Lying in bed on the rare days off in this particular month, he could not help but hope that things could have and should have been better.
Being left alone in the room he shared with the other members when he woke up was completely unexpected but then again, he was not really a morning person.
Apparently the members left a note that they were wandering around for a while and later getting breakfast, before adding their signatures one after another.
He chuckled tiredly as he glance over all the signatures, eyes lingering over a particular one and letting his mind take over him again.

Sehun seriously did not have an exact idea when it started - him having feelings for Luhan...
Maybe I'm still just confused, right?

Was it the time when Luhan first approached him at the training room when the former was accepted into the entertaintment?
Couldn't be that because I know I'm just really estatic to have a true friend

He instantaneously cancelled that thought in his imaginery checklist.

Was it when he comforted Luhan when he stayed in Korea during the occassion where most overseas trainees return back to their homeland to visit their families?
It makes no sense because I don't feel anything else except hoping that he could feel better. Cancelled.

After a few more thoughts, Sehun breaked away from it for a few seconds to toss, turn and stare at the wall before something strike him hard in the head.

He remember that day vividly, the day the K members sent the M members off at the airport for their China promotions.
His heart felt exeptionally heavy that day and he assumed it was something every members felt since they have come a long way going through thick and thin together.
All the members were exchanging words of encouragement to each other, laughing off jokes exchanged while he stare longingly at Luhan.
At that moment, his heart had stuttered, sped up and went into an overdrive, not completely literally of course.
To say their last exchanged that day being awkward was an understatement, Sehun was trying hard to hold back his tears while speaking as nochantly while feeling lost as ever about his heart rate.
He ended up mumbling and stuttering too, resulting in his lisp slipping out more often than not which Luhan had said was extremely cute albeit in a slightly concerned tone.

Sehun heaved a sigh, that must be it than. He was completely doomed from that day onwards and even he knew how much of a lovesick fool he had became soon after the M members left for promotions.
It was to the point where all the members were joking about him being in love with Luhan and even shipping them hard in the dorm.
To say he was totally irritated by them would be a downright lie because the jokes had made him hopeful for even just a second that they perhaps could be really together.

Things died down a little soon after but just like the calm before the storm, the shipping went full blown when the M members finally returned backed from Korea.
At first they were fine with it and to Sehun's delight and shock, Luhan actually initiated a few fan service to satisfy their Hunhan minions in the dorm.
He had felt really happy about their interactions but soon Sehun felt dumb after realising how one sided it was and as much as he hate to admit,
they were just doing actions together without any intentions in mind, at least in Luhan's mind.

He started distancing himself from Luhan from then on subtly but apparently it was not so subtle after all because in a week, his cover was completely blown when Luhan confronted him in the practice room.
Playing off that he felt tired and under pressure seemed to pacify Luhan for a second but after a few gentle probbing, he ended up spilling his feelings but changing all the he to she and adding details hoping Luhan will buy what he is selling.
At that moment, he was sure he had never prayed so hard in life and discover that perhaps lying and pretending was not his bad points after all. He did not feel any better in contrast he actually felt worst leaving the room later.

Back to the present, Sehun was feeling as miserable as ever and perhaps really tired of all the pretending.
He had talked to Kyungsoo before about this and had completely spilled his guts out to him, hoping that this could relieve the compressed emotions. Kyungsoo indeed did not disappoint and proved to be a fantastic listener and advisor.
After many nights of hushed talks and contemplation, Sehun decided to confessed and get on with life.                                                                                      Being stuck in the moment was seriously the worst feeling ever.

He would never be able to forget the expression on Luhan's face after he confessed, though it was definitely not of digust but shock, it felt as if every hope was diminished.
For the first time thar day, he saw how Luhan struggled hard to come up with words to soften the blow and was that the tiniest hint of confusion mixed with disbelief in his eyes that Sehun saw?

He had made it a point to forget everything after that, and they had became quite awkward later on with him now lying on the bed thinking if he should just confront Luhan and tell him to forget eveything go back to being the best friend that they were.
Sehun's heart throbbed a little at the very thought of that and he fell back into a fitful sleep soon after.

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"Luhan ah, You've become so much quieter since a few days ago, do you want to tell me anything?", Xiumin asked in a quiet and concerned tone.
Both of them have been trialing behind the small group of members that they had splitted into in the morning and Luhan was caught of guard by Xiumin's flawless observation skills again.

"I feel like you know more than what I can offer to tell you.", Luhan mumbled quietly.

"I may not be able to understand what you are feeling but I'm pretty sure you feel something for him. I mean this had gone on long enough to be a simple guilt after rejection thing going on."

Luhan looked away from Xiumin's hopeful gaze at him and stared at his sneakers as they walked.

"I've always thought that I'm into girls and I mean I had even dated them in the past. I just don't understand how.....ugh........I'm confuse."

"You can't bring yourself to accept the fact that you have feelings for him? I don't think that changed anything just because you are only attracted and have feelings for one guy."

Luhan whipped his head up and looked at Xiumin in shocked, the deer in headlight look exgaggerated into something that is no longer cute.

Xiumin pressed his lips together as he nodded a little to affirmed his opinion while looking at Luhan with a slight amused expression.

"It's just....I sometimes wonder what we could have been if we.........aish.......nevermind......."

Luhan trialed of his sentence softly and as per usual Xiumin understood that this was closed for discussion as of now but soon they will talk again.

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A/N: First of all, I would like to apologise for keeping you guys waiting for the oneshot and I'm really thankful for the people that had already subscribed and are awaiting the first and final chapter. Tell me what you guys think about my first ever fic and where I can improved on. I'm looking forward to the constructive criticisms and I hope your day becomes a little better after reading this and stay happy. XD P.S. Please pardon any errors.