Today was a normal day. That's the part that keeps getting me. It was a really freaking normal day, so there was really no reason anything should have happened, no reason anything should have been set off.

But things did happen. Overly dramatic what-the-frick-did-I-even-do-just-then kind of things. They, uh, they didn't end very well, if I do say so myself. In fact, I am currently sitting in a park by myself, wife-beater and basketball shorts still drenched with sweat from sprinting until I couldn't feel my legs anymore and ending up on this metal bench overlooking the entire park. This would probably be fine, relaxing even, if it were the middle of the summer, but it's two degrees and snowing like a champ. Whoops. I can already feel a cold coming on, but I can't bring myself to go back to the dorms just yet. Not when I know Jongin will be there, that little . I should probably explain how I ended up in this situation, though, before a bunch of highly offensive things start to whirl around my brain and I can no longer control my thought process. Basically, it was no once upon a time:

 

"Hey. Hey Sehun. Sehun wake up."

"Mmpph.."

"Sehuuuuuun. Seeeeeeehun. Oooooh Seeeeeee-"

"Jesus ing christ Kim Jongin I am awake."

"Aww, good morning, darling!"

"I hate you. I hate you so much."

"Yeah, well, I don't care. Cry yourself to sleep about it or something."

So, like I said: normal day. 

I rolled out of bed and onto the floor with a loud thump, Jongin's cackling way too much for seven thirty in the morning, as usual. And, as usual, I couldn't find it in myself to care. The morning routine was exactly the same; half-heartedly slip out of my fuzzy pajamas (they make you feel like you're wrapped in kittens, I swear they're fantastic) into normal people clothes, brush my teeth, look at my reflection and decide there's nothing I could do to make myself look better, stuff my dance clothes and some deodorant into a bag, and stumble down the stairs in search of food. Today it was waffles.

"Kyungsoo I love you," I said through half of a waffle. 

"Don't talk with your mouth full, peasant."

I let out a little giggle (that was still totally manly, mind you), and then started coughing violently on a piece of waffle that decided it wanted to follow its dreams down my windpipe. 

"Can I hear a 'Kyungsoo is always right, why do I not bless the ground he walks on'?" Kyungsoo laughed with his back turned to me, his laughter faltering when he felt a piece of waffle hit the back of his head. "If that had syurp on it you are not going to live to see tomorrow."

"Maybe it did, maybe it didn't."

Kyungsoo whipped around in horror and flung an arm up to the back of his head, his face immediately turning into a scowl as he looked pointedly at his younger band member. "You are one lucky soul."

"Sehunnie what are you doing to my squishy?" Jongin waltzed in and wrapped his arm around Kyungsoo's small frame, laughing when I dramatically rolled my eyes.

"He started it."

"Poor Kyungie. Always getting picked on by your hyungs. It's a hard life," Jongin cooed, petting Kyungsoo's hair, who had gone back to stirring his batter.

"Just eat your stupid waffles and leave," I whined. "Just kidding, stay here, I'm done," I said, conveniently finishing the remnants of my godly breakfast in time to high tail it out of the kitchen and up to my room to spend some time to myself before heading down to the practice room. With minimal complaining from Jongin about why I don't love him anymore, I got up to our room with thirty minutes to spare. By 'spending some time to myself', I meant sleeping, as usual.

Just as I was curling up into my stationary ball under about twelve blankets and drifting off, I heard the door creak open and a feeling of dread pulling at my stomach.

"Sehunnie.."

Every. Time.

"What do you want," I snapped, a little harsher than I'd realzied. "I just wanna sleep, what do you need," I complained.

"Well, screw you too then. I was just gonna ask if you wanted to hang out for a bit before we have to head down to practice, geez."

"I'm just-"

"Tired, yeah yeah. Forget I asked." The door started to creak close.

"Jonginnn." It stopped creaking.

"What."

"Jongin I'm cold."

"You don't sound cute when you whine, I hope you know that," Jongin responded, but there was a smile in his voice. "I'll get you another blanket. If there are any that aren't already on top of you."

"Nope. Nope, that will not do. You have to cuddle with me. There is no alternative."

"But then we'll fall asleep again, and I don't wanna have to look at your ugly face up close. I might die."

"I have an alarm on, . Unlike you, I actually learn from my mistakes, and don't plan on facing Teacher Cho's wrath again for being late anytime soon."

"Don't say that like it was my fault! Like, yeah, I woke up in time and all, but I was just.. really comfortable. And warm. The situation was entirely out of my control."

"This is why I'm constantly asking myself why I'm still friends with you. I honestly don't know," I groaned in defeat, about to turn over, when Jongin slid in next to me.

"Because I'm really good at cuddling." A huge grin lit up his face as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him in one graceful move.

"I was just kidding about the cuddling, you weirdo, I only need your body heat at a distance," I swallowed quickly, fighting the urge to cough.

"Are you calling me hot? I didn't know you thought of me like that, Oh Sehun. Luhan would be crushed."

I blushed. "Sorry Jonginnie, but I'm not blind, so you have no chance. And what about your dearest Kyungsoo, hm? Are you sure Luhan would be the only one who's feelings would be crushed?" His face was still uncomfortabley close to my face.

"Low blow, Sehunnie, low blow. You know squishy and I are just soul besties. It was inevitable, no need to be jealous." I could feel his breath on the tip of my nose.

"If I'm jealous than you're polite," I tried to scoff, but it turned into a choked laugh when Jongin stuck his tongue out at me. 

"I have plenty of manners."

"Oh really? Apparently you missed the day when they taught about personal space." 

His eyes widened at that, like he was just now realizing 'oh hey if I leaned forward a little bit I could kiss this guy in front of me'. I immediately regretted thinking that, though, because holy freaking god, if I leaned forward a little bit I would be kissing Jongin and where in the world did those thoughts even come from, because I was definitely not having them before and they were making me very flustered. Help.

"Um," Jongin coughed, hastily pulling his arms away from my waist and moving away from me a little bit. I probably would have been relieved, but apparently Jongin didn't really realize how close to the bed's edge he was, tumbling off of it and onto the floor. He looked up at me with wide eyes, like he couldn't comprehend how he ended up on the ground, and I couldn't keep a bark of laughter from bubbling up through my throat and out of my mouth. 

"That was amusing," I said with a grin, still giggling. I sobered up, though, when Jongin continued to stare at me with a blank face from his spot on the hard wood floor. , what did I do? "Um, are you okay? Did you hit your head or something? Do I need to call an ambulence? Are you bleeding internally? Oh my god, what if you die and it's all my fault. Jongin please say something, are you dying?"

"I'm fine. Y-yeah I'm fine, it's all good, I'm good, heh heh." Jongin scrambled up and off of the floor and was out of the door in the blink of an eye. 

And no, I will not talk about how empty my heart felt without Jongin in the room anymore or how cold my arms were where Jongin's wrapped around mine not even a minute before. This is my story, and it will not be any more cliche than it has to be. I was a little cold, though.

Trying to shake off my confusion/drowsiness, I hopped out of my bed and decided to get changed in the dorms instead of the practice room to kill some time. 

Wife beater, check. Sweatpants, check. Sense of security in the relationships I'd established with all of my band members? I don't think so. What was up with that look Jongin gave me? If there was one thing Jongin wasn't, it was indifferent. That's my job. Jongin's always got some sort of dumb expression on his face pretty much 24/7. So why, when he was just staring at me, was his face totally stolid? It didn't make any sense.

I headed out of the dorms to the dance room with a clouded head and a tugging at my gut. 

 

***

 

I need to get out of this room.

I need to get out of this room.

Why am I not getting out of this room.

"Um, are you okay? Did you hit your head or something? Do I need to call an ambulence? Are you bleeding internally? Oh my god, what if you die and it's all my fault. Jongin please say something, are you dying?"

I would probably laugh at Sehun's excessive worrying over me falling two feet off of the bed and onto the floor, but my fellow band member just grinned at me a second ago and I suddenly feel like I need some time to recover. Or maybe I'm still recovering from about five seconds ago when I almost freaking kissed his face. How could I not, though, when was just kinda laying there really close to my face being really nice-looking and breathing his nice-smelling breath all up on my face? It's totally normal to admire other people's looks in a purely non-platonic way, right? Right. And that's my problem, because that was definitely not how I was admiring him, no sir. I don't really know what happened, or how it happened, or when it happened, but I'm not dumb or ignorant enough to just wave off how I feel right now as some harmless bromance feels.

I have a giant crush on Oh Sehun. 

"I'm fine. Y-yeah I'm fine, it's all good, I'm good, heh heh." Wow Jongin, you are so good at covering your feelings up. Keep up the good work. I scramble up and narrowly miss slamming my face into the doorframe in my rush out of our suddenly suffocating room. This is not what I remember having crushes being like. Why would anybody want this, ever. 

I practically sprint down the stairs, grab my dance bag, and slip out the door in a flustered mess, trying to ignore the confused look Kyungsoo gives me from his spot on the couch before I slam the door and rush down the hallway to the dance studio. Dancing is good. Dancing takes my mind off of things, no matter what, so dancing is good. I slip into the locker rooms and change into my sweats and loose t-shirt in a hurry, anxious to clear my mind. Walking into the studio, mirrors surrounding me, I felt myself relax immediately. This was my element. I plug my phone into the sound system and warm up with some easy steps and stretching before going all hardcore. I was just about done, ready to do some actual dancing, when I heard the door gently creak open and fall shut. 

Dread rocked itself into the pit of my stomach, and I turned my head around to confirm the reason why: Oh Sehun. 

think of something think of something think of something. "Ew gross, it's a Sehun." Okay, good. That sounds like something you would say. Now calm the down and talk to him like you would any other day. He's just your friend, he'll only ever be your friend. The disappointment that settled itself where there was dread before was enough to make the panic clouding my thoughts clear. That's right, I think. Just a friend.

"Your personality smells, get away from me," he laughs, going to sit down next to me to join in on the stretching. 

"Pft, you're one to talk. You should tell your personality to take a shower." Ouch, what a burn, Jongin.

"You are so dumb, Jongin. So dumb. I don't think I can handle it anymore." I don't think I can handle this anymore, either. 

"Hey, I'm not asking you to spend time with me," I say, completely contradicting what I want. "That's your bad decision, not mine. If you hate my presence so much, why are you still here?" I choke a laugh and punch his arm, desperately hoping for an answer that won't make me want to cry myself to sleep or something. 

"That..is a very good question," is all he answers with. I want to scream. 

I open my mouth to give some snarky reply, but all that comes out is, "I am definitely in love with you." 

HA HA. KILL ME. 

I feel my jaw drop and my eyes go wide as what I just said sinks in to my brain. I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my face with my hands. I don't want to see how Sehun looks right now. "J-just kidding, ha ha." 

Silence. 

I hear Sehun's body shift next to me as he gets up, and seconds later I can make out the sound of the door softly closing behind him. What did I just do. What did I just do. I don't know how long I sit there. It was still early in the morning, so it could have been hours until I finally got up and walked out of the dance studio and back to the dorms, it could have been minutes. All I know is that currently, I'm racing around the streets like some lost puppy looking for Sehun, panic building with every step I take.  

I don't even notice the snow. 

 

***

 

I was just about ready to man up and head back to the dorms when I saw him. Jongin was speed walking down a sidewalk on the outskirts of the park, shivering and looking around with wide eyes, probably for me. What an idiot.

"Jongin!" I call, almost laughing when Jongin whips his head around looks at me with a face that could pass for puppy's. I wave him over, nervous energy bubbling up inside of me and making me fidget. He didn't mean what he said, right? Because that was dumb, how could Jongin love me, of all people? This is Jongin, my best friend since the day they met, my Jongin. He can't have feelings for me, I'm me. Then why the frick did he say he did?, my annoying conscience asks me from the back of me head. Shuddup, conscience.  I finally look up from my shoes to see Jongin storming over to me, and my eyes widen when he stops in front of me with smouldering eyes. It's like slow-motion: he raises his arm and brings it back, slingshotting it forward and right into my face.

"OW, JESUS," I yell, clutching my cheek. "JONGIN WHY."

"You freaking ! Do you know how long I looked for you?! In the cold, by myself, about to lose my mind worrying you got hit by a car or something? Jesus, do you not think of anyone other than yourself? I say something you don't want to hear, and you run away into the cold by yourself without telling anyone else where you're going or how long you'll be gone? I didn't expect you to let me in on the memo before you left, but you could have at least left a note or something, for god's sake! If you don't reciprocate my feelings, that's fine, but at least grow some balls about it and tell me. I don't even know why I said that back there, but it kind of just slipped out without my brain's consent, so if you could cut me some slack, that'd be great. It's still definitely true, I'm sure of that now, but I am sorry for slapping it into your face like that. I honestly didn't mean to. I didn't even know when I started having feeling for you in the first place, but it kind of just made itself known to my brain this morning, which was why I was acting kind of weird. I don't know if we can go back to being friends or something, but can we please go back to the dorms? I'm freaking freezing."

I don't know what to do, so I laugh. It hurts my cheek. Just like that I'm about three words away from crying, which scares the literal out of me because I have never let anyone see me cry (yeah that's right, manly as hell Oh Sehun over here), and I was not about to let Jongin be the one to finally see it, so I do the next most sensible thing on my list of sensible things to do: I grab his collar and kiss him. 

He seems just as surprised as I am, and I pull away like I've been burned, my cheeks immediately turning beet red and my eyes widening to the size of an owl's. "Um," I cough. Then I look up at him and he's sort of just staring at me again, like this morning in our room and I just... kiss him again. This time I can't find it in myself to break away, and when Jongin finally responds, wrapping an arm around my waist and raking his other hand through my hair, I think I definitely need to pat myself on the back later, because it was a very good decision. I almost smile, but then he would feel it and that would be embarassing, so I just settle for doing a little happy bounce, settling into his warmth and letting myself enjoy this in all of its unfamiliar glory, because dang is it fantastic. I honestly don't know what took me so long, because this is obviously exactly what I need and exactly what I've wanted for who knows how long. So when Jongin breaks the kiss, my swollen bottom lip stick out a little in an unconcious pout. 

"It's because I'm so good a cuddling, isn't it?" He cracks up, and I hit him, then decide to grab his hand in a couple-y kind of way because I can. He stops laughing.

"Let's head back to the dorms," I say, and both of us are blushing now, but we still don't let go of each other's hands. 

"That's a good idea."

 

Maybe it can be a once upon a time. 

 

 

 

 

[A/N:

dapple dapple dapple

So I know that I have other shennanigans I have to write and update and such, but my sekai feels were freaking overpowering, like what did you expect me to do.

I'M SORRY.

I hoped you liked reading this, anyways! I sort of wrote this entire thing in like an hour, so another apology for its most likely y quality^.^

Hopefully you don't hate me now, even though awkward Jongin made his first appearance in one of my fics (yay Jongin), and little Oh Sehun was just colossally dumb until basically the last paragraph... I JUST WANTED IT TO BE CUTE, OKAY.

Hands in the air for my third story ever and thanks for reading<3

~so long, friends~