I sighed then looked over the window. The streets, the people, … , everything ,all seems a blur to me, kind of unfamiliar. Although I've been living in seoul for almost 6-7 years now but it still didn't feel like home, daegu , like my grandma's home. Oh god ... I miss her so much ... lately I've been so damn busy I haven’t had called her in weeks. My schedule is tight; toheart promotion, preparation for my musicals & filming wgm. I've barely slept but I couldn't ignore these chances to show my capabilities. I was almighty key after all.

But it was tougher without one especial member beside me. I wasn't used to have all this schadules & not see my members or him. It wasn't his fault we couldn’t get together & talk like old times, it was all mine. My free time was 12pm-6am & guess what … his last schedule was 12-2 & by the time he got to dorm he is exhausted & I'm asleep. He won't wake me up saying I need as many sleep as I can get. Stupid caring dino…

the most recent time I talked to jonghyun was on his radio program 5 nights ago… although me answering regular question & he teasing me doesn't consider as a conversation but still, it was the most the most we talked in weeks! Crazy isn't it?!! I missed my members , onew was on other side of world & we couldn't talk much & it wasn't like I talked to minho & taemin a lot but it felt like ages since all five of us gathered (I don't consider preparing for sw3 as hanging out obviously). I sighed again. I'm on the way to shimshimtapa with woohyun. Another radio program!! It's frustrating to be on same building with jonghyun & not be able to meet him. Maybe I could pay him a visit ….

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I'm out side of jonghyun studio & he looks so busy… he isn't even wearing make up! Earphones in his ears as usual. He didn't notice me on other side of door; I decided to tease fans again with a video on instagram. jonghyun & I never get tired of this game. Once in a while with a gesture, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes deliberately, fans would go crazy! I was surprised even with all jonghyun- actresses' scandals & me being with Ariga, woohyun or more of me not being with jonghyun will cool them down. We weren't touchy-lovey like our debut era but they were still hopeful. I remember once, years ago; we had so much free time so I started reading fanfics & after reading some, I was convinced that there must be something between us so I bugged jonghyun to …. experiment. I feel so embarrassed about it now but at that time, I was just curious.

Flash back

- Jjong , please , just once… I wanna know~

Jh sighed heavily. - key , stop it , you' v been nagging at me for whole night. I can't believe you're acting like this because of imagination of a teenage girl.

- I wanna see for real, if there is a connection, a spark. If you feel so sure, why don't you just do it? Don't tell me you never thought about it.

He eyed me skeptically. - It's just a onetime thing & we won't speak of it ever.

I knew he could never say no to me. I beamed with my success. - Sure.

- Don't look so smug.

- Hurry up…

He looked in my eye looking for any kind of hesitation which he couldn’t find then he carefully cupped my face & leaned in. his warm breath over my mouth. I could hear my heart beating rapidly. I closed my eye. Then he slowly pressed his plump lips against mine. He was trembling a little bit. I pushed my lips more waiting for fireworks to explode; for world to start spinning; but it never did. As a straight guy I should have felt happy but I was not. I pulled away. Jonghyun looked at me questionably.- So?

- So …. Nothing. I frowned. He chuckled.

- You're the one always saying this but I told you so. Now let's order dinner.

- Hey, my bum, what are you thinking about? It's our turn. Woohyun called me. I nodded & we entered shindong's studio.

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- So who do have here? Shindong asked. What did he mean? Was there another guest?

- It's jonghyun-ssi. Woohyun answered.

What?!!! Jonghyun was here?!!! I looked outside & jonghyun was standing & waving at me. I couldn’t believe it. He had his own program now. Did he really abandon his show to come see me? Maybe he missed me too.

I always wonder if there is an us ….