Sungmin’s POV

I’ve been sitting in my dorm room staring at the front door where just a little bit a Jaehwa had walked out of.

I stare at my hands that are clenched into tight fists.

My phone goes off telling me that I have a new email.

I open it up too see it’s from Jaehwa and it’s a video.

I stare at it until I open it to see Soobin with who I thought was my best friend.

I sigh as I look over at the wall of our dorm where we had put up picture frames, about every single 1 of them has Jaehwa and me in them.

I feel tears fall from my eyes as I look at my hands remembering my hand moving earlier too hit her… I had almost hit the 1 girl who has never betrayed me.

Did I do something in my last life to have it so the girl that I really am supposed to be with is pushed away from me…?

I need to have her forgive me, but what if… What if she finds someone that’s better than me?

What if she finds herself in some other guy’s arms?

I scowl thinking of Kai even though they look like they can be twins I can picture Kai trying to be with her.

Why is it that girls that I thought I was in love with become hung up on other guys?

I feel tears in my eyes as I walk over to the wall pulling off the most recent. My arms are around Jaehwa and I’m smiling. Jaehwa is as well, but I can see a small saddness in her eyes. Her eyes are looking right at the camera crying for help. Did I really hurt her this much too make her hate me?

I look at her room and realize that she has never let me inside her room… Why?

I look at the front door and decide that I’ll take the chance.

I walk too her room and slowly open the door. She must really not have wanted too see me if she didn't’ lock her room.

The first thing I see is a large pin board with pictures all over it. I look at it and among the board is small poems posted all around.

I look over the pictures to see that each 1 has a poem and 1’s about forbidden love or hardships are 1’s  by our pictures.

All these poems are all like confessions of her thoughts… What do they mean?

Is she in love with me?

I stare at my phone as I try to think of something to do.

She told me to go away… too leave her alone… but after seeing this can I really let her go?

After being friends for basically our entire lives can I really let her go like this. I look at a picture that was taken a little bit ago and her eyes are on me while I’m in the other corner of the picture.

The poem under it seems too say, “No matter how close I seem to be I always seem to be too far too relay my feelings to him. How do I love him. He is the light of my day, but he is also the cloud that takes away the light.”

So she’s saying I’m her source of happiness, but I’m also her source of pain and sadness.

I look at my hands and know that I fear the guilt that I had caused this too the 1 person who ever seemed to care about me and the 1 girl who ever seemed too love me for being myself.

I sigh as I look at the pictures and poems feeling like a demon had reached into my chest too grab my heart too pull it straight out of my chest.

I see 1 picture that’s old as times that I even have u on my wall. It’s our first picture together when we were about 11. In the picture Jaehwa has her arms wrapped around my neck tightly as I have my arms around her waist. My eyes are on her cause it was the first day ever that I saw her in a dress like that 1. In my eyes she was truly beautiful something I had never thought of anyone but my mother.

I smile as I run my fingers over it and decide that I’ve been in Jaehwa’s room long enough. I walk straight out and walk right across the hall into my room.

I look up at my wall too see the picture and a few other’s in a large frame collage that my mother had boughten me. I look at the frame and notice that almost all the pictures are of Jaehwa and myself. I stare at it and realize something that my mother said was right… like always.

My mother had said to me when I had came to this school she said, “Sungmin take a good care of Jaehwa no matter what love her like she’s the only 1 for you. I know that she is.”

I laugh as I touch the frame that reads, “Together Forever.”

I scowl as I look at those words, “No, we won’t be together forever, because I realized all of this too late.”

I notice something red falling too the floor too look at my hand too see it’s cut up and covered in glass.I look at the frame too\ see pieces of glass still in the frame, but some of the pictures are cut a bit and have some blood on them. Luckily these are just copies and not the originals.

Still take the frame from the wall and take the pictures out of the frame too try to save them. When I realize that these pictures are gonners I end up getting angry at myself throwing the frame across the room and too find myself crying.

I start talking to myself, “Come on Sungmin. You’re a guy not some teenage girl. You aren’t supposed to be acting like this. So what you’re an idiot and had it so you lost the 1 person who probably would ever matter to you more than your family.”

I sigh as I sit down and lean my head against my hands. I stare at my phone to see a message come in from Jaehwa.

I take a deep breathe before I read it, “Don’t play too many videogames and eat your veggies. I know you can’t help yourself sometimes, but really listen to me once in a while.  There’s meals in the fridge that I made awhiel ago. Those will be the last things I’ll make for you for a long while and this will be my last message of me trying to take care of you. Bye, Sungmin. I think we need a longgg break from each other maybe forever.”

When i read the forever part I feel something wet run down my cheeks and I know I’m crying.

I toss my phone at my bed thinking it’d be best that it’s far away from me.

I get up and go to the fridge where I know I have a nice stash of hard liquor that hyung had gotten for me.

I look at the bottle in my hand before I pop off the top and drink right from the bottle.

This is just for tonight.

Just tonight I’ll wallow in my own self pity and alcohol and tomorrow I’ll think of a way to win Jaehwa’s heart back.

Someone starts knocking at my door and I simply ignore them washing down the liquor with more.

The knocking becomes pounding and I ignore them again and happily drop myset down on the floor near the fridge.

I’m chugging down the bottle when the door opens to show my hyungs standing there worried.

“What the , Sungmin! What the hell are you doing?”

Jiseok rips the bottle from my hands and looks at me in distaste, “Sungmin, what the hell are you doing man?”

“I ruined everything. She hates me more than ever. I almost hit her today,” I look at Jungwoo, “You saw me. I almost hit her.”

I look at my hands and I swear if I was more faced i would have destroyed them.

Jiseok looks at me, “What the hell man? She loves you and you do that.”

I look at him, “You knew she loves me.”

“Well yeah… we all kind of did. We thought you did, but were ignoring it for the sack of your friendship.”

I shake my head as I look down, “No… I’m an idiot I didn’t realize it until she left. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

I don’t care if I’m crying again for all I care life can it so can the guys if they see it.

They try too cheer me up, but with all the comical looks and aegyo all I can think of is Jaehwa hitting them for being idiots.

I sigh letting them know that they are just making it worse.

I swipe the bottle that they had taken from me and quickly finish it off before they could take it back.

I don’t remember much after that. I remember smelling Jaehwa’s perfume and a female voice calling out to me.

Still I wake up in the morning too find myself in bed with my blanket on top of me.

I pull it off and look around too see no one is in my room.

I sit up glad too see some hangout remedies with a glass of water.

Seeing something like this makes me think of Jaehwa and I start hating myself again. Unlike last night where I let myself wallow in self pity myself I mentally hit my face too snap myself out of it.

I look at where the frame used to be and slap myself a little bit telling myself that I’ll replace the photos and the frame today.

I quickly change my clothes and head out for the day.

I make my way to a store to look for a frame much like the 1 my mother had gotten me or maybe see if I can just buy the glass then come back with Sejoon too pick it up.

As the day progresses for me I’m finding no luck for a frame or even replacement glass.

I’m about to give up when I notice 1 that’s perfect for me it didn’t help that the 1 next too it reminds me of Jaehwa’s pin board this 1 is just in a glass case.

I smile as I grab the frame that I want for myself, but I also grab the other 1 for Jaehwa for when she starts talking to me again.

I smile as I head up too the cash register too see Jaehwa standing there with basket of cute fabric, ribbons, buttons, and beads….

I take in her floral busy almost black and white shirt with her hat and black leggings still thinking she’s beyond beautiful.

Though I wonder what her face looks like after last night cause I know mine looks like crap.

The only thoughts coming through my mind after and ‘did she notice me’ is ‘wow she looks so beautiful just like what’s she’s going to make.’

I wait until she leaves too walk up front to pay for the frames, but when I leave I end up coming face to face with her.

what the hell am I going to do?!