For Darkbutterfly ♥

Kibum should have known to stay away from Kim Jonghyun right from the very beginning. It is obvious in the way Jonghyun walks around like he owns the club, familiar with the clubgoers and making sure everyone gets what they want as he approaches them one by one. He sees it with his own eyes, Jonghyun giving what seemed like a friendly handshake with someone who looked too young to enter a club but an observant Kibum knows there is more than meets the eye when he spots the cash that the youth passes to Jonghyun and the packet of pills that Jonghyun slips to him.

Everything suddenly clicks.

Kibum knows exactly what has happened but he can’t seem to take his eyes off the attractive man. When the deal is done, Kibum watches enthralled, not doing anything to hide his curiosity, and naturally, his intense gaze attracts Jonghyun’s attention. Kibum’s heart skips a beat.

He is Jonghyun’s next target.

It feels natural to fall in love with Jonghyun. So natural that Kibum overlooks who Jonghyun is and what he does, so natural that he just wants, needs to be with him. And he does. Love doesn’t come as easy for Jonghyun though but one thing’s for sure, Jonghyun loves that Kibum loves him and so, returns as much affection as he can to Kibum. Kibum believes his love is strong enough to change Jonghyun, to get his boyfriend off this path of doom for the sake of their future together before it’s too late. But of course, love is blind. Jonghyun is already past the point of no return. And Kibum’s overconfidence is his downfall.

Kibum tries to change Jonghyun but nothing works. His advice falls on deaf ears. They fight, Jonghyun threatens and Kibum always loses. The cycle continues. Nothing good ever comes out of it. It hurts to be the person more invested in a relationship but now that Kibum has experienced life with Jonghyun, he knows he can’t do without him. He can’t give up on Jonghyun, but he can give up on changing him.

“Why don’t you come experience my world, bummie?”

Jonghyun asks him, after Kibum, once again, fails at scaring Jonghyun with how harmful drugs are and the dangers it puts him in. Kibum’s been with Jonghyun to clubs frequent enough to see how high those little pills can make people, and it’s not just on Jonghyun’s regulars or new customers, Kibum sees its effects on his very own boyfriend as well. It makes Jonghyun so happy, free of troubles and worries, and helps him live.

How then can Kibum ever bring himself to deny his boyfriend of such bliss?

Besides, Kibum lives for the moments Jonghyun becomes extremely affectionate to him when he is high. That’s when he feels that Jonghyun loves him the most. The truth is, Kibum is actually thankful the drugs bring out such a side of Jonghyun.

It is this realisation that encourages Kibum to try it out for himself. He wants in on Jonghyun’s life. The moment he opens his mouth to ask Jonghyun for the pills, Jonghyun flashes him a smile that instantly erases all of Kibum’s doubts. He determinedly pops them in his mouth, swallows and waits for the effects. When it hits him after the initial wave of discomfort, Kibum finally enters Jonghyun’s world. He feels what Jonghyun feels, those rushes of exhilaration, the heightened awareness of his surroundings, and it gets better when Jonghyun is touching him, feeling him, loving him and being the closest they’ve ever been with each other. Kibum realises this is the happiest he has ever been in his life. It’s heaven. It’s bliss. It’s worth all the discomfort and fatigue he feels after. And so, Kibum takes it the second time, the third and he doesn’t know what comes after that because he stops counting.

Jonghyun does too... until he notices that Kibum’s craving for the drug sets in a little too quickly than normal. He forgets that Kibum isn’t like him, him who understand the drug, who knows exactly how to use it, who has control over himself. And so, Jonghyun can only helplessly watch how his boyfriend loses himself and begins abusing the drug again and again and again. The addiction changes Kibum entirely that Jonghyun can’t recognize the person he fell in love with anymore. He just wants the original Kibum back. But this Kibum is breaking down, and so is Jonghyun. He watches how Kibum suffers when he tries to ease his boyfriend’s addiction, slowly rehabilitating him and reducing his dependency on the drug. It hurts the most when Kibum pushes him away and looks for the drug instead that Jonghyun decides it’s best to let Kibum go. Jonghyun knows he can’t be saved, but Kibum can.

“You shouldn’t love me.”

Kibum hears Jonghyun’s whisper in his ear as he lies in bed, suffering through the discomfort when Jonghyun denies him the drug once again.

“Baby, I’m no good for you.”

“You shouldn’t be with me.”

“You need to leave once you get better.”

The whispers come one after another. When he feels a kiss to his forehead, Kibum reaches out his hands to cling onto Jonghyun’s shirt and hold his boyfriend close because there is something he wants him to know.

“I can’t.”

“You must.”

Kibum shakes his head, “I can’t do this without you… you’re the one keeping me alive right now.”

“Kibum...”

“I love you. Do you love me?”

Jonghyun’s tears are enough of an answer for Kibum. Reaching out to weakly wipe his boyfriend’s tears away, Kibum finds the determination to kick the habit.

 “I promise I’ll be okay.”

The pills, he could definitely stay away from, but Jonghyun? No. The damage is already done.

He is one drug Kibum can never live without.

Author's Note: i know so little about drugs... so i didn't mention which drug it was but i still hope it was worth the read! (: