January 2011

“Sungminnie just calm down okay. Deep breaths.”

“Calm down!?” Sungmin chuckled darkly, continuing his panicked pacing in front of his worried hyung, “How could I possibly calm down when I've suddenly got  two weeks until I'm living in Taiwan?”

Watching Sungmin work himself up into a further panic attack Leeteuk jumped up, grabbing the boy and forcing him to sit back down on the small bed. “Sungmin you need to listen to me and seriously calm down okay? You're working yourself up and you're not going to listen to a thing I say while you're like this.”

At Leeteuk's words Sungmin calmed slightly, deep inhales working to reduce his panicked state. Looking up at his hyung he bit his lip, frustrated tears springing to his eyes. It was only two weeks prior that he was told that he was getting put into their Mandarin sub unit alongside Hyukjae for their upcoming comeback without Hankyung. 

Although he was more than alright with the news at first [it was more work for him] as the days went on and details were revealed – SM was sending them to live in Taiwan for a couple of months at the least, not to mention the slew of intense mandarin lessons taking up a majority of his spare time - the panicked feeling had started to gnaw at him, until finally it bubbled up and exploded on an unsuspecting Leeteuk.

“Its just – the rest of the members have been learning Chinese for years, and they're still only just getting a grasp of the language. I have two weeks to learn as much as possible so I can catch up, and I can barely say my own name!”

As the panic started to come back to him, Leeteuk hurried to sit down beside him, rubbing Sungmins back soothingly.

“Well you said it yourself, thats because they've been practising Chinese for years. Put them in a situation where they needed to speak Japanese and it would be the complete opposite!”

Sungmin gave a weak chuckle, looking beside him at Leeteuk who was smiling brightly at him.

“But Teukie hyung... what if i'm not any good at it? What if I just make people angry because I don't understand what they're saying? What is the point of even putting me in Super Junior M when I'm just going to be completely useless.”

Leeteuk paused, looking at his discouraged dongsaeng carefully before pulling him into his arms, his hair lightly.

“Never EVER call yourself useless! How can you even think that about yourself!?”

Sungmin pressed himself against Leeteuk, small smile crossing his face at the defensiveness of his hyung. It never failed to make him feel weak inside when Leeteuk would get defensive of him, his protectiveness always providing a soothing effect to his insecurities.

“You are THE Lee Sungmin, master of everything! You're not telling me something as silly as one measly language barrier is going to stop you from achieving things are you!?”

Laughing Sungmin brushed the tears from his eyes, hugging his hyung tightly. “What on earth am I going to do without you in Taiwan hyung?”

Leeteuk's arms tightened around him as he released a deep sigh.

“You're going to shine”

---

[DAY 02]

Sungmin and Ryeowook came stumbling through the front door after Sukira, worn out from the long hours of the day. It was the night of one of their scheduled open concerts, the harsh winds of the cold night making icicles out of the pair.

“Th-that is th-the last time I an EVER doing an open concert in winter. Whose bright idea was that anyway? Just because the concert is open to the public doesn't mean it has to be open to those death winds!! If I had my way we woul-- what the hell?”

Ryeowook gasped, looking around the lounge of the dorm room. The pair stared at the mess, pillows and blankers strewn all over the place. A loud groan came from behind the couch, Yesung popping up into sight with a pillow in hand, rubbing his back.

“Sungie hyung? What is going on?”

“We...uhh...may have had a bit of a situation while everyone was out tonight.”

Sungmin looked at him quizzically, bad feeling starting to rise in the pit of his stomach. “and the situation was?”

Yesung looked down, rubbing the back of his head. “Well, Jungsoo had a bit of a freak out at the realisation that he'll be enlisting in just under two days. I tried my best to calm him down but you know how awkward I can get in tense situations and... I may have made it a tiny bit worse?”

Panic rose through Sungmin, frantically looking around the room. “And where exactly is he now?”

“I managed to get him to go to his room – I told him to have a lie down...”

Ryeowook glared at their sheepish hyung before turning to Sungmin. “You go check on Teuk hyung, you're probably best suited to help him if he's freaking out as bad as Sungie hyung says. I'll deal with the hyung in front of us.”

“I can hear you Wookie!!”

Sungmin nodded, giving Yesung a sympathetic smile – who was trying to subtly plead for Sungmin to not leave him alone with the angry Ryeowook – before walking out of the room and down the hall, the voices in the lounge echoing through the rest of the dorm.

[“...still doesn't change that you're the stupidest person alive hyung!”

“You don't have to be so mean... wait you stay right there Wookie don't you even think about coming near me I know you Kim Ryeowook LEAVE ME ALONE DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HITTING ME!!”]

Reaching the bedroom Sungmin pressed himself against it listening, and after hearing nothing, he nervously knocked on the door. Getting no response he slowly pushed the door open, letting in just enough light to see that the bedroom was as big of a mess as the lounge, things thrown haphazardly across the floor. As he shut the door behind him the bedroom fell back into complete darkness.

“Teukie hyung?” Sungmin whispered, attempting to feel along the wall for a switch to turn on the light. “Teukie it's me, do you think you could turn your lamp on so I can see?” The silence continued, Sungmin worrying that Leeteuk was asleep, or just not listening to him. A sudden dull light illuminated the room, Sungmin turned to find Leeteuk lying on the bed, curled up tightly in the covers.

“Hyung... how are you feeling?” Sungmin asked quietly, hesitantly making his way over to the bed, sitting down next to the cocoon that was currently his hyung. After no answer Sungmin bit his lip, the realisation hitting him that Leeteuk must be extremely overwhelmed to render him this upset.

“Yesungie hyung was telling me that... that you're worried about enlisting?” The flinch that came from Leeteuk was the only thing that showed Sungmin his hyung was listening, sadness overwhelming the younger man at how fragile his hyung currently was. Sungmin hesitated for a moment before shuffling his hyung around, lying down next to Leeteuk so they were face to face.

Leeteuk inhaled sharply, eyes widening as Sungmin made himself comfortable on the mattress. “Sungminnie wh-what are you doing?”

“We-ell you're not talking to me while I'm sitting upright, so I'm going to lie down with you until you want to speak to me about what's going on.”

Leeteuk fell back into silence, face scrunched up in concentration as he thought things over. As Sungmin watched his hyung's indecisiveness, he reached forward to brush the fringe out of Leeteuk's eyes, the older man breathing out a light sigh. Sungmin smiled watching his hyung visibly relax at his touch before his eyes flickered back open, looking at Sungmin worriedly. 

“...what if I'm not any good at it?”

Sungmin looked at him, surprised. “good at what?”

“this whole 'army life' thing that everyone keeps talking about.”

“oh hyung--”

“I'm serious!” Leeteuk exclaimed. “I've spent the majority of my life what? Singing and dancing on stage. And now I'm going to be training with a bunch of guys who are going to be younger and most likely, more athletic than me. Everyone keeps telling me about this so called harsh 'army lifestyle', but what if I fail? What if I turn up and just make a fool of myself in front of everyone? What if they think I'm just some old idol loser who is good for nothing but throwing hearts at girls on stage?”

Sungmin watched on as his hyung slowly broke, tears welling up before they overwhelmed him, small sobs beginning to rack his frame. Sungmin pulled Leeteuk close to him, hugging the older man close to his chest.

“Hyung do you remember when I was put into SJM and I nearly had a heart attack over the thought of ordering Chinese food for dinner, nevermind living and working in China?”

A small chuckle escaped Leeteuk, nodding his head against Sungmin's chest.

“Well, a very wise and special person told me something very important back then, something that applies directly to you. You're THE Park Jungsoo! Your stage name literally means special! Nothing is going to stop you from achieving the very best you can in any situation – from performances to this whole army thing. You're the leader of Super Junior, you can handle literally anything at this point after all the we've given you over the years. These guys are going to love you!”

The two fell silent once more, only sound in the room coming from Leeteuk as he sniffled, until he mumbled out a quiet response, obviously drained. “You really think they're going to love me?”

With Leeteuk's warm breath falling on his neck Sungmin felt like he couldn't breathe. He hesitated for a moment, trying to decide whether or not this was the time for him to take the chance to confess, before he felt his hyung loosen his hold on him as he slowly fell asleep.

“To be perfectly honest – it's kind of impossible not to love you Teukie hyung.”

He felt Leeteuk smile against his neck slightly, the man having just enough energy to mumble out a quiet 'thank you Sungminnie' before the older man was asleep in his arms.

“Always Teukie hyung” he responded, his own mind drifting further to sleep. Although he knew Kangin and Ryeowook had warned him to act on his feelings before it was too late, he could never put that on Leeteuk while he was dealing with such intense worries and emotions. As much as it will pain Ryeowook, Sungmin is more than okay with continuing to keep his feelings to himself. He still had one more day, and he promised himself that he was going to make it count. As he fell into his own sleep, Sungmin made sure to cling to the warm embrace of the one he loved.

Tomorrow can wait.