Choong Jae felt himself entering another dimension, a world he could not quite resolve if he was familiar with. Once inside, his attachments with his life detached themselves from him and floated away.

Family and friends…

His days in Shinhwa and the Shinhwa Changjo…

Eric, Minwoo, Dongwan and Hyesung…

He did not try holding onto them. He was void of emotions; no happiness, no sadness and no fear… He was ready to move on.

But there was a soft gentle tug; a bond that had yet to release itself from him. The pull was mild, but the bind was intensely resilient and prevented Choong Jae from advancing deeper into the unknown.

Choong Jae had no idea what was at the other end, but it was clear to him this was a bond he could not and would not want to sever. As he struggled to get back, all the other attachments started reconnecting themselves to him, overloading his system. Memories, feelings, laughter and tears. All of them came rushing back to him.

Amid the sudden clutter, Choong Jae saw the glimpse of an image. Andy by the hospital bed. He was just there, hollow and empty. As if there was nothing left in him; no tears, no soul, completely given in to pain. Choong Jae’s felt a blunt pain hammering at his heart and he craved to pull Andy into his arms to shield the man from everything that was hurting him.

***

The heavy lids snapped open and the patient’s sodden gaze stayed at the ceiling as his mind tried to figure out his surroundings. He blinked twice and turned his head to the side. Eric was sitting crossed-legged on a small couch by the bed with his eyes closed. It looked rather uncomfortable. Choong Jae was baffled why Eric did not share the bed with him. The Shinhwa members always did that. He attempted to push himself up and called out to Eric, but a sudden sharp pain seized his entire cognizant and he irrepressibly let out a yelp. Eric’s eyes shot open immediately. The older man dashed to his side, arms holding onto Choong Jae, preventing him from crashing back onto the bed. His worried eyes stared right into Choong Jae’s eyes, clearly showing he was uncertain if he was still in a dream.

“Hyung, where are the rest?” Choong Jae tried to disregard the pain in his head and focus on the leader. The red rimmed around Eric’s eyes which he overlooked earlier made him flustered. “Hyung, are you okay?” he questioned anxiously, not realizing his own predicament. But the exhaustion and dizziness caused by his sudden anxiety served as a hint. He clenched his fist and bit his lips to prevent himself from passing out.

“Jin-ah, don’t speak. You need more rest.” Eric said calmly despite his evident crying face. He gently guided Choong Jae to rest again. Choong Jae wanted to ask Eric what happened and why the older man cried, but as soon as his lips parted, Eric placed his index finger on them. The leader took seat on the edge of the bed and wrapped his palm around Choong Jae’s. “You hit your head during an earlier filming. Let me get the doctor here.” Eric extended his other arm which was not holding Choong Jae and pressed on the buzzer beside Choong Jae’s bed.

Not too long later, a middle age man in a white cloak walked in with two nurses behind. As the door was closing, Choong Jae saw a few familiar men trying to get in, but were stopped by the nurses. The nurses also requested Eric to step out. Choong Jae tightened his grip on the leader as his beseeching eyes found the leader’s and begged him to stay.

Eric squeezed his palm delicately. “Can I stay with him please?” The leader asked. The doctor looked at Eric before his eyes moved to the linked hand of the two Shinhwa members. “I guess it won’t hurt to have you here.” Choong Jae heaved a relief sigh.

After doing some test on Choong Jae, the doctor unprofessionally showed his amazement that Choong Jae survived and was recovering at an alarming rate. He let the rest of the members enter when he completed enough tests to convinced him that Choong Jae’s life was no longer in jeopardy.

Choong Jae’s eyes trained on the door, his smile grew wider with every member that stepped in. The first to enter was his mabird, looking rather comical with red swollen eyes and a contrasting silly grin. Minwoo followed closely after Hyesung, a charming smirk on his face despite all the tear stain. As for Dongwan…well, the handsome man just looked like he aged 10 years since Choong Jae last remembered…The loquacious man was the first to start talking, asking Choong Jae how he was feeling.

Choong Jae continued watching the door, his heartbeat pacing up as he waited for the appearance of last person; the one his heart yearned for. He remembered the vision he had while in comma, and he wanted to hug his soul mate and professed to Andy he will never leave him.

No one.

No one came in after Dongwan.

Choong Jae’s limps fell and a lifeless countenance replaced his innocent grin.

“Jin-ah, are you ok?” Hyesung asked, his silly grin disappearing. He sat down on the edge of the bed and held Choong Jae’s palms. Choong Jae turned in to Hyesung as guilt towards his hyungs and family kicked in.

“Sorry hyung…I should have noticed it was concrete floor…”

“Pabo Jin!” Dongwan scolded as tears well up in his eyes again. He sat down on Choong Jae’s bed opposite where Hyesung was sitting and hugged the injured man.

For the entire day, Choong Jae’s eyes kept darting to the door, hoping that his soul mate would come in shortly. By the end of visiting hours, Choong Jae knew that his hope was not granted. He tossed and turned in the hospital bed as he engrossed in his disappointment. He saw Eric’s silhouette on the couch, features darkened by the moonlight shining from behind him. He observed the rhythmic raising and falling of the leader’s chest as he breathed.

Only one visitor was allowed to stay after visiting hours and Eric had volunteered to spend the night here rather than going home to his comfy bed.

“Eric hyung, do you really love Andy?” Choong Jae thought silently to himself. He was touched by the leader’s gentleness and sense of responsibility. “Andy-ah, will you be happier with Eric? No matter who you want to be with, as long as you are truly happy, I will let you leave. Just let me silently watch over and protect you from the side…”

His family visited him the next day together with the members. Choong Jae almost thought Andy will not come again when the younger man finally entered, wearing a simple dark brown T shirt and light coloured trousers. Andy was cleaner and better groom than anyone in the room, and the implication hurt Choong Jae a little. He guessed Andy was least affected about his accident among the people in the ward. Choong Jae had not realised he started bawling like a baby while mumbling Andy’s name the minute the younger man stepped in, until his embarrass soul mate came forward and hugged him.

“Pabo-ah!” Andy said.

“I thought you would never come…” Choong Jae sniffed, trying to stop the tears, but his arms remained tightly around the younger man.

“How can you think that way?!” Andy sounded unhappy. “I will NEVER EVER leave you again.”

A wave of warm fluffiness filled Choong Jae’s chest. But he lifted his head and saw Eric watching them. He panicked a little, not wanting Eric to misunderstand (although this isn’t really misunderstanding given his soulmate relationship with Andy) and blurted in haste, “Because we are best friends forever right?”

Andy answered gently and firmly after some time, “Yes…because we are best friends, always.”

It still hurt, yet Choong Jae felt relief. He lost something precious, but he gained a friendship he never dare dream to have. He closed his eyes and hugged Andy tighter. The man will be happy; and Choong Jae will be his angel and stay by his side. If he really loves him, he should learn to let him go.

Ok, this is pretty hard because my shift key is spoilt. Basically i am using caps lock for caps lettering and copy and paste for punctuations. So short author note this time round. that when I finally see light how I should continue and this happens.