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Ninety Times

first chapter

Oh, but I love him.

I wake up at around seven in the morning - every morning - to always check if he's okay. There's been times where he was vulnerable enough to hurt himself.

But that was only once.

Still, I couldn't take that risk again.

I only go to school from Monday to Wednesday, and then a half-day on Friday. Furthermore, I don't have to be in the campus until one in the afternoon.

But I have to wake up at around seven.

It's because he would wake up at exactly 6:43am. On the dot.

Of course, I would prefer to wake up earlier than him, to make sure that he's alright and comfortable. But I'd be too tired to even get up and then I would end up by waking later.

I glance at my clock and notice that it's five minutes past seven. I glance back at the empty space on the bed beside me; predictably, he's already up.

I sigh and rub the tiredness from my eyes.

I then proceed to wrap my robe around me - which was very neatly folded inside the closet shelf - and then go to the bathroom. I stare at my reflection, noticing the way there are two clear glas cups on either side of the sink.

I unconciously tilt my head to the side; well, that's new.

On both glasses, there's one toothbrush. Both are tilted to the right, with the bristles pointing downwards. I can't help but give a sad smile to the piece of work. I sigh before taking my pink toothbrush and get to work on freshening myself up.

I have a small, harmless habit of always moving around when brushing my teeth, but not Yongguk. Never Yongguk.

I remember that Yongguk would always make sure that his feet are in parallel and are in line with his shoulders and hips. His pelvis has to be at least three inches away from the sink and his left hand must always stay by his side. While most people would hold the sink with their free hand, or even place it against the wall - all for balance - Yongguk must have his hand by his side.

I also know that Yongguk always stare at his reflection's eyes whenever he's looking at the mirror. It was kind of hard for him at first, since he wanted to know what his clothes would generally look like on him, but he couldn't. He had to keep his eyes on his reflection's.

I once asked why he felt the need to do this and Yongguk just shrugs, 'My reflection might jump out of the mirror when I'm not looking.'

This - of course - scared the living e out of me. But I got used to it. And understood that this was only Yongguk being Yongguk.

My other half had been diagnosed with different types of obsessive-compulsive disorders from quite a young age. His OCD fell into four main areas: Checking, Contamination, Hoarding and Intrusive Thoughts.

I did a lot of research on it while I was in the campus. Don't get me wrong, Yongguk's a smart man. One of the smartest I know. He's just...different.

I finally finish brushing my teeth and then jog downstairs. I stop mid-yawn when I hear slow, constant tapping.

I smile and turn the corner; there he was. I raise an eyebrow at the fact that he's just standing there, facing the kitchen sink. I walk up beside him and stare down at what he was looking at. He was basically just keeping a close eye on the taps, and would wipe the sink every few seconds when those annoying water drips would fall even though one already screwed it to as much as it could.

I glance at my lover and gently bump my hip against his, "What're you doing?"

Yongguk doesn't look away from his work, "Cleaning."

Checking more like.

I nod and bump my hip again, "What time did you wake up?" Although I already knows the answer.

"6:43am."

I nod once again and was about to leave before Yongguk bumps his hip against mine. I turn to look at him with curious eyes. He glances at me before looking back down at the sink, "Three times."

I breathily giggle to myself.

I've been with him for so long. But it's these moments that always makes me happy. Yongguk's OCD is extremely serious, now that he's older, and so it's these moments that aren't so...harsh.

Yongguk would always check for anything that may be unsafe. Like, just now, he was checking the taps. He feared flooding and losing all of their treasured items.

Everytime he texts someone or writes a letter, he always checks it by reading over ninety times. He fears that he might have written something inappropriate or irrelevant.

All of these things, I can handle. I can live with Yongguk constantly checking our doors at night, in the middle of the night and before I wake up - and even before he takes a shower. I can live with him turning lights off and on ninety times before turning them off for good.

One thing I cannot accept, but still have to live with, is the fact that Yongguk is afraid of hurting me.

The day he told this to me, I started to cry.

How can he think of such a thing?

I know in my heart that he would never, ever hurt me. But the thought that he doesn't trust himself to not hurt me is frightening. He even grew to hate a part of himself because he thinks that he might hurt me.

But I assure him that he will never hurt me. I do this ninety times. Just so that he can understand me. I let him know ninety times when I wake up, and ninety times before we go to bed.

It's a lot of talking, but hey, I love the man.

Now, don't think that Yongguk is just someone with a mental disorder who can't take care of himself. He has a respectable job that he's proud of and he's the most hard-working out of all of his co-workers. He works in the music industry, writing songs for people willing to make it to the top.

There are times when his OCD kicks in really badly whenever he's at work, but he tries his best to not let the others show. Of course, his boss and co-workers know of his condition, but they don't treat him any less differently. And I appreciate that. I think we both appreciate that.

"Gukkie, can I throw this out? We're never using it and it's just taking up space in the living room.

I held up crumpled pieces of paper stuffed together to form a rather large ball. It was just pieces of paper that Yongguk would sketch on when trying out new lyrics, but never worked out. The ball just remained in the corner of the room, looking like an out-of-place snowball.

Yongguk's eyes widen and takes it from me, "But we can't throw it out, babe."

"Why not? You don't do anything with it, and I sure as hell don't play with it."

Yongguk gives me a sympathetic smile before hugging the ball, "We just can, alright?"

I stare into his eyes, knowing fully well that I wouldn't refuse. I sigh and then take the ball from his hands, then I make a basketball throw, aiming it at the corner of the living room where I originally found it.

I look back to see Yongguk's smiling face a few inches from mine. My eyes widen slightly as he had startled me. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and gently pulls me in, as if being any more forceful would cause me to shatter into a million pieces. I unconciously place my palms against his broad chest and the tips of out noses bump against each other for a brief moment.

I ask, "What?"

All he does is continue to smile and whisper, "Thank you, baby.'

With that, he kisses me.

My heart beat quickens, as if it's my first time having those lips against mine. Damn it, I'm completely in love with him.

After a long while of just kissing and hands roaming, we pull apart. Yongguk places a small peck on my right cheek before letting me go.

My head was still a little light-headed from the kiss but then I was pulled back into reality when Yongguk remembers the inevitable. He takes my wrist and pulls me back in against him. He then proceeds to kiss the rest of my right cheek eighty-nine times.

All the while, I couldn't help but smile and breathily hum to myself. How can I be so lucky to have someone as amazing as Bang Yongguk?

It's nine at night now and I've only just gotten home.

I was meant to be home two hours ago, but a group project held me back. I called Yongguk's phone to let him know only to be met with his voicemail service. I then texted him:

'Hiya, bear. Have you eaten?

Well, make sure you do, ne? I won't be able to come home until about nine tonight.

I tried calling you but I guess you were driving home. Hope you made it home okay.

I love you.'

After exactly five minutes, I get a reply:

'I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn't something about you at all.

It was just you.'

Cheesy motherer.

I couldn't contain the smile that left my face. I sent a quick reply before I followed my teammates to the library:

'Are you still reading that book I gave you? You finished that three years ago. :")'

Five minutes after that:

'Yeah but I wanted to check all of the sentences in it. I found 231 errors. Maybe I should start working for the book industries instead. I'd make a pretty badass grammatical errorist. ;)'

'Is that even a word? :")))'

'It can be. And if not, I can make it a word. For you, Americano.'

Despite the fact that Yongguk does spend half of his time re-reading old books, word for word, it's another trait that I love about him. He memorised all of the quotes within love novels, and would sometimes say it to me.

I put my shoes on shoe rack just beside the entrance of our house and inspect the first floor to see if Yongguk had everything under control. Once, he made ninety scrapes under the kitchen table with a bread knife when he found out I was going to be home a little later. I don't want to even think of how he felt during that. My baby.

I walk up the stairs, "Yongguk?"

I open the door to our bedroom and my heart warms up when I see my lover just relazing and watching television. I smile and close the door behind me, the sound causing Yongguk to turn his head and notice my presence.

His eyes instantly brightens and he practically sprints off the bed and bear hugs me. I let out an amused yelp before laughing and hugging him back. I can hear him breathe in my scent in prolonged inhales and I giggle, "I missed you too."

I hear Yongguk grunt and he groans, "I've done something bad, baby boy."

I feel my muscles getting tense just from that sentence; I pray to God he didn't hurt himself. I pull away to look at him, but we still held each other, "What happened?"

Yongguk's hands slowly slides down to cup at my bum and squeezes it juicily. Yongguk stares into my eyes and groans, "I...I've been thinking of bad thoughts again."

I sigh to myself. Typical Yongguk. He thinks his ual needs are so sinful. He's so clean and pure on his outlook on life, that he thinks with me may have an effect on how pure I am.

I smile at him and rake my fingers through his soft hair, "They're not bad thoughts, Guk. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But...I hurt you when I do it."

My heart clenches at that sentence and that's when I place my hands on either side of his face firmly, "Listen to me, Yongguk. I love you. And you won't hurt me. Understand?"

Yongguk continues to stare at me, then slowly nods, "Understand."

I can feel him grinding against my clothes and I know that he's been holding it back, so I let him take charge, as always.

I always have to convince him that he's not hurting me.

Sure, there were times during that Yongguk really lost control on his speed and strength, but I never stopped him. I can feel that he wanted me to know that he loved me, in the best physical way that he knows I can. And I don't mind that.

And afterwards, he wraps his strong arms around me and I just feel like nothing in the world can harm me. I smile as he lays ninety, slow and sloppy kisses on my right cheek, and then we both drift off to sleep.

Some don't understand why I want to stay with someone who is a liability to pull me down with my success in life.

Oh, but I love him.

And having Yongguk is the success I need.

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Thank you guys for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. :")

I feel like I really rushed this fic, but it was one of those moments where inspiration hit me in the face and I had to type.

So yeah, Yongguk with OCD and a loving Himchan. Beaut.

Oh, and BAP is going to London in a few weeks, while I'm here in Belfast? What kind of ery?

Oh, soon enough though. Soon enough.

Anyway, BAP Fighting!

God bless! <3