FINAL: YOU SAID (BUT I TOLD YOU SO)

» baby yes you said, said you were in love.

lookin’ at you now, i can tell

that you and your new relationship ain’t goin’ well

there’s no reason your name should come up on my cell,

unless you’re unhappy, but that shouldn’t be the case.

Sehun shut the door behind him, digging out the phone vibrating in his pocket and tossing it on the bed tiredly. He didn’t have to look to know who it was. There was no one else who would call him at this hour.

He slumped into a chair, placing his hands over his face and rubbing wearily. He looked up, his eyes landing on his phone, the screen lit up with her bright, smiling picture. He sighed heavily, watching it continue to flash until the call finally went to voicemail.

Slowly he stood, walking towards his bed with his hands in pockets, the phone screen going dark. His heart felt heavy in his chest, and in his mind he counted - one, two, three - and the phone lit up again, shifting on the bed with the vibrations.

He took a deep breath, staring at her face, at the smile that he loved more than anything. Just down the hall was the reason for her calls, sleeping soundly without ever realizing what was going on behind his back.

Then again, Sehun hadn’t known either, when she left him for Jongin. And now here she was, asking for him to come back.

He scoffed bitterly, reaching for the phone. This was the third time she’d called - she always called three times - and this was the time he’d always pick up, on the very last tone. She always sounded breathless, panicked, as though she was afraid he wouldn’t pick up, as though she was honestly terrified that one day, he wasn’t going to answer her.

Except he always did, and she knew it, as he slid his thumb over the screen to accept the call with regret in chest, putting the phone to his ear. He wasn’t ever sure if he was grateful for picking it up in time, for hearing her voice on the line. He wasn’t even sure if he did it on purpose - always managing to catch her before voicemail started.

“Sehun,” she breathed, and he swallowed hard, listening to her speak. It was desperation, her voice broken and tired and lonely, a little something like what he felt inside of him, and it was killing him slowly, every night, to hear her sound so hurt. It echoed inside of him, and he struggled to keep his breaths controlled. “Sehun, you picked up.”

I always do, he thought, his jaw tensing. How can I ignore you?

“Sehun, please talk to me,” she whispered. “Please say something. Sehun.”

But he couldn’t. All of his words were choked inside of him, suffocating him. He had so many things to say - so much anger, so much pain.

“I’m sorry,” she pleaded. “I miss you. I love you. Please.”

Her apologies were always the same, and those words weakened him, going straight to his already broken heart. He breathed shakily, his heart clenching, and he wordlessly ended the call, sinking down onto the bed. She could bring him to his knees in a heartbeat, when she said those words. When she lied.

“You don’t,” he whispered to himself, clutching the phone tightly. “Don’t lie to me, Soojung. You don’t love me.”

‘cause you said, said he was the one

baby yes you said, said you were in love

He could remember that night so clearly.

At first, he had never understood the concept of remembering every detail of a certain memory. People were bound to forget certain things, weren’t they? The weather, maybe, or the color of another person’s shirt. If a stranger walked by.

But he remembered every last moment, had memorized the exact words she’d told him when she brought him out in front of the cafe they always met up at for their little dates, because it was hidden and no one would ever suspect that teen idols Krystal Jung and Oh Sehun were ever together.

She was bundled up that day - it was cold, winter in full force. It had snowed the night before and remnants of that still surrounded them, little pockets of white near the trees and on the road.

“Sehun, I’m sorry - I...I think I love him. I’ve been lying to you for too long, for that, I’m truly sorry…”

She said it like she meant it, and it was supposed to console him. At least she knew she was wrong. At least she knew she was hurting him. He was pretty sure his heart was there for her to see, scattered about in little pieces on the ground by the time she’d finished her confession - that she didn’t love him anymore.

“I’m sorry. I love him. I love Jongin. I’m sorry I put you through this, Sehun.”

It shouldn’t have made it worse, but knowing that the person she fell in love with when she stopped caring about Sehun was his best friend. Kim Jongin. He could imagine it though, like a little cliched love story with Jongin’s arm around Soojung, pretending to teach her dance moves and ending up together, forgetting about the boy Soojung had once - or maybe she hadn’t - loved.

“Sehun, please, I know I hurt you...But don’t blame Jongin for this. It was me, I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? I still care about you, please believe me.”

It was like a terrible dream. And every morning, he woke up, with her words in his ears and sometimes the feel of her lips brushing his cheeks, his ears, whispering apologies as she gave him one last hug, leaving him in the cold with “I love Jongin” ringing in his ears.

The words, “But I love you, Soojung,” never left his mouth that day, like he wanted to say, if it would bring her back to him, and now they were stuck, incapable of ever forming on his tongue ever again, yet constantly, always, insistently repeating inside his mind, and circling the broken pieces of his heart.

‘cause when you left me, you said that you wouldn’t be

coming back, remember that? but i never agreed.

She catches his arm one day, after a performance. They’re backstage, and she tugs him away from the crowd, and in his surprise, he lets her. Jongin doesn’t even notice, bumping shoulders with Taemin and pulling ridiculous dance moves just to make the group laugh, because Jongin’s like that. And Sehun should smile, but he can’t find it in him when that’s the person Soojung said she fell in love with.

“Sehun,” Soojung says, looking up at him, and his name sounds so bittersweet coming from her lips, so much so that he it takes him considerable strength to meet her eyes, forcing himself to remain stoic as he stares silently back at her. He’s trying to keep his emotions in check but it’s hard, seeing her swallow and open to speak and coming up short.

Sehun has never seen her speechless like this. He knows her inside and out, and Soojung, if anything, never lacked words to say.

Then again, maybe he didn’t know her inside and out. It certainly wasn’t enough to make her stay.

“If you have nothing to say, then I’m leaving,” he says curtly, because he can’t stand to be around her any longer. His heart is constricting inside of him and he shoves his hands into his pockets and turns away because he knows he’s just going to feel his heart break again, looking at her.

“Wait!” she lets out, grabbing his arm and looking at him pleadingly. “Wait.” She sounds breathless, her eyes begging him to understand her but he can’t. He doesn’t want to.

“I made a mistake,” she says, and the way she looks at him goes straight to his heart in a way that digs the knife in deeper than it had ever been before. But he remains impassive, watching her expression fall more and more.

“I was stupid,” she says, her fingers still wrapped around his arm. “I - I thought too quickly. Sehun, I never stopped loving you. Not ever. I kept thinking of you, even when I was with him, I--”

“Is that what helps you sleep at night?”

For once, the words come out, before he can even stop them. His eyes are piercing, and Soojung’s words stop abruptly, hurt clear in her eyes. He scoffs, ignoring the pain inside himself as he looks away, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Aren’t those the same words you told me?” he asks quietly, and he’s searching her eyes for something, anything,  a hint of honesty. Did she really love him?

“You told me you loved Jongin,” he says. “That you kept thinking of him even when you were with me, that he was the one, that you fell for him without even realizing. Isn’t that exactly what you told me? That you thought too quickly, that you loved me, but you love Jongin more. How am I supposed to believe you, Soojung? How can I listen to you tell me that you love me when just a few months ago you were telling me you loved my best friend?”

Soojung is staring at him in shock and hurt, silenced by everything he’s said. He gently tugs his arm away from her grasp, sighing quietly and turning to leave, but the look on her face stays in his mind even as he’s walking away. She assumed that everything he said was everything he wanted to say on the phone every night, but the truth is that nothing he’s said is what he wanted to say.

Those words are still lodged inside of him, killing him slowly.

I love you.

i hate to say it, but i told you so

told you if you left that you were gonna be miserable

guess he don’t do it like me, or else you wouldn’t be

running back to the past; it was you that left me.

When Amber doesn’t so much as spare him a look for the next few days, he knows that Soojung’s been crying. The conflict is written all over Amber’s face - Soojung is her friend. Soojung is heartbroken. But Sehun is also her friend, his heart so worn out that he’s not sure whether or not it’s broken, or just simply gone.

It makes matters worse whenever he sees Jongin. Jongin’s not good at hiding his feelings the way Sehun is, and he spends his days wondering why Soojung won’t call him back, his eyebrows constantly furrowed in worry. Sehun can tell that Jongin wants to ask him, but Jongin’s smart enough to know not to.

Sehun wants to grab Jongin by the collar and demand to know why - why he had to come into the picture and ruin everything he had with Soojung, but Sehun also knows it’s not Jongin’s fault. It’s Soojung who can’t figure her own heart out, and it’s Soojung who will end up breaking the both of them. She always meant well. But meaning well was never going to be enough when it came to love.

He feels sorry for the both of them. Jongin, and Soojung. For Jongin, who never meant to hurt anybody, but who loved Soojung so selfishly and so selflessly at the same time, only for Soojung to leave him. Jongin doesn’t even know yet, that Soojung’s asked for Sehun to come back. He doesn’t know that his love wasn’t enough.

If it makes Jongin feel any better, Sehun didn’t know either.

i hate to say it, but you know i’m right

every time you’re up, be callin’ for me late at night

but now that you ain’t got me, tell me where you gonna be

‘cause i can’t take you back, no my heart won’t let me.

Soojung calls again a few nights later, after she’s had time to put herself back together enough to pick up the phone and dial his number. Sehun’s staring at his phone right now, and he wants to erase her number and her image but he can’t bring himself to.

Tonight, though, he’s not sure if he can even answer the phone this time.

It rings, continuously, his phone vibrating in his hand and he starts to hold it a little tighter. He thinks he might be shaking, his breaths unsteady as the phone goes to voicemail.

One.

Almost immediately the phone lights up again, and he waits, trying to draw up the courage to answer, to tell her to stop calling him, but he can’t. It goes to voicemail again - two.

When she calls for the third time, he wants to throw his phone at the wall.

Instead, he picks up on the second tone.

She says nothing for a second, surprised. “Sehun,” she says, her voice a little uneven. “Um.”

His lips quirk upwards a little, in a sort of bitter remembrance. Soojung wasn’t good with her words, even if she had a lot of them. He was like her in that way. Tripping over everything he said, even if he never said much.

“I - “ she laughs a little, but the sound is humourless, empty. “I wanted...to say something...but now I can’t remember.”

He doesn’t know where the words come from, but they come out. “You always say the same thing,” he replies, and she says nothing in return.

They stay silent for a few minutes, before Sehun finally manages to speak again, quietly.

“Don’t call me anymore.”

AUTHOR’S NOTES;

sorry this took me forever to put up omg

i hope you guys liked it, sorry for making you wait

there is another part coming up, don’t worry, the story’s not over yet LOL, i just figured it was kinda long so i’m splitting it into two chapters, that’s all

yeah

angst much angst

much cliche

…

^___^;

comment as you please! ^^