I got no idea why I am so unhappy with this chapter. It was done some time ago but I just wasn't satisfied. I shall post it as draft version because this is dragging too long. Might edit it further, but the content won't change.

The tugging yearning in Choong Jae’s heart grew stronger and more urgent. He knew Andy was getting nearer. Inhaling sharply, his head lunched towards the direction of the exit, wanting to get to the source of the tugging. But he did not move. He was afraid. What if he leaves but wasn’t able to catch Andy? The messages they just said might not be broadcasted. And Choong Jae feared walking out will cause Shinhwa to lose future opportunities leaving messages for Andy in a broadcast. He fisted his hand anxiously, breathing turning heavy.

“Please let the filming end quickly, please let me see Andy again!  Please!” He begged in his mind. Part of him was still drawn to the temptation of leaving the set immediately. But he waited. When the host concluded the show, Choong Jae bolted up from his seat and dashed out, not minding that the cameraman had not stopped recording.

Choong Jae sprinted to the lift lobby, leaving behind his astonish hyungs and the commotion caused by him. He repeatedly pressed on the down button, eyes anxiously watching the number indicating the floor the lift reached. The speed of the number changing was torturously slow.

Without warning, the tugging yearning lessened. Choong Jae was thrown into a moment of void before realisation hit him.

“Andy, please wait for me...Please don’t leave! Please!” Choong Jae pleaded to the empty lift lobby. Tears started welling up in his eyes. He pounded on the button several times more before running down the stairs instead. He ran out of the building and went around in circles, frantically yelling his soul mate’s name.

As sudden as it came, the tugging yearning disappeared.

Choong Jae’s yell halted. It was as if his soul had left his body, leaving behind an empty shell. His limp body hobbled and slammed against the wall of the building without Choong Jae being conscious.

 Why won’t Andy see him? He knew the younger boy felt the tugging too…

Choong Jae let his body slide down against the wall and got into a squatting position. His tears fell to the ground, like a broken string of pearls.

“Andy!” He heard someone else yelling.

Choong Jae turned his head to the voice. Eric was doing what he did seconds ago. Choong Jae had not realised the older man behind him just now. He furrowed his brows.

Was Eric able to sense Andy’s presence like him? Could Eric still feel it when it had already stopped for Choong Jae? Did Eric share a special connection with Andy too?

Before more uncanny thoughts could get into Choong Jae’s mind, his manager marched out of the building, screaming at them. “What the hell are you two doing? Running out like two mad men and shouting on the street like this?!” He went over and hauled Choong Jae up forcefully; pure white rage emitting from his gaze. “If both of you continue to act like this, Shinhwa might be forced to disband before Andy returns!”

Choong Jae widened his eyes gawking at the manager, distraught by what he had just heard. Shinhwa cannot be disbanded! It was his only hope of seeing Andy again.

The manager gave a soft sigh; gaze turning a tad gentler. Choong Jae must have looked terrible to gain such a reaction from the manager.

“Junjin-ssi, the PD of Guerilla Concert called your mobile earlier…” The manager said.

***

Choong Jae felt out of control not being able to see nor hear his surroundings. The muffled soft echo caused by the ear muffs was not helping. His thoughts ran wild, coming up with all sorts of mishaps that might happen to him and his brothers. He tried to disregard them and held on to Eric’s shoulder tightly as the band made their way up the stage.

The only sound he could hear other than the buzzing echo was his own heat beat thumping against his ribcage. His body was stiff. His palms sting and he could taste the fear that was trying to devour him. He knew his fears and panic were abnormal. It was more than what a normal person would feel. But to begin with, he was never normal since birth.

Choong Jae puffed out through his mouth. “This is for Andy!” He repeated in his mind for strength. After an unknown tormenting spell, he felt someone removing his ear muffs. The voice of the host entered his ear.

“You have worked really hard today, all of you…Whose voice became most hoarse?”

“Junjin” Minwoo answered. Choong Jae calmed down a little hearing s’ voice.

“Oh, Junjin-ssi, are you ok?” The host asked.

“Yes, I’m ok.” Choong Jae replied.

“Then relax your voice now, say hello again.”

Choong Jae did as he was told. Silence greeted him, making him nervous. Maybe no one turned up at all?

Host, “Hyesung-ssi, when Junjin-ssi said ‘we’re Shinhwa’, you gave a bitter smile. Why did you give that smile?”

“Because I couldn’t hear any response.”

The atmosphere turned tense. The non-confidence given out by each one of his hyung was palpable to Choong Jae. It caused the anxiety in him to rise. Hyesung had told him to work hard for Andy. He tried, he really did! But……

“Junjin-ssi” The host’s attention went back to him. “Junjin-ssi, although many singers have joined the Guerilla Concert, you were the only one that called me and said you wanted to do this. You said ‘brother I want to challenge the Guerilla Concert’ right? You are the only one…aren’t you Junjin-ssi”

“Yes.” Choong Jae said quietly into the microphone, trying to control the drops of misery that welled up at the corner of his eyes.

“Why did you want to do Guerilla Concert?”

Because I want to say sorry to Andy and make up for my mistakes.

Because I want to let him know Shinhwa is not complete without him.

Because I want him to return to Shinhwa.

And because I want to stay by his side, even if just as a friend.

Choong Jae said none of it. The droplets of misery escaped his eyes, answering on his behalf.

“Why, are you okay?” The host was startled. He held Choong Jae’s arm gently. “Ah…Junjin is already…ah...” The host ended his sentence there and moved on to interviewing Hyesung.

Dongwan and Minwoo reached out and held their second maknae’s hand, comforting him. Choong Jae held back tightly. After a while, the host asked the members to say something heart-felt that they had not been able to express to the members before. It was a request by Choong Jae when he said he wanted to do the Guerilla concert.

Minwoo was the first to answer. “Jin, Dongwan, Hyesung, Eric who are here…and the very good friend whom we wish is here with us, Andy…” Minwoo gave a short emotive paused. “Really…I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, children.”

“Junjin, can you say something?” The host asked.

“Always…” Choong Jae’s lips quivered a little. He tried to control his voice, but it still came out unstable, and his message interrupted by sporadic pauses and sniffing. “Because of hyungs…during these 4 years… I had never once tell Andy or hyungs…I love you. Nonetheless…I love you guys.” He paused, moving away from the microphone because he could not control further. The atmosphere was atypical to him to Choong Jae. He suspected he wasn’t the only one tearing. “Brothers…sincerely, I love you.”

The host confirmed his suspicion by mentioning Dongwan’s tears.

Dongwan, “Although we are not real brothers, I don’t say this quite often…but to meet the members, for that I thank God. Really, it’s the luck of my life. No matter what happens in the future, the memories we share will last till we die…” Dongwan sniffed. “Let’s never forget…”

“Well…all these five members, they take care of one another and they’re more than brothers. I envy you. Now, we will take off your eye blind,” the host tried to contain the atmosphere.

Choong Jae entwined his fingers nervously. When the host called his name, he removed the eye blind that was blocking his sight. It was pitch black below the stage. Choong Jae still had no idea how many people actually came. The lights suddenly switched on and the vast number of people that contradicted the earlier silence appeared before his eyes. The emotions that tried to consume him were overwhelming. Choong Jae and Eric plumbed down, crying. The reasons for their tears were too many and hard to explain. They did it. They did it for Andy. And it was almost certain Andy will see this.

Choong Jae felt Minwoo’s hand around his neck as the older guy gently helped him up. The fans had finally broken the silence and the cheers were deafeningly.

“I deeply appreciate. Although we all hope to have Andy here, we want to show our appreciation with a formal bow.” Minwoo said and the members followed his lead, bowing to the fans.

***

28 October 2001, Shinhwa’s fifth fan-meet. Almost two months passed since the filming of the Guerilla Concert. There was still no sign of Andy.

Choong Jae sat in the waiting room, with Andy filling up his thoughts when he heard a commotion outside. His imploring gaze went to the door. Shortly after, the door swung open and Hyesung hurried in, a big and excited grin on his face. “Jin-ah, see who is here!”

Choong Jae blinked innocently as a few candidates ran through mind.

Dad? His step-mother and siblings? Kangta hyung?

He momentarily lost the ability to breathe when Eric and Minwoo entered, embracing a familiar figure. 

AN:  You might find some dialogues for Guerrilla Concert unfamiliar. I followed some parts from the Chinese subbed instead of the English one because I feel it fits better.

Andy is finally back in action! xD And of course why exactly did Eric also ran out of the building and yelled for Andy? ;)