Tick tick tick

Sehun’s arms laid limp on the burnished single seated sofa. His breaths steady and consistent while his chest rose and fell with every weak pounding of his heart.

Tick tick tick

Lifting his lazy eyes, they warily locked on the male seated across of him. The other wore formal clothes; a woolen burgundy vest, paired up with a white pressed blouse and black slacks. The man had a large notepad on his lap with a black ink pen situated idly in between his fingers.

“Hi, I’m doctor Kim Junmyeon, your psychiatrist,” the man introduced, a friendly smile gracing his lips. “May I ask who you are?”

Sehun’s silence was the only reply that the doctor got. Smile unfading, Junmyeon crossed his legs. A slow sixty seconds passed and the doctor heaved a soft sigh.

“Why do you think you’re here today?”

With another question hung in the midst of silence, Sehun’s face remained calm, void of emotion, as his light brown eyes kept its lining on the other.   

“Oh Sehun, I need you to cooperate with me, please. I’m here to help.”

With the twitch of the finger, Sehun calmly spoke, words forming clearer with each syllable,“You’re just going to call me crazy.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Another elapse of silence walked in through the door. Junmyeon studied Sehun’s expressions, noting down that that they haven't changed one bit.

Tick tick tick

Sehun glanced over at the chestnut wooden end table that stood in between him and the doctor; the beige with white stripes device ticked with every passing second. ‘A recorder,’ he thought before he stared back at the man across of him.

“Nothing.”

Shifting a little in his chair, Junmyeon made himself comfortable as he jotted down his observations.

“Your friend, Kim Jongin, he explained to me that you are having difficulty expressing yourself. He is worried you might be depressed. I-”

“He’s right. I may have lost myself.”

“And what makes you say that?”

Pale, lean fingers clutched onto the arm of the chair, as Sehun tilted his head and stared at the doctor square in the eye. “I don’t know Doctor, you tell me. Isn’t this your ing job? To evaluate my mental competency?”

Junmyeon’s smile seemed to falter as the venom in Sehun’s words sliced through the air. His fingers fiddled with the golden embedded pen.

“Isn’t that why I’m here, Junmyeon?”

“Sehun, in all honesty, you are both correct and incorrect. Yes, that’s true, I’m here to see whether or not you are sane but i’m also here to help you relieve your bottled up frustrations. I’m someone who can help. Someone you can talk to.”

“Are you really,” Sehun replied with a monotonous voice.

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“I don’t know, it depends on how you look at it, Doctor.”

Junmyeon’s smile dropped, the friendly twinkle in his eye dimming as he tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair.

“Okay, lets start with another question. Just please try to cooperate with the best of your abilities. I know you don't want to be here, so the faster you comply, the easier it will be for me to help you, and the sooner you can leave.”

Taking the other's silence as a sign of agreement, the doctor questioned, “Do you know where you are?”

Heaving a scoff, Sehun leaned further back in his chair, his black wife beater hiking up a little. “I’m in a room.”

“Sehun-”

“What, you want me to be more specific? Okay. I’m in a room, in a psychotherapy building, in Seoul, South Korea, on planet earth, somewhere in space.”

Junmyeon's smile grew tight. He rolled his shoulders back as a sign to show he isn't impressed. “And do you know why you are here?”

“Didn’t we just go over that?”

“Sehun-”

“Fine, yes I do know why I’m here. Jongin dragged me here because he was worried I may have lost my sanity.”

“And how do you feel about that?” the psychiatrist asked, looking down at the notepad on his lap that consisted of curvy legible handwriting in small listed bullet points.

“How do you think I feel about this?” came the reply in a louder, inert tone.

“I think only you know that.”

Turning his head away, Sehun diverted his gaze off of the doctor and onto the fairly huge, rectangular window beside an auburn wooden desk that had documents and papers stacked neatly on the surface.

“I feel… honestly I don’t know how I feel. But one thing for sure, I don’t feel what you are trying to diagnose me with. I feel sane. I am sane. I am in touch with reality enough to understand why I’m here.”

All Junmyeon did was nod his head silently, gesturing to the other that he understood.

“Don’t ask me if I'm sane or insane or if I perceive reality the same way you do. I know I’m not crazy. Maybe a little unbalanced but not crazy.”

“Unbalanced?”

At the same time Sehun’s chest rose, he averted his eyes back to the psychiatrist's auburn ones. “Yes.”

“What makes you unbalanced?”

The younger of the two shook his head gently, the soft locks of his bleach blonde hair bouncing and shifting with the movement.  

“Luhan.”

“Sehun you just have to loosen up. Let yourself indulge in new things.”

Fingers tapping the silver marble counter, the blonde had a lazy gaze on the bartender who was mixing a couple of colorful alcoholic drinks together. His lips pursed as he leaned forward onto the counter, feeling bored out of his mind. Jongin ditched him after telling the bartender to fetch Sehun a ‘Purple Nurple’. Being Oh Sehun, he didn’t even know what a Purple Nurple was. How did Jongin expect him to let loose and drink something he hasn’t even heard of?

But deciding to just go with the flow has always been Sehun's trademark.

“Here you go,” chimed the man behind the counter, sliding the ice cold drink in Sehun's direction.

Mumbling a curt thanks, he carelessly grabbed the small, purple, cylinder drink. He silently stared at it, contemplating on whether or not he should drink it.

“That’s a good choice.”

Diverting his gaze off of his drink, he then locked it on a pair of light brown eyes that shined with sparkling glint. “Sorry?”

The stranger laughed, sitting down on the stool right next to Sehun. “The drink, its a good choice. I’m actually quite a fan of Purple Nurple’s.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah…”

Heaving  a sigh, the blonde took the risk and pushed away all of the negative thoughts about the mixed liquid in his hand and chugged it down. The drink stung and burned down his throat, making the latter cough. The small glass made a loud clink as it fell from his grasp and onto the counter.

“W-woah there!” the stranger stood up from his chair, hands hovering over Sehun, wondering what he was actually supposed to do. Once the blonde continued to cough up the drink, the other opted with just patting his back and asking the bartender for some water. A glass of water later, the blonde finally settled down.

“Thanks,” Sehun mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks were tinted a light shade of pink in which the other sneaked a sly smile.

The stranger patted Sehun’s shoulder before sitting back down on the glossy stool. “You’re Sehun right?”

Taken aback, the blondes eyes widened as he gawked at the other. Noticing the surprised reaction, the stranger immediately jumped in with a hurried voice, “wait no, no, oh gosh no, wait--your friend, Jongin called me here today and told me to keep you company!”

Sehun stared at the other, mouth agape as a subtle ‘ohh’ escaped his mouth. “Hi, I’m Luhan,” the other embarrassedly said, cheeks flaming up.

“So he set us up?” the blonde randomly stated, scanning the crowd for his best friend.

Not receiving an answer, Sehun gazed over Luhan, taking in his soft features. The brunette, fluffy locks, framed the youthful baby face, making Sehun smile. Luhan was cute. And for the duration of the time, they found themselves ordering another set of drinks and chatting; slowly opening up each others hearts and carving a deep painless scar. Oh Sehun knew right then and there that Luhan would change his life for the better.

Staring at the hand scribbling down on the notepad paper, Sehun slowly his lips, his wet tongue providing a temporary aid of its dryness.

Tick tick tick

Once Junmyeon’s wrists came to a halt, his gaze lifted up and met with Sehun’s. “That’s a nice first encounter,” he commented, nodding his head with a smile. “Luhan seems like a cute fellow. How old is he?”

“Why does that matter?”

The doctor sighed, feeling a little frustrated with the younger’s comebacks and lack of compilation.  

“It was just a question.”

Sehun nodded his head, “he’s my hyung.”

Switching his legs so his left was crossed over his right, the physiatrist hummed in acknowledgement.

“What happened to Luhan and yours’ relationship?”

It was a question Junmyeon already knew the answer to. He wasn’t stupid, he just wanted to have confirmations to his assumptions.

As his facade never changed and voice never leveled out of tune, Sehun calmly replied, “He became the love of my life. We became official on January 15th, 2014, at approximately 6:30pm. I asked him to become my boyfriend at a restaurant. I had to work my off for to us to get reservations and pay for our meal." Sehun softly smiled at the memory, glancing over at the window again. In the blink of an eye, his smile dimished, ceasing to exist. "He wasn’t one that asked for much -- in a way I guess he was sort of selfless. But I wanted to pamper him.”

“I’ve never met someone who remembered exact times and dates.”

“This is Luhan we are talking about. How could I ing not?”

As the sun rose and fell, days and months passed by, and things turned out for the better.

Breathing in the fresh air, Sehun’s eyelids fluttered open, gaze became fixated on Luhan who was standing across of him, dressed in a black pressed tuxedo. He smiled to himself, left hand wrapped around his right wrist as he stood watching Luhan’s eyes scrutinize the crowd in front of him.

Sehun divered his gaze, smiling at everyone sitting down on ribbon decor chairs, dressed up formally for the special occasion. He recognized family members and friends.

As the beat of the song suddenly faded away and switched into a delicate, comforting melody, Sehun looked over at Luhan again, but this time Luhan was looking back with a wide smile gracing his lips. There was something about the Luhan's eyes that intriguged Sehun. He noticed how it glinted with a bright brown hue full of euphoria. It was honeslty the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

As Sehun forced his eyes off of Luhan, he looked over at Jongin who was in between him and the love of his life. Jongin looked nervous; his usual calm structure was replaced with an anxious but exhilarated expression.

Just then, the room fell silent despite the song playing in the background. As soon as everyone’s heads turned, Sehun distinctly heard the sound of someone gasping. Jongin's eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears.

Kyungsoo, the love of his life, walked down the red carpet catching everyone’s attention. With each step Kyungsoo took, Jongin smile grew wider. A huge smile carved Kyungsoo’s face as he walked closer to his soon-to-be-husband.

The fervor of unspoken words seemed to move Sehun as he lovingly watched his two best friends stare at eachother in high levels of ineffable emotions. Maybe one day he will be the one to stand at the altar with the one he loves.

Minutes past, and the ceremony moved on as they exchanged vows and kissed to seal the marriage. Luhan and Sehun signed the papers as witnesses on behalf of the married couple. Everyone cheered; some family members and friends cried. It was beyond beautiful. Huge steps were taken, vows were exchanged and life was something they couldn’t help but look forward to.

The party followed by after was gushing with laughter. Loved ones danced on the dance floor, letting loose and simply having the time of their lives. Kyungsoo and Kai sat at their table that was covered in velvet lace cloth with violet candle's lit up in the centre of the table. They were feeding each other food and flattering each other with sweet nothings.

Luhan’s smile was so bright, and to Sehun it was as if he was the sun’s Doppelganger. It was so alluring and filled with so much love.

“Luhan,” he whispered, intertwining his fingers with the brunette’s warm ones. Hearing the sound of his name roll off of his lovers lips, he looked away from the newly married couple and found himself swim in a sea of happiness. He was unable to conceal his mirth. Sehun’s eyes was so full of life, it captured him in a moment of bliss. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nodding his head, Luhan tugged on Sehun’s hand and led through the jubilant room and out the door. They stumbled out, laughing for no apparent reason.

“I’m so happy for them,” Luhan chimed, swinging his and Sehun’s interlocked hands.

“So am I,” laughed the other.

They sat down on a black bench made of metal, designed with a vintage feel. Reaching his hand out, he brushed away the hairs that covered Luhan’s eyes. Their eyes locked with each other. Lifting his palm, he caressed the older’s face, eyes trailing down to his lips. And with one last breath, Sehun leaned forward and captured Luhan’s lips. Both of their eyes closed, making it a sweet moment of tranquility. Passionately delving in each others form of comfort, as the kisses spoke lengths beyond words.

Resting his forehead on Luhan’s, his breath brushed up against the others fair skin, as they stayed in an appeasing silence.

“Luhan, what would you think of us getting married?”

Fluttering his eyes open, Sehun watched as the smile grew on Luhan’s face.

“I would like that.”

“He seems like a nice guy,” the doctor softly spoke, sending a small smile. “Are you guys still in contact with each other?”

Sehun in a gasp, heart seemingly pounding half a beat faster than usual. His eyes darted away from the psychiatrist, trying to find anything -- something -- that wasn't alive and breathing to look at. When silence was the only answer to his question, Junmyeon raised his pen up to his chin. Anyone who knew him would know it was a sign he was in the middle of various assumptions. It was a habit that was hard to kill.

“Is something the matter Sehun?”

With the twitch of the finger and the turn of the head, the doctors eyes slightly widened. The monotonous mask was finally broken and stapled back together, into a reconstructed puzzle of shattered emotions. But of what emotions? Why was it so hard for even a certified doctor like him to decipher it?

“It’s complicated,” responded a soft murmur. The younger pursed his lips, glancing at the window then back to Junmyeon.

“How so?”

Hands timidly clasping and unclasping, the youngers jaw clenched, features appearing tense and completely unsettled.

“What happened to Luhan?”

For some reason the doctor felt anxious with the sudden change of expressions that flickered on his patients face. What could he possibly be hiding to make him alternate into a fused mess of emotions?

At the same time his chest fell, his words came out as thin and quiet as his breath, “He died.”

Seconds past, as the ticks of the tape recording machine continued its ritual. The older’s brunet eyes dimmed down as the curt words Oh Sehun spoke faltered around the air and knocked his mind into realization. For a second there, he forgot that the notepad on his lap was meant for him to take notes. The underlying emotions that stayed plastered on Sehun’s face seemed almost as fragile as the thin antique vase behind the bulletproof glass found in museums.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.”

With a soft hum, Sehun brushed his hair that dangled above his eyes to the side with his cold fingers. Once a few breaths were exchanged in silent communication, the younger’s expressions morphed into the same banausic one he walked in the office with. “So am I.”

Furrowing his brows, Junmyeon leaned back into his chair, silently writing down a few notes.

“You don’t seem that upset. I’ve noticed anger and confusion but sadness… mourning, I haven’t noticed those.”

“Because its the truth, I’m not entirely upset.”

“Usually, Sehun, when a person loses someone they love, they are bound to be upset.”

Rolling his head to the side, the younger his lips.

“But what if they aren’t actually dead?”

Something clicked in Junmyeon’s brain. His fingers tightened its hold on his pen, ink soaked through the paper.

“What?”

“He’s not actually dead.”

“I’m not following,” replied the physiatrist, taking a quick peek at the device on the table to make sure it’s still recording. Which, thankfully, it was.

“The truth is, Luhan never left. He’s still here.”

And with that sentence hanging in the air, the younger’s hair bounced with the turn of the head, as his gaze fixed on the huge white, wooden framed window. The corners of his lips lifted up, as the smile seemed to stretch across his face. His eyes shimmered with a happy glint, as if he was smiling at someone he loved with every ounce of him.

Junmyeon’s eyes widened, mouth hanging agape as he witnessed the beautiful smile lie gracefully on the previously crooked mask. His eyes then drifted off to the window where the sun seeped through, into warm rays, landing and caressing Sehun’s soft features.

“Oh.”