The first time Jinki saw him was a warm summer’s night when he was just twelve years old.

There had been much commotion by the Big Top past midnight. The ring master never liked too much activity in the area at this time because he needed everyone up and about early the next morning. He couldn’t afford to have tired and lethargic performers.

To be hearing so much noise – shouts and calls of excitement – and no sign of the tall, bearded old man that everyone around here feared so much, it was the oddest thing to Jinki. So he had rushed out of his caravan with the rest, curious of why the ring master was allowing this much chaos in the middle of the night.

What Jinki had discovered between Magician Valencia and Flaming Sylvia’s tents, where there was nothing but an empty space usually, was a creature like he has never seen before. Bound in ropes in a far too small and inappropriate cage, the creature whimpered and sniffled, its eyes flitting warily from one person to the next.

It had the form of a boy alright. Its face and torso, it was all of a boy who would be just a little younger than Jinki. But his legs, now those were the strangest things that Jinki had ever laid eyes on. He had his legs attached together by pale skin, the bones of his two legs almost absent. He had feet but they could only be called so for the toes at the end, because it sure didn’t look like it could support the boy upright. To add to all of that, the boy also had webbed fingers with skin so thin between his fingers that they were almost transparent.

Jinki was about ready to conclude that this was no human at all. But that was when Jinki’s eyes met the boy’s and he knew right away that this inhuman creature felt very human emotions. There was fear and confusion in his glassy eyes as he trembled whenever something so much as grazed his skin. As the men around it probed and , the boy just kept shrinking back into the corner of his cage, releasing the weakest, most pathetic sounds.

The bewilderment and excitement of the latest addition to the circus hardly died down that night even after the ring master intervened to settle everyone down. A few men were assigned to be in charge of the boy. He was to spend the night with the men who kept guard around the circus and a tent was to be set up for the viewing of the boy the very next day. Everything was in order and the ring master had seemed pleased for the first time in a few months since the lawsuit he had received earlier that year with charges of animal cruelty – something he had escaped narrowly with the help of some influenced friends.

It had been of no importance to Jinki, the arrival of this new act for the circus. It happened every few months with every new town they travelled to. Jinki’s job did not concern the acts themselves, he was more of the low-level management employee (as he liked calling it.) That actually translated to orphan turned slave and servant boy. Hence, it was none of his business what his superiors were doing to keep earning money.

That said, it didn’t make sense at all for Jinki to be feeling that something was terribly wrong with what had happened that night. That brief eye contact with the boy, that heavy feeling in his chest afterwards, it had somewhat settled down as a burden on his conscience. But what he could do by feeling guilty? He himself survived by the grace of the people here. What right did he have to go around demanding things to be done a different way?

So he kept his mouth shut. As the servants were all trained to do, especially for times when strange, nicely dressed men came around asking questions about how the circus was managed and how the animals were treated. They were to keep their mouths shut at all cost or risk being sent out of their only home with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

It was just a risk not worth being taken.

Taemin, as the people around the circus started calling the boy, never really got adjusted to being presented to an audience as one of the freaks. He still looked at people with terrified glances, shrunk into himself whenever prompted by the master of the show to do something for the audience. It quickly became boring, watching a tiny boy with the oddest appearance just sitting there, curled up in his cage. That was when the ‘superiors’ decided it was time to re-strategize.

The boy had the legs that would fit the appearance of a mermaid. He had lines on each side of his throat that almost represented gills. He had mesmerizingly blue irises that went hardly noticed beneath his thick, black hair. And he was so very pale. He was a fish in every sense except the literal.

So they came up with an act called the Mermaid Boy. A large glass bowl was ordered for him, along with some costumes. They even had a new tent erected for him, Jinki one of the five boys assigned to building and maintaining the new infrastructure. Spending almost his entire days there, besides when he had to run errands for the animal caretaker, Jinki watched the regime they made Taemin practice every day. Acrobatics in the water, jumping above the surface like dolphins, tricks with balls – the whole deal. Taemin would have even passed for a mermaid, save for the awkward angles his body had to make to accommodate some of the more complicated maneuvers that were never meant for humans.

Except that he didn’t seem so convincing. How could he when he was being forced into doing everything with the scare of a whip in the master’s hands? Jinki’s days were filled with the mortifying sound of the whip lashing through the air, but only sometimes breaking skin. (They couldn’t have their prized possession all marred up, after all.)  Jinki has had his own set of experiences to know the pain. So whenever he heard that dreadful sound, he would close his eyes to block the sight and send a quiet prayer for the boy to be strong enough to take it. This was the life the boy had been cruelly dragged into, it was time he started assimilating before they took everything away from him.

A full set of seasons had passed before the time came for the Mermaid Boy act to reach a peak in its popularity. Their circus now carried Taemin’s act as one of their main features alongside their famous lion taming act and the wire acrobatics. A full set of seasons had aged Jinki enough to finally be in his teenage years.

And a full set of seasons had finally turned the Mermaid Boy into a boy who had cold pits for eyes that in no way resembled the innocence that he came with. The road that the boy had taken to this point had been so rocky and excruciating that he had had no choice but to sacrifice his naivety.

This was the thing that caused most shame to Jinki; to have allowed something so pure die. He couldn’t even bring himself to look the boy in the eyes anymore, despite spending almost all of his waking hours serving him. It was the reason Jinki avoided doing anything that required physical contact with Taemin. He always left it to one of the other boys – mostly Jonghyun, the closest thing Jinki had to a family – take over the task of lifting Taemin out of the giant glass bowl, undressing him and bringing him to his caravan. When he absolutely had to though, Jinki did it mechanically and quickly. Taemin had long stopped expecting compassion from people anyway, so it made no difference to him.

This went on for quite some time; the boy putting on his strongest front, still being as mute as he has been since arriving in this hell hole, and Jinki being the ignorant bastard that gave his humanity away to keep himself fed and alive. Until the day came when Jinki was forced to come to terms with his own cruelty by acting so indifferent.

Jonghyun was not feeling too well that day, so Jinki traded with him to do the arduous task of carrying Taemin back to his caravan. He climbed up the stairs, leaned over the edge and found himself face-to-face with the soaking wet boy, shivering in cold. He usually had high tolerance to being in the water for long hours so it was strange that he was shivering so much. Jinki reached out to carry him down and almost recoiled in shock of just how hot the boy’s body was.

Taemin glanced up at him momentarily, his eyes bloodshot, before going back to rubbing his feet and body. Jinki could not think of what he should do. It’s the first time the boy has fallen sick since he came here. Jinki had almost thought that the boy was resilient to sickness completely. Apparently, that was not the case.

Still, he had a job to do and that was what he would do. Jinki reached out for the boy, forcing him to stop rubbing himself and pulling him close enough to lift him with one arm each behind his back and under his fused legs. Passing Taemin down to another one of the servant boys, Jinki climbed down again to quickly take him again.

“He’s burning…” Kimsoo noted as he handed Taemin over. Jinki simply nodded, walking away without a word.

The path to Taemin’s caravan, that he now shared with the magician’s assistant, seemed longer that night than it usually was. Maybe it was because of how much Taemin was shaking, making it hard for Jinki to be carrying him properly. He had to stop a couple of times, shift Taemin into the right position and then continue. To stop the other from slipping down so much, Jinki coaxed Taemin into wrapping his arms around his neck.

That did the trick. Taemin not only stopped slipping down from Jinki’s arms, he even stopped shivering so much as he absorbed some of Jinki’s heat through the thin, old t-shirt he had on. Just like that the teeth chattering and groans stopped, giving way to the silence of the night to wrap around them. Taemin settled down comfortably with his head snug in the crook of Jinki’s neck.

Jinki didn’t give it much thought at the time, but later that night, after he had dropped Taemin off, helped him into warm clothes and tucked him in, something finally occurred to him. Taemin had been so small and vulnerable in his arms, latching onto every piece of warmth that radiated from Jinki. And it made Jinki wonder if the boy was really doing alright now. He didn’t even bother eating when Jinki had left him. Suddenly, the hard bread in Jinki’s hands was not that appetizing anymore – it never was, but it kept him fed.

Jonghyun kept asking him what the matter was, worried by Jinki’s sudden silence. Jinki simply assured him that he was fine and told the younger to get some rest before he snuck out of his crammed caravan. He made his way to Taemin’s caravan quietly, knowing that Jung-shii wouldn’t get him in trouble with the ring master for coming knocking on his door this late.

Jinki was right. Jung-shii did not threaten him for being out at night. He was really annoyed for being woken up, but that was it. He allowed Jinki in and went back to sleeping, snoring loudly. Jinki went to check on Taemin and sure enough, he found the boy sweating profusely beneath the covers, eyes scrunched up as he struggled to sleep.

“Taemin…” Jinki whispered, realizing that this was the first time he was calling the boy’s name without feeling objected to. Taemin’s eyes opened, showing the same fatigue it had showed him earlier. Jinki wasted no time in coaxing the boy into sitting up. He grabbed a towel and wiped away the sweat, before handing the boy a glass of water to drink. He pulled out the bread in his pocket as he watched Taemin gulp down the water.

Taking the glass away, Jinki handed the bread over. But Taemin refused it, moving back from Jinki. Jinki frowned, pushing it into the other’s hand. Taemin looked up at him, pouting. He cleared his throat and faked a cough. Jinki understood then that it was difficult for the boy to swallow the bread, which was why he refused to eat.

Jinki quickly got himself another glass of water to dip the bread in, just like he did for Jonghyun or the other boys when they were sick. It would have been better with some warm milk, but water would have to do. Then, they settled into a silent routine of Jinki tearing a small piece of bread and dipping it in water while Taemin took the piece and chewed it slowly. Jinki finally took to kneeling beside the bed as grew tired of standing and eventually got tired enough for his eyes to droop as sleep threatened to take over.

That was when the most pleasant surprise took place in Jinki’s life, leaving him dumbfounded for a moment. The last piece of bread that had been dipped in water, Taemin never took it. He took hold of Jinki’s wrist instead and pushed it back to him, gesturing for him to eat it himself. As their eyes met in that very moment, something shifted between them and Jinki found himself smiling at the other. Sincerely. Taemin did not smile back, but his eyes were enough sign that he was on the same page as Jinki.

As Jinki chewed that last piece of bread that day, his stomach was filled with happiness in knowing that he had found a new friend.