aligned parallel to the chipping painted window sill lay an array of brightly colored beach tags. some were the time jongin first started visiting the beach while some were the burned red skin on jongin's back. the sides of some were peeling away; the punched-in circle right above the 'FRI' started to get bigger on one and jongin didn't really know how, but maybe it was because the practically blinding orange hexagon had been sitting on his bedroom window sill for the longest and jongin never bothered to throw it out. but that's the thing. he couldn't bring himself to toss it. the color reminded him too much of early august down by the shore. 

the tide had been low that dawn and jongin could feel the sea's powerful surge brush against his sand-covered skin; his soaked shirt flapped harshly in the wind as the contact of the sand whipping agaist his skin stung. jongin closed his eyes tighter as he tried to grasp onto past feelings that remained etched in his mind but the cold of his apartment started to cool off the relaxing mist of the ocean and jongin didn't want summer to end. a sudden saltiness forced his eyes to open. to his disappointment, it was only the blur of snow that covered his backyard. it didn't reflect the sun in the same calming way that the ocean had. jongin stood by his bedroom window as he looked below trying to replace the image of ice and snow with sand and salt water that stung the cuts on the bottom of his feet. the images in his head were polar opposites just like him and sehun so jongin stopped fighting and trained his sight on the countless beach tags on his window sill. he left them there to the dust only in hopes that their brightness and memories would somehow rub off him and transport him back to when he lived by the shore. back to the moment when he saw sehun sprint effortlessly into the night sea that glowed blue from the moon that hung high in the clear sky.

sehun seemed so free compared to jongin and jongin wanted to slip off his shirt and run into the ocean with no regrets, but he closed his eyes and felt the breeze hit his warm body. he wanted to be able to run into the ocean, too, and not feel scared of what he did not know, but he couldn't. no matter how hard he tried. so the beach tags only kept him more trapped then he had been before. if only jongin could go back to where sehun had once stood and let the waves crash upon him effortlessly, jongin would let his body grow limp to the harsh movements of the currents and somehow he would become free. he didn't want to feel scared and hesitant anymore. every time the orange and pink and aqua colored tags peeked in the corner of jongin's eyes, he was reminded of the summers where he was too scared to live. in the cold winter he promised himself that if only there was a next time, he could see sehun again. but there wouldn't be a "next time" where jongin would visit the shore. those days were long gone. jongin only had the beach tags left to recollect the frown upon sehun's face, the sunset when they had fallen asleep on their towels, and the nights when jongin just wanted to let go.