Title: Peripheral Vision
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Genre: slight!angst, onesided!baekyeol, painsofheidi'slife!au
Rating: PG
Summary: Chanyeol exists in his peripheral vision. That's the only way he is allowed to love.

i wrote this in like less than an hour so please excuse the unbeta, whoop.
background info: this was written based on my first love which i am still very broken over - it's pretty much a clearer explanation of the story i was alluding to in paper cranes don't fly, which was written because of the same experiences. everything angsty i write kind of revolves around these same emotions, actually. sorry, i have trouble letting things go.

제가 좀 미련한 바보라서요.

To: Park Chanyeol

Jongdae says he likes you.

To: Park Chanyeol

He asked me to tell you because he was too scared to tell you himself.

He said he couldn’t face you.

Gripping his phone tight in his two hands, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and tries not to frown. His heart is palpitating and it hurts, but this is what he’d wanted from the start so he cannot complain. When senior Kim Jongdae had told him last year that he liked Chanyeol (the same Park Chanyeol he himself had spent nights thinking about) Baekhyun had but one choice: to let go of his feelings. Now, as he swings his legs back and forth on the bleachers to keep himself from crumbling, he lists the reasons why his feelings shouldn’t be.

1. Jongdae is his senior, and on top of that, he liked Chanyeol first. Not to mention him and Chanyeol are close friends in the same grade, with almost all the same classes and a similar circle of friends.

2. When Jongdae told him Chanyeol was the guy he liked, Baekhyun hadn’t said a word about his feelings. To mention them now would surely disrupt his and Jongdae’s friendship, and he’s not that much of an .

3. Jongdae comes to him on a daily basis to discuss if Chanyeol’s actions towards him are green lights or reds. Baekhyun always says green. “I think he likes you, too.” (Does he really?)

4. He doesn’t even have hope anyway; Chanyeol doesn’t like scrawny kids who have nothing better to do than act as Cupid for the guy he’s liked for two years now. He’s a nobody anyway.

5. Chanyeol deserves better.

“Baekhyun.”

Said junior snaps out of his thoughts and lifts his head to see a sweaty Chanyeol standing before him.

“You’re still here?”

“I missed my bus,” he lies, “I just thought I’d hang around here until the late bus came along.”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol asks, running a thin towel through his damp hair. “At least once every week, huh? You always miss the bus – it seems you're even clumsy with timing.”

Baekhyun’s cheeks burn with a tinge of red. “It’s not like I do it on purpose…”

“Well, whatever it is, you should really catch your bus on time. The sun sets early these days; it’s not safe to walk in the dark.”

“I know,” he says. Chanyeol smiles at him and ruffles his hair. “I’m not some kid.”

“Didn’t say you were, tough nut,” the senior laughs. “Message me when you get home though, okay? I have to get back to practice before coach claws my eyes out so we’ll talk then.”

“Wait, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls when the senior is about to head back to the basketball court. “Last night, why didn’t you…”

Something stops him. Biting the inside of his bottom lip, he looks down at his phone.

“Reply to your text?” Chanyeol asks. After a moment's hesitation, Baekhyun nods silently.

“Jongdae was really worried,” he continues with his head down, “about your answer, I mean.”

“… Do you think I should give my answer now?” Chanyeol asks, taking out his phone from the long pocket of his basketball shorts. “I mean, I can. If that’s what you really want, I can give it to you.”

Baekhyun’s frown deepens.

“It’s not about what I want; it’s for Jongdae hyung.”

“… Alright then,” Chanyeol says, “I’ll give you my answer.”

He types something into his phone quickly, and Baekhyun waits until a message arrives.

And it’s funny. It’s funny how words have the power to truly ruin someone; how they can rain down on someone’s mind and pulverize all existing emotion to replace the crumbs with helplessness. The hilarity keeps Baekhyun awake until three in the morning, and he stares at the message in his inbox as his heart shrinks into itself.

From: Chanyeol

And you can’t, either.

Sometimes, love is a little cruel.

• • •

Park Chanyeol always exists in his peripheral vision. Baekhyun is not allowed to look at him directly, is not allowed to think about it, really. He just wants to love without feeling guilty, but…

From: Chanyeol

You know, you’re always so glum in the hallway. Why don’t you ever smile?

The thing about love is…

From: Chanyeol

You shouldn’t be sad like that… makes me sad, too.

The thing about love is that once you’ve had a taste…

From: Chanyeol

How about we watch a movie? Just the two of us. I’ll make you smile.

Once you’ve had a taste, you can’t really forget the flavors.

• • •

(The moments blur – Valentine’s Day, there is a large banner in the wall of the gym that reads “Sehun, will you be mine?” signed Park Chanyeol.

 “I think I like Kris,” over the text a month after he breaks up with Oh Sehun.

And then “Baekhyun,” he says. “My dad – he’s out of control. I ing hate him.”

Always the shoulder to lean on, but Chanyeol never lends him the tears. But Baekhyun always waits silently, always sits there at the same bench at the same park thinking maybe, if he stays a minute longer, Chanyeol will show up to make nothing else matter. Maybe one day he'll run out of tears.

Just maybe, he thinks. But always, he hopes Chanyeol doesn’t. Because there's someone who loves Chanyeol more than he does, someone who's loved him first. And that person daily says he can’t stop loving Chanyeol. And daily – daily, daily, daily – Baekhyun says they’re meant to be.)

• • •

The bell rings; Baekhyun is late to class again. He had taken the long way.

The bell rings; lunchtime. As Baekhyun opens his locker, he looks slowly left and his eyes linger there, his heart breathing for him instead of his lungs.

The bell rings. Baekhyun smiles in the hallway at a face he cannot erase.

The bell rings.

To his left, Park Chanyeol stands in the center of his circle of friends, laughing at a joke Jongdae said. He is so heartbreakingly bright that Baekhyun has to look away.

The bell rings,

shrills in his ears.

And Baekhyun, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, always looks away.