Title: Baby Breaths
Pairing: Broken!Jongkey, Minkey
Length: 1668w
Note: In the same verse as Pride and Taken, but can be read as a standalone.
 

Hey.

Oh, hey. I haven't seen you in a while.

They exchange words, him and his old friend. It feels a lot like a decade when really, it isn't. It hasn't been that long; at least that's what the marks on his calendar tell him. But four years is a very long time for him. The days that have gone by are never forgiving; they make him smile, but most of the time the just let him be.

And Jonghyun, well, he dreads free days. Those days are always the hardest to get by – because they give him plenty of time alone (to contemplate, to reminisce, to regret that one wrong decision). Then all of a sudden he feels a sense of nostalgia at the pit of his stomach and the scenes are just... there. Again. They're on replay until Jonghyun can no longer hold his heavy lids.

Right now though, he is the farthest from zoning out as his old friend mirrors the surprised look on his face. On one spring day, he bumps into his old friend, Choi Minho. They accidentally meet at a flower shop and Jonghyun's mind is quick to think: It's spring. The flowers are blooming.

(Because right then, he remembers.)

Yeah, it's been a while, Minho says back and smiles half-heartedly. His hair is dyed a light shade of brown, one he has never tried doing before, Jonghyun notices.

They walk around the flower shop, a little stroppy and unsure and guarded. Jonghyun tries to focus on a vase full of white roses and wonders if it would fit his sister's taste. She's another year older again, he laughs inwardly. Because really, none of them are getting younger. They grow up, they mature. They move forward with their lives, but some don't. Some gets stuck in the memories of the past – the sunsets, the hidden smiles, and the unspoken words. Some leave, yet some remain.

Jonghyun is probably hovering over the past and at this very moment wherein Minho is chatting with him about the weather and how perfect it is today. (When did it become so awkward? Oh, right. When he made that one mistake that scarred him for life.)

He used to be his brother from another mother, Choi Minho. They played hard, studied hard (at least Minho did), and loved hard. They loved, and discovered how their hearts are in sync for that same boy with pretty dents on his cheeks and thick, black-framed glasses. They loved him; they both loved Kim Kibum.

But Minho probably loved Kibum better. After all, Minho ditched his pride, swallowed his greed, and stood up to the many piercing eyes that Friday afternoon. Choi Minho did.

"How- how is he these days?" Jonghyun hesitates, a little too spineless, but he successfully asks. Jonghyun wonders if he's even allowed to know how Kibum is doing and if he's doing okay... in Minho's presence.

"Kibum?" Minho lets out in an airy voice, stopping the movement of his fingers as they linger against the fresh bunch of baby breaths. And then he pauses for a second or two, a quick flicker of his eyelashes gets Jonghyun wondering if he made the already awkward atmosphere a lot more intolerable. But Minho just smiles and faces him with unreadable features (because this is Minho – unpredictable, a little too impulsive, and genuine) and says, "He's good. He went through a lot, but he's okay now."

He's happy, Minho adds and Jonghyun can hear the organ in his chest gasp a little.

They talk, for a few minutes or more, with the scent of different blooming flowers tickling theirs senses in a good-natured kind of way. Jonghyun learns a lot of things: like how Kibum moved in with Minho just a year ago, like how Kibum cooks delicious meals for Minho, like how Kibum complains about Minho following him like a faithful bodyguard most of the time, like how Kibum dances graciously every weekend with a boy named Taemin, like how Kibum meets this guy from college named Jinki, and how Minho gets jealous over silly things.

Like how Kibum needed two long years to get over Jonghyun. Like how Kibum probably loved Jonghyun more than he did Minho. Like how Kibum still remembered Jonghyun's crooked smile and forgot the proud prince Jonghyun was that Friday afternoon. Like how Kibum finally moved on with a final resolve. Like how he finally opened up to Minho.

(Jonghyun learns all these with a band-aid in his chest.)

"I'm actually on my way to meet Kibum, d'you wanna come?" Minho offers.

Jonghyun looks for any sign of doubt, any. A sign that says Minho is just asking him out of consideration, but there isn't. Because Minho is always genuine and Jonghyun suddenly can't seem to have control over his tongue when he mouths, "Sure, if you don't mind."

Minho walks up to the counter, a basket of baby breaths in hand. And right then, Jonghyun remembers: Kibum loves them.

He remembers, quite clearly, because he used to bring them home for Kibum, Jonghyun did. Jonghyun remembers and he wishes he doesn't, because he has no right at all. (And because his back was turned that day, his back was turned against Kibum.)

They drive on convoy, Jonghyun following Minhos black car. It's spring, the wind feels good against the palm of his outstretched arm. His sister would most likely to throw a tantrum at him when he gets back because hey, it's no easy task to choose a different set of flowers every single year for her birthday.

The morning sun reflects its rays against the body of Jonghyun's silver convertible, a sense of nervousness clouding over his head for the first time in years. The thought of meeting Kibum again and seeing those caramel eyes brings him on the edge of his seat. Questions keep sprouting in his head, doing him no good.

Because right now, at this very second, he thinks he wants to hold Kibum again in his arms and tell him a thousand apologies. Jonghyun wants to be his, his, only his again -- but he can't. He is reminded by that as soon as Minho's sleek black car pulls over. Jonghyun does the same.

(He unbuckles his seat belt with trembling hands. He's nervous and excited both at the same time.)

What would he say to Kibum? He should have dressed better and showered himself with perfume. Would Kibum even spare him a glance? Could he?

He couldn't, Jonghyun whispers with what little breath he has in stored in his lungs. He couldn't have, his words are almost inaudible.

Hey, Bummie. Look who's here to see you, Minho's low voice resonates against the walls of the building and hitting Jonghyun like a hard fist. You still remember Jonghyun, don't you?

Jonghyun watches.

Kibum couldn't have, he chants in his head.

Jonghyun watches keenly as Minho places the basket of baby breaths down, a photo of Kibum in all of his being. Jonghyun watches as Minho brushes off the accumulating dust on Kibum's shelf and then.

"Jonghyun-ah," Minho glances over his shoulder, an apologetic smile plastered on his face. "Aren't you going to greet Kibum?"

His body starts to tremble, here, there, all over. His wind pipes are clogged and there's a sudden wetness on his cheeks because no, no, no—

Why is it like this? How did it turn out like this? When did it become like this?

There are simply no words to utter, no greetings to speak of. When it's like this, Jonghyun is at a loss of wits and realization is slowly seeping through his pores. The plaque, the name plaque says it all but it doesn't seem real. Because in his mind, in his brain full of memories, Kibum is alive and dancing and laughing.

In his memories, Kibum is with a pretty blush on his cheekbones while they sneak a kiss or two in the janitor's closet. In his memories, Kibum is with a cute pout as Jonghyun breaks into his room through the open window. In his memories, Kibum is healthy and chubby as he eats his favourite strawberry cheesecake. In his memories, Jonghyun is holding him tightly in a warm embrace as they end a petty fight.

In his memories, Kibum is breathing and crying and looking at him with loving eyes; telling him how beautiful he is despite the judging eyes around him. In his memories, Jonghyun sees Minho fix Kibum every single day.

Jonghyun breaks down and leans over the shelf, Kim Kibum is written. His breaths are short and heavy and Minho steps aside to give him space. Kibum is smiling wide at him with those adorable dimples showing, taunting him to at least do the same. Jonghyun reminds himself that no, that's just a stupid photograph and it's not him- not Kibum with rosy cheeks and obnoxious laugh.

His hands are unstable as he reaches out to touch the glass frame, his fingers stumble and trip over each other as he tries to open the shelf. His vision turns blurry by the second and it ing aches to even move. Because whatever happened to handing him over and letting him be in Minho's good hands?

"K-Kibum... This is a- a joke, right?" Tell me it is, it is, please.

It's with a shaky voice that he breaks down and cries his heart out. His mind is in a haze and he feels Minho squeeze his shoulder, like he did back then; back then, on that Friday afternoon.

But this looks real; this looks a lot more real than it ever is because he sees a photo of himself inside the shelf. Kibum is smiling and blushing. And Jonghyun is there with him.

In his memories, Jonghyun loved a boy who probably was heaven-sent. And he let him go.

Hi, Kibum. I haven't heard from you since high school. How are you?

Jonghyun never got an aswer.

A/N:

I'll try not to write angst next time. I promise.