"Mark? Please, talk to me?"

His eyes are glued to the floor and he can't find it in himself to look up. He doesn't want to see it. 

"Mark please?" 

That pitiful tone in his voice, it's suffocating him. 

There's a cold hand suddenly cupping his cheek and he jerks away from the touch instantly. It's such a difference from the warmth that used to surround him. 

"Talk to you about what?" He asks quietly. The person in front of him doesn't respond. 

"What do you want me to say?" 

"I want you to tell me if you're okay." Jinyoung says immediately.

"Wait. You want to know if I'm, what? If I'm okay?" Mark whips his head up so fast, it actually makes Jinyoung flinch back. 

"Are my feelings suddenly important?"

Mark's tone is hard and accusing. Jinyoung swallows hard and clenches his eyes shut. 

"Mark, if I had known-"

Mark just about chuckles. It's quiet but the bewildered visual recognises the sound. 

"If you had known what Jinyoung? If you had known that I was the one by Jackson's  side? That I was the one that he went to all these years. I ALWAYS saw him at his worst." 

I know you did. 

His voice is rising with each word that comes out of his mouth.  

"You knew that Jinyoung. You ing knew, don't lie to yourself. I've had enough of that bull!" 

These words are being thrown at Jinyoung like knives, all he can do is take them. 

I did know and I'm so sorry. 

There's a loud bang that resonates throughout the room. 

Mark can't control himself anymore as he kicks the small table across from him. There's a pile of papers that flutter to the floor. 

"Hey, you down to hang for a bit?" 

Mark looks up from his laptop just then, his eyes widen momentarily. 

It's Jackson Wang, the free spirited and energetic member of their group. At least, that was always the way he viewed him. Although it was easy to say that the nineteen year old got along with everyone. He spoke to everyone, got familiar with each member the fastest.  

Mark found himself looking around the room. Even though he couldn't see the whole dorm from his viewpoint. He knew a certain pouty lipped maknae had to be running around here somewhere.  Wasn't BamBam always attached to the rapper like glue?  They were a packaged deal weren't they?  It was truly an odd sight not to see them together. Especially on a free day, like today. 

"Is this a bad time or...?" Jackson seems a bit ancy to pretty much just leave but Mark comes back to his senses quickly. 

"N-No! I'm free, ah I'll just change first."

Everyone loved Jackson Wang, everyone wanted to be Jackson Wang's friend. 

Mark wanted to play it cool, he wanted to seem cool, at least.  Sure, maybe that was the fastest that he's ever gotten dressed. The most eager he's ever been to just "hang out" with someone. 

"You look good. I was kind of surprised at how fast you got ready...but at least you got style." Jackson sort of laughs, as they walk side by side down the pavement together.  

"Ah really? I just kind of threw this on." He says quietly. 

There's a couple of minutes of silence between the two. All that can be heard is the sound of their steps and the town slowly bustling to life as the sun sets. 

Mark wants to say something, anything that'll not make it feel so awkward. He can't help it though. He's always been like that, quiet and generally an observer. Rather than being the one to take the lead of a situation, he would watch it unfold. 

Always  watching and only thinking of ways he could try and help. He would like to think he was someone that liked to help people in their time of need but what good was that? What good was that when you were too petrified of your own thoughts much less, to act them out? Mark always wanted to be a hero; at least once in his lifetime. Especially the kind of hero that could sacrifice himself for the one that he loved in an instant.

"You're pretty quiet huh?"

Jackson's raspy voice knocks him out of his reverie. He blinks back to reality and laughs a bit nervously. 

"Sorry. I just...don't know what to really say half of the time." 

Jackson looks over at the older male and bumps him with his shoulder slightly. 

"I could always tell you were shy!" He grins. 

Mark's ears redden a bit, that word. Shy, he detested it. 

"I wouldn't say shy...just. I'm just not too good with speaking out." Jackson seems to think about it and Mark feels nervous. 

"Yeah...I think you're shy." 

Mark nudges Jackson and tries not to laugh. 

They walk a bit longer in silence but Mark can't keep his thoughts from wandering. It's a habit. 

Jackson was the happy-go-lucky and cool guy. Mark could always sense that it was some kind of front or show that he put on half the time. For what reason, he didn't know. Sure they were always friendly and polite to eachother but it seemed even in the past year; they weren't too close. 

"What about you?" Mark finds himself asking without even thinking. 

"What about me?"

"You're not really this happy all the time. Right?"  

Jackson slows his walking, his steps are now hesitant. As if he's prepared to turn around and run away at any moment.  

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, that you're not always this friendly. You can't be this happy all the time, am I right?"

Mark isn't thinking now, just saying what he feels. It's weird,   the American boy has never felt so curious about a person.  He's never felt such a strong need to just know. 

"I mean as far as I can tell, you're cool with everyone but isn't there something actually holding you back?" 

Mark wants to know things about Jackson Wang. 

"You're right, I'm not a naturally happy person. I'm not a good person either."  

It's a sentence that renders Mark immobile. The footsteps have stopped. 

"I'm not friendly; I do know how to get what I want." 

Jackson laughs but, it's not the same. It's forced and strained. 

"I'm also the type that will selfishly want what I can't have." 

Jackson smiles, but it's not the same. 

"It's...such a burden...and it's not fair." 

Mark can hear the emotions beginning to weigh on his voice. He feels the panic slowly rising up his stomach. This is so...unexpected, he's caught off gaurd. 

"Jac-"

"Why...did it have to be him?" 

Mark's eyes widen considerably and his jaw tightens. 

Mark was quiet and observant. Too observant and he hated that the most. He could see the things no one else could or wanted to acknowledge. 

Jackson is backed up against the concrete building they have stopped near. His hands are trembling and eyes holding in tears that threaten to spill out at any second. 

"Why did it have to be that kid? Anyone else but him...please-" His words are being cutoff by the soft whimpers that he's so desperate to keep in. It's all too surreal, for Mark to see him like this. 

"Kunpimo-"

Jackson is silenced by Mark who suddenly embraces him. Jackson just about gasps for air by the impact. He blinks confusedly at the older boy. 

"M-Mark?" He asks quietly. 

"This is so...weird. I don't like this side of you. Don't cry, please...I want you to laugh like you always do." 

The smaller framed boy is latched onto Jackson and with the way his thoughts are running rampant. It's scaring him just a bit, he can't find himself wanting to let go.  

"I'm sorry...about this I ju-"

"I won't ask you any questions. I'm not going to get into your business but...just keep smiling. Keep laughing. Keep talking and acting as if everything is alright. Talk to ME." 

Mark says the last word of his jumbled up emotions spilling out of him, with so much emphasis. It's such an earnest point that he needs to make. He doesn't know why his hands are gripping tighter onto Jackson. 

They sit like that for a couple of minutes and Mark is honestly surprised. Jackson hasn't pushed him away yet and he shows no signs of doing so. In fact, his hands are slowly finding there way around Mark's tiny waist. He's hesitant at first, but he eventually rests his own forehead against that thin shoulder. 

He doesn't know what to make of the way his heart rate increases tenfold. The way his stomach decides to do flips and the warmth that engulfs him entirely. 

Oddly enough, he wants to add all of that to the list of things that make up this being named Jackson. 

He feels as if he's been thrown back into reality. It hits him, hard. 

"How can someone just toss another person aside like that?! Is it fair, huh?!" Mark emphasis every word with a violent blow to the table each time. 

"Mark...Mark!" 

Jinyoung is honestly starting to feel overwhelmed and the panic is slowly setting in. 

I-I don't know what to do anymore. Jaebum-

His panic filled thoughts are interrupted by a different sound. 

 "H-How could he do that to me!? Nghh! How-!" 

The sobs are racking through his fragile like body. Shaking his entire frame, as it seems he can no longer hold himself up. Jinyoung grabs onto him before he can fall to the ground. 

"I've a-always...loved him!" Mark sobs into the chest before him. 

Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows and tightens his jaw. He's fighting the tears that are threatening to surface. It's so hard to see his friend like this. 

Mark is clutching onto Jinyoung for dear life. Only, it's not the same. The warmth isn't there, these arms don't envelope him into that same comfort that he thought he would always have. 

Jinyoung is suddenly pushed away as the other slowly  stands up. He blinks up at the still trembling redhead confused. 

"I have to hear it from him."

Jinyoung grabs Mark's wrist in an instant as he it seems he's set on walking off. 

Mark struggles to free himself from the grip. He glares back at the visual, Jinyoung's heart jumps. 

"Let go!"

 Jinyoung stands up. 

"No, Mark you can't do this to yourself." Jinyoung's voice is suddenly stern. His instincts are pulling at every alarm in his mind. 

"Let me GO!" 

It's an escalating scene between the two as Mark shoves against Jinyoung violently.

"Please! I-I need to know why!" 

Jinyoung shakes his head fervently as he grips onto Mark even harder. He's taking every single hard blow against his chest. 

It hurts, but he knows it's nothing in comparison. 

Mark releases a sound close to a whimper and he suddenly goes limp. There's no more fight in him, he knows the answer to his question. He knows, but he doesn't want to believe it. 

"When did I become the bad person? When did I suddenly become the bad person that selfishly wanted what I couldn't have?"

He begins to slowly bring his hand up. He grips onto the fabric covering his chest pitifully. 

"Why didn't...why didn't he choose...me?" 

Those words hit Jinyoung with such a force and suddenly he cannot stop the flow of tears that begin to spill out. He bites his trembling lips as he pulls Mark to his chest. The dancer has gone weak all over again with even stronger sobs. 

He knew what was going to happen once he made that phone call. Someone's world was going to fall apart in that moment. Yet, he did so anyway. 

If anyone tried to destroy his world that he worked so hard to build up. How else would someone react?

Jinyoung-ah...

Their leaders' voice is passing into Jinyoung's mind. It's floating through like a soft whisper in the wind. That velvety sound caresses all of his senses. 

Something so precious to be taken away from him. 

Jinyoung pulls back from Mark slightly and stares, really stares. The dancer has reduced his sobs to light whimpers. He continuously wipes at the tears that spill over his reddened cheeks. 

 Jinyoung softens his grip on that thin wrist and suddenly begins to tug him along down the hallway.  

 Jinyoung can't provide Mark with those answers. It's not his place. 

He deserves that much, right?

Jinyoung can't help but think to himself as he passes by the tall figure standing in front of the living room. He glances at Yugyeom who is staring at him with a look of dread on his face. 

He thinks he might've heard a soft, "Hyung don't..." 

 Hope you enjoyed this chapter everyone ^^ I'll be updating more often now. As always, thank you for subscribing and for all of your lovely feedback!  I'm always grateful TuT