“When It Rains”

You said you loved me but I guess all I got was wishful thinking. I’m supposed to be out today with you but because of an unexpected turn of events, here I am in my room sitting by my window, looking out at the rain. Tiny droplets racing down my window. The dark sky has never looked more appealing to me. No thunder nor lightning. Just pure rainfall. The smell of wet soil encompasses me as do the sound of the falling rain. My eyes are swollen from crying all morning. I look around and memories of you and I fills this room. So many items give off a part in our story.

I look at my phone and to the little keychain that is attached.

---- Flashback----

“C’mon, guys! The festival is starting!” Sulli says to us.

We are going on a festival by the river tonight. There will be a fireworks display later that is very much anticipated. I’m hesistant to go because my boyfriend isn’t allowing me to go with my friends. Instead he just wants me to go to his place. But I refused and here I am. I’m with Sulli, Luna, Victoria, Onew and Donghae. But this time we have someone new in our group. Donghae brought his younger sister with him.

“Everyone, meet Amber. She’s my baby sister. Though she doesn’t look like a sister.” He laughs, introducing you to us.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you. I hope my brother isn’t being a burden to you guys.” You say,  bowing.

Donghae playfully headlocks you for what you just said. You laugh and I couldn’t help to feel refreshed. That’s what I felt the first time I met you.

We walk around and I notice that of all the people on our group, you preferred to stay close to me. I didn’t mind, in fact I actually felt happy.

“Hey. I know that I’m probably freaking you out right now.” You suddenly blurt out beside me.

“Why?” I give you a confused look.

“Well… We just met and here I am staying by you.” You explain, getting shy.

“I don’t mind.” I say and give you a bright smile.

You blush and I find it cute of you. You returned a smile and proceeded to talk to me. We become close in just a short period of time.I feel comfortable talking to you and eventually the topic about my boyfriend comes up.

“So… Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to be here and just wants you to go to his place? Huh. Sounds fishy to me.” You say, taking at your snow cone.

“I know. It’s like all he wants me to do is obey his wishes. I’m feeling choked. I don’t know what to do.” I say, looking down.

“This might be frank but I say that you’re better off without him. Go live your life and find someone who deserves you better.” You say, patting my shoulder.

You understand how I feel and as I look at you, the heavens seem to open up and shed light on you. I know this sounds cheesy but I’m serious. I think I found my someone.

“Okay.” I smirk and take out my phone.

“What are you doing?” You ask.

“I’m gonna break up with him this instant.” I say while typing his number, smirking.

“What!? I didn’t mean now.” You say with your eyes wide.

“Well what better time than now?” I say.

You stay silent and let me be. I text him and tell him that he isn’t who I think of every time I wake up. He replies with a hostile nature but I stand my ground. I say that I didn’t want him anymore and he was choking me so much. All he wanted was for himself. All I did was give and get nothing back from him. I finish the text and just cut all connections with him. I put my phone back in my bag and give out a deep sigh.

“That’s brave.” You say, looking at me.

“Thank you. But if it wasn’t for you snapping me out, I wouldn’t have done it.” I say.

“Then you’re welcome. As a reward for your valor, oh princess I give you this.” You say in an old medieval manner.

You pull out a cell phone keychain of that looks like a white cat.

“Really?” I say, raising my eyebrows.

“Yeah.” You grin.

I take the cute keychain and put it on my phone. I like the keychain but what I like better is the handsome llama in front of me.

---- End of flashback ----

I bitterly smile as I caress the keychain. You gave me this nearly two years ago. I never even thought that I would consider putting this away until now. It hurt me. I stand up and go to my dresser. I grab a bracelet that is made of colorful beads with Chinese characters written on them. I remember the time you gave me this. It was the day that I first felt completely happy.

---- Flashback----

The sound of firecrackers and drums fill the air. It’s Chinese New Year and you invited me to go with you to Chinatown to celebrate. Oh yeah, you’re half Taiwanese so it’s a tradition for your family to celebrate. We roam the streets and just going on a food trip to whatever food stall we see. You pull me into a small alley adorned with colorful lights and lanterns. There is too much red at the place for you said it’s a lucky color for the Chinese. We enter a small shop and the old lady at the counter greets you.

“Ah, Yi Yun! Ta de hao jian dao ni! Ni hao ma?” She says in Chinese that I could not understand.

“Wo hen hao, nainai.” You cheerfully say.

“Nainai, let’s speak in English. Krystal here can’t understand mandarin.” You add in English.

“Oh! I’m sorry, dear. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Yi Yun’s grandmother.” She says.

“Pleased to meet you too, ma’am.” I bow.

“Oh! No need to call me ‘ma’am’. Just call me ‘nainai’” She says, chuckling.

“Yi Yun. You’re here for the bracelet that you ordered right?” She asks you.

“Yes. Is it done?” You reply.

“Here it is.” She says, putting a small box on the counter.

“Thanks, nainai!” You happily say.

“You’re welcome. Now run along, you two. Enjoy the festival! When I was your age I would even participate at the dragon dance.” She says as she fixes a small Buddha statue.

“Whoa. Then we’ll participate too. Bye, nainai!” You say.

“Goodbye.” I say, once again bowing down.

You drag me out to the alley and into the streets. We stop in front of a small fountain where the firecrackers and the dragon dance could be seen perfectly. We sit and I notice that you are kind of nervous.

“Amber. Are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m fine.” You say, but I could see your hands shaking.

“Krys… This might be straightforward…” You say.

“You’re always straightforward.” I say, chuckling.

“Yeah… Anyway… This is straightforward but… I love you, Krystal.” You say, looking into my eyes while holding my hand.

My eyes go wide. I’m too smitten to talk. I snap out of it and give your cheek a pinch.

“Ow!” You half squeal.

“What took you long to say that, llama?” I say, grinning from ear to ear.

Your eyes go wide and so does your smile.

“I love you too.” I say, not hiding the obvious blush spreading on my face.

You laugh out your nervousness and relief. You take my hand and open the box you have. You pull out a beaded bracelet adorned with colors and gold Chinese characters written on it. You put in on my left wrist.

“I told my grandma that I would confess to you. So she had this made for me to give to you. She says that this would bring us luck and prosperity in our relationship when you say yes. She’s really persistent that you’ll be with me.” You shyly say.

“Well… You’re grandmother’s right.” I say, chuckling.

You hold my hand and hug me tight. Under the moonlit sky, surrounded by drums and firecrackers, you and I finally get together.

---- End of Flashback----

I unconsciously laugh but with obvious pain. I get the bracelet and hold it in. I go to my bed and sit at the edge. I reach for my neck and there I feel the feathers of the dream catcher necklace you gave me. Since the time I received this, I could only dream of beautiful ones. Now… I might be back to having nightmares again. It was Christmas when you gave me this, and to be honest I wasn’t expecting you to give me such a rugged looking necklace like this. But nevertheless… I loved it.

----Flashback----

It’s Christmas Eve and here I am running because I’m late for our meeting. My family held me in for a while to watch some Christmas movies as a family tradition before letting me go meet you. As I’m nearing the park, despite the sea of people, I could easily your blonde hair. You stick out like a sore thumb. You’re leaning against a cherry tree which all the petals are frozen. It looks beautiful as it looks in spring. You look like a prince. No… Like Jack Frost.

“I’m sorry!” I bow, panting.

“Princess? Don’t bow.” You say, chuckling as you straighten me up.

“It’s fine. I just got here. My family held me in until we finished caroling.” You add, smiling.

“You too? Jeez. That’s the reason why I was late.” I say, laughing.

“You can’t blame them though, It’s our first Christmas away from them.” You say, getting a hold of my hand.

We walk hand in hand around the streets, going on food trips and window shopping. Then we arrive at the foot of the hill where a shrine resides on top. We decide to climb the steps to pray and to give us luck. We arrive and we are greeted by a whole lot of people. We squeeze in to get some good luck charms. We pray and I wish that this year would be a better one for both of us. I take a peek at you and see your calm face with your eyes closed. You’re so beautiful.

“What are you staring at, princess?” You say, snapping me off my trance.

“N-nothing.” I say, blushing.

You give me a grin and hug me. Then you take my hand and we go to a spot at the hill where the whole city could be seen. Bright lights seep through the sky with the city glittering beneath. The cold air caressing our faces but I don’t feel cold for your arm is around me. I lean on to you and breathe in your scent.

“Oh! I have something for you.” You say as you rummage through your coat pockets.

I wait. Then you hold out  your closed palm in front of me with a big smile on your face.

“Okay? Your fist…” I say.

“No! Open my hand.” You say.

I open your hand and a necklace made in thick string with a small dream catcher for a pendant hangs down. I raise my eyebrows for I wasn’t expecting this kind of necklace to be given to me.

“You told me that you often have nightmares. So, princess… I bring you the solution to that problem.” You say.

“Really. This will help me.” I say sarcasm.

“Come on. You could try it once you sleep tonight. Give it back to me if it doesn’t work.” You say.

“Alright.” I say, mentally laughing.

You gently put it on me and adjusted the string so it could fit me well. Surprisingly… It looks good on me.

“Thank you.” I say as I hug you.

“I love you, princess.” You lovingly say.

“I love you too… Dork.” I reply, giggling as I bathe in your warmth.

----End of Flashback----

I close my eyes and hold the urge to cry. I get a small box under my bedside table and open it. The box was used to be the container of the milk candies you used to give me. Now, it houses a small dried blue rose. The rose still retained its color despite being dried. It doesn’t look black at all. This is the single rose you gave me on our first Valentines Day together. I remove my necklace and place it inside the box along with the bracelet and keychain. I look at my left hand, there stands out a small silver ring with a single diamond at the middle that signifies our forever. But now that I don’t believe it anymore, I remove it without hesitation and put it also inside the box. I close the box and so does my heart. I go to my closet and open it. I place the small box at the leftmost corner, hoping that someday you would come back to me. But I know it isn’t possible anymore. At least… I have a remembrance from the llama that once loved me so. I go back by the window and wipe my tears away. The rain has stopped and the sun is starting to peek through.

To you, my love… Thank you for everything. We didn’t get a proper closure but it’s okay, I know you would do well. Though I never saw it coming. I’m sorry for all those fights we had. I believe we grew and learned a lesson together. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This is for the best. I understand you, and I hope that someday you won’t shut me out the door. I’m going to be fine. I always have. I’ll move on and find a love that will keep me someday. But for now, the scar you left is deep and will take time to heal. Don’t worry about me. Now go on… Leave. But please…. Don’t take my heart with you or else it won’t heal.