Taeyeon POV

 

I can’t believe how the weather was playing along with my emotion at this moment the wind was chilly and almost freezing for mid-February. The street is awfully packed with couple walking hand in hand busy looking at shops. Some are busy exchanging hugs and presents they had brought for each other. And some are just contended looking into each other’s eyes while sipping hot choco at come café I came in to.

 

I looked at them and can’t help but sigh.

 

Aish you’re pathetic you know that! You’re just a certified NBSB! Hell you could be the president and I doubt if anyone would join you!

 

I just settled myself in one of the tables in the farthest side of the café. I tried not to look around me anymore or else I’ll just feel more pathetic than I’m already feeling my whole life.

 

Great the great sister of mine is late! I’m gonna kill her if she stood me up! When I just want to rest and just sleep off this stupid night!

 

I just absent mindedly drink my cup of coffee while waiting for my supposed to be sister-date. When I suddenly saw a huge pink teddy bear a guy was carrying then remember a particular someone who likes a lot of pink and ask me to buy her one of those big teddy bears once we already got a job. I chuckled to myself reminiscing.

 

If I had opened my mouth what could I have said? If I wasn’t stupid what would have happened? If I wasn’t a coward would I be happy right now? Will I be not alone? Definitely you wouldn’t be alone! But all I have with me now are strings full of what if. I sighed again for the hundredth time tonight.

 

When I was in teen having to be in a relationship was never had been one of my first priorities. It’s not that I’m not popular with boys. Hell I’m even also popular with girls and I wonder what they see in me that they just come up at me and just suddenly confessed to me. But like I said, relationship and love was not my priorities when I was younger. So, I rejected each and every one of them. Boys and girls, one confession to another, I just rejected them all with kindness of course. But in every rejection hate and tears cannot be prevented because they come hand in hand too.

 

My friends almost called me a heartless heartbreaker and that one day I would just find myself alone and empty grieving for my own broken heart. I just laugh at them at that time because all my focus was on my study and my family. Having to grow in a family without a Father to raise you might be one of the reasons why I find it hard to believe in love and trust. Love is present in our home I could feel it, my mother no matter how broken she has become never once faltered in loving me and my sister. But trusting us especially me her eldest no to do something stupid has clearly has made her a little bit paranoid. And I can’t really blame her for that.

 

Love can be easily found around you. It can come in many forms. It can come when you least expect it. But trust it’s only a one time chance. Once broken, it can never be mended again. Sure it can still be fixed but the scars would always be a constant reminder that it had been broken. And it will continue to haunt down. That’s what I learned, and maybe that’s the main reason why never tried to fall in love in the first place.

 

Don’t get me wrong okay. That I’m just a heartless and I deserve to be alone. Nobody wants to be alone right? I been attracted to someone before, it was the first time I really felt something like a connection between us. She was my bestfriend. Yeah you heard me a “She”. She had been my classmate since I was in first year. And her name is Tiffany Hwang.

 

At first I was annoyed at her loud and cheerful personality which is the exact opposite of mine. I was quiet and aloof. She’s a people person and I’m a loner. She’s always the class Muse and I was the President. We were poles apart but Tiffany did everything to befriend me. And I was suddenly happy every time that she’s around. She’s practically there beside me all the time. She’s there to stop all the boys from gathering around me. And she’s the one who stopped all the crazy girls from harassing me to date them. She was there every time I was having a hard time at home. Her beautiful smile never fails to brighten my darkest mood. And she was always there with me each time I have to reject somebody’s confession and somehow manage to calm my guilty heart. Telling me that I haven’t done anything wrong because it was my own heart and my own feeling that I’m protecting. Tiffany, she’s my number one bodyguard and my one and only bestfriend.

 

But I failed her, worst I had broken her heart too and added her to my long list of rejected confessions. She confessed to me right after our High School Graduation. I could still clearly remember how her beautiful eyes sparkles as she runs to me to give me a stalk of rose. Her husky voice rings to my ears as she congratulates me. And how her soft luscious lips dampen my cheeks to show her excitement upon graduating. I have sense it then, the incredible fast beating of heart for the first time but I choose to ignore it. Right after that she took me away from the noisy crowd.

 

“Taetae, I have something important to tell you.”

 

“What it is Fany? Come you can tell me.”

 

“I… I… I… I…”

 

“Come on don’t stutter It's just me! You only stutter when you’re nervous!”

 

“Taetae, I… I… I…”

 

“Come on Miyoungie we’re running out of time! Everyone are starting to leave!”

 

“TAEYEON I LIKE YOU! NO, I MEAN, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE ACCEPT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU!”

 

That was the last time we had talked to each other nor see each other. I never had the chance to answer her for I was too shocked to talk. Before I could snapped back to reality her retreating back was all I see. I could sense that she’s been crying because her hands were buried into her face as she ran away from. I had hurt the only person who stayed beside me through my crazy personality. Our other friends hated me after that because I couldn’t give them an answer why.

 

After that I was never the same Taeyeon again. The cold, aloof, serious and loner Taeyeon came back. College just adds up to the numerous changes in my personality. I became too much of a blocker. I felt like I’m lost or had lost something. My heart keeps on telling me, no pointing me the reason why but my stupid rational brain keeps on stopping me. I continue to become like that for a couple of years. I think all my college days were wasted from playing tug of war between my heart and brain. And in the end I was the only one who had a great lost.

 

Why do have to realize it all later? It’s because you’re a pathetic coward who’s afraid to left behind so you sent them all away! You’re a ing liar when you keep on telling her that you’re only protecting your heart and your feeling to all of them. The truth is you’re afraid of your own self. You’re the selfish monster who doesn’t anybody to be happy so heartlessly hurt the only angel who dared to look at you. clearly you don’t deserve her so stop recalling the past and just live like you are now. Alone.

 

“Unnie! I’m sorry I’m late Hehehe! I got caught up at school! Look what I got!” My sister’s sudden arrival cut my travel down memory lane and stopped the war I wage on myself. I heaved a loud sigh of relief.

 

“I’m sorry unnie! I didn’t mean to brag to you and more than anything to rub the Valentine’s Day to you! But it’s better than we celebrate it than not at all! And it’s kinda popular right now that singles celebrate this day with their friends of brother and in your case your beautiful sister!” Hayeon tried to liven out my depress mode.

 

“Okay, okay beautiful whatever! So, what your plan?” I asked her. I was about to drink my coffee when she grabbed it drink from it.

 

“First, let’s watch a movie! Then we eat dinner and then we look around! Nice plan right Unnie?” She toothily smiled at me.

 

“Sounds like hello empty wallet for me!” I answered her.

 

“That’s okay since you get to date me tonight! Come on let’s go!” I just let her took me away to wherever she plan to go.

 

“Taetae! Let’s watch frozen! The character Elsa reminds me of you! Hahaha and of course I’m the cute Anna!” I smacked her head.

 

“What do you I have a frozen heart!”

 

“Nope! Because you have the ability to freeze somebody else’s heart!” I know it was a joke but deep within I know I was almost like that.

 

“Yah you!” I was about to run after her when I suddenly bumped into someone.

 

“Oh! I’m so sorry! Are you okay Miss?” I helped the girl I bumped into to stand. When she finally stands up I was shocked to the bones.

 

“Je-je-jes-ssi-ca?” I asked the girl she was staring at me coldly.

 

“Taeyeon!” Her icy glare was still the same it is Jessica. The original Ice Princess. But she’s really no ice princess, she the nicest and warm hearted person I have ever met, second to Tiffany of course but still her cold façade has nothing to with her inner self. I’m way much worse than her front personality.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bump on you! Are you hurt?”

 

“No, I’m not I better go! Bye!” She hurriedly walked away from me. I guess she hasn’t forgiven me yet for hurting her bestfriend.

 

‘”Tae unnie, who was that?”

 

“Ah just an old friend of mine! Come on let go inside the cinema! Don’t want to miss the movie and waste money!”

 

“Yah just enjoy okay! Don’t sulk about your money! You can earn it again since you always do overtime five times a week!” My sister’s cute pout finally made me surrender. I warmly smiled at her for the first time tonight.

 

“Okay fine baby! Let’s go!” We went inside the theater and looked for our seat. I was really feeling uneasy like somebody was watching me this whole time. It started even before we enter the movie.

 

The movie has ended and I hurriedly grab my sister out of the theater. It feels like a watched a horror movie than a children’s animation film.

 

“Tae unnie! Let’s walk around first before we eat! Please!”

 

“Stop that cuteness act please! Just tell me what you want!”

 

“Yay Taetae unnie is really the best!” I froze it there again the icy feeling of being stared at, nope more like being glared at.

 

I let my sister took me to some clothing store and let her buy some shirts for her and me. It’s been a while since I pamper her so I guess going out on this ridiculous date isn’t bad at all. Then I bumped into someone again. Why do I keep on bumping a lot on stranger today?

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t looking where I’m going.” I slightly bowed down for apology.

 

“Taeyeon? Kim Taeyeon!”

 

“Choi Sooyoung?”

 

“Taetae you bumped into somebody again? I’m sorry she’s a little bit clumsy! But it seems you know each other?” Hayeon instinctly wrapped her arms on mine  because of the unfamiliar person.

 

“Ah she’s a classmate of mine back in High School I guess you never met her. She’s Choi Sooyoung.”

 

“Oh! Hi! I’m Kim Hayeon! Nice to meet you!”

 

“Hi! Nice to meet you too Hayeon-ssi and Taeyeon! But I need to go now! Ahm enjoy your date!”

 

“Of course we will be enjoying our date! Right unnie?”

 

“Err yeah! Bye Sooyoung!” Sooyoung hurriedly ran away. At least she didn’t glared at me like Jessica did. But still she seems like she didn’t want to see again. I heavily sighed, I bumped with two of my old friends today and they seems like just want to ignore me.

 

“Unnie, are you okay? Is she one of your old classmates that you used to be close with?”

 

 “Please Yeonnie let’s not talk about that! Don’t ruin our sister date or else you won’t get to buy more new stuffs for you!”

 

“Fine! But hey I brought you  a new pair of jeans too and some cool shirts and some office attire! See I’m a cool baby sister who kindly dress up her zero fashion sense sister!” I smiled at her silly comment at least Hayeon is here to cheer me up.

 

Finally the little devil I already tired and hungry and now wants to eat dinner. We to some pizza parlor the whole place is packed with couples in every corner except for the loud group table in the farther end of the resto.

 

“Ma’am is it okay to have your table over there. It was our last vacant table for two. It’s a bit noisy over there and you and your date won’t have a quiet and romantic time.” The waiter looked at us apologetically.

 

“Oh no no no it’s okay. It’s just me and my sister. It’s not a date. Well it’s a date but not that date you’re thinking.”

 

“Unnie, you don’t need to explain! We will have that table please!” Hayeon saved me from embarrassing myself further.

 

We already taken our seat and was about to take our orders when somebody suddenly shouted my name across our table,

 

“OH MY GOD! TAEYEON! THE KIM TAEYEON! THE HEARTLESS BUT COOLEST GIRL I’VE EVER MET KIM TAEYEON! BUDDY!” somebody jumped from my side and hugged me.

 

“Yah! What the? Yuri?”

 

“The one and only! The ever gorgeous Kwon Yuri! But hey! Look at you! You’re no longer a heartless who dump all the hearts of boys and girls in the campus! You have a date! Hmmm a date on V-day! a girlfriend! You have a GIRLFRIEND! All the boys would be oh so broken hearted about not that they still have a heart after what you did to them! But hey how come I didn’t know you’re dating already?” I mentally punched myself. I would have been offended but I’m not and it was Yuri my bestfriend since college. But she never met my sister so she didn’t how she looked liked and Hayeon just came back after living with our Father.

 

“How would I answer your questions when you don’t want me to speak Kwon Yuri!” I smacked her head so she would stop.

 

“First, you said you’re busy and I should just for your text when you will be free! Second, she just came back from the states two months ago! Just when you started to go hiatus on me! And Third.”

 

“Oh my God! Wait I’ll introduce you first to my Sica baby!” I didn’t notice that there are other pairs of eyes and ears watching and listening to us while we speak. And before I could react a pair of chocolate brown eyes was intensely looking at me. Those eyes that I always looked at everytime that I’m sad or mad. Those eyes that sparkle each time she smiled. And those eyes who always looked at me with warmth and care. God I miss those eyes. I miss you.

 

“Sica remember my buddy in college I tell you about? The heartbreaker slash bestfriend of mine slash nice person too this is Kim Taeyeon! She’s really not heartless though it’s just a title she owned back in college!” Yuri introduces me innocently. God I want to dig a hole and bury in an instance can’t she see that everybody looked tensed specially her. And Jessica looks like she wanted to kill me too and Sooyoung wants to eat me whole! That’s why they’re here, all of them are together.

 

“Taeyeonnie this is my baby Jessica Jung! But I guess Taengoo is no longer a heartbreaker huh! You have a date! Hahaha and on Valentine’s Day too!”

 

“YURI SHUT UP!” I suddenly yelled that made my stupid bestfriend looked at me with scared eyes. Hayeon flinched and so are the others. It was never my nature to shout.

 

“Stop saying over and over again that I’m heartless and that I’m a heartbreaker! You don’t have to say it because I already know it! And I just don’t want to hear anything about it anymore okay! And this is not a date! This is Hayeon!”

 

“Oh!”

 

“And I think this is not a good place for me to! Hayeon let’s go!”

 

“But Tae unnie I’m hungry!”

 

“I said let’s go!”

 

“Taengoo wait! I’m sorry!”

 

I hurriedly grabbed Hayeon and walked out of the restaurant. Where a certain girl that I hurt so bad was sitting just a few feet away from me. I ran away not because of Yuri teasing me. Or because Yuri happened to be Jessica’s girlfriend. But because that girl now sits beside somebody else while tightly holding her hands.

 

When Hayeon and I safely reached my car on the parking area. That’s the time when I released all my frustration from earlier. Or maybe all the frustration I had build deep within me these past few year.

 

“Six years! Six ing long years! And what do you expect! You stupid, heartless ! What do you expect huh! You deserve this! You deserve all of this!” I said out loud while I punched the wheels over and over again while tears freely rolled down my face. I stopped punching the poor wheel when I felt a hand rubbed my back.

 

“Unnie, you don’t deserve to be alone. Nobody deserves to be. But sometimes our choices makes us like that. We really can’t blame our selves because of our choices because sometimes it’s what we need to choose at that moment. But it doesn’t mean we can’t choose again right? There’s always a second time, a second chance, a second beginning to everybody.” I looked at my sister while tears in my eyes.

 

“Then why did second time didn’t work for us? Why aren’t we complete and can never be complete ever again?”

 

“We both know that Mom and Dad tried. But sometimes you need to make another choice to stop trying. Because maybe if you stop trying you would also stop hurting all the ones that you love most. And Mom and Dad made the right choice that time right? Look at us we’re okay again.”

 

“So what are you saying?”

 

“Every relationship is different unnie, your relationship or mine will be different from what our parents had. Because it you and not them. It will be all because of you and the choices you had made that will build your own relationship. And clearly you made the wrong choice before unnie, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try again!”

 

“But she, she looks like she’s with someone else now. I’m too late!”

 

“You will never know unnie. At least apologize for bursting like that to Yul unnie, she just didn’t recognize me because I became more prettier than you. And also clear the misunderstanding that I’m not your girlfriend because it seems that they’re asking through their eyes. And most importantly unnie, I’m hungry! Will you starve you baby to death because you accidentally saw your first love?” I smiled at her while shaking my head from left to right.

 

“Fine I’ll let you eat. But are you sure you’re my baby sister? It seems like it’s the other way around?”

 

“Just thanked me for being a good sister to you giving you nice advice!” she playfully stick out her tongue at me, I returned her playful act by messing her hair.

 

“Hey not the hair!”

 

“Come one let’s get back inside the mall to eat.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_____________________________________

first chapter up...

i'll update the rest later hihihi ^^

Happy Hearts Day Friends!!! ^^