Chapter 7 : The Me That Belong to You      

                   Jong Suk stared wide eyed; a shade of air gleamed over his deep mahogany pupils. The grip he had on Woo Bin’s hands started to loosen as he lost all his strength. Jong Suk felt his hands slide off Woo Bin’s big hands, down his thigh and before they could hit the seat Woo Bin grabbed them. Jong Suk was pulled back from his frozen mind as Woo Bin’s broad palms gently spread their warmth onto Jong Suk’s thin hands held in between his. What is happening…what is he saying? He finally managed to form the thoughts when his mind was once again reacting to his surroundings.

“What?” was all he could mumble at Woo Bin who was still looking at him with a half formed smile and eyes that only confirmed he wasn’t joking.

The half-smile turned into a fully grown grin and Woo Bin tightened his grip on Jong Suk’s hands. “The only person I want is you” he said, looking right into Jong Suk’s eyes; it sent a chill down his spine. “The only person I have ever given my heart to, is you…the only person I ever want to hold is you…” Jong Suk felt his tears swell, threatening to break down any moment now as Woo Bin continued his words “So…what I’m saying is…” Woo Bin broke his grip on Jong Suk’s hands, his left hand still holding onto them gently as they now lay against Woo Bin’s lap. He brought his free hand to Jong Suk’s face and rested it on his cheek feeling the skin that was soft as it looked, white and smooth as freckled porcelain. Jong Suk didn’t move, only a soft twitch at the warmth that heated up his cold cheek. Woo Bin glided his thumb along Jong Suk’s fine cheekbone, let it find its way down his jawline and traced over to the slightly parted lips. Woo Bin let his eyes fall on his thumb. Then without smiling at the boy, without saying a single word, without doing anything other than meeting his eyes, he slowly slid it cross those dry lips. Jong Suk jolted; a soft moan escaped his lips and Woo Bin’s face split into a wide smile.

He rested his thumb at the corner of Jong Suk’s parted lip and looked into his twinkling eyes; “I…” he murmured, “only want to kiss these lips…only want to hold you tightly in my arms…no one else but you…”

Jong Suk felt his tears finally break free, slither down his cheek and drip onto Woo Bin’s hand. “Woo Bin-ah…” he managed to muffle the name.

“No…” Woo Bin said, looking firmly into Jong Suk’s twitching eyes, “I’m not Woo Bin, Jong Sukie…”

Jong Suk pulled one of his hands off Woo Bin’s lap and wiped away his tears to get a clear view of the man sitting in front of him. Then he gave a questioning look and waited for an explanation.

“The person that loves you…is not Kim Woo Bin but Kim Hyun-Joong” he said, taking Jong Suk’s hands back into his grip. Then softly rubbed his thumb on the back of those fragile looking hands; “Because…Kim Woo Bin is not allowed to love the person he wants…so…what I’m saying is…” Jong Suk saw those sharp eyes soften into a glitter; tears invaded Woo Bin as he spoke again, “Don’t call me Woo Bin…please…let me be Hyun-Joong…Your Hyun-Joong…yours alone” he said.

“H—Hyun-Joong-ah…”Jong Suk said, smiling through the tears falling down again.

Woo Bin smiled, his mesmerising gleam that only formed when he was with this boy. “Come here” he said, patting on his lap.

Jong Suk lifted his body from the driver’s seat and moved over to Woo Bin’s lap; he sat with his legs falling on either side of Woo Bin’s lap.

“Hyun-Joong-ah…” he laced his fingers around Woo Bin’s neck, his thumb caressing the length of it, as he stared into those eyes that trapped him into the depth of a never returning world. “Is this a dream…?” he said, in a dazed voice.

Woo Bin smiled and pecked on those soft red lips. “Still not awake?” he asked, giggling a bit now.

“Then…is this really a dream? Am I really dreaming?” Jong Suk’s voice held fear, disappointment and hope…a desperate hope.

He felt Woo Bin’s hands slide down his waist; they tightened into a grip at his back and pulled him closer to Woo Bin’s face. The warmth of his breath wafted against Jong Suk’s neck, sending a shudder through his whole self. Woo Bin looked up and smiled; a grin that .

Woo Bin reached up, closing the few centimetres left between them; until their breaths were beating on each other’s lips, their lips almost brushing but not really touching. They stayed like that, so close that their eyes were closed, so close that they heard each other’s heart drumming in their cages following the same rhythm, so close that they felt the heat on their lips hovering over one another; because in that moment, neither of them moved. Neither of them breathed. They just…existed together. The tension melted away. And Woo Bin’s lips softly brushed against Jong Suk’s, almost like a feather—soft and distant—not close enough, but it tickled through Jong Suk’s chest, all the way down to his knees.

Jong Suk waited, patiently, for Woo Bin—no—he waited patiently for Hyun-Joong. Hyun-Joong did it again; a soft touch that was hard to even feel. That wasn’t enough—Jong Suk held Hyun-Joong’s face in his hands and pressed his lips on his. He felt Hyun-Joong jolt at the sudden attack but the shock faded away in milliseconds as his hands around Jong Suk’s waist now found their way to the back of his head, pulling Jong Suk closer. Jong Suk let his hands fall on Hyun-Joong’s chest as their lips glided over each other smoothly. Hyun-Joong gently on Jong Suk’s top lip captured between his own. Jong Suk twitched to the smooth warmth that ran down his lips and struck at his chest. He grasped the edges of Hyun-Joong’s shirtfront for support as his knees grew weak under his lingering touch. Jong Suk felt his lips grow wet and warm under Hyun-Joong’s nibbling. Hyun-Joong’s tongue found its way into his mouth; it traced over his tongue, wet and warm, exploring every inch of his mouth—smooth and graceful; his scent was sweet and strong and certain. Jong Suk took it into himself, breathing his breath, feeling what he felt. He’s never known anything as right. Whether this was a dream or not, it didn’t matter anymore. Jong Suk just let everything else leave his mind; and he just felt the way Hyun-Joong’s fingers moved onto his cheek, softly brushing as his lips parted away from Jong Suk’s, claiming the beauty mark under his eye, then down to his cheek, the tip of his nose, his forehead, his chin and his ear…Jong Suk shuddered; feeling the way Hyun-Joong’s tongue seemed to disappear inside his mouth as if he needed part of him to breathe himself.

Hyun-Joong pulled away; he dragged his wet lips down to Jong Suk’s neck and softly, hastening it into a more desperate kiss, biting the soft skin with his lips. Jong Suk groaned. He felt his tightening against Hyun-Joong’s; and he managed to moan one last desperate word... “H—Hyun….” It stopped there when Hyun-Joong paused; he became still.

Jong Suk felt a thunder strike through his heart when the thought flashed his mind; is he regretting? He stopped dead; his eyes wide on nothingness. He didn’t have the courage to look at Hyun-Joong; just in case if he is really regretting, just in case if he really wished to go back in time and change this moment…Jong Suk felt his heart thump; not with the same rhythm as Hyun-Joong’s, but with a much faster, much fearful one. Then Hyun-Joong’s hands cupped his face, forcing his eyes to fall on him.

Jong Suk released a sigh of relief when his fears were blown away by Hyun-Joong’s smile. “Our first time…” Hyun-Joong said, “I don’t want it to be like this…I want it to be perfect…for us to remember it for the rest of our lives…for you to be comfortable…when I take you in my arms”

Jong Suk felt his press hard on Hyun-Joong’s groin; a grin teased on Hyun-Joong’s lips. He closed in and slid his tongue on Jong Suk’s lip and bit the corner.

“Aw…!”

“Now you know this isn’t a dream, right?” he asked letting Jong Suk’s swollen lips go.  

Jong Suk smiled; knowing his dreams had finally come true, that he no longer had to hide his feelings for this man, or force his feelings to disappear. He bent close and pecked Hyun-Joong’s lips.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he murmured, brushing his lips with Hyun-Joong’s. Gently he explored Hyun-Joong’s face with his fingers as a blind man might, as if he had never seen it before and might never again.

“That I love you?”

Jong Suk leaned back, slightly, just enough to look into his eyes, and nodded.

“I was planning to never say it” he felt Jong Suk twitch slightly at his answer. He gave a reassuring smile and pecked his lips on Jong Suk’s chest before leaning back to look into the eyes that waited above him. “But…watching you break into pieces, breaks my heart too. I thought if I kept silent, if I pretended that neither of us felt anything more than just friendship…just a friendship that is to the point you love your friend…just friendship…I thought we both could live peacefully. Both of us could forget and move on, find a new love that we can have, no—a love that we are allowed to have…by the world. But Jong Sukie…seeing you breakdown day after day, seeing you live a dying life every day, seeing how hard you pretend to be strong in front of the world…I could no longer pretend Jong Sukie…you left me no path to escape….You know that right? That I’m weak against your pain. Your tears are my weakest point…you are my weakest point…so I cannot reveal you…That’s why; Woo Bin can never be your lover. Because he will not be able to hide you for long”

Jong Suk wrapped his arms around Hyun-Joong’s neck and pulled him against his chest; he held him tight in his embrace as if he feared him vanishing and disappearing from his life.

P.S. How is it? I'm soon going to be killed by my professor, coz i still haven't started my dissertation yet, but i'll finish this book before that ;)

So let me know what you guys think...