Mumbling his name over and over again, she wished all of these were just a dream, a nightmare. How she wished that when she wakes up, everything will be back to normal and he will be right there with her again.

The usually bright and sunny afternoon was now dark and gloomy, reflecting the agony of the people present. The sky is crying just like the weeping girl in black dress.

It was impossible to differentiate her tears from the rain but her heartbreaking cries made it clear to tell you otherwise.

Her bruises and cuts stung from getting in contact with the rain, but nothing can be compared to how much her heart is hurting. It was as if someone tore it apart and there was no other way of getting it healed, unless he comes back.

She wants to hear his voice calling her his baby girl again.

It pained them to see her cry. But, no matter how much it hurts, they promised to be there for her. They promised him.

Her trembling hands weakly moved to caress his photograph on the tombstone as she let another miserable cry escape from her lips.

Some of them turned away and squeezed their eyes shut; others stared blankly at the grave, all not wanting to believe that this is real.

Reality is cruel. The name was clearly carved on the tombstone, specifically his name, Kim JongIn. Lying beneath the muddy earth surface was Kim JongIn. Yet, none of them wants to accept the harsh reality.

-

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes oppa! Cook something for me!”

“Give me a kiss!” JongIn pointed to his cheek while flashing his signature silly but charming grin.

She then pressed a long kiss on his right cheek while hugging his face close, not forgetting to return his grin with a sweet wide smile.

“Let’s get cooking! You’ll be my assistant!”

“Alright! You’re the best, oppa!”

Holding her hands, he pulled her up from the couch they were sitting on and led her into the kitchen. Their happy laughter ringed loudly throughout the whole apartment. The kitchen was now messed up by the couple playing around. Pots and pans everywhere; flour, vegetables and sauces all over the place, but nothing seems to be able to take away their happiness at that moment.

-

She was gleefully watching him dancing all his hearts out from behind the door. If there was another thing JongIn loves more than his life, other than his girlfriend, it would be dancing.

He started dancing since he was a little boy and his passion for it grew more and more as time passes.

His moves were swift but graceful and he danced as if his life depended on it. Each time he dances, she could see that he treats it as his last. He would pour out his heart and soul into the dance. Hitting every single beat with a perfect move, it was like he never got stuck with any of them. His moves were just so smooth and matching with each different song.

Even if he got tired and cannot nail his moves, he will never stop trying until he got them perfected. Even if he messed everything up, he would stand up and do it all over again, until he ace it - which he always do. He was a perfectionist in dance.

As the song came to the end, she pushed open the door to the studio and clapped loudly, giving him a wide proud smile. She was always proud of him when he does his favorite thing - dance, but no matter what he does, she will always be proud.

JongIn beamed with delight, a total different expression from his seriousness when dancing just now, when he noticed her presence.

“Baby girl! You’re here again!” He ran over to hug her, extremely elated to see his girlfriend.

“Ewww Kim JongIn! You’re all sweaty and you’re hugging me!” She whined but still cannot stop smiling from happiness.

JongIn pouted and pinched her nose making her scrunch up her face. She then dotted his pouty lips and took out the food she got for him.

“Alright, enough of pouting, little boy! See what I brought!”

“Wow it’s my favorite food! You’re the best baby girl!” He gave her a peck on the cheek and started to devour the delicious-looking food she got for him. She felt contented and blissful just by looking at him eat what she prepared.

-

“Baby girl, don’t be angry with me anymore okay?” He hugged her from the back and planted kisses on the side of her face.

She turned over and looked at him in the eyes, brushing his hair away from covering his perfect forehead. “I wasn’t and will never be angry, alright? It’s just that I was a little disappointed.”

It was true. She can never be angry at him. Even if she will be, it will never last longer than 3 minutes. How can her anger stay when the sweet guy in front of her just cares so much for her? He will always be the first one to apologize, no matter who was the one at fault.

“Then don’t be anymore. I love you.”

She will never get tired of his ‘I love you’s no matter how many times he used it. People say that the three words will not be special anymore when you always use it but she did not care. She always gets a fuzzy feeling in her stomach whenever she hears those three words dedicated to her coming from his mouth. It was just like falling in love with him for the first time.

-

“Is it really painful?”

She nodded weakly and closed her eyes while giving him a small pout. He placed his large but warm hand on her abdomen and slowly moves around in circles. She was getting her monthly menstrual cramp and JongIn will always be there to soothe her pain.

He lied down next to her with one hand holding her close and the other continuing to gently rub her aching abdomen. He softly sang her favorite song with his deep but calming voice to lull her to sleep.

JongIn was always this sweet and she knew better than to let him go. She wants to be selfish and keep him by her side forever, but only if he lets her. Needless to say, this guy was more than willing to stay with her till the end of time.

-

Despite feeling the sharp pains coming from all over her body, she crawled over to the unconscious JongIn.

“Oppa! Kim JongIn! Are you okay?” She weakly took his bleeding body in her arms and gently shook him. She panicked when he could not move any part of his body, except his beautiful eyes which kept his gaze at her, still the usual loving gaze despite his situation. Slowly, a small smile tugged on his lips.

“Yah! This isn’t funny oppa! Stop smiling already!” She was already sobbing uncontrollably, and continued tapping on his cheeks to keep him awake. He gave her last painful smile before he shut his lids.

“Kim JongIn! Wake up now! I’m sorry! Smile for me! Don’t shut your eyes! Oppa please!”

She was then dragged away by one of the paramedics who just arrived at the place of accident. She tried to get away from his grip but failed to do so because of her frail body. She just wanted to make sure that JongIn was okay. She kept struggling until her own body could not take it anymore and collapsed while still worrying about her boyfriend.

-

Her eyes shot open and the first thing that came to her mind was JongIn. Her sudden movement alarmed the group of friends in the white room.

“Where is JongIn?” Panic was written all over her face as she looked around at the people in the room. No one dared to answer her question and her panic turned into frustration.

“I asked where is JongIn?” This time, she made sure to ask louder in case her friends did not manage to hear previously. However, there was still no one who was willing open their mouth. She started pulling off all the tubes connecting to her hand and tried to push through the guys to look for him on her own.

A strong pair of hands caught her arms before she could even step out of the room, “he’s gone”.

The other guys gasped at the youngest boy’s harsh way of revealing the hurtful truth to the girl. SeHun felt that she had to know and it seems like no one was willing to tell her the truth, so he decided to break it to her. He was the closest to the girl after JongIn since their age were close and he cares a lot about her.

She widened her eyes but after a while she let out a bitter laugh, thinking that SeHun was just playing around with her, “stop joking around oppa”. She did not feel like playing around and neither did SeHun.

“I wasn’t. You wanted to know where he is and I told you the truth. He’s gone, dead.”

SeHun’s heart clenched when he said that word, but the girl needed someone to force the truth into her head. She deserved to know. Before JongIn took his last breath, he wanted them to take care of her; to love and protect her. To protect her, she had to know and accept the cruel reality.

-

“You said you will always be by my side, but what happens now? You said you will protect me; take good care of me, but what happens now?” Her cries got louder, as if challenging the deafening roar of the thunder.

“Please, oppa! Come back to me, hug me and tell me that all of these are not true!”

She choked on her saliva but nothing can stop her from crying. She does not want to accept the truth. It was hard.

Who will be there to comfort and assure her that everything will be okay? Who will be there to calm her down when she gets angry? Who will be there to accompany her when she feels lonely? Who will be there to cure her heartache? Who will be there to fill her now empty heart?

No one.

The one who was always there for her; her everything, will no longer be there.

The guy who doted on her; who pampered her; who showered her with all his love. The guy who bought her sweets, flowers and every other thing she wanted. The guy who sent her sweet cheesy messages; writes her thoughtful little notes; gave her cute but sincere birthday cards. The guy who provided her with many reasons to live with him around was now gone, and will never be back.

She will never get to see his enchanting smile again. She will never get to look into his mesmerizing eyes again. She will never get to hear his beautiful laughter again. She will never get to feel his touch again. She will never get to inhale his intoxicating smell again. She will never get to hear him call her name again. She will never get to run her hand through his thick and healthy hair again. She will never get to see his unique dance moves again. She will never get to see him again. Never again…

“Oppa, tell me how am I supposed to live on without you?” Her thoughts were all messed up. There were only images of him. Memories. Memories that will soon fade no matter how hard you try to lock it in your mind. This was what she was afraid of. She was afraid that she will slowly forget him. He will never be present to remind her of their memories.

“Hey, it’s enough, we have to go, you will get sick if this continues.” SeHun held an umbrella over her with one hand and tried to pull her up with another around her shoulder. She refused to move. She wanted to stay hoping that he will come back to her.

She does not care if hurts from all the crying, and she does not care if she falls sick, she just wanted him.

KyungSoo and Kris helped the youngest to get her up and tried to pull her away not wanting to care if she wants to. She has to move on.

“Wait! Just give me a few more minutes! Please.”

She pleaded for them to let her stay, to let her say the last things she wanted to before she would leave with them. They nodded and sorrowfully stepped back while keeping their eyes on the heartbroken girl.

For the first time today, she smiled.

“JongIn oppa, thank you for loving me. Thank you for the great memories. Thank you for everything. I love you.”

She then planted one last long kiss on his photograph.