Yunho stared at the door before him. His shoulders were hunched and his eyes were dull. He did not want to go in there. Every cell in his body were screaming at him to get away, to get the hell out of here, but he could not. His steps were hesitant. His hand was trembling. Still, he summoned enough courage and opened the door before him.

"Jaejoong ah," Yunho greeted the man in the bed with a plastered smile the moment he entered the room, "how are we feeling today?"

Jaejoong did not notice him coming in. He did not even move a single inch. Lying on the bed like a vegetable, one would assume Jaejoong had passed on if not for the beeping monitor next to him. His body was naught but skin and bones. His complexion was wane and his eyes were sunken. If that was someone else, Yunho would have thought Jaejoong was a living zombie, the ones that were found in the popular video game: The Walking Dead.

"Look Jaejoong," Yunho continued chatting despite the silence from Jaejoong, "look what I have here!"

Presenting his hand made sweater to Jaejoong, Yunho smiled brightly as he carefully placed the black knitted cloth in Jaejoong's hands, clasping Jaejoong's hands over it.

"Isn't it beautiful? I know black is your favourite colour that's why I knitted this for you. I know you'll love it. Oh. And don't think I'm cheating either. I'll have you know that this magnificent sweater here is done from scratch. I had to use this clumsy fingers of mine to knit it. Do you know how long it took me? Just look at the  number of needle pokes I have in my fingers!"

Yunho continued as he showed his fingers to Jaejoong, proudly displaying each and every injury he had gotten from knitting the sweater.

"But you know something, Jaejoongie? I don't regret it at all. All these injuries I have, they're all worth it. If this could make you smile again, Jaejoongie, I'll gladly make a thousand or even a million for you."

"Jaejoong ah, you know I miss your smile," Yunho smiled as he gently caressed Jaejoong's cheek, willing the unresponsive man to look at him, "You know I miss you. You know I love you very much. You know that I need you by my side right now, so please, won't you smile for me?"

Yunho's plea went unanswered. Jaejoong remained mute as ever. Lowering his gaze to the floor, Yunho dropped the hand that was touching Jaejoong. His hand fell silently by his side, grasping nothing but the air that surrounded it. Closing his eyes, Yunho breathed as the tears fell, landing on the hospital tiles with a slight patter.

Yunho was fed up. In fact, frustration would be a total understatement to his feelings right now. He wanted to lift Jaejoong up by his neck and pin him against the wall. He wanted to shake him hard and demand an answer from him. He wanted an explanation for the chaos that his life was now. Anything would do at this point. He just wanted to hear Jaejoong's voice. He just wanted Jaejoong to respond. He wanted Jaejoong to live again.

Clenching his fists by his side, Yunho struggled to compose himself. It would not benefit him to be angry and frustrated. He knew how it was going to be like from the start. Yoochun had warned him and Junsu advised him. 

"Jaejoong hyung's way gone."

They had told him, the pain evident in their eyes, "and we don't know what to do anymore."

It was a dumb move on their part, storming into SM entertainment company without a regard to their personal safety, but they had a mission and a vision in mind. Their thinking might have been naive but at that point, they only had one thought on their mind: Jaejoong hyung needed help and the only one who could give it was Yunho hyung.

Or so they thought. Yunho mused bitterly. It did not matter now, did it? Jaejoong had remained as unresponsive as ever. He had stopped eating, stopped talking, and even stopped singing. How was he ever going to get him to live again? Yunho sighed. He had not a clue in his mind. The man before him was Kim Jaejoong in physical appearance but his emotions were nothing like the Kim Jaejoong that Yunho knew. He was the same yet different at the same time. If not for his looks, Yunho would have thought that Yoochun and Junsu were lying to him, for what laid before him was not Kim Jaejoong his ex-lover, but a complete stranger altogether.

Chuckling bitterly to himself, Yunho got up from the chair he sat on while petting Jaejoong's hair earlier and left the room. He thought it would get easier with time but between them, nothing was ever easy was it? They had broken up three times. They had quarreled infinite times. Their relationship wavered throughout the years and had hit the rocks upon the announcement of the lawsuit. Nothing was ever going smoothly for the both of them. He hated Jaejoong and Jaejoong hated him. Yet, in an absurd sort of way, they also knew they loved each other deeply. It was two contradicting feelings but upon reflecting on themselves, Yunho would say the fact that they even got together was contradicting in itself. They were two polar opposites. He was fire and Jaejoong was water. Their fights were out of control. No one could control them and get them to stop. (except for Junsu's tears.) The whole mess often started with a misunderstanding which acted as a spark to ignite the fiery rage. For the most part, it was Yunho getting jealous at the female celebrities in close contact with Jaejoong and Jaejoong getting mad at the 86 club Yunho always seem to hang out with. It was jealously that was getting them riled up but now he knew, that that jealously had stemmed from insecurity and that insecurity had always been the problem in the relationship they had. 

Sighing, Yunho walked along the corridor of the hospital, his tears welling up in his eyes as he sought to fight back the onslaught of tears. Did it matter now? So what if he now knew the mistakes of the past? Jaejoong was not concerned about him anymore. Their relationship was over. Jaejoong had stopped caring and ceased loving him. As far as Kim Jaejoong was concerned, Jung Yunho had never existed in his life and Yunho does not even blame him for that. The only fault he has with this entire situation is Jaejoong; the fact that he had decided to cease living his life a month ago. He did not commit suicide, nor did he actively seek death. Jaejoong was not that sort of person. He just simply stopped doing anything, and that included talking, drinking, eating and even singing. The whole situation was so absurd that when Yunho was informed about it, he had to keep asking Yoochun and Junsu to repeat their words again and again. It was just too ridiculous. How could a person with such chatter be absolutely silent? How could such a cheerful person be nothing but frowns and tears? Yunho could not accept it. He still could not believe it. Jaejoong was not meant to miserable. He was meant to be happy. He was meant to be smiling. He was meant to be living without worries.

Still, no matter how hard Yunho wished he could transform this Jaejoong back to the one he knew, Yunho just did not know what to do anymore. Whatever idea he had thought of, he had tried. His mind was out of ideas. Jaejoong was just not responding to him. What could he do now? 

Entering the emergency exit, Yunho leaned against the railing of the stairway, taking out a pack of cigarettes as he did so. Lighting the cigarette in his hands, Yunho sighed as he exhaled a puff of smoke, his face frowning deeply. It was frustrating to see Jaejoong being like this everyday. It was even more frustrating knowing he could do nothing to help it. He just wished he knew what to do. He wished he could turn back time to fix all the past mistakes that he had made. Sometimes, Yunho could not help but wonder, if Changmin and him had followed JYJ then, maybe Jaejoong would not be the state he is in today. Still it was wishful thinking on his part. No matter what he do, he could not change the past, he could not turn back the clock, he could not change...

Hang on a second! Changmin! Changmin was the answer to all of this! Yunho's eyes lit up as the puzzle pieces fit in his mind and the fog in his mind cleared. Oh Lord. How could he have been so dumb all this while? It was Changmin Jaejoong was seeking for all along, not him. Both Yoochun and Junsu had got it all wrong. It was not YunJae that Jaejoong wanted, rather it was the Soulfighters. Jaejoong's and Changmin's relationship had always been close after all. Jaejoong must have definitely missed Changmin's snark and wit. That is why he is acting like this! He wanted to see the maknae for himself. Smiling to himself, Yunho dialed Changmin's number as he stomped the cigarette beneath his heel, extinguishing the lit cigarette immediately. Changmin would definitely make Jaejoong laugh with his witty jokes and sarcastic humor. There was no mistake about this. Changmin could bring out the happy side of Jaejoong again and with that, the sole troublemaker, him, could disappear from Jaejoong's life forever. Jaejoong would finally be free of him. Jaejoong could finally live again! 

Jaejoongie, just you wait. You will be free soon. Just you wait...

I will be gone, and you can live the perfect life you have always wanted. Just you wait...

Jaejoongie.

Saranghae...

~*~

[a few days later...]

"Where is he now?" Yoochun questioned Changmin furiously, as he stabbed his finger into Changmin's shoulder, "I thought you said that Yunho hyung loves Jaejoong hyung? Why is he gone now that Jaejoong hyung needs him the most? Huh?"

Changmin said nothing. Turning away from Yoochun whose face was blazing in anger, Changmin punched the wall next to him, his knuckles bleeding from the impact and staining the white washed walls red.

"What's going on?" Junsu asked, storming into the room upon hearing the ruckus, "You said you needed to have a private conversation. You didn't say you were going to kill each other."

"You should ask him," Yoochun pointed to Changmin accusingly, "not me, I have no idea what made him so mad he had to punch a wall to release it."

Upon hearing Yoochun's words, Junsu turned to look at the maknae instead, his eyes filled with worry for the trembling man before him. For the maknae to lose his cool like that, Junsu knew instinctively that it had to be something serious. And with the foreboding feeling intensifying at every second Changmin remained silent, Junsu just knew that it had to be something so serious that it could not be rectified.

"Changmin..." Junsu whispered gently, trying not to agitate Changmin further, "What's going on exactly? Where is Yunho hyung?"

Changmin audibly  a breath in at the question before he released it gradually, his fists clenching and releasing periodically.

"I miscalculated," he spoke with a calm and steady voice, contradicting to his trembling figure, "I underestimated Yunho hyung's low self-esteem."

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Junsu carefully enunciated each word, staring at the maknae as his hands trembled, the tears welling in his eyes instantly.

"He tried to kill himself thinking Jaejoong hyung would be happy without him," Changmin stated as he turned around, hearing the horrific gasps of Junsu and Yoochun, "and he didn't succeed."

"...And something worst happen?" Yoochun pressed on, sensing that there was more to what Changmin was saying,

"He earned himself paralysis for that attempt. Waist down onward." 

"No..." Junsu shook his head as the tears fell from his eyes, "This can't be true. No, no, no. Yunho hyung can't be handicapped. He can't be. No."

Smiling bitterly at Junsu's vehement denial, Changmin replied, "Unfortunately, Junsu hyung, Yunho hyung IS handicapped. He's being wheeled into Jaejoong hyung's room as we speak. Have a look at him for yourself."

"Being wheeled?"

Yoochun asked puzzledly as him, Junsu and Changmin left the private room the hospital had specially sectioned for them and headed towards Jaejoong's room, "Who's wheeling him?"

"It's Hee-"

Changmin was about to reply who when he abruptly stopped in his tracks, his tears flooding his vision as his hands fell uselessly by his sides, his eyes glued to the scene before him. Beside him, Changmin could sense Junsu sniffling too as he struggled to contain his tears back.

"Wait. What's go..."

Yoochun's voice died out as he pushed between Junsu and Changmin and witness the sight for himself. Tears immediately rolled down his cheeks as he held the hands of the two beside him, his shock dissipating to melancholic sadness.

There, next to Jaejoong's bed was Yunho's wheelchair as he laid his head on Jaejoong's bed, snoring softly as Jaejoong draped a sweater (the one Yunho made for Jaejoong) over him and combed through Yunho's hair with his fingers. And as he was doing so, Jaejoong was smiling.

Saranghae Yunnie ah...

The End.