Kyungsoo… This is embarrassing to admit but I don’t even know where we first met. I must’ve been drunk or high because, looking back, I cannot understand how somebody forgets the moment they see perfection in human form for the first time.
The first memory I have of you is when you took me out for coffee an afternoon when I was (really) hung over. You said that this special coffee shop in your neighborhood had a coffee that was the best cure after a dumb night.
And dumb nights were all I had before you.
I was “trouble”, as my friends put it. And it was also what Baekhyun, a friend we had in common, said to you when you asked who I was. (I am so thankful for your stupidity, for your choice not to listen to him)Baekhyun told me that on your funeral.
This is not my memory but Baekhyun also said that you and I first met on Chanyeol’s “start-of-the-summer-party”. No wonder I can’t remember that, I almost OD’d that night.
You saw the worst part of me, and I’m so sorry for that.
I wish I could ask you, now, why you decided to fall in love with a drug addict. And I wish that I could ask god, if he exists, why you died before me when I asked for death and you didn’t.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I’m thinking of you is when we took a roadtrip to the east coast and ended up on a stranded beach. We were the only ones there and you laughed and said that you had forgotten your swimming shorts.
I said that it was okay, that we could go swimming another day, but you wanted to so bad… We took off our clothes and I can still see the picture of you running, , in to the waves.
Sorry, I’m crying. I promised you to not cry. I promised you to only be happy when thinking about you.
We had that afternoon, for the first time, on the beach. It was perfect and sand got in everywhere. But I didn’t mind at the time.
Sometimes we fought, like every other couple (which I’m sure we were). I want you to know and I regret not telling you this before you ended up in the earth; you were not just another summer fling.
I had genuine feelings for you. I loved, love, you with all of my heart. And it hurts so bad thinking about your lips. That I will never kiss them again.
Our love was like the season it thrived in. Warm and destined to end.











(i'm sorry it's so short but h;MM i got writers block again)