https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mPer56izek (listen to this while reading !!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

            Sehun doesn't believe in love. He never has. Not from the moment his mother slammed the door shut and never came back. Not from the moment his father brought different women home every week, making them scream into the endless night. He remembers how he would sit at the island counter every morning, eating his breakfast. And a woman would scramble down the stairs, half-dressed, and hopping into her heels. Then she would slam the door, and never come back, just like his mother.

 

            This morning, it's the same woman from two nights ago. He knows because when she hobbles down the stairs, Sehun's father follows. They stand at the door, exchanging kisses, and soon the woman left.

 

            Sehun's only 18.

 

            His father enters the kitchen, slippers scraping against the hardwood floor. "'Morning, Sehun," He grabs the coffee pot and pours a cup for himself.

 

            "Who was she?" Sehun asks, bringing the spoonful of cereal to his lips.

 

            The older man turns around, thick eyebrows furrowed. It takes him a moment until he grins. "Oh, that was Kwon Yuri, new CEO of M Corporations." His teeth are painfully white.

 

            "And why was she here?" Sehun knows his father doesn't mind sharing his personal life, given the fact he's always boasting about every perfect thing in his life.

 

            "Well, ironically, the Financial floor needed a raise, so," His father shrugs and sips from his coffee cup.

 

            Sehun doesn't tell his father that he's disgusted, not just with him, but his view on woman as well.

 

 

            Sehun doesn't remember the last time he was truly happy; the time where nothing else mattered, where he didn't give a care in the world.

 

            "Sehun," Joonmyun, his boss, hisses. "At least crack a smile. There are a lot of important people here. I don't want them to think that I have grungy hunch men for waiters."

 

            The boy forces a tight smile upon his lips.

 Everything about Sehun's life is forced: His motivation, inspiration, love, anger, honesty; his happiness.

               His happiness is long gone. It has disappeared from his life.

  

      

            No one would think Sehun would be the type to cry. No one would believe him if he told anyone he was crying on a Friday night.

 

            Sehun is lying on his bed, tears cascading down his cheeks fluidly. He holds back choked sobs with a fist pressed to his mouth. His skinny jeans and baggy sweater are burning hot against his sweaty skin but it's like he's paralyzed, he cannot move. He just wants to cry.

 

            He doesn't know what's wrong. He doesn't know what more he wants in his life.

 

            One thing he does know is that he doesn't want to feel like this anymore.

 

 

            After work, Sehun goes out for nighttime snack, well, more like beverage. He opens the door to his favorite bubble tea store, cringing at the sound of the bells harmoniously tinkling on top of him. When he's done ordering, he sits down at an empty table and goes on his phone.

 

            He's in the middle of texting his friend, Chanyeol, when a soft voice breaks his concentration from his message.

 

            "Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?"

 

            Sehun looks up and he swears he stops breathing for a minute. The tips of his ears grow red when he sees a head of fluffy, blond hair, and doe-like eyes.

 

            "Um, no, go right ahead." Sehun stammers, gesturing a hand. The other boy smiles gently and it's enough to make Sehun's chest constrict. Good Lord.

 

            He's never felt this way before so he is not sure what this feeling is. What does it mean, Sehun asks himself.

 

            When the young lady behind the counter announces Sehun's order, the boy nearly topples out of his chair as he lunges for it. The blond boy chuckles musically, looking down at his lap and Sehun feels it again. Once it's in his hands, the coldness soothes his sweaty hands.

 

            He decides he needs to leave before he has a heart attack. Before he leaves, he bows at the lady, thanking her. He doesn't forget to bow at the (very pretty) blond boy, bidding him goodbye.

 

            Sehun almost thanks him for making his heart swell.

 

           

            Sehun is at the bookstore, searching for a book that might lighten up his mood a little. He hates being so sad all the time.

 

            He doesn't expect to see the blond boy again.

 

            Sehun looks down the row of bookshelves and sees him standing at the suspense section. He's reading a page of a James Patterson book intently. His blond hair is mussed and his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration.

 

            Sehun doesn't know what he did in order to get the boy's attention but he looks up as if he knew Sehun was staring at him from afar. His rosy lips curl up in a shy but breathtaking smile.

 

 

            It's one of those nights where Sehun needs bubble tea again. Once he enters the shop, the blond boy is not there. (Not that he was looking forward to seeing the boy again, no.) As he leaves the shop, he decides he wants to take a walk along the Han River, since it's nearby.

 

            As he strolls along the rocky trail, he hears cars passing by and honks sounding in the distance. Dogs are barking as people walk them down the sidewalks.

 

            Suddenly, a pair of hands covers his vision and he almost has a heart attack again until the person reveals their identity by just their voice.

 

            "Guess who." The person says softy with such a warming chuckle, Sehun can almost hear his heart pumping.

 

            Sehun turns around and sees the blond boy. He feels his lip twitch. He whispers a greeting so quietly, he's even sure he couldn't hear himself. But surprisingly, the other boy hears him and responds with a smile.

 

            "I'm Luhan," He holds out a gloved hand. His other hand is holding a cup of coffee. The chilling wind is blowing his blonde hair to the side and he looks good like that, Sehun thinks.

 

            "Sehun," he replies with a crooked smile, shaking Luhan's hand. His bare hand feels so warm against Luhan's fuzzy, red gloves. The color contrasts well with his pale skin.

 

            Luhan is still smiling, but this time he chuckles. "That's a nice name."

 

 

            They meet every Friday those following weeks, for bubble tea, sometimes coffee, and sometimes hot chocolate. Sehun doesn't call them dates. He doesn't know if he wants Luhan to think they are or not. His heart beats rapidly whenever he thinks of the idea.

 

            One day, they're at the park around 10 o'clock at night, sitting on the wooden bench. Luhan has his legs crossed with a cup of Americano iced coffee in his hand. Sehun doesn't know how he is able to drink iced coffee in this weather. But inside, he (slightly) admires him.

 

            "So, do you have a girlfriend?" Luhan asks after he takes a sip from his cup. Sehun nearly chokes on his hot chocolate.

            Luhan turns to him, just staring with his big eyes. The other boy coughs a few times before replying shakily, "U-um, no. I-I don't."

             

            The blonde laughs softly, turning his attention back to the teeter-totter in front of him. "You don't seem so sure."

 

            "I choked on my hot chocolate."

 

            Luhan laughs again, but it's not soft like his amber-colored eyes. Or gentle like his affectionate touches. It's loud, exuberant, and brightening like his smile.

 

            "It's okay, I don't have one either," His lips thin into a small smile. Sehun exhales  with red, parted lips. He doesn't know why his heart is beating so fast, and why he's getting so warm in this bone-chilling wind.

           

            "I've only been in love once, in my entire life. But," Luhan looks down at his lap when he leans back on the bench. His free hand pick at the holes in black jeans. He swallows thickly. "Things didn't work out."

 

            Sehun doesn't know what to say. So he remains silent. But he's still listening very intently. He wouldn't do so for anyone else, but he finds Luhan an exception.

 

            "He moved back to China two years ago. The first year after he moved, I flew out to Beijing to visit him. I was so excited to see him, considering the fact that I hadn't seen him in awhile."

 

            The younger's heart dropped to his stomach, already knowing what is about to come next. There's a lump in his throat and he doesn't know why. This didn't happen to him. He isn't the one Luhan is talking about. Why does he feel this way?

 

            "When I walked into his new apartment, he was in bed with another woman."

 

            Sehun's hand twitches from its place on his own knee. He watches Luhan blink slowly and how his throat tightens.

 

            "At that moment, I didn't know what to feel. It was all a huge ball of emotions. Angry, sad, upset, disappointed, betrayed. But, surprisingly, I didn't react dramatically. Instead, I simply walked out of the apartment and slammed the door shut. Obviously, I never went back,"

 

            "He tried calling me multiple times, for weeks and weeks. I either hung up or ignored every word he said every time. Now you're probably thinking if I even felt sad. I was miserable. I felt guilty, thinking of every thing I had done or said wrong in the relationship, wondering if I was the cause of him cheating on me,"

 

            "One day, his calls just stopped. And at that moment, I felt the same way I had when I walked in on him. I felt so indifferent. I didn't know if I felt relieved or hurt. Relieved that it had stopped, relieved that he wouldn't bother me anymore. Or hurt that he just stopped caring. Hurt that he had just given up. Hurt that he didn't go the distance for our relationship. I didn't know what to feel anymore."

 

            Sehun swallows thickly, along with Luhan. No tears shed from Luhan's eyes but he's shaking. It's silent for awhile, but it's strangely comforting. It's not a problem; there's no heavy tension or lingering awkwardness.

 

            But after awhile, Sehun decides that he wants to say something. "I-I'm sorry you had to go through that, Luhan. You deserve so much better."

 

            Luhan turns his head towards Sehun. This time his eyes are glassy. He slowly lies his head on the younger's broad shoulder. Sehun's breathe hitches dramatically, and his legs are getting all tingly.

 

            "There's something about you I can't pinpoint, Oh Sehun," Luhan sighs. "I feel like I've known you forever."

 

            Sehun smiles with tired eyes.

 

            And perhaps they have. They might've bumped into each other while walking down the crowded streets. Sehun might've picked up Luhan's fallen newspaper. They've might've known each other since childhood and when they grew up, they forgot about their memories.

 

            But Sehun knows that they have never met, because if he ever met someone like Luhan, he would have definitely remembered him.

 

           

            Sehun finally has the balls to ask Luhan out. That night, he finds himself sitting inside of a 5-star restaurant. Luhan is sitting across from him, looking oh so handsome with his blond hair gelled up and white collared shirt. Sehun looks down at his black collared shirt and smiles.

 

            He finds it funny how they sort of resemble yin yang: Good and bad. Luhan is the good in his life. He's the one that brightens everyone's mood with his gentle laugh. He's the one that touches souls with a simple grin. Sehun is the bad. He's the one that makes everyone cower back into their shell with a three-second glare. He's the one that can make anyone feel intimidated, lower than dirt, with his spiteful words.

 

            Over the past few months of knowing Luhan, he was able to slowly turn Sehun to the good. Luhan was able to break the icy exterior, the stone cold walls Sehun had built around himself.  He touched his soul.

 

            Even on those bad days where Sehun would ignore Luhan's texts and calls, tone out Luhan's words, or yell at him, the elder was still able to take deep breaths and calm him. Reassuring touches, kisses to the forehead; Sehun needed Luhan. He needed to be good.

 

            Luhan has been a huge impact in Sehun's life. He smiles a lot more, laughs at almost anything. When he walks outside, he looks up at the color of sky, he takes in the brightness of the sun, and he closes his eyes in serenity.

 

            He's completely oblivious to how his heart throbs when he sees Luhan, and how he lies awake at night, just thinking about the elder. How wrinkles form at the corners of his pretty eyes, how his gums show when he laughs, how loud his snores get when he falls asleep on Sehun's lap.

 

            He's completely oblivious to how much he's in love with Luhan.

 

 

            Their first kiss occurs in the midst of a wrestling match in Luhan's apartment.

 

            Luhan is on top of Sehun after he's thrown him onto the floor and now he's just tickling him. He's leaning back on Sehun's knees, and when the younger's knees start to ache, he flattens them. Luhan starts to fall back until Sehun grabs his forearms and pulls him forward forcefully.

 

            Laughing, Luhan sits forward and cradles the younger's face gently. Sehun still keeps his grip on the other's forearms. He rubs his fingers along the itchy fabric of Luhan's sweater. It's silent a couple of minutes until Sehun tugs again and Luhan collapses onto him with an oof. His arms lay on each side of Sehun's head, and now their faces are unbelievably close. They're practically breathing each other's air.

 

            Sehun's panting and Luhan's quiet. The brunette's dark brown eyes flicker as he looks up into the other's amber-colored eyes. Luhan repeats the action and they slowly rake down Sehun's face and they land on his lips. Sehun follows his eyes and when their eyes meet once again, their lips meet as well.

           

            Sehun doesn't admit that he's been waiting for this the moment he met Luhan. He always wanted to kiss those soft, rosy lips, to mark them as his.

 

            The kiss only lasts about ten seconds until Luhan pulls away, opening his eyes slowly. Sehun loves how his eyelashes look when they lift from the apple of cheeks. He can't breathe evenly, his heart is beating so fast and hard against his chest, and his stomach is churning (in a good way).

 

            A minute passes when Luhan presses his lips against Sehun again, and this time his mouth opens, and so does Sehun's.

 

           

            No matter how many times Sehun watches romantic movies, romance novels, read horoscopes and such; he still doesn't believe he's in love with Luhan. Maybe he just reallyreallyreally likes him.

 

            But Sehun thinks again.

           

            Luhan makes him happy.

 

            Sehun scoffs. Yeah, so does his friend Chanyeol, but that doesn't mean he's hopelessly in love with him.

 

            Luhan changed his life.

 

            So did his mother.

 

            Luhan is always there for him.

 

            Luhan takes care of him.

           

            Luhan is beautiful.

 

            Luhan made

 

            the tears

 

            stop.

 

            He made the monsters in his head disappear and filled it with deluges of sunshine and affection. Luhan makes him feel good about himself. He makes him feel as if he is the only that matters in his world.

 

            Luhan loves him.

 

            Sehun bites his lip, a pit twisting and turning in his stomach.

 

            He loves Luhan.

 

 

            "I love you."

 

            Luhan looks over at him, bed hair ruffled and eyes still droopy with sleep. He's shirtless under the sheets.

 

            He gives Sehun the smile that made him fall in love in the first place.

 

            "I love you too, Oh Sehun."

 

---

A/N- i got really sappy and emotional one night and this came up. i'm sorry for my non-descriptiveness ((??????)) i'm unoriginal, cheesy, and lame. i'm also 13 and very durdduuurdr in my choice of vocab so pls do not behead me. i love selu so much they make me so happy and warm inside. they also make me tremble downstairs heuheuhehuehuehuehheuhehueh 

 

how can you not love them :')

well i hope you all liked this, please comment! :))))))))))) <333333333

selubrication