01
Wisteria
Wisteria;;
Youngjae closed his eyes, the sound of rain soothing him and relaxing him as he sat on the front porch, swaying ever so slightly on the swing. The scent of rain, freshly cut grass and wisteria mixed so well. Daehyun would like this. He thought before slowly opening his eyes again. He could still remember the first time he and his lover had sat out on the porch. He hadn't wanted to – it was humid, gross and the wisteria always made him crinkle his nose. He hated the rain and he hated spring.
But, Daehyun loved it. The rain that only lasted for a short time, the fresh smells all mixing together in perfect harmony, cicadas loudly chirping. He never liked those things until Daehyun, not until that first late spring afternoon. Youngjae could still remember it so clearly, it was on this very swing they'd shared their first kiss.
Daehyun had begged him to sit outside with him, under the porch and after some persuasion, Youngjae gave him. The conversation was simple and comfortable, neither having much of a care in the world and then the kiss – god, that kiss. So hesitant and quick but it was how everything really started for them. It was never officially said but that day, they became each other's. Maybe, they had been each other's all along.
Youngjae wondered how long they had liked each other before that day? He thought maybe he'd loved Daehyun from day one. The older was different, completely different from himself. Bright, happy and out going – Youngjae never would have guessed he was so completely broken. Daehyun's family was broken, so, so broken. His mother had passed away in a horrible, tragic accident leaving behind her husband and Daehyun.
Daehyun always came up with excuses for his father, saying he was just in mourning and that things would change. He didn't mean to hit him; it was the alcohol. Youngjae didn't agree but he never said anything – after all, that awful man was still Daehyun's father. Instead, he simply offered the older a safe home to run away to when things got too bad.
He missed those late night conversations they'd had, lying side by side in his small bed. Some nights they would just laugh and joke until they passed out. Other nights, they would talk about life, their fears and wants. Either way, every night with Daehyun by his side was perfect. Youngjae smiled fondly thinking back to the night after their first kiss.
The room was only illuminated by his colorful lava lamp and Youngjae had shyly kissed Daehyun, both giggling and feeling totally and utterly lovesick as they kissed one another, getting to know the feel of each other's lips. It didn't take long for things to go farther and farther. They had been each other's firsts.
First kisses, first times, first loves.
Everything with Daehyun was new and so exciting. The feeling never went away, even after two years of dating. 'If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't still be here.' The older whispered one night, their bare bodies pressed closely together as they enjoyed their afterglow. Youngjae had simply shaken his head, not understanding at the time just how honest those words were.
He thought back to Daehyun's 18th birthday. Youngjae had saved as much as he possibly could to get him a new iPod, the best there was. The older had been distant most of the day but Youngjae had simply thought maybe it was because he was sad his mother wasn't around for another birthday. The two had been lounging around in the living room when Youngjae's own mother surprised Daehyun with a beautiful cake, candles burning brightly until the older blew them out. Youngjae had , asking him what he'd wished for but the older wouldn't tell him.
Daehyun had excused himself to the bathroom and when he was gone for what seemed like a longer time than necessary, Youngjae went to check on him. The sound of his boyfriend choking back a sob stopped him from knocking, knowing the older didn't want to be seen like that, to be seen crying. Instead, he'd gone to his bedroom and gotten the perfectly wrapped gift and waited for Daehyun in the living room.
Daehyun's eyes had nearly bugged out of his head when he unwrapped the gift, quickly going on about how he couldn't accept it and he didn't deserve it but Youngjae was having none of it, instead focusing on eating his cake until the older finally took the hint and whispered a soft 'thank you'.
It was hot that night, really hot and the air condition was broken but it didn't stop the two as they made love, moans muffled, bodies flushed and it truly felt like they were one person, that their souls were completely connected. The two sneaked out to sit on the swing hanging from the front porch afterwards, both dressed in loose hoodies and their pajama pants.
Neither really said anything, just content to simply sway as they enjoyed the cool breeze that would occasionally pass by and then Youngjae had closed his eyes, resting his head on Daehyun's shoulder. He had almost fallen asleep, feeling so peaceful and content.
“I'm enlisting in the military.”
And just like that, Youngjae's world shattered.
∞
“Why? Daehyun, why?!” Youngjae demanded, jumping up from the swing and moving to stand in front of his boyfriend.
Daehyun stared at him for a moment before looking away, letting out a long sigh. “I need the money and the insurance. . . Dad's got cancer. I'll never make enough money working at the grocery store to pay for his treatment.” He finally looked back at Youngjae, his heart aching at the sight of his boyfriend crying. Youngjae never cried. “I don't have a choice, Youngjae. I have to do this.”
∞
Youngjae couldn't understand why. Why would he risk his life for the same man who had beaten and abused him for years? Why? He cried and begged the older not to enlist, to not go but he had already made up his mind. Daehyun needed the money, the insurance for his father. Eventually, the younger teen accepted it – as best as he could anyway.
Time went by so quickly and then suddenly, Daehyun was gone. Getting used to life without the older teen by his side everyday was so painful and there were days he felt like his heart was going to burst into a million pieces. He cried and cried, missing and worrying about his boyfriend. It was a little easier, at least getting through the day without crying was. The worrying – that never went away. He had never been more thankful for buying that iPod, it was basically the only way they could communicate anymore and even then, those times were rare.
Youngjae bit down onto his lower lip, wishing the years would pass by quicker so Daehyun could come back home and stay home. The older had left with one request – that Youngjae take care of his father. It was hard, really hard to care for the very man who beat Daehyun but he still honored his boyfriend's request, taking him to appointments and making sure Mr. Jung took his medications on time.
The teen furrowed his brows when a sleek black car pulled into the driveway of Daehyun's home. “Oh, no.” Youngjae breathed, feeling like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured onto him. “Oh, no, oh, no -” He repeated over and over when two men in uniforms stepped out from the car. He jumped up from the swing, running across the street.
“Is he okay?!” Youngjae shouted and he couldn't think a single lucid thought. Every fear, every single nightmare suddenly was alive and running through his mind. “Please, please, tell me he's okay -” He begged, grabbing one of the soldiers' arms.
“What is your name?” The soldier asked, looking at him.
“Youngjae, Y-Yoo Youngjae.” He stuttered, his legs feeling like jell-o and he thought he was going to be sick. All he wanted to know what that his lover was okay, that he was alive. But, why would these men be here? What if Daehyun was. . .
Mr. Jung opened the front door of his home, nearly losing his balance when he realized who was outside. The other solider spoke with him before motioning to his partner to come inside. “Sir, let's go inside so we can talk.”
∞
Daehyun was alive, but he was hurt – really hurt. The soldiers told them he was in stable condition right now and that was all they really knew. It was painful, only knowing that much about his boyfriend's current state. After three painful weeks of waiting, Daehyun was finally stable enough to be put on a flight back home. Youngjae's hands were shaking as his mother drove him and Daehyun's father to the hospital, watching and waiting for the helicopter with his boyfriend to arrive. He was so scared, so ing scared of what he'd see.
Youngjae was hardly able to think and he couldn't eat or sleep. He wouldn't be able to, not until he saw Daehyun's face, saw that he was really alive. “Youngjae.” The teen looked away from the helipad, meeting Mr. Jung's tired eyes. “Just try to relax.” They both knew he wouldn't relax, it was just impossible.
It felt like an eternity had passed before the helicopter finally arrived, landing with ease and Youngjae's heart was pounding so hard, he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. “Let's go inside and find out where his room is going to be.” Mrs. Yoo finally spoke, slinging open her car door, the men following shortly after. They walked towards the hospital, Youngjae glancing over his shoulder over and over, hoping to at least get a glimpse of his boyfriend.
Waiting, waiting – there was so much ing waiting and the teen thought time had purposely slowed down, just to spite him. But then finally, finally they were on their way down the long, clean hallways towards Daehyun's hospital room. The three paused, spotting a doctor waiting outside of the room for them. “Hello.” Mrs. Yoo greeted because no one else was brave enough to speak.
The doctor introduced himself and Youngjae wanted to snap and tell him he didn't care – he just wanted to see Daehyun. He shifted from foot to foot, feeling antsy until the doctor finally started explaining his boyfriend's situation. The words 'head trauma' made Youngjae's legs even more shaky. “He has amnesia, it seems. He remembers his name and he is able to recall some memories during his service, but nothing more than that.”
Amnesia?
“I am not certain if this is permanent or if he'll be able to regain his memories.” The doctor trailed off for a moment, giving the three time to process what had just been said before continuing again. “And as you already know, he had to have emergency surgery to relieve some of the swelling on his brain.” Youngjae looked towards Mr. Jung in surprise – he'd never been told this. “All in all, he's doing well right now but try to be understanding of his situation. He may not remember you and it would be best for only one person in his room at a time.”
He'll remember me, I'm his boyfriend. Youngjae thought nearly shoving past the doctor when he was finally finished speaking. I know he'll remember me, he has to. He opened the door, slowly walking inside, unsure of what to expect but he felt tears come to his eyes when he spotted his boyfriend sitting up, the top part of his head wrapped with gauze. “D-Daehyun.” He breathed, moving closer towards the bed. The older slowly looked towards him, a dull expression on his face. “Daehyun, it's me. . .” He was struggling to keep his voice steady.
“I... I don't...” Daehyun trailed off, furrowing his brows and Youngjae couldn't help the tears that were pouring down his face as he finally reached the bed and grabbed the older teen's hand.
“You have to remember me...” Youngjae's voice was suddenly so panicky as he tried to look the older in the eyes. “I'm your boyfriend, you have to remember me -” Daehyun looked at him in surprise, the word 'boyfriend' ghosting past his lips and then it finally set in. The man he loved no longer knew who he was. “Daehyun! It's me, Youngjae! You have to remember me!” He was raising his voice, he was shouting, desperate for his boyfriend to just remember and all his logical thoughts were out the window.
“I-I'm sorry, I -”
“Youngjae, calm down!” The door opened and both their parents hurried inside, Mrs. Yoo grabbing her son and pulling him back.
“No!” Youngjae cried, fighting to get out of his mother's arms and back to his boyfriend. “Please, please, Daehyun, remember me!” He sobbed, finally breaking free of her arms and grabbing Daehyun's hand again. “Please, you just have to remember me, it's me, Youngjae! I'm your boyfriend!” He sobbed, his voice raising again and Daehyun stared, his eyes wide. “How could you forget me?!” And then there were arms around his body, two security guards dragging him out of the room. The teen didn't fight this time, instead simply allowing it and crying.
Daehyun didn't remember him.
He didn't remember them. Their memories, their love – was all of it really gone? He felt his mother's arms wrap around him once they were outside of the room, a safe distance away from the room. “Baby, shh.” Mrs. Yoo whispered, holding him tightly. “Calm down.”
“Mom, he doesn't remember me-” Youngjae's voice cracked and she simply held him tight, whispering soothing words until he ran out of tears to cry.
∞
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