Where the hell are you?!

           Kevin got hungry, so we are at the usual cafe.

           -AJ

           I sigh after reading the message and don’t bother to reply. I just shove my phone in my back pocket and keep walking the few blocks that separate me from the café. I enter the place and localize my friends at a table in the back.

           “Hey.”

           “Finally you decide to show up your face, dude.”

           “Shut up!”

           “Sorry we didn’t wait for you, but I was hungry”

           “It’s ok, Kev.” I take a seat next to Jaeseop and glare at him. “Change your face, Sasseop.”

           Kevin giggles at the new nickname I gave to Jaeseop.

           “What did you call me?!”

           I just ignore his question and continue. “I didn’t want to be late, ok? But today, work was chaos.”

           “What did you call me, pigeon?”

           “Again with that? What about you-”

           “Oh, don’t begin another stupid fight over nicknames!” Kevin stops us.

           “But Kev-“

           “Enough! Just get over it, Sasseop.” Kevin and I start to laugh at AJ’s face.

           “Kevin, you did not just call me…”

           “I think it suits you-…”

           Kevin’s voice faded into the background as my eyes lay on a figure entering the place. I can’t explain this with words. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this. My whole world stops and everything seems to move at a slow pace. He’s there, just a few steps away from me, taking a seat at a table with another person; a person whose face I can’t see. I just see him. After all this time, he’s here in the same place as me.

           Kiseop…

           I stare at him, taking in his features, his gestures, his smile that I wanted to see so many times these past few years, those painful years I spent without him in my life. I wonder about you several times a day, I wanted to see you…

           “Hey! Pigeon!”

           Jaeseop’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I notice that some people are looking at us, but I can only focus on one, and he’s looking in my direction. I force myself to look away from him and concentrate on my friends. “Why are you yelling?”

           “You weren’t listening and you seemed as if you weren’t there. Are you ok?” a worried Kevin asked me.

           I looked over at him again; he’s not looking this way anymore.

           “Yeah…” I let out a sigh. “I’m okay. Sorry, what were you saying?” Had he seen me? Maybe he didn’t recognize me.

           After that, I give it my best to try and concentrate on the conversation I’m “having” with AJ and Kevin, but with the love of life so close to me, it isn’t too long after that my eyes are drawn to him and my mind is filled with memories. Memories of Kiseop.

           I can’t believe that after all this time I’m still in love with him. I can feel it. Nothing has changed. Even if I had been in other relationships, none of them felt so real like when I was with Kiseop. Even for movies, there aren’t many sequels that are better. It’s the same for love. Maybe when something you feel is so strong, you can’t forget it or get over it. The first memories probably can’t be erased. That’s what Kiseop is to me. My first love.

           I love you, I love you. This is how stupid I am. I can’t forget you.

           My body, my heart, and even my mind are telling me it’s ok, have courage, approach him and say hello. Hello, my ex, it’s been a while, Ex.

           After thinking about it for a few minutes, I make my decision and stand up from my seat.

           “Eli, where are you going?”

           I make a sign towards the washroom and start to walk in his direction. Every step I take draws me closer to him and makes my heart beat faster until I’m just a step away from him.

           Just one more step.

           But…I can’t do it. Stealing glimpses of you, I pretend not to recognize you and pass you by.

           I find myself in front of the washroom mirror, splashing my face with water and letting it wash away all my nervousness. These years have been hard for me, I hid my longing for him in the corner of my heart, and now that he is here all my walls are crashing down, and my heart is breaking again. He didn’t look at me; not even once. I guess you forgot about me… Then again, he’s here with another person, maybe his new lover. I don’t have the right to show up in his life again, as if not a single day had passed. I need to let go of a love that had already come to an end; even if I want to hold on, I need to let him go.

           I take a deep breath and go out. I have to pass next to his table again, but this time I won’t look at him. I start to walk, counting every single step. Three more and I’ll be standing next to him; two, one… just tell him through your heart; hello my ex, it’s been a while, Ex… And I’m in front of my table.

           “Oh, you’re here. Let’s go.”

           “Yeah…”

           “You seem distracted today. Are you sure you’re ok?”

           “Yes. I just need something to distract me. Let’s go.” I’m happy to have seen him again, being rewarded with this precious moment, and I’m trying to convince myself that’s all a can have; a glimpse of him. I need to forget him; I need to, for him. I look at him just one last time, before following my friends, watching him walk towards the counter. The last sight of him is his back and that immediately brings a bitter memory to my mind.

           I turn around and start to walk towards the exit, the sound of our footsteps growing further apart makes my heart tremble. Five more steps and I’ll be outside and far from him again. My mind and heart are screaming again, Don’t walk away. No, no, no, no, no, no.

           This will probably be the last time I’m going to see him, and maybe this is a way that life and destiny are telling me that not all is over, that I have an opportunity to have him again in my life. This could be my last chance; it will stupid to let it pass. I’m not going to let it pass. Last chance, chance. Catch him, catch, catch…

           I turn around and he’s looking at me. We are just a few steps away, looking into each other’s eyes.

           I walk towards him. This is my last chance.

           “Hello, my ex.”

Hi~

Sorry it takes me so long to update.

I wasn't, and still I'm not, completely satisfied with this,

but I wanted to update it, so I wouldn't keep changing things.

I hope you at least enjoyed it  ^^

Thank you for subscribe and read this story.

And a big thank you to StillMeadows, who edited it.

About Jaeseop's nickname I couldn't remember where I had read it before, when I first wrote this.

But then I remember I had seen it in one of ElseopLove's stories, sorry I used it Alex but I love the nickname.

One more thing...the song it's written for a woman so I had to change her to him on the lyrics. That's all, i think.

Maybe I will post another thing, so see you soon...?

Bye~♥