Hyung and I

 

 

 

 

 

            Sun was making its way up on the sky slowly.Every morning it looked more and more tired as its color was getting lighter and colder.The autumn was clearly approaching , undressing the threes but dressing the people.

Not too far but not too close either to the center of Seoul, Luhan found a nice apartment.He and Sehun moved there almost 2 years ago.Now that was their home.

They decided,together, to sell the house.It was too big for 2 people and full of unnecessary sentimental baggage.The money they recieved after they selled it out dissapeared so quick as if it never existed.

A good amount was obviously spent on that apartment and the rest on whatnots.Sehun was sad so Luhan didn’t care about being thrifty and bought whatever brightned the boy a little : from candies to acessories to clothing–whatever the boy liked

When Sehun smiled ,Luhan smiled.

When Sehun cried ,Luhan cried also.

He didn’t know why.It was a strange connection between them ,a very senstive one – a circuit and whever Sehun felt something ,the feeling hit up in Luhan too.

 

Luhan often ignored the fact that they owned two bedrooms and went to sleep in Sehun’s room,in his bed ,arms around his waist or vice versa.

„Hyung,get up.I have to go to school” Sehun slowly removed Luhan’s grip who refused to open his eyes and rolled on his back groaning slightly.The younger sat on top of him but jumped and ran to the bathroom as soon as a mock escaped his lips „I know you’re old but don’t act like it...”

„Yah!did you just call me old again?”

A laugh was heared.

„I am not old.Not at all. Zhe xiaozi(brat).”Luhan smiled to himself and got up.He didn’t feel like growing older –just lazier.He prepared Sehun’s lunch and ironed his uniform.Ten minutes later Sehun bowed and left for school.

It was boring...being alone,waiting for him,having nothing to do in particular until he was back.

 

Sehun came home wrinkled and covered in bruises.And even if Luhan tried to persuade him countless times to tell him how did he end up that way,the boy just simply shrugged off each time and said he had argued with one of his classmates.That was it

No reason,no name, nothing more.

Luhan was a medical student and worked as a nurse for a while that’s why he knew how to take good care of his injuries.His hands were gentle as the touch of a feather –that’s something he hated about himself.He wished he wasn’t that fragile-looking and weak and forced to pretend he’s not.

 

„I got a call this morning.Guess from who.”

Sehun played dumb as they walked hand in hand while their free hands were idly playing inside their pockets ,hiding from the cold oustide.

 

„From your homeroom teacher and you knew that.You’re failing?”

Surprisingly,Luhan didn’t seem angry.He was rather concerned.

 

„How come ?you were top in your class at math.”

No answer came from the younger.

„That’s not – nice...” Luhan continued to speak softly.At the park entrance they came upon an ice cream street vendor „let’s get some ”.Sehun chose chocolate and mentha while Luhan orange and mango.They sat down on a bench and started chewing silenlty.The wind was blowing quietly,the sky was serene ,they were surounded bydead leaves and warm colors.

„It’s not just math...” Luhan spoke again after a while ,his voice a little hoarse this time as he felt icy flavors melting down his throat.

„There is something wrong with you.As I know you, you won’t tell me.I will guess it ,ok?”

Sehun shrugged and waited for his hyung to think.

„Let’s see...your grades are failing because...” a hint of hesitation but eventually Luhan bite his lip and said it „...your classmates pick up on you for something.”

„That’s not entirely untrue” Sehun admitted unnecessary because it had no use.They both kind of knew that already.What Luhan needed was the reason behind.

„Something like...a flaw?”

„A flaw?”

„Yeah, a flaw.Because people these days are mean and they tend to point them out.”

„Yes,hyung,but it’s not the case.”

„Than maybe it’s because they’re jealous you are so good in math.Do they mock you for that?” Sehun shook his head and Luhan pouted cutely.

„The mock you because of someone you like?”

„That’s not—„ Sehun almost choked his ice cream.

„Ah!I knew it.I had a feeling and this was the first reason that came into my mind but i wasn’t sure so I didn’t want say anything but anyway.So who do you like?”

 

„Is she your classmate?”

 

„But she’s from your highschool,right?”

„To be honest ,no.”

„No?”Luhan frowned „it’s some kind of a celebrity crush?”

His dongsaeng’s head shook again.

„Than who?” The frown deepened ,the voice softened and Sehun admitted humbly „It’s you, hyung.” Than his cheeks were tinted in pale pink ,soaked in embaressment, his gaze fell on the ground.Luhan had a doeful look pasted on his face.He could feel his cheeks turning rosy too.They both could have blamed the biting cold but their skin was warm not cold.

 

„I am...flattered but...nothing more.” Luhan laughed awkwardly.

 

„Are you okay ?”

„I’m not okay but It’s okay.I will be.”

„I feel bad.I don’t know what to say, I don’t want you to be sad either.”

Sehun looked up at Luhan.He didn’t need his pity.He already felt sorry for himself –

He was only a boy at his flowerage ,trapped in a whril of hormones who happened to develope a crush on his hyung.It was unfortunate ,he wasn’t going to make a fuss about that.He actually hoped the crush will cool down and dissapear but it didn’t.He’s still willing to wait.

 

November 1st – wheezing nights and gloomy days.Mornings were cruel ,biting the skin off.It snowed –  strangerly early.Under the thick,fluffy blanket they lied embraced ,hiding away.Luhan wasn’t pushing him away, Sehun was happy.He could almost swear he will just run and refuse to talk to him again but he didn’t do that.As if it never happened what it happened ,their relationship was nice and cozy as always.

 

„Alarm went off.”

„I don’t care.”

Their voices were tired and quiet.

„I don’t want to go to school.”

„What do you want to do than?Live the life of a bumbble-bee?”

„If that means you’ll be my honey-bee...”

A moment of silence followed than Luhan smacked Sehun’s forehead and got out of bed.

„I’m sorry!”Sehun shout out as he followed him to the kitchen where Luhan started looking around nervously.He took out a pan and asked :

„What do you want for breakfast?”

„Hmm.Chicken and poached egg soup.”

„What?” Luhan raised an eyebrow „what’s that?i don’t know how to do that.I barely know how to make pancakes.”

„Ah,sorry,yes.Why don’t you you cook me some chinese food?Not now but some time.”

„I don’t know how to prepare any chinese traditional meal either.So,would you like pancakes or what?”

„Nah.I think omlette will do.”

   

They ate while listening to the news.Well,the truth is none of them truly payed attention : some dog got lost, a famous couple broke up,a new KBS drama was coming soon.

Sehun voluntered to wash the dishes.

Two pills were swallowed by the older to keep him in peace.That was his morning routine.The kind of pills you could only get using a prescription from your doctor.But since Luhan had experience in that domain it was easy-peasy for him to obtain them.

Something called „paroxetine” and „depakine” Sehun noticed one day but never questioned their usage though.

Luhan found a part-time job at a coffee shop to distract himself and to earn some extra money,why not.The atmosphere there was pleasant ,he liked it and Sehun would always come afterschool there taking the table in the corner,right next to the window.Luhan would smile and ask him what would he like to order pulling out a notebook and a pen.Sehun would respond with a playful smile “you know already” than Luhan would hit him lightly on the forehead  “It’s my job to ask,pabo.Just play along.”

Long after the croissant was eaten and  the mug was left empty,Sehun was still there watching Luhan from afar,ocasionally scribbling down his homework.

The shop was deserted one day and that gave Luhan more (and longer) breaks.He sat from time to time at Sehun’s table making a chit-chat with him.Each time he approached the younger, his eyes lightened up .He was that easy.It was not his intention to look like a puppy but that was kind of cute,Luhan thought.

“You should go home.My boss wants me to stay after hours anyway.”

“Can’t I wait until you’re done?”

“Aren’t you tired of watching me?of seeing me?not a whit?We’re 24/7 together.” Luhan laughed quietly with a hint of sadness in his eyes and Sehun shook his head.

“Nope.”

Luhan laughed again and kissed his forehead wich was  a natural movement to him , an innocent touch between dry lips and soft skin, but to Sehun suddenly meant much more as he felt Luhan’s warm breath on his face making him to close his eyes.

„Hui jia.”

And Sehun did as told. „I swear that kid is going to move in here one day.”Luhan heared his boss say after their farewell.He knew he was talking to him ,and about Sehun,even if he was with his back turned at the old man.The honey-blonde haired boy simply nodded and apologized.

„Nah!It doesn’t bother me,no worries.”

„Even if he sometimes just occupies the sit and doesn’t order anything.For this, I’ am really sorry.”

The old man clicked his tongue „Luhan, Luhan...” His boss was a nice man,he reminded Luhan of his grandfather.The thought of his family from China made him nostalgic once again.

„Is he your lover?”

„Eh?my what?”he straightly chocked out the words.A smile was offered to him and he could feel his stomach clenching up anreasonably .

„I was wrong than,i am sorry. I thought he was becasue looking at you two, I can see you are very close and from the way he’s looking at you with such an admiration and affection...ah! but If you say there’s nothing between you,kids, I believe.Maybe you shouldn’t give him hopes either.”

„I don’t.”Did he?

 

„Lu!” Sehun greeted Luhan once he got home ,followed by a playful „pabo”.He was all soaked, the tip of his fingers and the tip of his nose were frozen due to the cold rain outside.

„I had an umbrella with me.You should have let me stay with you `till the end,see?”

„Yeah,whatever.Now move aside, I need to change.”

„Okay,go change.I’m going to bed.I’ll wait for you-”

„Sehun,”  Luhan stops him „I think – I’ll sleep in my bed tonight.”

Sehun’s jaw dropped.He didn’t even try to suppress his dissapointiment and that made the things worse for Luhan who felt his heart tearing apart.He could swear his face looked as lame as Sehun’s but he moved on,he locked himself in his bedroom and didn’t talk to the boy untill the next morning.

Three pills were taken.

Three days passed and on november 19th Sehun forgot his red umbrella home and also missed the bus.So It was his turn to enter the door shaking,all soaked.The moment Luhan saw him,he started yelling at him things like „look at you!you’re so irresponsible” , „you made me worry” , „you’ll catch a cold” ,things in korean but also things in chinese that Sehun barely understood.Luhan rarely raised his voice and rarely spoke in chinese, mostly when he was mad.And hell, he was so mad right now.At the end of the day though, Luhan calmed down, his low and smooth voice returned and the anger in his eyes was replaced by gentleness.

„Are you alright?”

Sehun nodded because his throat hurt too bad to verbalize what he wanted to say.He really catched a cold and couldn’t speak for a few days and drown into fever.He was left ,as always, with Luhan who made him soup and tea and bought him medication and also worked in the mornings.He eventually cut his shifts in half to come home earlier and take care of Sehun.

The younger could read the frustration and sleepless nights on Luhan’s face but his hyung kept quiet about it and never complained.

 

November 24th was the day Luhan came home from work to a humble Sehun who was doing his homework in silence.He wan not in his best mood.Their wall phone rang as he threw his bag on the ground.

„Yeoboseyo...principal-sshi,it’s you again.”

Sehun stopped writing.His hand froze while Luhan hang up and remained silent.He could feel him starring into his direction.That stare burnt the back of his head.After a few moment it dissapeared.

 

 

„His grades are dropping again,he’s distracted in class and doesn’t pay attention to what teachers say,he snaped at one of them lately too but most of all ,he keeps bothering one of his classmates and his friends.He keeps picking up fights and I can not accept this.I thought we agreed this won’t happen again and I’ll see an improvement in his attitude,isn’t it?”

„I know.I’m sorry.”

„<> is not enough,you know.”

„I know.Please ,don’t punish him too drastically.I’ll talk to him.”

The principal sighed,slightly rolling her eyes „This is getting pointless.Lu Han ,are you sure there isn’t someone a litt