****

You were a cherub. -- an innocent baby who doesn't know anything.

It was raining hard and I was watching you cry while your father had a broken smile. You were so loud but cute. Your father cradled you in his arms and told you to stop crying because your mother was asleep. As if you understood what he said, your cries died down and became little snores. He carefully placed you beside your mother's cold body, kissed your forehead and your mother's black locks. After doing so, I watched him broke down in tears.

It was never a beautiful scene to see.

You were a broken little angel. -- a little lost child.

You were sprawled on the floor, face messed up and ugly because of continuous crying. You had your father's picture close to your chest. Snow fell from the heavens but you didn't notice, too busy mourning for your loss and blaming yourself. I couldn't take it any longer so I lay right next to you and embraced you. You leaned onto me and calmed down. I heard a few sniffs before you finally closed your eyes.

Since then, I watched over you as you grew up day by day. Your jet-black hair becoming long, dark onyx eyes becoming visible, contrasting your pale skin just like your mother. The black orbs neither sparkled nor dulled. Your lips never smiled nor frowned, it was always pursed into a thin line.

****

You were too mature for a seven-year old girl, always alone in your room. You had no friends -- or rather, you never wanted one. It was odd. Little girls around your age loved making friends and playing with other children. But you never bothered going out. So I was there to accompany you every single time.

You tripped on your feet and fell on the floor after running to catch a fallen black feather. You didn't cry but marvelled as it landed on your open palm. You pushed yourself up and sat down on the dirty, soiled ground, examining the feather you caught. My shadow casted over you as I stood before you. You looked up and tilted your head a little bit and put a hand over your squinted eyes. "Who are you?"

I crouched down to your level and reached out to touch you but stopped when I realized you were moving away, fear evident in your eyes. "Don't." I held your arm. "I won't hurt you." You stared at me then let me checked your scraped arm. I ran my fingers over the scratches and your the scars disappeared. "How did you...do that?"

"It's a secret."

You were alone and sick. Pants and gasps resonated in your dark and dimly room. Your pale lips were quivering and your fragile body was trembling. You were warm and sweating but you didn't ask for treatment. I caressed your cheek and you leaned into my touch, your shaking hand touched mine. "You're here." you muttered with closed lids and hot breath prickling my skin. "You came to take me?"

"No." I whispered and you just hummed in response. "I came here to take care of you." You pushed yourself up and sat on your bed, eyes looking straight at me. The melancholic gaze they held gave me the urge to lift your whole body and carry you up. "Where will you take me?" I didn't answer but instead, held you in my left arm like a baby.

"Hold onto me." I told you, "Wha-- Aaah!" You clung to me and buried your face on my chest as I jumped off of your window. I spread my wings and flew before we hit the ground. "You can look now." You shook your head furiously and tightened your arms around my neck. "You won't fall. I got you." You held your breath and turned your head, eyes still closed "O-kay."  You opened your eyes slowly. "Happy Birthday." I greeted you as you casted your eyes down at the glowing city lights.

"Please don't say that." I was startled with what you said. You were supposed to say 'thank you.'

"Why?"

"Sometimes, I don't understand. Why should I be happy when I'm a year closer to my death?"

"Well, that's interesting. People say that you should be happy because you're given another year to live."

"I still don't get it though." I smiled and ruffled your messy hair. "You're still young. There are some things you might not understand right now."

"But death doesn't pick ages. When death knocks on your door, you have no other way than to open it and let death in."

"Hey." I nudged your side and whispered. "That kid keeps on looking over here. Do you think he sees me?"

"I don't think so. Just let him."

"I think he likes you."

"You're joking."

"I'm not!"

"Nobody wants to be my friend, okay?"

"Say for yourself." I smiled knowingly and left you as I saw him walking towards us. You didn't notice me vanished as you kept sketching on your notebook.

"Hi." You blinked your eyes at the thin boy towering over you. "Uh...hi?" I slapped my forehead with my palm and rubbed my face. You were very bad at greeting people back then.

"I'm Shixun." He told you and you just stared at him for a moment. I couldn't take it anymore so I whispered - more like, hissed - at your ear. "Don't just stare at him. Be friendly." I watched one side of your lip curved upward. I thought why were you smirking and then I realized that you never smiled but it was a good try, though.

"Liu Yi." you told him with that smirk on your face.

"Hi Liu Yi! Why are you here alone?" Shixun sat beside you. "I'm not alone." You started, placing your notebook at the side. “I’ve been talking to someone.”

“Oh you mean the guy from earlier?” He looked around and you raised an eyebrow, “You can see him?”

“Yeah, I’m kinda not normal.” He smiled at you. “You wouldn’t mind, would you?” You shook your head, “I, myself, am not normal, either.”

“So what’s his name?” You shrugged as if you don’t really care, “He calls himself Yifan.”

“He actually disappeared when I went here.”

“Maybe, he’s scared?” you commented nonchalantly. “I am not!” I appeared right in front the two of you. “Oh, I thought you were gone?”

“Hi Yifan!” I turned to Shixun and smiled, “Hi Shixun.” Then I looked at you, “You were saying?”

“What?” You chuckled. Me and Shixun were surprised, it was the first time that I heard you chuckle. “What?” You asked again when you felt our stares. “You just…”

“I know and it actually feels good.”

Ever since then, Shixun and you became very close. You began to change but I didn’t mind since you were very happy with him. You naturally smile when he’s around you and you always look for him when he’s not there. Somehow, you began to forget me.

“I heard you’ll be discharge.” You said as you closed the door. “Yeah.” He smiled, “I’m quite excited.”

“That’s good to hear.” You sat down on his bed.

“Don’t you wanna go out too?” You looked away, clearly avoiding his question.

“That’s impossible.”

“Anything’s possible.”

“I’m gonna die.”

“You won’t.” Shixun said firmly. “At least, not yet.”

There was a long silence between the both of you until you decided to break it off with a sigh and a small smile, “Visit me sometime. ‘kay?”

He nodded and understood that he should just drop the subject.

****

“Where are you, Shixun? I missed you already.” You whispered into thin air. Your voice was filled with sorrow and melancholy. Should I show up? But, you already had forgotten about me.

“You didn’t forget about me, did you?” You continued mumbling to yourself and a tear slipped down on your face.

I sat behind you – your back pressing on my chest - and embraced you with my wings.

I heard you sighed then your head fell back as if you were leaning on me. You closed your eyes and your lips had a bittersweet smile.

“Yifan…”

It’s funny how you said my name but didn’t even remember me.

You were a fallen angel with a crestfallen world.

After receiving a note from Shixun’s dad about his son’s health getting worse, you didn’t hesitate to sprint down the streets just to go and see him.

You were fast yet clumsy. Occasionally, tripping on your feet or being knocked down by other people. But you always got up and start running again.

You were so caught up with the idea of seeing him again that you didn’t notice you were already crossing the road and a truck was fast approaching.

A loud honk and screams were heard and that’s when you realized you were going to die – not the way you thought it to be – and you won’t make it to his house.

But I didn’t let that happened. I flew beside you and blocked it with a force field.

I was relieved to see you still alive but you needed to snap out of your trance state. “Apologize.”

After I whispered that, you were bowing several times and sputtering apologies for your clumsiness.

****

You arrived at his room with heavy breaths. You didn’t have the time to marvel at how beautiful Shixun’s house was. It was not the reason why you were there in the first place.

“Yi-yi” He whispered weakly. He was lying on his bed and he had an oxygen mask on. There was a heart monitor just beside his bed and other apparatuses. It was like a private hospital.

“Shi” Your tears welled up and you bit your lip to suppress all hidden emotions you’ve been holding back for so long.

He tried to sit up but you held him down. “Don’t force yourself.”

“I’m sorry.” He coughed. “I…tried…to--”

“Shh… I understand.” You caressed his face and ran your fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and tears streamed down your face when you saw a tear slipped down from his closed eyes.

“I love you, Yi.” He confessed that made you looked at him with pain-stricken eyes. “I like you ever since I first saw you at the hospital.”

I saw panic in your eyes as you held his hand closed to your chest. “Shixun, no.”

“You were so cold back then. You rarely talked. You never uttered a single word.” He says as his free hand reached for your face and it with his fingers.

You leaned in to his touch and shut your eyes. “No…Don’t.”

“I love you, Liu Yi.” He smiled as he said those words to you. “I love you so much that I long to hear you say it to me too.” He put your hand on his chest. “Feel that? My heart is already weak and it beats slowly as seconds passed by.”

You clutched on his shirt as you trembled, shaking because of the sudden outburst of feelings. “It’s starting to give up.” His eyes softened and he breathed slowly.

His eyes darted over my direction and he smiled at me then he averted them back to you. “Liu Yi, as much as I want to see you for the last time, time’s running out.”

“I understand.” You let go of his hand and stood up. You slowly walked to the door but you hesitated once you touched the doorknob. You ran back to him and embraced him for the last time. “I love you too.” You whispered and there were tears on Shixun’s wide eyes.

You let go from the hug and your face were only inches apart. Your tears fell down on his cheeks and mixed with his as you stared at each other. He closed his eyes as you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Goodbye, Shixun.”

****

“Hello Yifan.” He smiled at me. “Please don’t leave her alone.”

“Why Shixun?”

“Because you love her more than I love her.” He looked up at the ceiling. “I couldn’t keep my word but you can. She needs you.”

I looked away. “She doesn’t even remember me.”

“You’re wrong.” I looked back at him. “She’s starting to feel your presence again.”

“Shixun—“

“There’s not much time left for me, Yifan and you know that.” I smiled sadly at him. “I’m ready now.” He closed his eyes and relaxed.

After three long breaths, I took his life.

You were crying and alone all night. It was the same scene I saw back then when your dad passed away. You curled like a baby in her mother’s womb and cried again in your hospital room.

“Sleep, Liu.” I said softly. You tried to calm down then turned around and looked at me. You were still hiccupping because of crying.

“Yi…fan.” Your voice cracked. “He’s gone. Shixun. Shixun’s gone.” Then you started crying again. “I shouldn’t have become his friend. Everyone close to me dies.” There you were again, blaming yourself.

“It’s not your fault. It was already his time.” I tried to comfort you. “Now, go to sleep. You need to rest.”

You laughed – a laughter that had pain. “I remember him telling me that he likes to sleep because he’s practicing how he’ll be on his death but sleep itself is temporary death.”

I watched you got up and walked to the balcony. Your hands gripped the railings as you stared at the ground. “What will you do?”

“I’m gonna end my life.” And with that you jumped down the balcony.

“Liu Yi!” I followed after you. You were falling really fast so I need to go down faster. I spread my wings and embraced you before you hit the cold ground.

You were crying when we landed softly on the cold ground. I put you down and you screamed in agony. “Why did you save me?!”

“Liu Yi. There are people who want to live but are dying. They want to live longer but they need to go. But you…You have a life. You should cherish it.” I told you slowly to make you understand. “Do you think Shixun would be happy?”

****

“She’s still not over you.” I talked to his gravestone. “She’s hurting, Shixun.”

“Be with her.” I turned around and saw Shixun’s soul smiling at me. “You love her, right? I’ll talk to her but you have to do your part.”

“Shixun, I can’t—“

“You’re not like me, Yifan. I can’t go back but you…You can be human.”

Liu Yi stood before his gravestone. She was drenched but she didn’t mind. She was lost and she needed him.

“It’s been what? Three months?” she smiled bitterly. “Yifan…I don’t see him anymore. He completely vanished last week.”

“You’re wrong.” She turned around as soon as he heard that voice. “Shixun?” she said in disbelief.

“Hi Yiyi.” He smiled at her. “How are you? I heard from Yifan that you tried to end your life.”

Liu Yi looked away in shame. “You should move on, Yi.” She looked at him with a pained expression. “ Yifan…he would be right by your side. He won’t leave you.” He continued as he walked towards her.

“I’m happy to know that you love me but you need to let go.” He wiped her tears and it made her realized that she was already crying. “You’re beautiful when you smile so don’t cry over me, alright? I don’t deserve it.”

She slowly nodded and a small smile broke into her lips. Shixun beamed at her and he glowed. “I need to go now. Goodbye Yiyi!” He said and disappeared into thin air.

Liu Yi opened her palm and there was a black feather on it.

White feathers turned into black as they fell from the heavens. They were like snow on a wintry night.

You stopped walking and looked up at the skies. A white feather landed on your palm and it became black. You smiled like a child.

You spun and twirled around under the falling feathers with a soft giggle. It was an ethereal sight. I smiled seeing you like that.

After your ballet, I decided to show up. With small, light steps, I approached you. You turned around and tears brim your eyes as soon as you saw me.

“Did you miss me, Liu?” I asked with a smile.

You didn’t answer but instead, you ran to me and I welcomed you with open arms. Your frail arms wrapped around my waist and you buried your face on my chest. I embraced you and I already knew the answer.