(Written in Jessica's POV)

My stage name is Jessica.

My Korean name is Jung Sooyeon.

I am one of the members of Girls’ Generation.

And here’s my painful love story.

The first time I saw him was a year before my debut. It was love at first sight. I saw him, I stared at him, and he didn’t notice me. He was a new trainee. I only got to see him for 5 minutes because of my own practice. After that day, I was able to take glimpses of him every now and then—I wondered how he joined SM entertainment, by singing? Dancing? Acting? I wasn’t sure.
But then I got my answer when I was leaving the building after a long day of practice. I thought I was the only trainee left in the building that night, but I wasn’t. He was there, in the room next to mine. I had the urge to open the door to greet him, but it would have been extremely awkward right? Well, I did it anyway. I swung the door open but he didn’t notice that I was there, because he was singing. He was singing. So he became a trainee of SM entertainment by singing. My heart melted from his soft but strong voice. I couldn’t help but watch him sing, once the song was over, he turned around and almost tripped. I think he was surprised that I was there. I remember awkwardly smiling at him. He looked to the floor and slightly bowed. I built up the confidence to walk up to him, I told him that he was good at singing, he thanked me. We ended up spending a couple of hours just talking, about our passion towards singing. It was definitely love at first sight, definitely.
That night, I realised me and him were talking for hours, I told him that I had to go home because my family was waiting for me. He nodded, before I left he called me.
“By the way.. Um.. What’s your name?” He questioned.
I turned around and smiled at him.
“My name is Jung Sooyeon, but you can call me Jessica- that’s my English name. What’s yours?” I asked back.
“I’m Kim Jonghyun.” He smiled.

After our first encounter, we became closer, we became friends. Actually, we became best friends.
He eventually became my closest friend in the company. To be very honest, he became my bestest friend. I had feelings for him, my heart raced every time he hugged me. I couldn’t do anything about it, I knew he didn’t like me back.

Soon I debuted as a Girls’ Generation member, as Jessica.
and he debuted as a SHINee member, as Jonghyun.

We were still close, our friendship was still very tight.
Then there was a miracle, our friendship turned into a relationship.

It was in January 2009, he told me how he felt about me. I was shocked and extremely happy. It was like a miracle. I told him that I had the same feelings towards him and Kim Jonghyun became my boyfriend.

We started secretly dating, no one knew, not even our members. It was fun secretly dating, we had to be extremely sneaky. Jonghyun would give me a devious wink during concerts both our groups attended. He stood behind me in music shows, he treated me like a princess. I really loved him. All this went on for another year. Our relationship was tight, no one made suspicions, my life was perfect. During that time I made other friends too, Yoona introduced me to the 2PM members, I became good friends with Taecyeon, but we were so friend-zoned. I had Jonghyun and Taecyeon liked someone else.

Things started to fall apart in February, 2010. It was just another day of schedules and secretly texting Jonghyun. Our manager oppa dropped all of us to our dorm, but he told me not to get off. I was very curious, he drove back to the agency building and took me to a staff’s office. He told me to go in, so I did. There were 3 people there. All working under SM entertainment, Lee Sooman wasn’t there. They told me to take a seat, so I did. Then they spilled out everything, they told me that they knew about me and Jonghyun’s relationship, apparently there were already scandals and rumours on the internet. I did not see any of them. After they explained everything they know about us, they asked me to break up with Jonghyun. I ended up yelling at them, because I was angry. I declined the offer, they told me that it would benefit me and Jonghyun, and our groups. I still refused. I didn’t want to mess up our relationship. I ran out of the office and ran out to a park. I cried, and cried.

I wanted to tell someone, I couldn’t tell Jonghyun because he might make things worse.
I couldn’t tell the members because they had enough to worry about, they didn’t know anything about me and Jonghyun in the first place.
I couldn’t tell my family because they’re always worried about me, I didn’t want to burden them.
So I called Taecyeon- which was another mistake I made.

I cried during the phonecall to Taecyeon. He told me to calm down, he promised that he would come and pick me up. And he kept his promise. He brang his car over and picked me up. I told him what happened, I told him about me and Jonghyun’s relationship and how the agency didn’t want us to date. It did feel a lot better telling someone.

It felt very good to tell someone everything. But I regret calling Taecyeon in the first place.
Because people took photos of us and uploaded them on the internet. It became a scandal. I was told to stay in the dorm, the members asked me what it was about, I said that Taecyeon and I were just friends. I tried calling Jonghyun, he did not pick up. I left him text messages but I did not get a reply.

My cruel agency, cruel SM entertainment did not deny the rumour, they didn’t do anything about it. Taecyeon’s agency, JYP entertainment didn’t do anything about it either. It turns out that SM paid JYP to not respond. Because this was SM’s ‘revenge’ of me refusing to break up with Jonghyun.

Two days later, I was home alone at the dorm.
I was greeted by Jonghyun, who had his head down and covered with a hoodie. I hesitated but I grabbed his hand and brang him inside the house. I still remember our conversation.
“Jonghyun I can explain--” I said
“Please… Just tell me the truth Sooyeon. Don’t lie to me, I just want the honest truth. Tell me, did you cheat on me? Are you dating him?” He asked as he took his hoodie down. He stared right into my eyes, I could tell he was upset.
“No I’m not. I am not dating him. I would never cheat on you Jonghyun!” I said.
“Then why were you with him? I mean like in his car and all that.” He asked coldly.
“I was upset about something, I called him and asked him to pick me up.” I explained.
“Why wouldn’t you call me? I’m your boyfriend.” He spo