She heaves another deep sigh as she leans against the headboard of her bed. It’s just not fair she huffs as she glares at nothing in particular. She closes her eyes to weigh out the possibilities of whether she should confront the devil. But it doesn’t take another minute for Im Yoona to abandon the chocolates and tissue paper she was previously working on. She had decided to reach for her phone previously lying peacefully on her bedside table (except for the few unread line messages from her sweet boyfriend).

If she takes the time to think, she would have realised how irrational it would have appeared for the way she had just reacted. She had even completely neglected the gift she had spent so much effort to think of and organise, not to mention that Valentines’ Day was creeping up on them. Three days! There were three days left. But at this moment, this was somehow more important. It definitely is.

With the memory of what she had seen earlier on their trusty tv screen with her unnies still burned up in the back of her mind, she musters up the power to almost damage her phone’s screen (but luckily doesn’t) as she punches his number efficiently (and forcefully) into the dial pad. Her excuse being she didn’t want to see his name or contact photo.

She ignores the way her determination softens after hearing his caller tune (a song only they were familiarly knew its intricacies). She does not even realise the way she only catches a few seconds of the music when she hears his voice. But she does not wait for the completion of her name, and snaps

“Yah, don’t you think it’s a bit too much?”

“It’s nice to hear your voice too” she narrows her eyes hearing his amused reply and she knows he is grinning.

“Shim Changmin” she warns

“That’s my name” he stifles the chuckle hearing her exasperated sigh. “And what makes you call me at this hour of the night?” 

“You know what you said” she scoffs

“to what are you referring to?” he knows that she knows he is playing dumb. He continues to feign innocence.

“Moon Ga Young is prettier than my first love. She has bigger eyes, smaller face, is purer and prettier than her” she recites perfectly. His silent chuckle reaches her.

“I was good looking in that interview wasn’t I?”

“In fact I can say with confidence even in front of my first love that Moon Ga Young ssi is prettier than her?”

“I see you’ve been quite attentive to my news, are you secretly my fan?”

“Never.” He lets her fury simmer for a few minutes in silence

“how’s you’re comeback coming along?”

“Better if we weren’t going to see you backstage” I am not giving up but she lets him divert her attention a little.

“Are you sure you’re not a fan? You seem to know too much about our whereabouts”

“No I am not a stalker like you, manager oppa was groaning about how the comebacks are too close to each other”

***

“stop following me” she points a finger warningly at the tall kid she almost crashed into while walking out of the practice room. Changmin merely shrugs and traces her footsteps. She turns back and narrows her eyes. Changmin uses his height as an advantage over her reaches out and removes her hair band and places it onto his head. He cups his own cheeks like little girls would imitate flowers and bats his eyelashes at the 12 year old Yoona. Who at first furrows her eyebrows.

“stop following me” he mocks her from earlier and is welcomed with a slap across the arm. But the slight pain is compensated by the sound that meets his ears. Her laugh. “Aren’t I pretty?”

Yoona rolls her eyes. “No”

“Hey I know I’m not as pretty as you but at least give me some credit” he bats his eyelashes again”

***

“Why?”

“Why what?” she breathes a little heavier why did we ever end?

“Why, are you upset at the truth?” he teases.

“You are seriously a jerk”

“Did you ever know me as something else?”

She takes moment to think of the right response “You’re right” she giggles

“you’re happy aren’t you?”

“…” the silence is longer than before. As she trails off a little in reminiscent waters. “yes” but her response lacks a little more to be able to convince herself. Her first dates flash across her mind. It was not up to her to compare, but she couldn’t help it. Her smile weakens.

“that’s all that matters isn’t it?” she nods slowly (unable to filter out the possibilities of what they could be right now that were floating through her mind) and it seemed that he felt it.

“I’m glad Seunggi is able to make you happy” I never would have

“Oppa treats me very well” a drop of guilt falls into her speech as she hugs her knees to feel better. You did too.

And they both knew that it was unwise to venture further.

“Hey…” Do you really think that our first love wasn’t pretty enough?

“You know the truth Yoona” he catches her by surprise.

“Yeah, especially by the way the camera zoomed into your face when you said ‘Moon Ga Young ssi is prettier than her’, yes definitely” she jokes.  

“I’m glad they did that to emphasise my point”

“Whatever”

“Well…”

“Good..”

“no, bad night” and the prize for his humour reaches his ears.

“good night”

“yeah good night”

They take a while to hang up and soon drift of to dream of perfume, cologne and bitter sweetness.

Changmin wakes up with her scarf lying next to his head. He sniffs it and imagines the scent that once lived managing a weak smile.

Yoona opens her eyes to the ring of her notification tone.

“Perfume that is light but long lasting or first love can become vague. But by watching Mimi people can have a dim recollection about it. Watch it ;)"

She rolls her eyes loosening her grip on the cashmere scarf that used to hang with his scent.

“he just wrote what he said in that bloody interview” she frowns exasperatedly and is defeated by the urge to giggle. She shakes her head picking up the chocolates and tissue paper to resume her work.

***

Some weeks later Yoona is texting her boyfriend during the ad break of Mimi. It is not her unnies’ conversation that distracts her from her conversation but a text.

‘the scriptwriters seems to have taken my suggestions keke” Yoona shook her heads at the screen and once again immerses herself at the resuming drama on screen.

“it’s interesting how it’s only this drama that drama completely forgoes her sweet talk” Hyoyeon teases. Yoona lets her comment pass as she watches Moon Ga Young wrap her arms around Changmin Oppa on the bike ride. She feels the breeze caress her hair, as she relives those moments being replayed on screen. A beating heart she tries to hide, the lingering scents and a bittersweetness washed and ripened by time. Nevertheless it’s always there and always will be.