“If, the deeper I sink, the closer you get, 

I care not even if I become a shadow that wanders the endless dark.”

- Voice by Amano Tsukiko

 

Snow was quietly falling…

How strange. she thought, how like the moment between sleeping and falling when everything is blurring and unfocused… like she was in between existing in the world and fading into dreams, this moment over the edge ended with the terrible pain jerked her mind back to awareness.

HyunA could not move. Not a muscle. Her limbs remained stiff. Whatever bound them felt as heavy as ship’s cable and stouter than steel chain. It hurt to breath, and she could not do so deeply. But right time she was about to abandon her effort, her vision caught some blurring figure was lying in front of her eyes… so familiar… but the only color that made sense at this moment was nothing but bright red on the porcelain shade of snow…

“HYUNSEUNG!!!!”

She again jumped out of her sleeping skin in middle of the night and again and again asking herself, why she had not died with him back then. They said there was no pain in your dream but sometimes HyunA could not distinguish whether she just dreamt or she was really pulled back to that time being – the moment of that accident as everybody called it, which she knew it was not.

It was not an accident because she was the one had made it happened. It was her who had killed the person she loved most and many many times later she questioned herself how she could go on crawling in this life without him. Why had she not commit suicide sooner? GaYoon was a good friend, but she also could not keep her friend from stumbling into a breathless freefall down the rabbit hole of insanity and depthless evil. No matter how hard HyunA tried to tell them that her fault, if she had not angrily leant to his seat and turned the wheel then the car would not have crashed like that and if the car had not crashed against the tree, HyunSeung had not had to cover her with his own body, then he would be here next to her right now, not just a lingered essence she imagined to conceal this madness.

As the consciousness had come back to her in hospital, the police said that the helpers had told them they found her was carrying her boyfriend on her back in middle of the night, that they had not know how such a tiny girl like her could have such a power while covered in blood.

And they said… he was gone… long before on her back…

Mother said she should go back to Seoul but HyunA just couldn’t. How could she confront his mother from now on when his house was next to her? HyunSeung was the only child, the only hope for his mother. How could she speak to her after adding more misery into her already bad marriage? They had divorced when HyunSeung was 15 and now she had lost own final precious… and not anyone else, the lovely girl had used to live next to her house was the culprit. The nice girl that once had stood tall before her vowed that she would take care of her son forever.

HyunA covered with both hands to suppress the choking from her unstoppable sobs. It’s hurt.. why breathing could be this painful?

“HyunSeung ah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” – And she cried, cried loudly no matter how she tried to suffocate it. Something solid touched her flailing hands, enclosed them, still them. HyunA know, GaYoon was awoken by her heart-out grief.

“GaYoon ah, it was my fault. My fault… Why do I still alive? WHY?” – She shattered, a sharp sound of grief, of helplessness, broke from her because all the effort of trying to managed the pain had been failed and right now, she wished for nothing but death.

GaYoon embraced her friend tightly with hope that HyunA could calm her down a bit… but she just kept on crying and repeated her torment. She was not sure it was indeed HyunA’s fault or what but watching her like this was like torturing her own heart too.

It was fortunate that his mother had decided to bury him in the nearest cemetery from his house, unless GaYoon was not sure if HyunA would make his grave her home. The doctor had to prescribe some special medicine in the first week to keep her from constant crying. Seemed miracle had happened in the second week as she thought HyunA had accept the fact and ceased her crying but then when winter came, HyunA had started to sleep more and more everyday without any particular reason.

Didn’t know how long had passed, GaYoon felt her friend’s steady breaths brushed softly over her shoulder, a great signal at last. Gently, she laid HyunA’s head down, cover her fatigued body under the warm blanket before leaving, with an idea dancing in her mind – “You must go out tomorrow.”

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..

…

 

*Clinking…*

HyunA was wandering in the manor again, like every other nights since the first time she was here. This place was only available in winter as folklore said - The Manor of Sleep - where people could be together again with their lost ones, people like her.

The bruise she had got from that woman was indeed a tattoo, a sign of pain. Every morning, when she woke up, the tattoo would spread wider… they said, when it completely covered her body, she would disappeared, leaving only a large dark mark on where she slept or “spirited away” as other loved to call these kind of supernatural phenomenon. It’s a curse for their guilty. HyunA did not mind it. HyunSeung was here and nothing else mattered, include that strange woman, that Tattoo Priestess, though she was the only thing annoyed here. And because of her, HyunA again lost his track.

This manor was bigger than she had imagined about it. If she counted right, it had been 15 days since the first dream and she was already lost in here. Then she heard a grating noise in distant, some stealthy footsteps creeping in and out among the corridors, and up and down the stairs… Those noise could not scare the hell out of her like the first time she encountered it, but she still had to evade to encounter them. Those ghosts could harm her, even in a dream.

HyunA opened the closest door and entered it, waiting for a more peaceful exploration later. Surprisingly even to her, the initial fear had stepped aside from the third night she been here, all the things left were the burning desire to be with him again, though it might cost her own life.

The room now she inside was not as restful as she thought. Behind the large hanging kimono next to her, someone was muttering sentences then turned into half-uttered screams that seemed smothered violently. The girl held her breath for not being noticed until the sound subsided. But while the intensity had lessened, this place still very, very dark.

“My eyes… my eyes….”

HyunA’s skin immediately got several goosebumps when her ears caught that sound. The ghost was not really scary with over flowing blood from two deep holes where her eyes had once resided but the way she mourned for her lost vision was too much for HyunA to endure it.

Sensing outside was quiet, HyunA silently opened the door and stepped out. Dim light from burning candle in corner of the hallway was enough for her to find the way out of the area. HyunSeung’s glimpse was out of sight tonight, and without the sound of wind chime, she had no other choice to follow her heart in this chasing.

HyunA turned left and went down the wooden stair at the end of this corridor, this place was new and a hope rose up in her heart. But then a wave of frustration wept this new-born happiness away when in her eyes, a room with many ritual masks were hanging on the wall, no other escape.

Hyuna let out a heavy sigh before taking a closer look on the special one on the wall opposite to the only door here, something with it was attracting her. So then instead of backing down, she moved closer.

The mask’s eyes was empty and HyunA could see through it to the next room. She held her breath when five men with ritual masks on were inside. Two of them was holding a young woman kneeling down, the other two was standing in front of her but behind the last one, the one with vengeful mask. In his hands was a creepy mask with two stakes at the place where should eyeholes.

“AHH…” – HyunA could not press down her voice when that man cover the woman’s face with that mask, so this was how those ghosts lost their eyes, that’s how they eternally grieved while wandering… The bizarre thing was that man didn’t seem to care what the pain means to his offering. In HyunA’s eyes, that man appeared to please with that girl’s scream: the disharmony of agony at a fine level.

HyunA quickly turn her feet to escape the room since her cry got their attention. This place was gruesome, much more than what she had read about it…

*Clinking…*

Her favourite sound echoed again but…

Flashed white… – “No. I don’t wanna wake up. HyunSeung… wait…” – HyunA frantically screamed but in vain…

“HYUNA!!!! HYUNA!!!!”

“Oh my God, if you’re not breathing, I thought you were dead.” – GaYoon’s color was drain from her face.

“Ahhhhhhhhh…” – HyunA grunted strongly when GaYoon helped her to sit up because of the pain that her invisible tattoo was spreading on her skin. It covered half of her body for now.

“Are you okay? Hurt somewhere?” -  GaYoon asked, voice filled with deep concern.

“What time is it?” – She shook her head slightly and asked while massaging her temple with index finger. Recently, she’d like to stay in the dark more than sunlight. Without knowing but the warm light was not her interest anymore.

“8:00 AM” – GaYoon answered. – “I guess you should go out today. I mean why don’t you go out and take some good pictures? I like it much, right? – GaYoon suggested a new activity and the look on her face erased all the denial that HyunA intended to admit.

“Okay…” – She said, trying to form a weak smile for comforting her good friend. Although she had a little angry that GaYoon woke her up at the right moment she had been about to go after HyunSeung, but this time, she would let it go.

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…

Going out was a good idea but one without hope. HyunA was walking side by side with GaYoon on the way to university while the idea for giving more happy recollections before she was spirited away spinning in her head.

GaYoon seemed very pleased with her friend’s today mien. HyunA cooperated with everything she said, even put on light make-up and went to school. The whole class would be very happy too.

Indeed. When they arrived their class, they gathered around HyunA with funny stories. It was lucky to have sophisticated mind friends, who did not mention about her accident even just one word. But HyunA refused to stay in class, she favored to walk around the campus for photograph with reason – she needed air. Today’s classes were important, so GaYoon, though really wanna company her friend, had to stay in class.

…

HyunA visited some sweet places where HyunSeung often pulled her in and made out in secret.

“ert!” – She whined

“Huh? I thought you like it. If you disike then…” – He pretended to angry and walked out of their hideout.

Every time they played this game, she always pushed him back against the wall and assaulted his soft lips till he kissed back intensively. 

His lips hit back the old fainted bruise on her neck to modify it again as HyunA complained that the whole school knew she was his girl. 

“A wolf must mark his territory.” – He said with sheepishly smile. The smile she would trade anything to see it every day.

“I thought the wolf pees to mark, doesn’t he?” – She asked innocently.

“Ah… If you love to, I’ll do it for you.” 

“Yahhhh… it’s disgusting!!!” – She exclaimed

“Shhh… You want them to hear us here?” – He then muted her by his lips again and HyunA had no objection about it.

HyunA let the watery veil burred the scene before lifting her camera and took a shot. Suddenly, through the lens, she saw him, standing there with his form partially hidden in the shadow.

The camera fell out of her grasp and though she was long to see him, the potency of its assault nearly drove her to her knees.

HyunA did not know how long she was standing there dumbfounded just to stare quietly in that spot. Until GaYoon found her with streaming tears and led her home.

 

~oOo~

“If, for example, you are alive at the bottom of the sea, 

I shall cut off my two legs 

And become a fish.”

- Voice by Amano Tsukiko

GaYoon found HyunA skipped school again. This was her last year in University but since that event, all the thing she had done was sitting on the window and looking over to their garden or surfing something on internet. GaYoon moved in with her friend since the whole group was very worried that HyunA would commit something stupid because they all knew being alone was more frightening than even that harsh fact.

Lately, HyunA slept more and more, she stayed on bed most of the day and always woke up in sweltering skins. Sometimes she stood before the window with bare shoulders and asked GaYoon that she saw anything on her body?

“Nothing, HyunA ah.”

“Oh, then I’m the only one see it.” – The girl smiled with her same old melancholy, GaYoon deeply missed her carefree guffaws not so long ago before the event. 

They dragged her to the doctor but he apparently called it emotional trauma after an accident like this “PTSD”. That’s all, nothing too much serious but as her closest friend, GaYoon knew there was definitely questionable here.

“HyunSeung, why did you left her like that? – She muttered alone with the image of tiny frame HyunA embracing herself on the window, focusing on her tablet.

“GaYoon ah, have you ever heard about Manor of Sleep?” – HyunA suddenly asked without adverting her gaze from the small item in her hands.

“What is it?” – GaYoon walked to her friend’s spot and sat down on the opposite side of this large window. Even though winter had entered it mid term, this place unexplainably still had many soft breezes, enough to force the wind chime sang its lamented aria. Deep down inside, she just wanna smash that glass bell into pieces but if she did that, maybe HyunA would be driven into madness.

*Clinking…*

“That’s HyunSeung.” – HyunA once said so while pointing to the chime.

“Nothing… just a random question.” – She said, her thin voice now was not much further than a wind that blew by their window, subtly… gently…

In GaYoon’s eyes, seem the dreams HyunA was suffering worsen every night. seemed that her sleep promised not rest and refreshment anymore, only terror dominated. But she just didn’t know HyunA no longer called those dreams were nightmares, only in there, she got the chance to catch HyunSeung’s glimpse, though it was just in seconds while he was running to somewhere. To her, it was more than just enough.

“HyunA ah, do you wanna go out today? JiYoon said a new mall has just opening, the one you was looking forward, remember?”

“Oh…” – HyunA looked up and she needed around some minutes to figure out what GaYoon was talking about, the mall, which she was no longer sure what the hell was that… The only thing happened around her was memories of bouncing around HyunSeung to asking for a new dress in this room then the last image was the trickle of sweat ran from a receding hairline down his temple.

“I’m sorry. Let me get tissue for you.” – GaYoon’s haste words before she jumped down the window pulled HyunA back from her own past, to realize she was crying.

“I’m so sleepy. I need to sleep…” – She murmured…

When GaYoon came back, HyunA was sleeping silently on the couch with fainted smile on her lips and glittering stars in the corners of her eyes.

Snow was still falling and the night began to paint it dark color, casting long over the the world.

 

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*Clinking…*

It’d been roughly a month in this realm and HyunA knew she almost reached the end. Death, she didn’t give it a but she did worry so much because HyunSeung just kept running from her.

Sometimes in real life, HyunA saw that Tattoo Priestess, though it was very, extremely scary but then, willingly or not, she was here, in this dream. Everything would be fine soon.  She must find him before the final state came.

HyunA was descending down the stone stair, deep below the surface where she has witnessed in person how these men created a Kusabi – a vengeful spirit – shared the same danger with the tattoo woman. They said the Kusabi would absorb all the pains in this world to buy time until the tattoo priestess was sacrificed to satisfy the Darkness – the hellish spirits that would erase everything.

They bounded a unfortunate man in ropes and suspended in the air by various mechanisms as they pulled the ropes tightening and eventually breaking the bones of the sacrifice. One journal said ”The more the sacrifice suffers, the more sated the Darkness becomes.” The only things she could not knock off her mind was his anguish screaming. This place was insane with many unbelievable rituals but since she was here, therefore all of these made sense oddly.

HyunA really had a deep sympathy for the poor man but having another hostile spirit chased her around was absolutely not a pleasant experience, indeed.

*Clinking…*

HyunA was so happy to hear that sound ringing subtly though the lullaby those maidens usually sang was piercing her ears like many tiny cuts.

“Sleep, priestess, lie in peace

Sleep, priestess, lie in peace

If you cry, the boat you’ll ride, the last trip to the other side,

Once you get there, sacred marks you’ll bear,

They shall be peeled off, should you fail to lie still.”

HyunSeung was very near here. So she fastened her steps to the bottom of the abyss. Opened in her eyes was a vast platform   where four little was standing solemnly before an altar, lit by many candles. They were chanting a lullaby that HyunA was hearing all the way down here…

“Sleep, priestess, lie in peace

Sleep, priestess, lie in peace

If the priestess wakes from her dream

Perform the rite of stakes, her limbs pinned tight

Lest the doors open wide and suffering unleashed on all.”

She halted her feet and let the dark shrouded her being. These little girls were the one would perform the ritual by binding their priestess down in the Chamber of Thorne with stakes. The priestess must asleep to absorb the pain from others who visited the shrine. If she woke up then the suffering would be unleashed on all.

*Clinking…*

The wind bell’s sound seemed to move more distant which made HyunA’s mind went mad.  The fear of losing him again sparked inside her, urge her to have a quick decision before that sound went to dead. Perhaps, tonight was her last one and she was ready to be together forever. HyunA put her hands on her left to press down the bouncing heart and her heart took over when her feet started to storm to the large door and pushed it with all of the strength and courage.

Sometimes heroism was just another face of absolute terror. And nothing could beat the feeling of loosing HyunSeung again.

Behind her back, those girl were chasing her with small hammer and iron stake in their hands.

“I must go faster…” – She thought but before her, there was no other route to turn. She was running on a long and narrow bridge surrounded by an underground river. Many small paper boats with burning candles were floating peacefully, very contrasted with her current situation.

“HyunSeung… HyunSeung ah… Save me..” – She started to cry for desperation dominate her soul and heart. The thought of vanish in here before meeting him was beyond her deepest anguish. She thought she was brave but for now, she realized she was not, and right the moment she fell on her knees, a hand pulled her out of the bamboo bridge, down to the water below.

“AHHHHHH…” – HyunA wanted to scream but another hand cover her lips, muted the sound while leading her into the long shadow was casted under that bridge. Then she smelt that familiar odour, the perfume HyunSeung always used with a reason – she liked it.

Tears fell down when consciousness struck her, wet both her own face and his hand was still covering her lips. The sobbing was choked but HyunA could not help anymore, all the pain, all the suffering now poured out like she would vomited her own heart out.

Sensing the maidens already had left, he lifted his hand and turned her facing him.

“HyunSeung!” – Before she warped her arms around his neck, HyunSeung had gather her in his arms. They closed about her, strangely warm though he was now just a ghost; and she pressed her cheek against his chest and sobbed. He rocked her, soothingly just like old time and her grief went from agonized sobs to subdued weeping. It’s okay now. HyunSeung was here with her than everything did not matter anymore.

“HyunSeung… this time… I wanna go with you. Please.” – She said through very hard sobbing. – “You were always with me. Because you were always with me. That’s how I survived. I’m so sorry. This time, I’m going with you.”

HyunSeung smiled a little, though it was tinged with melancholy. This thumb gently touched the tattoo now had spread on her cheek - “I understand how you feel… I understand. But I must go. I must go alone.”

“No…” – When HyunA was about to protest, his hand again pressed on . He lifted up his head to indicate the Tattoo Priestess was standing upon them.

His voice sunk into whisper in her ear - “I’ll distract her. Can you see the white space in distant?” - He directed her gaze to the end of the river, where all the paper boats was flowing to there. - “When I reached that place, you can go back to reality… forever.”

HyunA frantically shook her head. Her wide opened eyes filled with real terror when all the hope was running through her fingers.

“Listen. When you died, then i’ll be gone forever. As long as you go on, a part of me will continue to live on… That’s why I need you to live.”

Then he brought down his lips on her, tasting the last kiss while transferring all of her tattoo unto him. Then he quickly turned away and ran to the other side…

“HEY, ! I’M OVER HERE!”  – He shouted top of his lung to catch attention from the priestess.

But HyunA could not stand still, she must, she knew she must go with him this time. So her feet started to follow the precious frame of his but HyunSeung did not turned back…

Flashed white…

 

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..

…

 

HyunA woke up in the warm sunlight dancing in her room. The light of dawn was saying everything was over, she was safe now…

HyunA looked down her arms to find all the tattoo was gone and bursted into tears…

 

~oOo~

Over 10 years had passed since the day HyunSeung left her alone. People urged her to move on, to find a good man to date then to get married and build a family for her own. All she could respond was smiling back to them with melancholy. Gradually, they all gave up and HyunA again gained back her quiet routine of waking up, go to her office, work really hard then when the sun was devoured by blackness, she went back home, cooked something simple and carried it to the window.

No period within the four-and-twenty hours of day and night was so solemn to her, as the winter’s night. She loved to eat in the clinking harmony. Sometimes she whispered into the wind about her today troubles, such as a hard fight with her boss about his stupidity and vaguely, she could hear his soft laughter or she had seen a pretty wedding dress on her way home and cried. For all these reasons, and for others less easily and briefly statable, she find deep night to be her most ghostly time.

In his birthday, she always sat on the window till midnight to sew their sweet patchworks together. HyunSeung loved to daub cream on her lips then eat them, he repeated it on her neck, to her collarbone and finished on her bust in their mutual giggles and the sound of wind chime. She always woke up in the next morning with his strong arms around on their couch.

“ert.” – She smiled faintly because HyunSeung usually said he could not wait until they could make it inside bedroom; but she knew, they loved to make love under the melody of clinking…

“HyunSeung ah… wait for me! When we meet again, I will be a 5 years old girl who is crying her heart out because she doesn’t want to move to family’s new house; then you will appear with a ice-cream on your hand and said – Why do you cry? It is so annoyed, you know? Then I will look up and love you from the first sight. When we’re 16, I will give you my first kiss…” - Tears choked but HyunA pressed the sobbing down to continue - “…then when we’re 18, we will have our first time and get married… then we will live happily ever after with our baby. Is it okay, HyunSeungie?…”

 

 

“Scraping together patchwork happiness, and sewing it
I was crushed by your strength.
Burned on, burned on

The inerasable scars left by the palms of my hands.
Sever a rift in the red-stained clouds with my torn hands, 

See, I can flutter better than you thought.
The eternity that I dreamed while confined in my cocoon
Where will it take seed and blossom? 

Your arms that hold me back

Turn into a gentle dust.
I simply stare at the sky, silently.“

- Butterfly by Amano Tsukiko

 

~oOo~

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Author’s note:

Finally I finished my first sad story with some ghostly schemes. I don’t know if you guys found it scary or not, though the pendulum seemed to move further to the later. I know it. I know it.  As I borrowed some lines from the game itself so I wanna express my appreciation to Tecmo for a very great game, which formed a part of my meaningful life.

Well, the story mainly ended here as I think it is enough and the sad ending is reasonable. However, with readers who only love good or happy ending and don’t give a about my paranoid mind, you can follow further my steps to know what will happen next.

Maybe the good ending is not logical and dreamy-like but who care? As long as we can fill our heart with hope for a better life.

 

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At another place and another time…

“WHAT? You’re gonna take a leap year after graduated? Why? You have a good profile, don’t you?” – JiHyun cried out when her good friend sheepishly informed that she would not immediately find a job but stayed at home from next month after their graduated ceremony. It was absolutely weird since the girl had been very excited with her new life ahead. Finally, she could be a 3D Artist just like what she had dreamt of and worked so hard even back when in high school.

“Uhm… I got my reason. By the way, 1 year is not a big deal, right?” – HyunA said and smiled again while the sun set was gradually claiming her porcelain skin. The girl definitely hid something worth an serious inquiry from da group.

“Don’t tell me….” – JiYoon asked HyunA but did not dare to finish her sentence in an awe expression of 4 other girls was sitting around her.

“Oh… uhmm…” – She nodded and conveniently kept that pose to hide her face behind the curtain of her smooth silky hair.

“WHAT?” – This time, the whole group bursted into an exclaim. They just can’t believe their brilliant friend could be in a such a stupid mistake like that. No, this was a dream, they’re walking in a silly acid dream. That’s it, right?

“Uhm… it was an accident but HyunSeung is very happy. Plus, I’m happy too!” – HyunA scratched her head while giving out assuring answer to the group.

“You’re crazy, HyunA. Insane if I have to admit!” – JiYoon almost shouted out by the end of her sentence…

Suddenly…

“I thought you guys should say congratz to her.”

His voice rang into her ears, the soft bass voice she loved long long long time ago… just like she heard it from another time in her past life and still truly, deeply, madly in love with…

“HyunSeung.” – The group exclaimed.

“HyunSeung ssi, HyunA is only 21. She got a whole new potential future ahead and now you put her behind your back. Don’t you think it’s selfish?” – JiYoon said. Though HyunA looked very happy but she could not really accept this truth. Be a mother in just a young age, let alone they were not getting married was a doubtless no no.

“No. She still can do whatever she wants and having baby is our mutual wish. In the end, this is our life!” – He finished his thought without any opening left for further discussion for JiYoon to go on. She cared for HyunA, yes, he appreciated it but he did not have time to put effort to follow others’ ideal lifestyle, all of his energy was already on his girl and their future baby.

“As long as you take good care of her, unless you know the consequence.” – GaYoon, though normally reserved and quiet, was beginning to raise her voice in response to the young man before her.

“Useless menace.” – He amusingly answered.

SoHyun looked at GaYoon and sighed. Yes, they all knew who HyunSeung really was and HyunA was in the best hands. She could not even hide that happiness under her pinky cute face.

“Now it’s time for my wife get back home. See ya later.” – HyunSeung said while helping HyunA to stand up. In front of the whole coffee shop’s awe eyes, he carried her in bridal style to his car, so naturally, full of love. 4minute later knew, that was not the last time they witness his protection on HyunA, many many years later, HyunSeung still showed this kind of affection without awkward intimated actions like they were only teenagers, for example: put on the couple T-shirt she had given him in his 18th birthday or like the group usually stumbled into a kissing scene whenever they found 2hyun together…

Uhm… just simple like that… like they were in love in a very very long time ago…

 

Author’s note: 

Phew, finally done! 

I wanna say sorry to my friend because I was using his true story for the dead scene. I also wanna apology to his girlfriend’s soul. Please rest in peace. You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life.

 

Thank you a lot.