Her eyes open with the start of blinding light. Everything is blurry, blinding. She blinks away the spots that have appeared in her vision and it's suddenly clear. The tiny girl sits up on her bed causing her tutu skirt to ride up a little. She claws at the material to straighten it out before deciding to take it off. The skirt is barely down her knees when her brother decides to let himself into her trailer. His eyes widen for a split second until he covers them with his palm and turns around. “Hana! Do you not know how to lock your door!?” he shouts. She rolls her eyes; her brother is so dramatic, it was a headache.

 

“I’m wearing shorts underneath, idiot. And stop yelling, it’s annoying.” Her brother peeks out beneath his palm and confirms that his sister indeed is decent. He makes his way to the couch that doubles as a bed and plops down. He smiles at his sister like a cat that has swallowed a canary. “I heard from a pitchman that Kang is thinking about carding you in for the main act tonight.”

 

Jung Hana, who is rifling through her trunk of costumes, stiffens, a pair of stockings in her hands. Her hold on the nylon material loosens and slides back down into the trunk. She turns to face her brother and asks, “Are you serious?” 

 

Her brother, Daehyun, sees and hears the hope and desperation in her. He’s recluenct to answer and doesn't want to break her heart if it's not true. But this is something she has been longing for since they’ve joined this misfit group of circus performers. 

 

Daehyun slowly nods his head, “Yeah, but I mean it was only talk, nothing is official.” and he winces when he sees the drop in his sister’s taut body. He didn’t mean to get her hopes up but he couldn’t contain his excitement when he overheard the group of pitchmen discussing the possibility of his sister ending tonight’s show. His sister was a dancer, didn’t specialise in any skill set, was used for whenever and wherever. But she was so good, so talented. Anyone with vision could see that. But it came as a surprise when he heard his sister’s name, 'main show', and Director Kang in the same sentence. However he knows and everyone else in their vicinity that Hana has been slowly climbing the ranks with each performance. The crowd of people she brings in doubles as the dates go by. All to see the tiny dancer. 

 

“Hey!” he calls out to his sister who still hasn’t peeped a word. She hums letting him know she's listening although her eyes are focused elsewhere. “Think about it though. My sister, Jung Hana, is climbing up that circus corporate ladder!” Hana lets out an unattractive snort and grabs the stockings she was deciding on wearing tonight at her brother. “Hey!”

 

“Shut up idiot.” Despite this her smile holds no true animosity, only fondness. 

 

~~~

 

“Hey! Did you see that? We just passed right by it again.”

 

Ahn Jaehyo flickers his eyes to the rear view mirror of his car where he can see his friend in the backseat. “What are you going on about back there? Hmm Taeil? From his viewpoint he can see his friend looking back out the window, seatbelt not buckled, body angled facing the opposite of the car. Definitely illegal and unsafe. 

 

“The circus is in town!” For the life of him Jaehyo cannot pretend to share his best friend's enthusiasm. But circuses have long passed to be interesting to him. Actually a lot of things he used to share and reveal in common with his best friend have since passed in interest.

 

Jaehyo tightens his hold on the steering wheel. He refuses to even think about such things anymore. It’ll only further hinder the progress he’s been trying to make since that incident. 

 

"Jaehyo, we have to go!"

 

“Is this what we were still talking about? A circus Taeil when Lotte World is a thirty minute drive.” 

 

Taeil jumps from the backseat and shoves himself into the divider between the two front seats. Jaehyo screams and loses control of the wheel for a split second. They swerve before Jaehyo regains control. “Are you crazy, Lee Taeil?! I could have crashed!” His said best friend, seemingly unfazed about the possibility of an accident, rolls his eyes and adjusts himself so he's leaning his elbows on the divider instead. 

 

“Nonsense, you're an amazing driver even when inebriated. That’s why you’re always the DD.” 

 

“That’s besides the point, Taeil. Do you know where you would be right now had I not been a proficient driver? Not alive, I'll tell you that!" 

 

Taeil rolls his eyes but shrinks back into the backseat and buckles himself  in. "You seriously just broke a ton of laws, Lee Taeil! All because of what? A circus!" Jaehyo shouts.

 

"It’s about the aesthetic, Jaehyo." and under his breath Taeil mutters. "Something you’ve obviously lacked for a good minute”

 

“Excuse me, did you just insult my style?”

 

“It’s been two years and you still wear heartache on your body like an ugly wool sweater.” Jaehyo tenses before realising that he indeed decided to throw on a striped black and yellow wool sweater this morning “Hey! My sister bought this for me.” 

 

“Who even wears anything their relatives buy for them? I for one would not, my brother has no sense of fashion.” Taeil tsk’s. “Anyways, I just think it’s been two years and that’s enough mourning and moping, Jaehyo. You need to get out there again. Meet new people, have fun, you know?” 

 

Jaehyo, who has stayed silent for the better half of his friend’s spiel, feels the weight of it in chest. It has been two years since he had broken off a five year relationship with a close friend of both his and Taeil’s. Jaehyo was and still is a very private person despite wearing his heart on his sleeve and was surprised when one of the guys from their friend group confessed to him that they had desired him, for quite awhile too. Him: Ahn Jaehyo. 

 

He had tried to call bluff on this and downplay the other’s feelings but this had only further increased their interest in Jaehyo and their pursuit of him. Eventually the walls he built came crumbling down and Jaehyo let him in. A mistake Jaehyo would later say. Something he would not let happen again. 

 

But good ol’ Taeil stuck around. His best friend stayed with him even after their friend group slowly deteriorated with the breakup of it’s two members. And because of that loyalty Jaehyo agrees. 

 

Taeil shouts with a triumph yell seeing this a definite win. “I knew you weren’t completely devoid of fun after all.” Jaehyo rolls his eyes but a smile still makes its way onto his lips. 

 

~~~

 

After Jaehyo drops Taeil off at his workplace, he heads back to his apartment. His heart beats rapidly in his chest at the prospect of going out in public again. He’s been sort of recluse since then and his anxiety shows it. Jaehyo reaches his apartment door and fishes through the book bag at his side for his key. A door opening and closing to a nearby apartment echoes through the hallway and the sounds of shoes squeaking across the tile rise in volume near Jaehyo’s direction. He barely manages to find his key when a pair of boots appear in his peripheral vision. 

 

A sharp intake of breath exhales through Jaehyo when he recognizes those combat boots. His boots. 

 

“Hi Jiho,” Jaehyo says as his eyes slowly rake from boots to legs to chest to face. Said boy shuffles from one foot to another. There is an uncertainty in his eyes unlike Jaehyo seen before. Jiho’s always been so confident. But here he’s rendered to a silent, meek boy. Jaehyo’s not dumb though he knows Jiho enough. After all, he once dated the younger boy.

 

“Do you need something, Jiho?” Jaehyo’s eyes flicker from his door to Jiho, to his door again and then back to Jiho. “Do you want to come in?”

 

“Uh no,” Jiho coughs and clears his throat, thumbs his hand in the direction of his apartment. “Kyung is waiting for me back at my place. I just uh...” Jaehyo almost growls at the mention of Kyung. Another boy from their friend group who Jiho ended up leaving Jaehyo for. Something that Jaehyo should have seen coming given how close knit the two were before they ever met Jaehyo and the others. Why they didn’t get together in the first place and save Jaehyo from future heartache frustrates him to all ends. 

 

“Then what can I help you with, Jiho?”

 

“Taeil called Jihoon and said you two were going to this circus in town," Jaehyo was going to kill Taeil. He should have known this would happen. Taeil still kept in touch with Jihoon who still stayed friends with Jiho and by default Kyung too. God Taeil was right. He needed to meet new people, better people apparently.  "And well he kinda invited us along but,” Jiho pauses.

 

“But?” Jaehyo prompts with a flick of his wrist. 

 

“Well we, Kyung and I, didn’t want to intrude, you know? Unless it was okay by you. I know how hard-” 

 

Jaehyo jams his key into the doorknob and cuts off anything else the younger boy has to say. “Yeah it’s fine, Jiho. It’s been two years, did you think I still cared?” About you, goes unspoken but he’s sure the other boy gets the message. The lock connects and the door swings open.

 

Jiho frowns and reaches out to Jaehyo with his hand. Fortunately for Jaehyo his reflexes are faster and he manages to enter his apartment and close the distance between them with his door. Before they connect though he mutters a see ya later, Jiho. 

 

He doesn't wait for the younger boy to leave before he's dashing through his apartment, heart rattled more than he’d like it to be. When does one get over heartbreak? And will he ever? 

 

~~~

 

Jaehyo sighs and leans back onto his car’s hood. Taeil and him are in the parking lot waiting for their other party to arrive. He picked up his friend from work and headed straight over to the lot of land the circus was occupying for the time being. The car ride was awkward after Jaehyo confronted his friend for inviting Jihoon without letting him know firsthand. However not even Taeil could believe Jihoon would go as far as to extend the invitsion to Jaehyo’s ex and said ex’s boyfriend. Starting tomorrow he was getting a new friend group. 

 

Jaehyo jumps when a hand clamps onto his shoulder. He whirls around to see Jihoon’s beaming face. “Hyung, it’s been awhile. Let’s go, we’re all waiting on you!” the youngest of the group of his friends, Jihoon. He had this infectious personality that you just couldn't help but feel at ease with and happy around. With an almost defeated sign, Jawhyo nods and moves to join the group. Jihoon lights up and throws an arm around his shoulders taking the lead. 

 

They reach the gates that form from iron welded poles, bolded words “Le Cirque des Rêves”. Jaehyo squints and a confused thought runs through him. Foreigners? Maybe, definitely something none of his group can pronounce nor understand. There’s no ticket booth in sight, just two workers fitted in pin striped slacks and waistcoats beckoning and welcoming guests inside. It seems entrance is free. 

 

His friends waste no time and barrel into the fenced enclosed circus. There's an uneasiness thumping in Jaehyo’s body that only increases when he passes the threshold and a performer on stilts intercepts his group and accidentally or not manages to lose them in the crowd.  

 

He knows they are lost and gone by now when he’s not found. Accepting that he’s now alone and left to his own devices, he begins a tour of the circus. There’s so much going on and he can’t possibly keep his attention to one sideshow at a time. There’s a woman covered in tattoos in the oddest positions he’s ever seen a body be in. And then his attention is being pulled in another direction. There’s a man surrounded by a group of beautiful women. An awfully familiar man to be exact.

 

Jaehyo doesn’t even register the thought but he’s marching over. Jaehyo stares in disbelief and he feels like a blubbering mess but he manages. “Joon? Lee Joon?”

 

The man stops his act of fire breathing and turns to face the voice who called him. A grin breaks out onto his face when he realizes who it is. “Jaehyo?” 

 

The relief that fills him is immediate. It has been too long since he’s seen his long lost? friend. 

 

“Joon!” Jaehyo gasps and rushes to pull him in a hug. The group of women who were watching the attraction murmur excitedly among themselves before leaving the two to have their moment. He pulls back to see him more closely. He can’t believe it, he almost wants to cry. His friend who was once slender and lean bulked up couldn’t look even more attractive than he last saw him. 

 

“Joon, is it really you?” the grin on his friend’s face never falters and Jaehyo knows. This is his Joon. God has he missed him. He opens his mouth to question him, ask where’s been this whole time, what he’s been up to but Joon waves a hand and pulls him his arm. “Come, let's talk over here.” Joon leads him through the huge crowd and in this time he takes the time to trail his eyes over his friend who walks in confident strides. He’s shirtless and wears tight leather pants with knee high boots. There’s even a couple tattoos scattered across his body and a collar around his neck that Jaehyo knows only his friend could pull off. 

 

Joon leads him past the tents and sideshows to an area that starts to cut off from the public. His eyebrows rise when a sign 'Employees only' appears in his peripheral vision. They reach a tent that emits a strong, spicy scent and Joon raises the flap up and pulls him in. It’s quiet with the only sound of cutlery being moved around. “Joon, wait! Where are we going?”

 

His friend looks back at him and is beaming. “We’ll talk soon, Jae. Come sit first, get some coco in you. This is the Cook House, where employees eat.” They find a table with no occupants and Joon eagerly pushes him into a seat. “I’ll be right back, just stay here okay? I’ll explain in a minute.” and he’s off running again. Jaehyo has to fight the impulse to run after his friend. He just got him back and he doesn’t want to lose him again. There’s so much he wants to ask and he fears like this is all a fever dream, one he’ll wake up from and Joon will be gone. Joon only runs to a section of where kitchenware resides and what looks to be chiefs. He’s haggling with them and pleading going as far as to point out to Jaehyo. The chief sees him and sighs, no doubt giving into his very persistent and persuasive friend. Joon returns with a takeout box and two styrofoam cups. He plops down into a chair adjacent to him, his knees knocking into his, a reminder that he’s really there. He’s not dreaming. 

 

“Eat, my friend. Seungi is a master with a deep fryer.” he flips open the box’s lid to reveal a funnel cake, topped with whipped cream, strawberries, and a drizzle of chocolate sauce. Joon snags a piece and throws it in his mouth. Jaehyo stares at him, practically willing him to stop giving him the runaround. He’s bursting with questions, demands and his friend is just lounging like a cat munching on fried batter. 

 

“Joon, what are you doing here?” his friend pauses with a piece still in his mouth and looks up at him. “At the moment trying to eat. I can only be on break for so long before I-”

 

“Goddamn it Joon, you know what I’m talking about. I mean here! What are you doing here?!” and he gestures around him to the circus that’s glaringly obvious. “Why are you working in a circus? Why did you drop out of school? Quit your job? Your parents said you haven't made any attempts to contact them? Your sister even quit her job to care for them full time. Why-”

 

“Do you ever feel lost in this world?” Joon asks with a tone that makes Jaehyo stop. His heart is beating against his chest but it's drowned out by Joon. 

 

“What?” Jaehyo manges to breathe out. 

 

‘Ever feel like you’ve lost your purpose? Your motivation? Your will to live?” 

 

Jaehyo's face scrunches up in confusion. He has to admit he's completely thrown off here. “What are you talking about Joon?”

 

“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, Jae." He gives him that look. That knowing look, that oddly makes Jaehyo vulnerable.  "I was losing myself. I needed to get away from everything that was sinking me down, destroying me. So that’s why I’m here, been here since then.”

 

“Joon, I didn’t know you-” his friend cuts him off with a wave of his hand. 

 

“Don’t do that to yourself. I didn’t need anyone to notice or help. I needed to get myself out, this is my journey, my recovery. Only I could do something.” 

 

“I’d wish you would have kept in touch, with me at least. Did our friendship not mean enough to you that you couldn’t let me know you were okay?”

 

“No, Jae. I couldn't. I told you this is my recovery, mine. I get to be selfish with this.”

 

“Right, sorry.” Jaehyo clears his throat to fight the threat of a sob. He blinks away the tears that form in the corner of his eyes. “Are you happy here at least? They treat you well?”

 

Joon chuckles, “Yeah they’re good people. Good motley crew. Very welcoming and open to new members.” Jaehyo barely manages to catch the wink sent his way before reaching over to grab a piece of the funnel cake he hasn't had a chance to try. 

 

“Hey! Joon hyung!” a shout echoes through the nearly empty tent. Jaehyo twists in his seat to see who the new incomer is. A boy jogs to their table and clings onto his friend. The impact nearly throws him back from his chair but they both steel their feet into ground to catch themselves. It’s evident that the two are close. Joon’s always been the more sociable of the two. The boy swings his attento to Jaehyo with an open curiosity and excitement. “Who’s this, hyung?”

 

Jaehyo looks at Joon, an insecurity flares up. Will Joon lie? They’re best friends but it’s clear to Jaehyo that his friend has moved on, built a new life here amongst this weird circus. He won’t blame him if he’s decided to cut off his ties with him too. Put the final nail in that coffin. 

 

Joon grins though but it’s mischievous. “This is Jaehyo, the news member of our bandwagon of freaks. He’s also your hyung too, so show him some respect, make him feel welcomed and give me the tour, Daehyun.” 

 

Jaehyo stutters and tries to protest. “I’m not-”

 

“Welcome to the crazy train,”  Daehyun throws his arms around him and picks him up from his seat with a strength that’s unreal. “You're going to love it here!” he’s screaming in his ear. Joon uses this distraction to slip away and return to his act.

 

Jaehyo is left gaping as he watches his friend disappear past the striped tents. Daehyun pulls him with that brute strength of his and rapidly lists off tents, people, etc.

 

He shows him the employee area of tents and asks him questions about himself. He’s friendly like Ukwon with a curiosity like Jihoon. But there's a freshness to him. He’s different but definitely someone he could find himself becoming friends with under different circumstances.  HE manages to find a bench nearby and leads them there. He’s warm and high off the ambience of Daehyun and the circus. It’s new and different but so inviting. 

Daehyun leans back into the bench with a look at Jaehyo. It's obvious he’s proud of himself. “We have so much in common, hyung. We’re both from Busan. We both sing and we’re both incredibly good looking.”

 

“Daehyun!” They both jump and search in the direction of where they heard the voice come from. Among the circus workers is a tiny girl marching towards them. With each step she takes her heeled boots yank grass from the ground, leaving a trail. Daehyun stiffens for a split second before relaxing beside him. 

 

Jaehyo tenses though as if to prepare for whatever storm she's bringing with her. “Daehyun, where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” the tiny girl shouts. 

 

Daehyun answers, “Now who’s being loud and annoying?” The tiny girl growls and moves to smack her brother. It connects but there’s no evident malice directed because Daehyun just laughs. “You think you’re so funny, just wait until later.” she grumbles before finally taking notice of Jaehyo. “Who is this?” 

 

Daehyun shakes off his giggles and turns to Jaehyo with a wide smile. Clearly he held only fondness for this girl. “This is Jaehyo, I met him when I was looking for Joon hyung. He’s a new recruit.”

 

 And Jaehyo doesn’t know why he’s doing this, pretending to go along with Joon’s lie. But he does it anyway. He nods and introduces himself. “Hi, I'm Jaehyo.” 

 

She nods and doesn’t question the validity of his recruitment. It seems like Joon was right. This raree-show opens its arms to all sorts.  

 

“Daehyun, we need you!” a voice shouts from the other side of the grass field. Daehyun looks at the men dressed in gold outfits and nods back at them. “I’ll be right there.” he shouts back. 

 

“Sorry we have to cut this so short but my act is about to start. Maybe though...” Daehyun’s eyes light up with a mischievous amusement. They flicker to the tiny girl. “My sister can finish showing you around.” He pats Jaehyo on the back before standing up and leaving in the direction of the group of gold suited men. 

 

“Conniving little .” the tiny girl growls under her breath. But she watches her brother walk away with a smile like she's used to his antics. 

 

She turns and looks at Jaehyo, a sigh leaving . A slight pout forms on her face as she drinks in the sight of Jaehyo. It makes him shiver and he thinks it's only fair he does the same.  

 

Jaehyo starts from her feet and slowly rakes up until he reaches her face. She's pretty. Really pretty, cute, small. Exactly his type. He thinks he might see a resemblance to Daehyun but it doesn't matter. Jaehyo is not getting into any of that. He knows a thing or two about pretty faces. Knows how tempting they can be. But the tiny girl is different even if he just doesn't know it yet. 

 

Jaehyo clears his throat after his assessment and makes eye contact with her. She's peering through him with her false lashes that happen to bring out her eyes. It's a doe-eyed look he's all too familiar with but the tiny girl pulls it off differently. There's a dusting of pink on her cheeks, probably from the cold, but she's watching him with a bite to her lip.

 

“Jaehyo, right?” he nods numbly. 

 

The tiny girl holds her cute, small hand out, “I’m Hana, Daehyun’s sister.” She introduces herself. Jaehyo clasps his hand into hers and wonders if she feels the same spark he has. 

 

But unbeknownst to them both, slowly there's a red thin string weaving its way to connect them together, sealing their fates at the night circus.