The only memories that don't hurt are the ones she can't remember...

She said that, didn't she?

The thing is, there is no hurt. There is no pain. That would have been fine except, ghost don't get tired either. They don't get tired and they don't sleep. They don't sleep so there's no escape from all the thoughts scampering through their heads. And there are a ton of thoughts going through Nayoung's head right now.

She remembers everything about him still. The boy with a mess of hair and this slightly crooked and uncertain smile that sets off his perfectly straight teeth. She remembers this boy who could move as gently as a soft breeze or as frenetic as a sudden gust of wind, with each stretch and glide of his body as beautiful and breathtaking as the last. She remembers how he would poke fun at her for being so graceful yet having such a crass mouth.

How he was always quick to defend her. How long his eyelashes were.

The way her name sounded when he said it—soft, like it was precious and something beautiful.

How she shivered by him simply touching her elbow or the small of her back.

How much she...

"Nayoung?"

She blinks a few times before turning to face Sunggyu who's looking at her with these eyes so full of concern. And she hates that, right? She hates it when people start to care because then you start to care and then... people die. People die and so you've just wasted time on an emotion that won't count for .

So she forces a smile on her face. Not the one with her teeth showing. That one's too hard.

"What?"

"Who's Howon?"

"What?"

"Who's Howon? You said Howon," he explains, his attention now completely centered on her despite Joo-hee and... despite her being just some distance away from them. "That's a name, right?"

"Uh," is the only thing that comes out of . It makes her sound stupid and she hates it. "I... Yeah. That guy. He, uh, he looks a lot like this guy I knew back when... You know." She manages to force a laugh this time. "Yeah, whatever. It's nothing. It happens all the time."

And that would have been the end of it except Sunggyu is Sunggyu and he is stubborn to the very core and he keeps just looking at her with these eyes that aren't quite there but are ridiculously expressive still and she hates everything now. She does.

Including herself.

"Okay," he tells her, like he accepts what she says as valid even when she knows he doesn't entirely believe everything she just said.

Have they gotten that close, she wonders. There's always been this invisible wall between them, this line that she never thought of crossing. They can't be friends. She told him that, too. She doesn't want friends. Friends just makes everything harder. Friends makes the going away harder.

"Are you sure?"

She goes for something familiar, something that doesn't take too much effort. Anger it is then. She wraps her fingers around the emotion and grips it tightly because she fears she might break into a thousand pieces if she doesn't have something to hold onto. "What's with the interrogation, dude?" she spats, glaring at him and hoping that he won't see past the facade and ask her again.

But she tries too hard. The words are far too venomous and that's exactly how he knows that some thing is wrong.

"Nayoung," he says her name softly and it hurts.

He isn't supposed to feel sorry. Not for her. Not for this.

So she does what she can. She disappears.

She hides herself away in her peaceful meadow, except the peace is nowhere to be found and she doesn't even last ten seconds before everything warring inside of her gets the better of her. Back in Sunggyu's class, lunch period is over and the teacher clears his throat. It doesn't quite get the desired effect of drawing the class's attention. But there are a few pairs of watchful eyes, Nayoung notes, excluding her own.

"Class," the teacher drones in his painfully monotonous voice, "If everyone will pay attention. I know it's a little late in the school year but we have a new transfer student from Busan. Lee..." He looks down at the paper in his hands for a moment, "Hoya, is it? Joo-hee was kind enough to show you around earlier, I believe."

It's ridiculous, she knows, how she can't quite look at him just yet. She just doesn't want to remember more than she already does.

"Yeah, that's me. Lee Hoya. Hello, everyone."

Hoya.

Not Howon.

Hoya.

But...

She finally finds the courage to look up. She lifts her eyes only to get a good view of the top of his head as he bows respectfully in front of his new classmates. As he straigtens out, seemingly moving in slow motion and she knows.

It's Howon.

Nayoung is mesmerized by him, by this boy named Lee Hoya who is strange but familiar at the same time. She watches as his friendly eyes scan the classroom finally landing on... her?

No.

Nayoung looks down to see that she's hovering a little behind Joo-hee. She catches the subtle little wave he sends in her direction and the slight curve of his lips as he tries to fight back a smile and she's just so thankful that it doesn't hurt. Not in the way it should, not in the way of heartbreak and tears. Just that the emptiness inside of her feels just a little more hollow.

Before she can help herself, she moves in front of Joo-hee and there it is—the flushed cheeks and the gentle flutter of eyelashes as she looks down at her book.

Okay.

.

No. Not . It's okay.

It is.

No.

.

It isn't.

She transports herself back to the green grass and pretty daffodils of her meadow, only to be disappointed that there is nothing to distract her from the warring thoughts in her head.

"BOB!" Nayoung shouts, her hands balled into fists at her sides. She begins pacing in circles hoping that it'll take away some of the confusion and anger that she's feeling.

"BOB! Where the hell are you!" she screams as loudly as she can. "I—" She falls to the ground and rolls over on her back, staring up at the expanse of blue overhead. "This is too unfair... I swear, you guys . Whoever is in charge up there... You . You hear me? YOU !"

"Now now, Nayoung. No need for that kind of aggression."

Nayoung turns her head to the side, not really surprised at seeing Bob sitting beside, hands fiddling with a daisy. "That's all I have left, though, Bob. A half-life of memories and decades of pent up aggression. You can't take out one without the other. You just can't."

As much as she wants to, she can't hate Bob. Her supervisor has been the only real constant in her unlife and she can't hate Bob for just being Bob. She knows that Bob's just following orders.

"Are you okay?"

"No," she bites out bitterly. "It's unfair, Bob. Why do I have to see him again? I mean... How did this happen? He looks exactly the same, Bob! Eyes, lips... The same everything! How the hell—"

She closes her eyes but it does nothing to shut out the visions of the young boy that once held so close to heart. That time when they were twelve and cut class to eat ice cream and got caught by the ahjumma who lives in the same apart as Howon, one floor down. He got his beat so bad he couldn't sit for almost the entire day while Nayoung received a tongue lashing from her own parents.

"It was totally worth it, though," he told her proudly, all while rubbing his numb buttocks. It was one of the many acts of rebellion that she'd usually incite herself.Her parents couldn't understand how they'd raised such a hellion of a daughter and why the nice boy in her class always gave into her silly whims.

"Some things just are, Nayoung."

Of course Bob would say something like that. Bob has a way of being both the most and least help, which makes things comforting and frustrating at the same time. Mostly frustrating, really.

"I can't do this, Bob," she confesses after a few moments, "I can't help Sunggyu with Howon there. I can't."

"You can."

"I can't!"

"Maybe you can?" Bob suggests gently.

"Trust me, I can't!"

"Nayoung..."

"No! You don't understand and you won't understand so stop trying to, Bob." She closes her eyes. "I wouldn't even be able to explain it to you even if I wanted to."

"Why not?"

She shakes her head and lets out a little laugh. Because this is what Bob does—asks questions like a child and answers them like the voice of the universe. "Because I wouldn't know what words to use. I don't even know if words even exist to describe what I'm feeling right now. There's just too much going on in here." She taps her temple with finger before tossing her arm over her eyes. "And... I can't."

"That's okay. Not everything can be explained. Just our existence here is a good example, don't you think?" With a whirl of the hand, Bob creates a small bouquet of wildflowers. "Things just are. Things happen, Nayoung. Whether we want them to or not. Whether we are ready for them or not."

Bob places the flowers in Nayoung's hand, the one that lays limply at her side. "But might I make a suggestion?"

She lets out an unladylike snort. "Can I stop you?" Nayoung asks dryly.

"You can try," Bob chuckles, "I think perhaps you should consider this as an opportunity."

"Opportunity?"

"Yes. To finally figure things out."

She remembers Sunggyu's words. Who's Howon?

"He's mine," she whispers.

...

She floats through time.

She doesn't really think of days as actual days. For people, it's pretty clear cut how days end and begin. The sun rises, the sun sets. But for Nayoung, she can witness a dozen sunrises and sunsets, one after the other. She can move through the world in the blink of an eye and no one would even know that she was there.

No one even knows she's here now.

It might be three days. Four or five, she doesn't really know. But it's been a while since she last showed herself to Sunggyu. She sees him looking over his shoulder once in a while, probably thinking he'll catch sight of her if he's lucky. But... She's just not ready for the inevitable questions or the way his eyes narrow with concern. He already has infintisimally small eyes, no need to make them nonexistent.

And he would be if he sees her. Because watching Hoya/Howon running around, smiling, be young... It's like how they describe seeing a train wreck happen before your eyes but you can't bring yourself to look away. Except, she's the train wreck here isn't she?

It's more out of habit that she follows Sunggyu home from cram school. He nudges Dongwoo in the ribs when he cracks a comment on how Hoya has managed to gain more ground in the sacred land of Joo-hee in a week than Sunggyu has in the last three years.

"I knew you were slow before, hyung, but this just brings everything to a whole new light," Sungyeol jokes before quickly scampering off to hide behind Myungsoo to avoid Sunggyu's inevitable (painful) wrath. Woohyun is laughing so hard that he's clutching his stomach and Myungsoo even fights back a grin.

But Sunggyu remains quiet, only answering with harsh glares and tiny shoves. It's terribly uncharacteristic but Nayoung is entirely too lost in her own thoughts to pay any attention. Even when they reach Sunggyu's house, he offers nothing more than a small and rather aloof wave, one which his friends awkwardly return before moving onto their own paths home.

His mother is busy in the kitchen finishing up with dinner while the rest of his family are in various states of rest and relaxation—his little sister flipping through the channels on the television and his father reading the crime novel he's been working on for a few weeks now. Sunggyu merely gives them a quick greeting and rushes up to his room.

"Yah! Sunggyu!" his mother bellows only to be answered by the shutting of his bedroom door.

Nayoung floats over the sofa and sits beside Sunggyu's ten-year-old sister who finally settles on a drama to watch. "Jieunnie," she says quietly, "One day, someone's going to come into your life—maybe someone you already know or perhaps someone you'll meet when you're older—and they are going to tear you apart, piece by little piece. And you know what?" She gives a little laugh. "You're not even going to mind. In fact, it'll be the best feeling in your life."

Sunggyu's mother comes out of the kitchen, her hair still in its indestructible bun near the nape of her neck, furiously wiping her palms and the back of her hands on her apron. "Sunggyu!" His mother is spitting fire as she stares up the staircase. "Yah! Sunggyu! Is that any way to greet your mother? And after I've just slaved away in the kitchen trying to nourish you and make sure you're healthy? Not to mention the fifty-two hours that I was labor trying to pop you out of what would have been a rather skinny body but you and your fat head made me the size of a small bus."

Sunggyu's father snorts and quickly covers it up with a cough but not before his wife looks over her shoulder to give him the evilest eye Nayoung has ever seen.

Sighing, Nayoung transports herself into Sunggyu's room to find him lying on his bed and the room dark.

"Hey, what's with the attitude?" she asks, making herself visible. "Your mother's about to go crazy on your dad."

Sunggyu scrambles for the lamp and switches it on, his eyes blinking as they get used to the sudden light. "Nayoung?" His eyes finally land on her and his formerly expressionless face turns into one of quiet rage.

"Sunggyu?"

"Where the hell have you been?"

"What?"

Sunggyu throws his hands up in the air. "What? What? She goes missing for a week and now all she can say is what," he mutters.

"Wait," Nayoung says slowly, realization finally dawning on her, "Were you worried about me?"

Sunggyu's jaw fairly drops to the floor. "What the hell are you—" He takes a deep breath. "Of course I was worried!" he spats out. "You were gone for a week without warning. You just disappear without a word, without even..." He looks at her then, eyes full of disappointment.

"Without even a goodbye..." he finishes softly.

"Sunggyu..."

"No. You don't do that to your friends, Nayoung." He shakes his head and she can clearly see how much she's upset him with her sudden disappearance.

It's been a while since she's had anyone care enough to worry about her. It feels weird, if she's going to be honest. Weird but familiar and pleasant. And somehow she's glad that she's managed to make amends with Sunggyu only now he looks like he's about to pop vein.

"What did I say about being friends?" she jokes, trying her best to lighten the situation.

Sunggyu shoots her an exasperated look. "Of all the times you want to joke around, you want to do it now? Can't you see how pissed off I am?"

"Not really," Nayoung counters, "It's hard to see past your ugly face."

Finally he cracks a smile. "Just..." He sighs tiredly. "Just give me a head's up next time, okay?"

She nods, giving him a bright smile. "No more unannounced disappearances. Promise." She holds up her two fingers in a peace sign and tries her best to present some form of aegyo.

"I don't even know if I trust you enough to believe you," Sunggyu groans, "What the hell is going on downstairs?" The sound of his mother's angry diatribe drifts through the floorboards with its intensity and Nayoung would shudder if her nerve endings were still working.

"You should go downstairs. Your mom was pretty angry with your brush off earlier," she explains, then gives him a cheeky grin, "Don't worry, I'll still be here when you get back."

He nods, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. "Okay, but listen. You're gonna tell me what's going on with you after I deal with my mom and dinner. Something is off with you. I can feel it."

"Whatever, Sunggyu. Just go." She rolls her eyes and sends an invisible force that pushes him toward his bedroom door. Sunggyu shoots her a warning look before exiting the room and the closing the door behind him.

"Silly boy..." she says with a smile.

A sudden gust of wind forces Sunggyu's windows wide open and a swirl of white appears in front of Nayoung. "Bob?" she says, utterly confused with the unexpected presence of her supervisor. "What are you doing here?"

Bob grins at her one fully materialized. "I've talked to the higher ups."

"About what?" she asks, brow furrowed.

"About you. They want to talk to you, want to know if you're willing."

Nayoung shakes her head, still too perplexed with what her supervisor's saying. "What are you talking about? Willing?"

"They're considering bending the rules for you, Nayoung. They want to know if you will find this acceptable."

"Okay, I still have no idea what you're talking about but if it's rule bending or breaking or whatever, I'm all for it." She grins.

Bob smiles back, a knowing smile that sort of clues Nayoung in that this might be something rather big. "Oh, I'm sure you'll like this."

...

Wow, you guys! I think I got 10 additional subs from the last chapter and that's pretty incredible! Thanks for subscribing, new subscribers! I hope you enjoy the story! And to my old subscribers, I loff you! :]

I hope you guys like the new chapter. I know there's so much to talk about and I do want to explain things properly but I'll have to hold off until the perfect moment. Also, while this chapter is far more depressing than the previous ones, the next chapter will go back to being light. And I think you all have a clue as to what will happen next!

Anyway, that's all I wish to say. That, and THANK YOOOUUUU! So many precious people to thank now! My lovelies are lovely people indeed!