go to the hospital this afternoon?” He didn't know, Youngjae really didn't but he nodded his head anyway. He had to see Daehyun again. “Here, baby.” The woman held out the mug for him to take, sitting down beside him on the swing. Youngjae accepted the cup, staring blankly down at the warm hot chocolate she'd fixed for him. “I was surprised...” She admitted after a moment.

Youngjae slowly lifted the cup to his dry lips, forcing himself to swallow a small amount. It felt and tasted awful, absolutely awful. “I didn't know you and Daehyun were...“ Mrs. Yoo trailed off for a moment before sighing. “Gay.” He didn't want to talk about this right now, he just coudn't handle this right now.

The teen tensed up, swallowing thickly. Regret washed over him and he felt dread building up inside. “Are you mad?” Youngjae asked, his eyes downcast.

“I was at first. I was really angry but not at you or Daehyun.” The woman answered, reaching out to gently ruffle her son's already messy hair. “I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault for not stopping this, for letting you two share a bed and refusing to see the signs.”

“Mom-”

Mrs. Yoo held a finger to her lips, quickly silencing her son. “But, after I calmed down I realized that wasn't the case. I wish I could say I approve but you know I don't agree with this. It's a sin, Youngjae. An abomination.”

“Please, mom, please don't do this to me right now.” Youngjae felt like screaming, crying and giving up all at the same time. Every single part of his world felt like it was falling apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“But, we all sin.” She gently put her arm around her son, pulling him close. “I love you and Daehyun, you know I do. I might not agree but it's okay.”

“Thank you.” Youngjae softly whispered, closing his eyes so tears wouldn't fall. This was never how he and Daehyun planned to come out. They always said, once they got their own place together, they would come out. Everything was messed up now, everything and Youngjae wondered if it would ever get better.

Mrs. Yoo placed a kiss against the side of his head before getting up and going back inside, leaving Youngjae alone on the swing again. He glanced at the empty spot beside him, sadness overwhelming him. He missed Daehyun, god, he missed him so much. Wondering if Daehyun would ever sit beside him here again made his heart hurt. It really ing hurt.

Youngjae stood up, pouring the rest of the hot chocolate over the porch and into the flower beds before going inside, determined to gather up everything he possibly could of them, their memories in hopes the older would remember. It was painful as he went through their pictures, their memories, printing them out and hoping, praying Daehyun would remember them.

He paused on one photo, so intimate and personal. Their hair damp with sweat, his own head resting against Daehyun's bare chest. He remembered being annoyed at the older for taking a picture after they'd had , saying it was gross and weird but he'd never deleted it from his SD card. Youngjae finally closed the photo before getting up and forcing himself to shower and change.

And then finally, it was time to go.

His emotions were so mixed, confusion, nervousness, anxiety but relief because Daehyun was alive. He was at least alive. Youngjae closed his eyes, resting his head against the car seat. But, it still felt like he had died. The teen took in another deep breath; he couldn't think like that. He had to be strong for Daehyun. He had to believe Daehyun would remember, he had to be strong for himself.

“I know it hurts, baby.” Mrs. Yoo said as she pulled into a parking space at the hospital. “But, you have to think of Daehyun too. He doesn't even know who he is anymore, he must be terrified and confused. Just try and stay calm, okay?” Youngjae nodded, undoing his seat belt with trembling hands. They got out of the car, heading inside and the air was so tense, so nerve wracking.

The elevator ride to Daehyun's floor felt like it took hours instead of seconds and the walk to his room feeling like miles and miles. His legs were trembling, he felt so anxious as they finally stood in front of the room where Daehyun was. Mrs. Yoo reached up and gently knocked, waiting for a soft come in. “Remember, stay calm.” She whispered before pushing open the door.

Youngjae stepped inside, meeting eyes with his boyfriend. “Daehyun.” He breathed, forcing himself to smile. It hurt so badly as Daehyun simply stared at him, no emotion on his face at all. The smile slowly fell from his lips when he heard Daehyun's father say something.

“Leave.” Mr. Jung ordered, standing up from the chair he was sitting on. Youngjae hadn't even noticed him until now.

“What?” Youngjae breathed, unsure of what he'd just heard.

Mr. Jung narrowed his eyes. “Leave. I do not want you around my son.”

Youngjae's mouth slowly fell open, was he serious? The teen just couldn't believe it, feeling a rage slowly building up inside. “Because we're gay, right?” He suddenly realized. “Is that why?”

“My son is not gay!” Mr. Jung quickly retorted.

The teen laughed at that before his expression turned dark, his eyes narrowing. “Oh, so, now that Daehyun's lost his memories, you're going to act like a good dad, huh? Like you know a damn thing about him?” He felt his mother put her hands on his shoulder, softly murmuring his name in hopes of calming down the explosion that was about to come.

“I'm only going to say it once more before I have security you out.” Daehyun's father looked away from Youngjae's fiery eyes. “Leave.”

“No!” Youngjae shouted, his hands curled into tight fists. “No, I will not ing leave. The only one who shouldn't be here is you! Let me guess, you haven't told Daehyun how you constantly beat the out of him, right? How you treated him so badly he wanted to kill himself until he met me – how dare you tell me to leave-” The teen's body was trembling with a mixture of hurt and anger as he shouted. “How ing dare you...” His voice was just barely above a whisper as he spoke his next words. “This is your fault.”

“I'm calling security-” Mr. Jung quickly said, ignoring his words.

“This is your fault he's even like this!” Youngjae tried to lunge forward, his mother grabbing him by his waist and pulling him back as he wildly tried to break free. He wasn't thinking right, all he saw was red. “All of this! All of this is your fault and you think you have the right to keep me from him?!”

“Youngjae!” Mrs. Yoo shouted over him, holding him firmly. “Please calm down!”

Youngjae finally managed to get free but almost as soon as he reached Mr. Jung, he was being pulled back again, this time by hospital security. “Let me go!” The teen cried, not this again, not this again. If he was forced out, would he ever be able to see Daehyun again? He felt himself breaking down as he was being pulled out of the room, people shouting and then he went silent, meeting eyes with Daehyun.

He saw Daehyun's lips moving but he couldn't hear anything over his own mother and Mr. Jung shouting at each other, the security guards telling him to calm down.

“Wait.” Daehyun weakly spoke. “Wait!” He finally managed to shout once Youngjae was just barely out of his room. “Wait, wait, wait-” Everyone turned their attention towards Daehyun and the younger teen felt like time stood still as they held eye contact. “I want to speak with him...” He trailed off for a moment and it pained Youngjae when he realized the older was trying to remember his name. “With Youngjae,” He finally managed. “Alone.”

“I'm old enough to make this decision, please let him go and leave.” Daehyun said when everyone remained silent, unmoving. The security guards finally let Youngjae go, everyone leaving except for Youngjae and Mr. Jung. “Please leave.” Daehyun looked towards his father. Mr. Jung shot Youngjae an angry look before leaving the room with loud footsteps, the door slamming shut behind himself.

The younger teen stood close to the door, unsure of what to do or say so he waited for Daehyun to speak first. “Is it true?” Daehyun asked after a moment. “About my dad?”

“Yes.” Youngjae breathed. “It's true.”

The older slowly nodded his head, staring at Youngjae thoughtfully. “That must be why I feel so uncomfortable around him.” He quietly spoke. “You can come closer.” Youngjae looked towards the floor, his shoulders slumped as he walked to the side of his boyfriend's hospital bed. He bit down onto his lower lip to keep from crying. “I don't feel like that around you.” His words had Youngjae looking up in surprise, his heart pounding so hard he was certain it was going to burst from his chest.

“When I look at you, I feel something I don't know how to describe.” Daehyun admitted, staring back into Youngjae's watery eyes. “I know you're special, I feel it-” He subconsciously touched his chest. “I want to remember.”

Youngjae smiled through his tears. “I'll help you remember.”

Daehyun's expression looked so sad as he watched the younger cry, slowly shaking his head. “I don't like seeing you cry.” His hands tightened on the blankets covering his body. “I don't even know why but it hurts.”

“I'm sorry.” Youngjae reached up, trying to wipe the tears away. He had to be strong for them. “Can... Can I hug you?” He asked and it felt so wrong to even have to ask his boyfriend that. Youngjae slipped off his book bag, letting it fall to the floor when the older nodded his head and Youngjae sat on the edge of the bed, facing Daehyun before leaning forward and slowly wrapping his arms around him.

“I love you.” He breathed, closing his eyes and hiding his face in the crook of Daehyun's neck. He felt different, so different than the last time they'd hugged; his body no longer small and thin. Instead, he felt so strong, so firm.

“I've missed you so much.” Daehyun slowly reached up, hesitantly wrapping his own arms around Youngjae. “I'm sorry.” The younger whispered, holding him a little tighter. “After today, I won't cry anymore. I promise.”

“It's okay.” The older whispered back.

And Youngjae cried and cried, the older simply holding him as his body shook. It felt so good to touch Daehyun again, to breath in his unique scent, to listen to his heartbeat. He never wanted to let go, he never wanted to lose Daehyun again. “I love you so, so much.” He repeated his words from earlier and part of him desperately wanted to hear the older teen say them back, even if they were fake, even if they were empty.

“I'm sorry.” He said instead. It hurt so badly. Daehyun had always been the more affectionate one, never hesitating to say I love you, even at the most random of times and certainly always when Youngjae said it to him. Would things ever go back to normal?

Finally, sniffling and wiping his eyes, he pulled away, staring back at Daehyun's face. “I brought something for you.” He softly spoke before reaching down and picking up his bag from the floor. He got out the folder that held the pictures he'd just printed of them. “Here. Don't open it yet.” He really couldn't handle seeing his boyfriend look at their pictures and not remember anything. “I'll come back tomorrow and if you have any questions, I'll answer them.”

Daehyun silently nodded, reaching out with hesitant hands to wipe away a tear rolling down his cheek. His once soft hands felt so callused and strong now, the younger man closing his eyes and leaning into the touch. “I'm so sorry you have to go through this.” Daehyun gently spoke and Youngjae shook his head.

He opened his eyes when he heard Daehyun whimper in pain, reaching up to touch his head. “Are you okay, Daehyun?” He gently asked, worry overcoming him and suddenly he felt so selfish. Daehyun had been through so much, he didn't need this stress right now.

“It hurts.” Daehyun murmured, his eyes tightly shutting as he rested his head against the pillow. Youngjae pressed the nurse call button on the bed, asking them for something to help ease his boyfriend's pain. The teen hid the folder underneath his boyfriend's blanket a few minutes before the door opened and a nurse came inside, both of their parents looking in with a mixture of worry and concern.

The nurse gently spoke with Daehyun, asking him if he was okay and what was wrong before sending some pain medicine through his IV. She left the room a couple of minutes later, both parents coming inside. “Youngjae's allowed to see me whenever he wants.”

Daehyun slowly looked towards his father. “That's my decision and I'm willing to fight you on it if you don't back down.” Youngjae's breath caught, so stunned that he was standing up to his father. Never, not even once in all the years he'd known him had Daehyun been so firm, so strong when speaking to Mr. Jung. It made him feel almost proud.

Mr. Jung remained silent and Youngjae had a feeling this wasn't the end of things but for right now, at that moment, he didn't want to worry. He just wanted to be with Daehyun, to keep him company until he had to leave.

They all remained silent, Mrs. Yoo sitting down on the chair beside Daehyun's bed, Youngjae moving to sit on the edge of his bed and Mr. Jung with his back facing them, staring out the large window. The younger teen gently took his boyfriend's hand into his own, the skin as the medicine eased his pain, gently soothing him to sleep. Daehyun would remember. Youngjae repeated that over and over, hoping if he kept repeating it he'd believe it.

Daehyun would remember.

He had to.

∞