I had only meant it as a peace offering gesture, as a way to apologise perhaps and put my conscience to peace. How had I found myself in this situation? You sat across the table, quietly regarded me; silence stretching out between as despite the incoherent chatter and conversations up and down the canteen. To me it felt we were the only two people in the room at that moment which explained my diminishing confidence the longer I had stood opposite you. I could feel your eyes alternating between the papers clutched in my hands and my face, any form of eye contact I had given up on long ago - the self-assurance with which I had walked into the canteen with felt like a distant dream at this point. 

"It is absolutely urgent I have these papers?" You repeated, a bit sceptical - understandable considering they were only a few notices, things you could have found out through your many friends.

How had I found myself in this situation?

After the unfortunate outburst at the entrance, I had spent the few minutes required to speed walk to my, rather our, class, contemplating over what I would say to you and how I could even begin to explain myself. I couldn’t tell the truth without further insulting you and frankly, I could see how one could easily be misled to jump to incorrect conclusions. It were as though my brain had decided to turn to jelly and bake itself into a trifle and the closer I got to the classroom, the more tempted I was to simply turn back, run home and hide under my duvet for the rest of the year. I had even considered digging a hole and letting myself rot there.

I could see the door at the end of the corridor as I began to count down the steps it would take to reach there – each heavier than the last. As I got closer, my mind flashed back to the manner with which you regarded me and had me suffocated with the possibilities that you simply did not care. For some reason, this had caused the formation of a lump in my throat, a thought which I was not at all comfortable with. That couldn't be a possibility.

Finally, facing the door, with mere moments to go before I had to face reality, I was drowned with insecurities from images of you sneering at me, entertained by my naivety, amused by the idea that I had misinterpreted one measly conversation - if you could call it that - and a mere glance as something deeper, with more meaning and depth. Because that was what it was, what it came down to. Our relationship. One measly conversation and a mere glance. 

With that, I had stepped into the classroom. The disheartening thoughts had led me to face the cruel harsh truth of reality. You had every right to be indifferent. After our conversation, I had made a point to avoid and ignore you therefore what right did I have to apologise? I had let paranoia and inexperience of this new world to carry me away into a world of my fantasies, despite my constant use of realism, I had let my imagination get the better of me. You had simply reached out in hope to form a new friendship as you so love doing; I had witnessed the quickness with which you react at every opportunity to increase the network of people around you and observed the genuine smile that spread across your face when you succeeded in doing so. You had tried so with me and were met with a less than lukewarm reception.

You have every right to be indifferent towards me.

With that, I had once again found myself in the same seat, with the familiar breeze gently brushing past my face as I stared out the window as someone went around giving out hand-outs. Your absence, although had me startled at first, was not disconcerting. Your mannerisms suggested that you would arrive at your own leisure which let me have more time to make coherent interpretations of my thoughts. I had no right to apologise, yet I was determined to do so. The fact that you had such an impact on me scared me a little and the thought that I had little to no impact on you was unsettling. But I had decided to apologise because you deserved at least that.

That had become my new resolution. 

It was the goose, surprisingly, that had drawn my attention with a simple inquiry about your presence. Not the goose himself, rather the discussion he had sparked. More specifically the reply he had received.

“I saw him this morning; he was storming off to the canteen I think. He looked pretty pissed off at something.”

“Yeah, I saw him too. He did look a bit angry.”

"He was alright on the bus here, wonder what happened?"

I glanced at the clock, to find that there was only five minutes until break. Had that much time passed already? The guilt had manifested itself quickly within me in addition to the increasing problems I had to address. Perhaps, the mere sight of me, moments after witnessing me announcing to the college entrance my apparent aversion towards you, was unbearable. 

This class had been my only hope to talk to you by yourself, you were always surrounded by people rendering it close to impossible to approach you beyond the doors inscribed with A101. Never had the English language had failed me the way it had at that moment, there was a severe lack of profanities required to accurately describe the thoughts running through my head. 

How could I possibly justify to your friends why I need to talk to you alone without raising eyebrows?

“Well, someone needs to pass him these hand-outs and his appointment time. Or I could just email-”

My voice had raised itself several octaves higher than intended when I had offered, which bought a lot of unwanted attention from the rest of the class. Their looks of confusion as they acknowledged my presence for the first time, and the several raised eyebrows had me suddenly conscious of the fact that my hand had shot up and I was balancing myself at the edge of my seat.

Regardless, I could have kissed that beak with joy and was rather glad that the goose had chosen to feign ignorance as he ushered me to the front and handed me a stack of papers similar to the one packed in my bag. It was after I had walked out the classroom door that I had realised the gravity of the situation that I had put myself in. The weight on my shoulders seemed powerful enough to crush me to the ground. But, alas, the arrival of Chaelin as she whisked me away with one last thought which was enough to lighten the load on my shoulders - I had affected him enough to cause him to skip class. Indifference was not a possibility. 

Which was why I had initially waltzed through the doors with confidence but soon found myself stood with the papers, clutched tightly in my hands, out in front of me. I silently mustered every curse I knew and directed them towards Chaelin who, like most of the canteen, had disappeared off to her last lesson after pushing me into the depths of my troubles.

And there you were. Sitting across the table, directly opposite me, one eyebrow raised. Your fingers drumming on the table, notifying me of your thinning patience, as you waited for me to speak up. Your friends had left you the moment I had entered, rather conveniently too.

I had, rather embarrassingly I must admit, squeaked my way through an incoherent explanation, with each word my confidence wavering further than the previous, resulting in silence that seemed as though it would stretch out forever continuing to deafen me. I could feel your eyes boring into the top of my head - it was then I had abandoned any attempt to make eye contact and had decided the floor would provide much more interesting scenery. 

A small ant had been scurrying away, carrying a small piece of apple skin on its back, before disappearing into the dark depths of a small crack in the floor.

"He said it was urgent you receive these," I added. It was not the truth, I confess, but neither was it a lie. Perhaps, as I reasoned with myself, it could be seen as a simple stretch of the truth. I had felt a little more confident with my voice returning to its normal pitch and volume and what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

"It is absolutely urgent I have these papers?"

You finally spoke. However it was not the tone of your voice nor was it the cliché fact that you had talked that had caused my head to snap up, but rather the proximity at which it had appeared to be from.

When I had looked up to confirm this, I was startled to find that you had used the lack of eye contact to your advantage and had moved around the table to be seated on its edge directly in front of me. Close to me. Too close. A smirk played on the edges of your lips as you reached out and pulled the stack of papers from my hands and examined them.

I had decided this was the perfect opportunity to leave. All rational thoughts had been erased the moment I noticed how small the distance was between, which led to the all too familiar clammy hands and I was not at all comfortable knowing I had no control in this situation, over you and over me. It was rather disconcerting and I desperately needed time to gather myself before I face him again.

However, luck and stealth had not been my strong allies today and the attempt to turn around was quickly thwarted when your eyes snapped up to meet mine, completely immobilising me. I could not read your expressions either therefore I could not find myself gaining the upper hand in this conversation. Yet as much of a hindrance as that was, I could not help but feel intrigued. Perhaps a little challenged by this.

I had no idea how long we stood there as you returned to examine each sheet but it was long enough for the remaining number of students to hurry to lesson late or return home as they had been done for the day. The staff had disappeared into the kitchen leaving the two of us. Alone. Completely. Crap.

Your deep chuckle pierced the silence, startling me.

"These are important?" You waved the pieces of paper mockingly in front of my face and to my dismay nothing on those stood out as particularly important. There was nothing I could say to rationalise the "urgency" of anything written on those papers nor could I use the goose as an excuse - the man had ignored the fact that no one had appeared to his lessons for several weeks. Apparently you thought so too, and laughed at my silence. 

It was when you had taken a step towards me, leaving barely an inch between us that I snapped out of the shock at my own carelessness. I was immediately greeted by the small amount of your chest exposed by the couple of undone buttons at the top of your shirt sending my stomach into a squirming fury. I could detect the hint of fragrance from your cologne, which much to my dismay found myself appreciating. I could feel the warmth radiating off you as you bent down so your mouth was aligned to my ear and whispered.

My thoughts were wiped blanked as you straightened to leave - a smirk definitely plastered on your face at the thought that you had rendered me immovable. My brain was beyond the point of trying to get me to class as it was stuck constantly replaying what you had whispered to me. 

"I can't help but think you DO care about me, Minzy."

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A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the long wait. I've been super busy since summer started even though I hoped to update after my exams finished :( Sorry guys. Just like to say thank you to all my subscribers and upvotes, you guys are amazing. And thank you for the comments, will reply soon when I free up a bit, but seriously guys you really have me motivated. THANK YOU <3