She used to be just a fan.

Just a girl.

Just somebody.

"Let's break up."

She looked at Donghae as if he was a fish-faced alien from the outer space and pretended that she was busy.

"Min Ah~ssi..."

She turned around, holding the same book she's been reading for days. She closed her eyes and closed her ears. It wasn't as if it was the first time that this has happened. Many excuses were said and done. She was tired. And this time, if she ever agree...it will be the last.

Donghae gave out a heavy breath and sat on the chair beside the sofa where she lay. "Min Ah~ssi..." He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder.

She shivered. Endings happen. But how many endings does she have to face? Sacrificing her love life, missing half of her life. How long does she have to wait in line? She was pushed everytime at the farthest part of his list. She wasn't always like this...but isn't she a martyr for living this way?

Her silence deafened him. Making cold shivers run down his spine. "You know that I love you, don't you?"

Yes, love. It wasn't enough this time.

When she opened her eyes to face him, she saw his own filled with tears and at once, her heart softened. But she pretended not to feel anything.

"Why don't you kill me instead? Do you know how much it hurts to have someone like you? Are your words enough? You're always away, always with other girls. Even if I trust you, I can't do it anymore. If you want to end it like this, then go."

She stood up, throwing the book in her hand and stormed out of his room. The other members watched her with shock in their eyes. Maybe it was the first time they ever saw another member's girlfriend walk away like that? Or is it because it was the first time they saw her like that? She cannot take it anymore, they cannot just break up with girls then go back after.

Being with Donghae was even worse than following him around, stalking, buying for seats in concerts. It was even worse than just watching him from far away.

By that, she missed those days...

"Oppa! Oppa! Look at me! Kyaaaa!!!!"

It was normal back then. Jumping around, trying to catch up to the running car. She would even faint by just the mere sight of the boys. Yet, it was enough to make her happy.

Then one time at two in the morning she walked beside Han River, the first time she ever tried to do it in years. She didn't think of anything. But she met him.

"Jeogiyo."

She turned around and saw the shy fish scratching his head. "N-ne?"

She must've looked freaked out because he was suddenly so nervous. "I'm sorry, did I scare you?"

Scared? Stupid oppa, if you only know.

She shook her head, still cannot manage to paste a smile on her face. "Wae?"

"By any chance..." he cleared his throat and met her eyes. "Can I get your number?"

It started that way. Dating, sending messages, making secret signals on shows. At first it was fun and exciting, she never knew that it will be tiring.

"Let's break up." this word has been said every now and then. When he needs to go away, when people started to spread rumors.

She accepted it, just like any stupid girl would do, and when he returns to her, she will accept him as well. What's the difference between then and now?

"Donghae~yah, what are you doing out there?"

He looked at Leeteuk who called him from the back stage. He was looking around, hoping that somewhere out there, Min Ah was shouting his name. Wishing that she was there raising a board for him. But he failed.

He missed her hands, he missed her smile, he missed everything about her. He lifted his phone and tried to call her but still there was no luck. How long has it been? A month? A year? There isn't much difference because it felt like forever.

He cannot do it anymore. He slumped behind the curtain, uncaring if anytime soon it will open and show his helpless state.

"You've had your choice. She made her choice."

He opened his eyes and saw Leeteuk's smiling face. All of them must have had a hard time. Breaking up, coming back. Everyone made sacrifices for the sake of their career. He doesn't know what's important now. But Leeteuk was right. Some things are meant to be hard.

He took the hand of his hyung and stood up. He wore his fool's mask once more, a smile on the face of a crying heart. He was an idol and she was an ELF. Their time wasn't now.

They waited for their turn and as he went up the stage, he did his best. Was it worth the sacrifice that he made? Was he happy? In the end, he was, but there was something missing from him. And right now he can't be completed.

"Oppa!"

Cheers were too loud he must have been deaf. But in the sea of those cheering girls he recognized her face. Eyes filled with tears. And he knew that she really loved him. He can't hear her voice but he knows that she's calling out for him.

Right now...there's nothing they can do but play to be nothing more than an idol and his fan. He smiled and waved his hand. And as he went down the stage, he prayed that soon, he'll meet her again just like the old days.