Love's Morning
Chapter 1

We both have reasons of our own, but they’re so unclear, especially to me. I’ve considered fate and destiny, of course. I just seem to need an explanation on how I could have possibly gotten exactly what I want and how I love you like I do.

I grab tight onto you, sweat like glue between us.

There is a possibility that you may not love me like I love you, because you are the realization of my dreams. You are everything I have been looking for, all the things I’ve ever imagined a perfect woman to be.

I'm able to see your chest rising and falling as I feel every breath you take.

First when I would say forever to you, you felt that you couldn’t believe me, but I knew it would always be you, and I was right. You had initially started to always be on my mind exactly four years ago.

I allow you to feel me as much as you need to.

I was too young to know what I had been feeling many years ago, feelings I had for you. But now, I do, and finally I’ve realized what it means when it feels like my heart escapes my chest when I see you so beautifully. I eventually realized that I had to have you sweetly by my side and finish what I had started.

You shuffle and tighten your grip around my chest, like a scared child.

I remember I resisted kissing you a little over four years ago. It was the day I met you, the day I melted inside when I saw you. I know if it wasn’t for my relationship at the time, I might have actually gone through with it against my will. I thought the feeling would go away, I didn’t think it was anymore than a crush.

You snuggle your head on my neck and I can feel the warmth of your body on my skin.

Two years had passed and I still thought my feelings would eventually go away, but when I came to my realization, I wanted you. Yet the question remained, was it just ual desire? If I had with you, would it end? Or was it a desire to have all of you. There are a lot of others who want thinking they’re in love; I thought this might have been the case, considering I never knew you as anything but a friend. Fear of the unknown was why I would keep it to myself, but the thoughts continued. For as long as I had lived I never had such a want to know someone. I still feel like you’re not real, like you don’t exist. I’ve never met a person like you before, and I wanted to know more, but I was happy simply being your friend.

The sun streaks through the cracks in the curtains. Dust particles shine like stars in the beam.

When I met you, I still had thoughts of my girlfriend, but several months passed, and I was unable to control thoughts every time I wondered about you. I had to end my relationship with her in respect toward her. One day I was on my old phone of mine and for some reason wrote all of these thoughts and plans. All the things I wanted to do with you, right there into my phone’s notes. This would continue on for some time, every thought that I wanted to achieve went immediately into the phone.

Our room smells of sweet vanilla and .

These notes eventually stopped once I started becoming closer to you, I thought it was a little strange since we had become so close. When I got a new cell phone, nearly six months after becoming best friends with you, I dubbed you the new owner of my phone, completely forgetting these thoughts. One day while I was in town, I suddenly had a memory of the cell phone with all the notes long after it was handed to you. I was on the way to your place, thinking how I had forgotten to delete my thoughts, but sure enough you found them before I brought it up to you. As I made my way to your house, my mind was performing at high speed of all the things you could be thinking of me.

I notice the clothes thrown all over the floor, and other things, of course. There is a tendency I have that involves throwing things there instead of reasonable places.

After I wrote what I wanted to do with you in the phone, I was afraid if you would still want anything to do with me. I was afraid of how you would react finding what was doing. And of course, they were eventually discovered. All the thoughts I had to myself about kissing you, all the ways I would have made a move on you but never did. My boyish heart was poured into those notes. All the dreams I had of making love to you would not longer be a secret. My body was in overdrive as I walked to your house, I knew I had to do something.

Despite the rips in some places, the rose wallpaper always looks its best in the light of morning. It was just the wallpaper you wanted and I agreed to it, unable to tell you I can't stand the sight of the roses.

I had arrived and I was now in your bedroom, acting as if nothing was wrong. I thought I could do it discretely. I wanted to see you on the daily, I wanted to be in your everyday life, but the days I saw you were painful to me. I was scared and never tried to make a move, I thought you were too wonderful for me. You had sat yourself down next to me at the end of your bed, and that happen to be the time I was unable to stop myself anymore. I kissed you, thinking it was better for her to find out this way than through dirty notes on my old phone. You kissed me back. This was my first real kiss with you; casual thank you kisses on the cheek didn’t count. I was surprised, so surprised it almost stopped my heart. You seemed as if this whole time you had been deprived of kissing me. It was unreal to feel that with you. It was not a long kiss, just like my breath. I remember almost hyperventilating.

I look down softly at your face, glowing in the light.

I was not planning to kiss you that day. I was planning on confessing to you with my words instead of lips, but at that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore. The feelings rushed and pulled me toward you with a kiss. As for the miniscule details, nothing was blurred. I remember what you wore, the taste of your lips. These thoughts remain in my heart to this day. That kiss convinced me to stay with you forever.

You look very peaceful while sleeping.

After the day of the kiss, our relationship as friends felt stronger, but among that I felt love for you. I was confused about it all and I kept thinking it was still a dream, a really strong dream. I thought about the possibility of not knowing the difference between desire and love, and accidentally interpreting one for the other. I did not know yet back then, but I knew that I wanted to spend every second with you.

Black hair meets your face and I smile to myself, remembering the night before.