Jung Sooyeon

I was sitting on my desk, drinking the hot coffee placed beside me. I took another sip as I wrote the document needed for my job.

I’m working at one of the most well-known and feared companies here in South Korea – the Chaemin Enterprises. They were too powerful that no one wanted to mess up or go on their way. I don’t really know anything about their agenda.

And so, none of it mattered.

Actually, I really like my job or at least I get paid right, that’s why. My younger sister is in high school actually and I’m desperate to work and break every bone for her.

We were orphaned since my mother gave birth to my younger sister and apparently, my dad can’t take everything that he loved my mom until the ends of the Earth and that love brought them together.

He died a year after my mother.

I guess fate work every once and awhile and they were too destined for each other that they needed to leave their beautiful daughters that's us, obviously just to fulfill their wonderful fairytale.

Awesome, isn’t it?

And of course, as the oldest daughter, I was ought to take care of my youngest sister. It was honestly never a burden to me. In fact, I’m willing to give anything and everything just for her.

“Hey sis,” Soojung greeted me taking a glimpse from my laptop and I immediately shoved her head away from my laptop, “sheesh, Soojung.” I told her looking at her irritated. “Get a life, for crying out loud.”

 “What’s that?” Soojung looked at me intriguingly, “don’t tell me that’s rated.” She shook her head and pursed her lips together. “Omo! Don’t tell me you’re preparing to get married.”

I casted her you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me kind of look and said, “please, Soojung!” I begged her rolling my eyes from exasperation. “Don’t drag me into your erted world because this is not related to anything you've been thinking. It’s for my job and no matter how much I try, no one wants to make a mistake of marrying me.”

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, “don’t speak drama in front of me now, for the humanity’s sake!” She said flailing her hand against the thin surface of the air.

She knows my story.

Soojung didn’t have the role of being my younger sister. She was also some sort of my brought-to-life diary. I tell her every story that she needs to know.

Like my love life.

So, apparently, I’m a hopeless romantic high-school girl living in a twenty nine year old woman’s body. I don’t know what the world’s pranks would be because apparently, it had been toying with me as if I was some kind of doll in my entire life.

Yes, a doll, something that everyone adores and everyone buys to play with that they can ditch and play around while living their boring life.

Okay, so to start with the question why. Apparently, all my life I’ve been searching for the words ‘true love’ and find my ‘other half’.

And yes, life just slaps me hard saying please, this isn’t a Disney movie.

A movie surrounded by princesses, prince charming, and happy endings. This is life, the true life that you have to face with your own.

My first encounter of their so-called ‘love’ was back in middle school. My grandfather had actually been supporting me from my studies and when I graduated, that’s he say bye bye to us and the world and live in harmony and peace.

 Back to the main topic, I was drowning in the idea of love that I wanted to give it a try, thinking, who knows, right? Then I started dating this jock, Taecyeon. He was pretty popular at the campus actually, the typical handsome guy and the most charismatic man that you have ever thought of your whole life.

That’s the perfect description of who he is.

He had everything that every girl actually wanted, everything that any girl could have possibly needed. But hey, I was the doll, right? So, it’s my job to be his girlfriend and be the girl that he could actually show everyone.

So, there we go.

We had dates; hang out every lunch time, talked to each other every now and then. And oh, there goes reality. When we reached high school, he went to face me one time and I remembered how much my heart thumped fast that time.

It was a perfect evening. Everyone was having a great time at the party, even. Everything was perfect and for the very first time. The happening wasn’t so cliché at it had supposed to be. He took my hands, intertwining his fingers from mine, saying the words I never had expected to hear from anyone, “Sorry babe.”

My eyebrows creased as I tried to dart my attention into something else, but apparently, the word something else doesn’t exist and I had no choice but to dace him, “what?” I said though a part of me already knew what he wanted to say.

“We’re over.” He locked his eyes with mine and I tried to look into his eyes, comprehending the word he just said. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. I was right. He wanted to put an end to everything between us. “It’s not me, it’s you.”

My face suddenly turned into please mode, head tilting on its own and I looked at him disbelievingly. It was as if the tears suddenly flushed back into the core of my eyes and no matter how much I try, I can’t force myself to shed not even a tear.

And I was like, come on! You have got to be kidding me. I studied and he was dead serious! And that was the first time in my life that I ever heard someone say, “It’s not me, it’s you.”

And for the record, it was from my first boyfriend.

The next fairytale fail happened when I was eighteen. I just stepped on college and there was a guy who spotted me. And of course, I wanted a damned love life and there was a guy who’s into me.

And I’m like, here goes another chance! Thank you, world! Thank you destiny, serendipity, destiny and everything related to fate! Finally, the long-awaited chance has arrived.

We had a couple of chats, couple of friendly dates, and had our bonding times. And gosh, that moment, I can totally say that love is in the air! I was too happy and I saw how much he cared for me!

Heaven knows how much I wanted that kind of guy, the kind of relationship that we have. The world knows how hard it is to have what he had that time.

And I was so happy that we had it. It took so long for him to confess and so, I decided to gather all my strength, my power and forget about my pride and dignity for the confession.

The confession.

It happened so fast, he was with his friends on the bench and I decided to make a confession to Luhan. It was now or never and I know by that time, I must do this. Not tomorrow, not next week, nor next month, but today.

Today is the perfect day.

And I can make it even better than perfect if there was something better than perfect only if I would tell him all the feelings lurking inside of me.

Everything that I’ve been keeping the whole time we’re together.

And so I must tell him, “hey,” I approached Luhan with a gentle smile and I asked him if I could talk to him for a little while and he nodded, telling me that he could spare time with me.

I dragged him into one of the abandoned classrooms, nearby. It wasn’t really abandoned, it was just the room had been pre-occupied for almost four years that time.

“Luhan, can I-“

“Oh my gosh, girl!” He went to me and ran, holding my hands jumping in joy. My eyebrows furrowed as I thought of what was happening at the very moment.

“It’s official.” He says to me with a smile from ear to ear. “Sehun and I are dating.”

“You are what?” I shouted, my eyes widened and I urged myself to remove my hands from his, latching his hand on his waist. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know about our dirty little secret.”

“Please, tell me straight!” I spat out, my anger can be trailed by my voice and I knew that he knew it. He rolled his eyes and said, “Girl! I keep telling you the whole time we’re together!” He snapped his hands and said, “you know, my special someone?”

What? His special someone? I am his special someone! What is he... What is he trying to say that all along it wasn’t me but it was Sehun.

“Okay, Luhan, this is mind .” My eyes widened as the words escaped from my lips. I wasn’t really expecting it to come out from mine and I don’t usually cuss. I do it when I’m too pissed and I can’t handle my emotions.

And that word wasn’t to be exposed! It was just supposed to be inside of my mind! I wasn’t suppose to say it right in front of him!

Duh?

He rolled his eyes once more and smiled at me, “girl, you seriously have memory problems. You should try and fix your love life sometimes. But for now, I gotta go to meet him.” He says in a joyful tone that somehow left me in my dazed expression, “toodles,” he kissed my cheeks for goodbye and stormed out of the room.

Okay, I was definitely mind blown by that time and by mind blown I meant, I definitely lost my mind by the very second he tells me that they’re dating.

My nightmare didn’t just end there.

For the nth time, I met another guy. Just by the looking at his face, the word handsome would come out from anybody’s lip. He’s hot and apparently, he knew how to carry himself.

Anybody would infer that he was model or anything related to that. Damn, if anyone could just by the way he looks at anybody would make them melt.

I wasn’t the only one eyeing him. Apparently, the entire crowd of girls was looking at him. His handsomeness should be illegal.

I mean, how can someone look so stunningly gorgeous?

That is not right! The words ringed inside of my mind over and over again until it replayed relentlessly inside of my brain. That is not right!

He takes a seat beside me and smiles at me. Oh my gosh! Did he just smile at me? He is freaking cute. Come on, girl! Make your move!

“Hey, anything I could do to help?” I asked him in a friendly manner. Of course, I didn’t want to end up flirting him on our first meeting.

Like, hello?

“Hi,” he says gently, caressing his hair with his fingers. Oh my gosh, handsome creature don’t do that! I might die any moment now was the thought that never left my mind but of course I had to keep my cool and pretend that everything was fine.

I smiled back at him as if I wasn’t affected by his stare and his smile and his face and his gorgeous eyes and his –

I know. I know. Everybody gets the big picture. I just can’t really hold in the feelings growing inside of  me. Who knows if he was the one for me.

But, I know it’s obvious.

He wasn’t.

We’ve been friends after that dreamlike encounter and we have our friendly chats afterwards. And as expected, we became closer than anyone would have expected.

Everyone had commonly mistaken us as a couple. Some would even tease us about it. I don’t really mind it, anyway. I mean, you know Jaejoong’s single and I’m single.

So...

There we were, taking a stroll on the beach together as friends. I was catching a sight of him every time and whenever I would end up getting caught I would immediately dart my eyes into somewhere far, far, far away from his face.

“What?”  He asks, smiling and I looked at him, my eyes enlarging its own, “What what?” I asked and he simply chuckled that caught my attention. I immediately pursed my lips together to avoid from smiling back and of course, I had the highest hopes that I wasn’t blushing.

He pokes my cheeks and I turned to look at him, “hey, you okay?” He asks and I suddenly faked out a laugh, “Who’s not okay?”

And it totally came out as a fake one, I just made the most embarrassing laugh that I could ever have made my whole life and not to mention the regret that I’d be facing once I look back into my memories.

Like now.

“You, silly.” He tells me with his charmingly sweet tone that made me want to scream. Oh my gosh! Help! He’s killing me!

Gosh, he’s too much to absorb.

 A mocking smile formed on his lips and he points out my cheek, “your cheeks are burning.” He says and I abruptly covered it with my palms and tell him, “what?” My eyebrows furrowed and unconsciously I bit my lower lip and diverted my attention to something else.

He removes my hand and locks his eyes with mine, “it’s okay. I find it really cute.” He casts his playful wink that made me want to jump into the cliff begging him, say that again! Say that again!

I just smiled at him and the rest of our stroll continued for several minutes. “I actually wanted to tell you something.” He holds my shoulders that made me turn to face him.

“What is it?” The words fumbled in my lips as if every world that would come out from him would matter my whole life. “I hear the calling of the Lord,” he tells me that somehow made me want to jump.

What? He hears the calling of the Lord? So, does that mean he finally accepts the fact that he belongs with me and I belong to him?

Gosh, praise the Lord!

“And so, I must follow him,” he lowers his head down to his feet then suddenly looks at me with a sneaky grin, “I’m going to the ceremony! I want to be a priest!”

What?

He looks at me with pure delight, “aren’t you happy for me?” I nodded at him, smiling and at the same time my eyebrows furrowed.

Gosh, I still remember my expression that moment. My haters would see that as a damned priceless face that they could post on the internet.

“Goodbye, Sooyeon,” he hugs me and taps me on my back, “Thank you for being such a good friend.” He parts from me and a smile slowly forms on his lips.

Yeah, a friend.

The only thing that come in between me and the whole mankind.

“Unnie!” Soojung screams on my ears that suddenly made me want to kick her from my seat and I did. I rotated my seat and playfully kicked her on her leg, “what?” I shouted back, a smile never left my face but the moment.

“Will you stop spacing out? It’s creeping me out! Can’t you just play the part of the caring sister with the twist of presence of mind?” Soojung points out as she raises a brow, although I couldn’t care less. It was the same request I get from her every time.

“Whatever!” Sooyeon sticks her tongue out and rolled her eyes. “Oh,” Soojung tells me and accusingly points at me, saying, “You heard the agonizing keyword again, didn’t you?”

“What keyword?”

“M-a-r-r-i-a-g-e,” she says mockingly and that definitely pushed my buttons, I started kicking her playfully again and she laughs saying, “Child abuse!”

I laughed at her dumb conclusion and said, “Child abuse? Do you call yourself a child once you start dating that Jongin guy?”

“Oh my gosh, unnie,” her eyes widened and she crossed her arms, “shut up!” She says, chuckling. “You’re just jealous because you can’t get yourself a proper boyfriend at twenty nine.” She stuck her tongue out and plastered a devious grin.

I sneered and tells her, “One day, someone out there would be looking for me. And once he finds, he will kneel on his knees, begging for my forgiveness.”

“Yes, unnie. One day,” She walked closer to me, closing our distance nods her head in agreement that somehow made me smile, “is just one day.” I plastered a smug look and jabbed her playfully on her arm.

I looked at her, playfully rolling my eyes. "Oh. by the way," I told her, trying to dart my attention to a whole new topic, "I've been promoted today." I told her, arrogance evident on my tone. However, a sheepish smile instantly crept on my face, "marketing manager."

"What?" Soojung shouted and disbelief that caused me to laugh at her flustered face, "yes, thank you. I know. I'm so damn great."

"No," Soojung shook her head and placed a hand on her lips, "you mean the higher once got mistaken to promote such a lazy lady? Oh my gosh, they're so stupid. I'm pretty sure all you're gonna do in your poor office is to sleep." She sighed and placed a hand on her chest, "I empathize the poor company."

"You brat!" I screamed as I attempted to kick my sister again.

I just chuckled and stuck her tongue out, she dropped my legs and run away. "Congratulations, lazy old hag." She sticks her tongue again and I just rolled, my eyes smiling. She really knows how to mess up with someone's head.