“Mr Jung, you are pregnant.”

Air feels more rushed than before, holding the wooden table forcefully. Suddenly, thinking if he is getting old and it is turn for him to have a hearing check up. After all, those three words did hit him quite badly.

“Sorry?” his voice came out soft and uncertainly.

“You are pregnant.” Doctor Lee sighed, “For five weeks.”

Yunho can literally feels the world is against him, he can’t understand and don’t wish to understand.

“But…how?” Yunho’s eyes are everywhere but the doctor, “I am a male! I can’t be pregnant!”

“Actually, there are cases whereby males get pregnant but it is rare and there is no scientific proof yet.” She said as she flipping some documents, “Here you go, these are some evidences that males really can give birth.”

Yunho scanned the papers but nothing going into his mind, hands trembled as he tried to process everything. He can’t be pregnant, he is the leader of the popular duo-TVXQ, he is the main dancer of the duo, he needs to appear on television, he is not married yet and worst, he is a guy. There are too many reasons for him not to be pregnant! His fingers shook so much that he unknowingly crushing the paper in his hands.

“Mr Jung, are you okay?”

“NO! HOW CAN I BE ING OKAY?” Yunho screamed as tears prickling in his eyes. He still has his pride, he can’t show anymore weakness.

“I think right now the best you can do is having a break from what you doing and share the news to your partner.”

“Are you telling me to give up my career?” he strained his voice, that is the last thing he wants to do in his life.

“No, what I mean is take a break, what you doing right now are definitely not good for your baby. As you are guy, your body definitely is not makes for having baby so you need more rest than other mothers who having their baby.”

Somehow, he dies a little in his heart because there is no one to share the news with. He means it, no one.

8 weeks

Yunho sitting alone on the couch, holding both of his knee close to his chest. It had been three weeks since he last visited a doctor; he still finds it is hard to believe. Planning to think what he really gonna to do during this off day and out of sudden, he is unusually happy that Changmin moved out. He doesn’t want to face the latter; it is just going to be very awkward to have Changmin around while thinking the baby inside his stomach. Yunho bit his lip as he let himself to float back to where which cause to have this problem starts.

“Thank you for supporting us, we really hope everyone will continue stay with us. Please be more patient with us and soon you will see us on stage again!”

“I believe your fans will definitely wait for you! JYJ, fighting!”

Changmin smiled at his hyungs’ words, yes, Changmin doesn’t hate his hyungs at all instead he loves them especially the one who have amazing smile.

Park Yoochun.

Changmin has always loves Yoochun since the debut days but what can he does when Jaejoong and Junsu are always with him. Changmin will definitely not be surprise if he was being told that the three of them are dating each other. What is there is to be surprise since the three of them left together before telling him and Yunho hyung.

Changmin sighed as he turned off the television. Even though, right now he is apart from his three hyungs but at least he still have Yunho hyung. 

And yes, Changmin isn’t stupid, when he says he knows everything, he means it. He knows Yunho always love him more than just a brother and he felt guilty for not able to returning the feelings. He always just treats Yunho as his most important hyung or at least that what he thinks so.

“What are you doing?” Yunho walks towards him and starts making himself comfortable on the couch.

“Nothing much…hyung, you not going out tonight?”

Yunho just smiled and shook his head, “Why? You don’t want me to stay with you?” Yunho whined like a kid.

Changmin couldn’t help it but finds it is actually very cute but he doesn’t show it.

“Nothing much.” He smiled as signalled his hyung to come closer.  Yunho tensed in changmin’s embrace. He felt incredible happy as Changmin has never been this touchy. He leaned in, seeking for more warmth. At the other side, Changmin feels nervous. He looked down, matching his eyes to another pair and without knowing, he forwarded his head and pressed his lips on Yunho’s.

Being surprise, Yunho immediately pushed him away, touching his lips continuously. “Hyung…I …I …” Changmin doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t even know why he did that. Yunho tried distanced himself away from Changmin but it is hard when the other had held him tightly by his arms.

“Hyung, please forgive me afterward.” Changmin muttered.

Changmin leaned forward again and this time round, he held tightly on Yunho’s shoulder. He gently nibbled on the other’s bottom lip, causing Yunho yelped and leading him successfully shoved his tongue in.

“Chang...Changmin …ahh…” Yunho dropped his hands to his side. He knew something is not right but this is what he wants. Since the lawsuit happened, Yunho had discovered his feelings for his younger member but he also painfully knows that the younger member is in love with another person.

“Ahh!” Yunho moaned loudly when he felt a hand is squeezing his . Changmin continued playing with the as he lied Yunho down on the couch. He knows after this situation that probably will never see each other the same way again but he couldn’t stop. He was supposed to think of Yoochun but why is Yunho keeps appearing in his mind. Changmin tore off the other’s shirt, he roughly on Yunho’s Adam apple.

“Changmin…Changmin…” Yunho panted hard, he is still confused about the whole situation but he knows he is enjoying it too.

“Hyung…Shh…” Changmin took the whole length of Yunho’s and started pumping hard, “let me take care of you.”

“Oh my god…this is….ahh…” Yunho prickled his nails down Changmin’s shoulder as the whole new ecstasy filled up his body, “Changmin…please…”

“Please what?”

“Don’t stops…Take me.” Changmin growled at the sight of his vulnerable hyung, he pulled down Yunho’s sweater pant along with his boxer. 

Beautiful.  The only word that came up his mind.

Yunho felt extremely embarrassed as Changmin blazed his eyes around his body. He tried to close his legs but Changmin turned Yunho on his stomach.

“Hyung, are you ready?” Seeing Yunho nod, he pushed his whole length in. Changmin knows it will hurt but he can’t control anymore. He is painfully hard and needs a release. “Hyung?” Changmin looked up and regretted what he had done.

From the side, Yunho trembling hard as his tears flowed down from his eyes, trying his best to take in every breath. Small kisses being pressed against the sweaty back, trying hard to smooth the older. “M-ove.” Changmin moved very slowly and also try to find the right spot. ‘

A new hot sensation gushed through Yunho’s body as thick warmth prodding at him. Changmin continued moved slowly, letting himself to be ease into Yunho’s tight entrance, “Relax…” he breathed, “It will be great soon.”

“CHANGMIN!” Yunho cried out. Changmin smirked inwardly as he continued hitting the spot. The inner wall wrapped tightly around changmin’s, causing him moaned shamelessly. “Ngg, you are so tight! Hyung!”

“I going to….” Yunho breathed as Changmin d his cheek of .

“ for me, Hyung!”

Both of them at around same timing, leaving them panting hardly on the couch.

Changmin weakly pulled himself and suddenly proud of himself at the sight of white substance leaking out from the tiny yet red hole. He slowly looked up but only faced an eye closed Yunho who still breathing hard.

Changmin is hard again.

“Hyung.” “Changmin ah.” Both spoke at the same time and they immediately silence again.

This time round, silence filled the air, no one willing to speak up first. Not until, Changmin starting to get up, “Hyung, you know this was just a mistake right?” seeing the confusion flashed across Yunho’s face, he quickly adds on, “I mean…I mean both of us want this so…this is just …er…this…”

“Changmin.” Changmin turned around, “I know. I understand.”

“So…we are fine right?”

“Yes.” Yunho gave him a tired smile.

Tears incautiously rolled down, Yunho sighed as he pulled his legs closer to his chest. To be honest, he really has no idea what to do and the worst is the child is 100% Changmin’s.

“HYUNG!” Door creaks open. Yunho suddenly regrets for not changing the lock when Changmin suggested instead he waved off by saying it will be easier for the younger to enter whenever he wants.

“Hyung!” Yunho looked up and stared at him as mind still trying to come out sensible words to response.

“Yes?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you had forgotten that you are supposed to meet me for basketball playing!” Changmin grunted, “You make us wait for more than 1 hour!”

“Us?” Yunho is sure that he had totally forgotten.

“Minho and Kyuhyun.” Changmin rolled his eyes, “So now will you get your up and get out?”

Yunho wants to join but he can’t. Even though, he still didn’t feel much about the baby but the thought of having a baby bouncing in his stomach when he runs, made him sick.

“I suddenly don’t feel like playing. Tell them, I am sorry.”

“You are not.”

“What?”

“You are not sorry.”

“I am.” Yunho sighed, “Just go.”

“Seriously? What’s wrong?” Worries starting creeping up Changmin’s heart.

“Nothing is wrong; I just don’t feel like playing.”  The older snapped. 

“You made us wait for 1 hour and this is your answer?” Anger immediately replaces the earlier on worries.

“What’s the big deal? From what I see, I think you already have a good game with them. With or without me, it doesn’t make a difference.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Changmin turned around as he made his way out, “Without you, I still can survive well.”

Yunho is sure that he is controlling hard but now Changmin is gone, soft sobbing filled the air.

“Without you, I still can survive well.” It just hurts so much.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The next weeks of practicing, both of them still avoiding each other well more like Yunho is avoiding the younger. He spends more time in the vocal room while Changmin spends more time in the dancing room. They wouldn’t talk unless they have to. Changmin is getting more and more frustrated each day, with the constant avoiding sessions, makes everything more awkward.

Changmin knows he was a bit harsh that afternoon but he was mad. During the game, Changmin just couldn’t focus; keeps thinking when Yunho will come, why is he being late, is he okay? With all these thoughts, he dashed away from the basketball court and only met a completely uncared hyung sitting on the couch.

Who wouldn’t be angry?

Right now, standing in front of his hyung’s door, Changmin ruffled his hair annoying, still debating whether to enter a not. After a good 10 minutes spent standing outside, he decided to ring the bell instead.

Changmin is just not going to act like nothing happen and still walk in as if his hyung is going to welcome him. If his hyung is going to push him away again and then he may really choose to be invisible but that only going to happen if Yunho told him right in his face.

Tapping on his left foot impatiently while folding both of his arms, he grunted. He is still outside, yes, outside of the house despite ringing the bell for more than ten times.

7.25pm.

Jung Yunho should be in the house. They had ended schedule way earlier and he is sure his hyung will be too lazy to pack food by himself. So most likely, he is going to eat cup noodle or call in delivery. He just checked with Kyuhyun, super junior are still in the company, discussing about their comeback. No Leeteuk will be entertaining his hyung. No Siwon will be challenging his hyung. No heechul will be accompanying his hyung.

And all these lead to one conclusion: Jung Yunho is in the house, not should be is must be.

Changmin growled at the thought of his hyung avoiding him again, he bangs the door, to his surprise, the door opened.

A very pale Yunho appears.

“Oh my god, hyung! Are you alright?” Changmin immediately let himself in while his eyes are still fixed on his hyung who seem like can be fainted at any moment.

Changmin quickly pulled Yunho up from his squatting position, fast yet gentle. “Hyung?” Changmin looked at Yunho worriedly, as sweat trickling down the shorter man’s forehead.

“What…a-re you doing here?” Yunho barely catches his breath.

He spent a good 30 minutes in the toilet, vomiting nothing. He thought by eating nothing will make him not want to vomit but somehow it turned out to be worse. The urge of vomiting is very strong, he can literally feels something in his throat but nothing came out in the end. He just practically forces himself to vomit.

“Talk to you.”

“Ta-talk to me? What?” Yunho pushed himself up, spacing himself away from Changmin. He doesn’t wants to feel any warmth from this man. More like afraid to let go if he gets it.

Changmin has never felt so awkward before, not with his hyung, at least. The way Yunho pushed himself away from his hold and making a distance between each other had showed enough.

Yunho doesn’t want him anymore.

But why?

Changmin frowned, “Not now. Not when you are sick. Come, let go back to your room.” He held his hand but only gets slapped away.

“Hyung!” Changmin shouted, “I am trying to be nice here!”

“If you don’t want to ta-” the feeling is back. Yunho immediately clasped his hands over his mouth as he rushed to toilet.

He bent down; face facing directly into the toilet bowl, hands grabbed tightly on the side of the toilet bowl. He breathed in the smell of the water in there, hoping it will make him feel even more nausea so he can vomit.

Hell, it is just hell. Tears forming out of desperation. Yunho just wants to vomit.

“Stop! What the hell are you trying to do?” Changmin pulled Yunho away, back hugging him while rubbing the other’s stomach gently. “You can’t just force yourself to vomit; you are just going to hurt your stomach more.”

Yunho feels much more comfortable than before. Is it because the god starting to pity him or is just because of Changmin’s fingers.

“I feel like dying.”

“Hyung, tell me what wrong?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Changmin groaned in annoyance. He pulled Yunho roughly out from the bathroom.

“If you never gonna to say then I will never understand.” Changmin spat.

“Tell me you are ready.” Yunho sighed, “Ready to listen.”

“I am ready.”

The three words are out, there is no way to turn back the time. Yunho knows if he is going let go this chance, he will never have the courage to tell him. Yunho bites his bottom lip tightly, thinking what the proper way to tell. Nothing is going to be any easier than the next three words.

“I am pregnant.” Yunho’s voice is so small and filled with guilt, like a kid who just stole sweets from his friends.

“Do you expect me to believe that?” Changmin strained his voice. He doesn’t want to believe but there is a voice in his head screaming out that it is the truth.

“No.” Yunho looked everywhere but him, “but it is the truth.”

“Changmin?” Yunho is really scared what is going to happen and a silent Changmin isn’t helping at all.

“Is that even possible? You are a guy. Are you sure you are not been lied? Are you sure the place you go is hospital? Are you even in your right mind? Are you …” Changmin just keeps rambling on and on.

“Stop! If you don’t…don’t believe, just ing looks at this.” Yunho threw the folder towards Changmin.

Changmin stared hard at the papers, all the tests are ing positive.

“So…this is real.”

Yunho should be glad that Changmin is slowly accepting the fact but no. Changmin’s eyes only showed coldness or maybe even a hint of hatred. Yunho timidly nodded.

“Are you trying to say that it is mine?”

Yunho is confused, he has never sleep with other, he just don’t do casual but for Changmin, he abandoned his principle.

“It could only be yours.”

“Yunho.” No honorific. “Let us be honest.”

“What?”

“We don’t love each other. It just a causal and now, it is a mistake.”

It is now or never, Yunho thought.

“I love you.” Loud and clear.

“No. You are saying that just because of the baby.” Changmin swears he feels guilty, he knows the truth.

“No, that not true. I love you; I really love you, Changmin.” Yunho clings on Changmin, tears sprang down his chubby cheeks.

Damn, all his pride had just destroyed in one moment but Yunho couldn’t care more.

“So what?” Changmin pushed Yunho away, “I don’t love you, and you know that! Why are you still saying that?”

Yunho wished he could just die as he fell on the ground. Hand moves up, covering up his red and swollen eyes.

“I just thought you might change your mind.” Yunho choked out those words before sobbing again.

“Yunho…” Changmin is at loss, “This is not right. We have a name to live up; we have millions of fans to thank. This is just not right.”

Changmin looked down at Yunho, “I am just going to say this once.”

No, they know what is coming. Changmin doesn’t really want to say it. Yunho definitely doesn’t want to hear.

“Get. Rid. Of. It.” Yunho can only cry louder, holding both of his legs closer to his chest as he shook his head vigorously.

It is still a life and Yunho definitely will not kill it.

“No…”

“What the you want?” Changmin is losing his patience, “A kid raising a baby? You can’t even take care of yourself! And what will happen to us? Fans? You are ing selfish!”

Selfish? So killing a life, is noble?

Yunho strengthened himself back, matching the same eyes level with Changmin. He can’t lose.

“So killing a life, make you better?”

“It is threatening us! Our future will be destroyed!”

“Threatening you only, is your future is destroyed. There are no us in the first place.” Yunho chuckled bitterly as tears still running beautifully down.

“Yunho, choose.” Changmin doesn’t really want to do this, he is just thinking for themselves, “Me or the baby.”

“Get out.” Yunho can never has Changmin, he knows so he wants to hold at least something belongs to Changmin. Yunho needs it.

Sound of footsteps getting smaller and slowly is followed by a door closing. Yunho slowly back away, letting himself get away in his own emotions.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Papa!” Changmin turned around, seeing a small little girl crawling towards him. He smiled at the cute sight as he bends forwards to carry her. “Papa!” Changmin wants the little girl to look at him but somehow the little girl keeps pointing at another direction. He turned to the right and only sees a shadow of a man. He tries to walk to the direction but only triggering the shadow to get further away from him. Suddenly, the little girl disappears. Changmin searches frantically, he likes the little girl. The little girl reminds him of someone who is very close to him. The eyes, the mouth and even the scent are overwhelming for Changmin.  He runs around but everything turns black and now him finding himself standing in Yunho’s house. He walked around and trying to find his hyung this time but only came across with an empty house. Out of the blue, a pity cries flooding the house. He runs into Yunho’s room and only to see himself holding to the photo frame, crying out loud. This is ridiculous, Changmin wants to escape this. This is weird and terrifying. Sweats starting to break on his forehead. He shouts, he screams but no one answers. He runs for the door but unexpectedly it is locked. No matter how hard he tries to bang the door with his body, it is futile. “Papa!” he stared disbelievingly at the little girl who he just saw is walking towards him. “No…no…don’t come!” Changmin barely spouts out the words. The little girl is smiling so brightly and somehow it reminds him of someone again. He pulled the door knob again and this time it unlocks. This is the perfect chance to run. Just as he going to sprint off, he hears soft sobbing. “Why are you leaving?” The sight is heartbreaking. Changmin wants to console the pitiful girl. He fails to do so as the little girl suddenly stands up from her previous position and smiled again. Changmin hates it. There is hidden sadness. The little girl chuckled annoying cheerfully, “Me and daddy will wait for you.” She slowly backed away, “Come find us when you are ready.”  Changmin leaned forwards, trying to grasp what is remaining before the girl turning into dust. “Where?” Changmin screamed.  “Heaven.” A soft whisper lingering around his ears.

Open.

Staring at the dark ceiling

It is real. It is real. It is real. Changmin keeps repeating as his fingers curling around the blanket. Changmin wants to cry. He is scared. What is happening? Darkness is consuming him. He wants to get out, he needs someone now. Yunho. He clumsily grabs his phone and pressed 1 before pressing hard on his ear. No one answers. Changmin wants to run out but he is too afraid to open the door. What if the little girl is outside there, waiting for him? Changmin pulled the blanket up as he continued to tremble. He tried to calm himself but it is hard. The moment he closed his eyes, the cheerful girl appears accompanies with the sobbing echoing his mind.

The little girl…daddy…leaving…heaven…

No, this can’t be real. Somehow, Changmin magically formed what is really happening.

Dream. It is just a Nightmare. This isn’t real.

“Come find us when you are ready.”

“Where?”

“Heaven.”

Yunho…no!
Changmin flung his blanket away as he fell out of the bed. Ignoring the pain that slowly creeping up his , Changmin dashed out from his room. He hastily put on the nearest shoe he could reach before he runs out to another apartment. The memories of Yunho is dying is too disturbing and frightening. Changmin can’t imagine life without Yunho.   

This time around, Changmin doesn’t bother to ring any bell. He quickly pressed the code and pushed the door wide open. Leaving the door to close by itself, he quickens his steps towards Yunho’s room and slams the door open.

He sighed in relief. Yunho is sleeping. Despite his tired and pale face, Yunho is sleeping safely in his bed, that all matters. Feeling sudden tiredness, Changmin bends into half, having both hands supporting on his knees.

Crap! Changmin had forgotten to take out his shoe. Even crapper! He had worn the wrong match. However, Changmin couldn’t care much; he let himself on to the same mattress as Yunho, pressing his head gently on Yunho’s chest. He needs to hear the heartbeats. And slowly, Changmin is been smoothing to sleep by the sound of strong yet even heartbeats.

Other thing can leaves until tomorrow.

Okay, maybe that is not really a good choice. Changmin is being woken up in a bad way, ending up on the floor isn’t very good.

“Did. You. Just. Kick. Me. Down?”

“What are you doing here?”

Changmin groaned as he stands up, “We need to have a talk.”

“If I remember correctly, there is nothing to talk. Nothing.”

“You know what, Hyung, Let have breakfast first.” Changmin took off his shoes, “We will talk later.”

“Changmin, this is getting too tiring. Stop whatever you want to say.” Yunho runs his right hand through his messy hair. Yunho just wants to be alone, alone in his misery. Yesterday night conversation is still flooding in his mind; he is still not ready to face Changmin.

“We will talk after breakfast.”

Yunho hates that tone. It leaves no space for him to argue. He wants to scream at him, maybe even punches him. The next moment, he wants to cry and hug at him. In the end, he chooses to walk away in silence. 

Both of them sat on the dining table, slowly eating chicken porridge which made by Changmin. Seeing Changmin stuffing the food into his mouth made Yunho loses all his appetite. He doesn’t really feels quite well. He glances at Changmin awhile before pushing the bowl away from him.

“I am done.”

“You barely even touch it.” Changmin swallowed another mouth of watery rice.

“I am done.” Yunho repeats again before getting up but only being pulled down again.

“What the hell are you doing?” Yunho glared at Changmin as he pulled his arm away. 

“Can’t you see? I am trying to feed to you!” Patience is running out, Changmin snapped, “Can’t you just swallow the food fast and we can have our talk!”

“And can’t you hear? I AM DONE!” Yunho pushed the leaning forward Changmin away, “I will just wait for you at-” Changmin smirked in victory as he managed to shove one mouth of porridge into Yunho’s mouth. But the smirk doesn’t stay long as Yunho spit it out.

“Hyung!” Changmin runs after Yunho into the toilet. Facing the toilet bowl again, Yunho feels horrible. He doesn’t wants to eat the chicken porridge is not because of Changmin but the smell of it is too nauseous. Tears prickled his eyes again, he feels tired and annoyed. He wants go back to normal. When everything is still fine. Just as he thinks he had enough, he weakly grabbed at the sink as he balanced himself. Changmin, on other hand, he was dead worried. He wanted to go forward to help but his feet weren’t helping. Without noticing, he doesn’t even know Yunho had passed by him, leaving him all alone in the empty toilet. Changmin quickly dashed out, only finding Yunho resting on the couch with his eyes closed and an arm over his stomach.

“Hyung…” Changmin still thinking what do says, “are you okay?”

“Thanks to you, I am perfectly fine.” Sarcastic. It takes a lot of willpower for Changmin not to fight back.

Changmin bites his lips hard, hoping he doesn’t say anything harsh, “I am just trying to help you.”

“I am helping you too!” Yunho argued back, folding his arms crossed his chest.

“Oh? By starving yourself?” Changmin raised one of eyebrow, “And the baby? Your help is highly not appreciated!”

“Guess what? Someone told me to get rid of it and I am here, trying my best to starve the baby!”

Damn. Changmin lost. He wants to take back those words but he knows no matter what, those words had already hurts Yunho. He stared at the other man, looking into his eyes, finding many unshed tears hidden inside. Changmin wished there is a hole so he can just jump in, not caring how cruel reality can be.

“Papa!”  . The voice is back. Changmin hurled forward, burying his face in his knee. This nightmare only happens one time yet Changmin feeling it has been years. All the images are flashing fast yet clear in his mind. He wants Yunho to be happy. He wants the baby to be gone. He wants to turn back the time to change again. He just wants everything back to normal.

“Changmin…” Changmin faced up, seeing Yunho squatting beside him, patting his back smoothly, “Are you alright?”

No…this is not right. Yunho should be hitting him, cussing at him and then just leave him alone. Yunho should not be showing care and concern towards such a bastard. A tear incautiously rolled down changmin’s cheek, guilt is killing him.

“Everything will be alright.” Yunho continued patting Changmin’s back, hoping ease the fears in Changmin. Yunho is surprised by Changmin’s behaviour and he seriously thought of leaving Changmin alone but he can’t. Seeing the tear on his cheek made Yunho heartbroken, he doesn’t means to hurt Changmin too.

“Why?” Changmin choked a bit, “Why aren’t you angry?” Yunho suddenly smiled and Changmin knows he wants that smile forever pasted on Yunho’s face. “I am angry. I wanted to punch you and just left you alone or maybe kick you out.” Changmin died a little, he knew it, he is a bastard, after all.

“But…” Yunho paused awhile, “I know this is too sudden. Even myself can’t accept this, how could you? Changmin, I can understand.”

Changmin wants to pull Yunho into his arms and scolds him for being so kind. However, at the same time, he wants to cry out loud, he should be the one who is showing support to Yunho.

“Yunho.” The mentioned man groaned mentally, he hates the serious tone.

“If you are asking me to get rid of it, my answer will still be no so save your breath.”

“I had a dreamt.” Yunho remains silent, “It is a baby girl.”

“And…”

“And I want you to keep it.”

“Because you think it is a baby girl?” Yunho is confused.

“No. Because you died. You left me alone.” 

“You dream of me dying? This is why you want to keep it?” Changmin nodded.

Yunho’s heart leapt instantly, he feels warm again. The fact that Changmin is worry about Yunho leaving Changmin is enough for Yunho to smile like a fool but he had to hide the fact. “And I will move in to take care of you.”

“Oh, Changmin, you don’t have to do that.”

“Oh yea, I think we need to tell managers soon, they needs to know so they can postpone our schedule.” Changmin totally ignored Yunho.

 Changmin slowly get up and not forgetting helping Yunho back to the couch, “Tell me what you are craving for.”

“What?”

“I am going back to my apartment and pack some stuff. And I am going to buy food for you.” Changmin right now is fiddling with his shoes, “This time, you better eat it before I shoved them down your throat.”

H.E.L.L. 

Okay, maybe worse than that. Changmin had been staying at Yunho's place since he mdae his choice for the baby to live on. He thought it will be easy. It is just about taking care a man who is even older than him. How hard can it be? Till...the word "pregnant." resurfaced. Changmin can't understand Yunho and he didn't want to try. Last time, he tried to understand, he had to sleep on the sofa for at least one week. Yunho gets more and more frustrating as the day goes by. The bump is getting bigger and he has troubles with walking.

"Changmin..." Changmin shook his head as he heard the other whined. Yunho is standing in front of a mirror. Ever since, Yunho was in his fifth months, he is getting more and more insecure. "Changmin, I look like whale!" Yunho cried out. 

"Shh..." Changmin slowly pulled Yunho into his lap and whispered gently, "You are beautiful. Nobody cannot change the fact. I don't care if you look like whale or bear, you are still beautiful." Yunho's sob dies down a little bit but still trembling slightly in the younger's tight hold. 

Changmin does not know when he has start paying small attention on Yunho. He knows he has fall in love with him but he still thinks that it is not the right time to voice out his thought. Right now, he should just focus on the baby...and yunho. "When will it comes out?" Yunho pouted cutely. Only god knows how hard Changmin had to control the urge to pinch his chubby cheek. "You forget again?" Changmin chuckled softly, "It can by anytime, most probably two more weeks." Yunho groaned lightly, "I want it to come out right now, right here." "Oh no, you will never want that to happen!" Changmin laughed loudly. 

They are still calling the baby- "it" because of Yunho's stubborness. Despite Changmin keep insisting that it will be girl, Yunho still wouldn't want to check it out. He wants to keep it as secret so there will be a surprise. "Have you ever wonder what the gender will be?" Yunho said sweetly as he clasped his hands together. "Girl. Like I said, it will be a girl." "Can't you be more excited about it? Can't you act?" Yunho whined as he struggled to get out from Changmin's hold. "Okay." Changmin took in a deep breath, "I don't know. But I hope it will be a girl so she can be as beautiful as you." and he ends with a wink. "You sound very fake." Yunho blushed furiously causing Changmin to smirked proudly. 

"Yunho..." Changmin whispered softly,"Are you still awake?" Seeing the other sleeping soundly on the bed made Changmin smiled a little. He gently moved himself behind Yunho and wrap his arms over the sleeping man. Changmin starting to recall the moments when he just moved back in. He couldn't help it but chuckled a bit. He still can't really believe he falls in love with the older man and of course, he still hates himself for being a jerk in the beginning. Changmin really hopes Yunho will forgive him and better if he still accept him. Changmin stared down at the sleeping form before he slowly leaned down to give a kiss on the other's  forehead. "Yunho, I love you." Little did he knows, Yunho smiled. 

"Minnie..." Changmin immediately turned his attentions back to Yunho. Right now, it is a very crucial moment, the baby may come at any time. "Hurt..." Changmin immeidately become very serious, "Where?" Yunho cringed his face as he kept holding on to his stomach, "Hurt.." Tears starts forming at the rinks of Yunho's eyes, "Minnie...Hurt..." Changmin hurrily scooped Yunho up as he carefully dashed out towards his car. Changmin swears he is also at his breaking point, he is just too nervous but he can't shows it for the sake of Yunho. He has to be strong so he can be there for Yunho. "Yunho, breathe." Changmin cooed softly as he brushed off the sweaty fringe from Yunho's face, "We are reaching hospital soon." "Minnie...I am scared..." Yunho is totally in his panic mood, he keeps shaking his head while clutching his stomach. Changmin glanced forth and back from the road as he keeps holding Yunho's hand. 

"Everything will be fine." Changmin muttered. 

"Mr Shim, you have to wait outside." Changmin looks like he is ready to pull out all of his hair from his head. Yunho is keep shouting and the nurses are blocking his ways. He just wants to be there for Yunho, why is it so hard. Seeing the nurses pulling Yunho away from him, he couldn't help it but shouted, "I love you, Yunho." For the first time, Changmin really hopes Yunho did heard it, he just wants Yunho to feel safe. 

Changmin has been pacing around the corrido for about three hours, he was really very anxious. And then, the red light suddenly goes off and the cries of baby echoed down Changmin's ears. Changmin immediately dashed to the doctor who is walking out with a baby in his hand. "Congratulations, Mr Shim. It is a baby girl and both the baby and Mr Jung are safe." Changmin stared at the girl, for a second he finally realises he is going to be a dad. He quickly turned back to the doctor and thanks. 

Changmin slowly turned the door knob and entered the room. Seeing Yunho wide awake and sitting on the bed made him relax. "How are you feeling?" Yunho beamed at the question and casually responsed, "Fine. It is a baby girl." Changmin smiled, "Yea...I told you so." Both of them remained silent, it was comforting. "Changmin...I got something need to ask you." Changmin frozed a bit because he feels like he knows what Yunho is going to ask. "Is it about the words I shouted before you enter the room?" Yunho looked away as he nodded. Changmin sighed quietly, he doesn't really wants to do all this thing in the hospital, he wants to wait till Yunho is out of hospital, wait till Yunho is well enough, wait till it is a perfect moment. But at the same time, he knows he has drag this thing way too long and Yunho deserved to know what he is feeling. "What exactly you wants to know?" Yunho looked up for a second before he looked back to his laps and playing his fingers nervously. "Come on, Yunho. Just ask. I promise I will answer them truthfully." 

Yunho breathes in deeply before start opening his mouth,"Do you mean it? The three words. Do you mean it?" Unknowingly, Yunho grabbed the blanket tightly, he was afraid of the answer. He was afraid Changmin is going to leave him again. "Yunho, move over." Obendiently, Yunho moved to his right slight as Changmin slipped onto the bed. Changmin wrapped his arms around Yunho, pulling Yunho to sit on his lap. "Changmin?" "Shhh...Listen what I want to say, is it okay?" "Alright." 

Changmin put his head on top of Yunho's and holding Yunho's fingers warmly. "Yunho, why do you love me? I... I can't even forgive myself for doing such a bad thing. And I come back because I am afraid of losing you. Don't you think I am selfish? I never think for you. I never think how you will feel when u lose me. I just leave after throwing so many harsh words." Tears starts flowing freely down Changmin's cheeks, he feels ashamed and guilty. "Yunho, I...I don't think I deserve you. You are so kind. I don't understand why you love me. I...I only start loving you when you are in your fourth months. Yunho, I know I don't derserve you but I love you too much to let you go right now. Can I be selfish one more time?" Changmin tightened his hold around Yunho, "Give me one more chance. I promise this time I will love you as much as I love you. Let us raise our baby girl together." 

Silence filled the room except for the soft whimpering can be heard. "Yunho?" Changmin slowly turned Yunho around and cupped his face gently as he lifted it up. To his horror, Yunho was crying. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you again? Oh my god, Yunho, I never meant to hurt you. I just ..." A finger immediately stops Changmin from rambling. "I just..."Yunho hicupps cutely, "I just never thought you will love me. I am just so happy." Changmin shook his head fondly, "I am so glad you still love me." Yunho finally looked into Changmin's eyes and whispered, "I will never stop loving you. I love you too much, changmin."

Changmin leaned down and kissed Yunho for a good minute before saying, "I think we should start planning our wedding." 

 

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Okay, I can totally understand if you guys want to kill me for such a late update.. I wanted to kill myself too. I am really sorry. I am not going to give you any reason for such a late update because I know it will ends up as excuses instead. I also must apologise for my lousy english. No one beta for me. I really tried my very best to write good english but I know i failed badly. Hope you guys can still give me comments regardless bad or good. I hope I didn't disappoint you all. Lastly, I really hope you guys have enjoy it. xoxo.