RUN

Characters: chunji ljoe

Type: angst, mystery, tragedy

3,495 words

 

“I told you, don’t run byunggie! You might fall!”

Those cherry red lips curled up perfectly into a wide grin, that squinty eyesmile and the way his light brown hair grazes over his lush eye lashes. Byunghun sees it perfectly. At least in his mind that smile shone brightly.

 

Still that seat was empty. Only cold breeze passing through the gaps of the hollow spaces on the chair, dead and grey in his eyes. Chanhee’s voice still lingers perfectly clear in his frail mind, ripping his heart each time it echoes.

 

Tears paraded down his cheeks as ljoe wiped them again and again.

 

Chunji was no more.

 

 

The calendar was dusty, still untouched. The pages halted on 23 november 2011. A day where his world died of color and his breath was only coated with guilt and sorrow. If only he had walked faster, no if only he had stayed home. Maybe at least he could still hear the sweet giggling laugh chanhee would do each time his birthday cake was harassed by the younger boys.

 

At least even if their hands were apart, he could still see chunji in reality.

 

His birthday was like a damned day for byunghun. He hated it with all his guts that when he realized that tomorrow would mark the anniversary of his birth, he prayed that he would sleep and never wake. What was the point of living if chunji was gone? What was worse was that glorious day was the day chunji disappeared from his life.

 

Completely wiped off from his world

 

Laying his head on the pillow the blonde haired boy chanted to god. To take his life the moment he shut his eyes, to take away all those jagging pain in his chest and to end this ceaseless plague. That his vessel would be happily lifeless by the morning of his own birthday because lord, it was the one day he had despised with all his heart.

 

“I beg you god, let me be with him…….”

The piercing sound of his ringtone woke the boy with a loud sigh the moment his eyes snapped open. Who was dumb enough to wake him this early on this specific day he begged to sleep away. Hissing at his mobile phone ljoe snatched the device from the table and mindlessly tuned on the speaker.

 

He was too uninterested to know who was calling. Tossing the phone to his bed the boy walked thoughtless to the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water. It was probably Niel reminding him to go out and have a proper meal like usual.

 

“he.. hello?!!! Are you awake yet?! Yargh~ ljoe ya!!”

 

Rolling his eyes, still drowsy from his heavy sleep byunghun deliberately took the glass of water and gargle it. The high pitched voice sounded like Ahn anyway so he wasn’t even interested.

 

“happy birthday chicken boy!.... hello?”

“byunggie?”

 

Byunggie.

The clear glass of water slipped effortlessly from his white pale hands and shattered rather loud on the ground. Scattered perfectly even filling the gaps of the floor while a few shards were stabbing the boy’s feet.

 

But he didn’t even flinch. No, instead he stood frozen.  Eyes dilated and cold sweats gleaming down his forehead as he pushes his brain to reprocess what he heard.

 

No one calls him that. He hated the name and every single soul knew well enough and dare not to call him that. No one with guts big enough to test his short flaming temper, except…

 

Chunji.

Lee chanhee was the only person who called him that corny name. But it was fine because it came from the lips of the boy he loved, a boy who died. Frantically sprinting to his bed, ljoe didn’t feel the long sharp shards of glasses tearing deeper into his flesh each step he took instead all that was running through his mind was chunji.

 

“chunji, chunji, chunji…..”

“CHANHEE YAH!”

 

Screaming rather bluntly he placed the phone close to his ears. Trembling from the brief silence, was it really who he thinks it is? Or was his mind decided to finally falter and fooled even his senses. Only seconds passed but if felt like an eternity. Tears flooding the brims of byung’s eyes, threatening to spill but the boy swallowed the lump growing at the back of his throat. Holding his breath as he called the one name he knew impossible.

 

“chan..hee?....”

“ uh wae?. Aigoo~ man the hell are you screaming in the middle of the morning byunngie?”

 

A wide painful grin broke loose on his face and tears streamed down his pale cheeks as he pressed the phone so tight to his right ear, it flushed red. He was once again reminded, how beautiful chunji’s voice sounded. Even through the phone his voice was clear and soothing, always reaching the deeper parts of byunghun each time he spoke.

 

Byunghun didn’t care how he sounded anymore, the broken voice coming through the phone, the loud sobs he had held for so many months finally released the moment he heard chanhee’s.

 

“ wh..why ?! what’s wrong byung! Yah! Stop crying…. Its your birthday isn’t it?”

 

Still speechless from all the tears streaming down his cheeks and silenced by all the sorrow pouring out of his chest all ljoe could do was nod aggressively, muttering. But it was enough to tell that he was never happier and chunji heard it loud and clear. So like that, even when chanhee didn’t know why his boyfriend was crying so badly, he held the phone close and listened earnestly to all the painful sobs. Knowing that there was certainly some sheer joy passes all those loud wails.

 

After a few minutes they decided to meet. At that same café ljoe sat yesterday, that spot where he stared lifelessly at the hollow space of chunji’s chair. This time he waited with anticipation. Begging and pleading to the heavens that what happened that morning was real. That for his one birthday, the world would be fair and give him back the one thing he’d die for.

 

Hands clamped so tight and biting his lips so hard that it bleed, byunghun was holding in so much frustration and emotions. Holding his head low, just silently waiting he held in all those tears,when…

 

“byunngie.”

 

Exhaling with so much gladness in his heart, he looked up and stared right into the one person he never loved more. Glistening from the bright sunlight, chanhee was gently smiling at ljoe warmly running his hand over byung’s shoulder. A touch byung had longed so much.

 

Feeling the sensation on his shoulders and realizing that it was real, the boy jumped up and pulled chunji into his embrace. Hugging the boy so tight that even air couldn’t pass through.

 

He longed for chunji for too long. For almost a year byunghun lived in agony, lonely nights and unbearable longing. Surviving each crawling minutes drowning himself in either alcohol or sleep. But that moment when he was finally able to hold chunji close again, he breathes in all the air he could and cherished every speeding second.

 

“jebal… chanhee yah. Let’s stay like this for a moment…”

“just a lil bit more…. Please.”

 

Even with his cheeks flushing red, chunji smiled warmly and hugged the smaller boy back. He could never hate the way ljoe hold him, indeed it felt nice. But this time it was different, there was this deep desperation from the way ljoe held him.

 

Ljoe just couldn’t get it. That the person who he’s holding that moment was chunji, it was like his dreams came to life. Chunji was just beside him again.

 

They sat down and like always, chanhee was his usual self. Cheerfully chatting and telling stories to ljoe who was just silently staring at his face. Occasionally smiling warm each time their eyes met. Squeezing chunji’s hand whenever he felt like he couldn’t bear the longing in his heart but indeed that was all he needed. That slight touch and that subtle giggle.

 

Then somehow his world would glow of light.

 

Listening to chunji’s sweet smooth lullaby for his birthday, ljoe stared at the beautifully lit cake in front of him and how perfect he felt at that moment. He wanted time to stop, grinning as wide as he could he caressed chunji’s fingers and said the words he always forgot to say before.

 

“I love you lee chanhee… that is the truth.”

 

Winking back brightly, chunji snapped his hand away and gently cupped the smaller boy’s face, pecked it on the cheeks trailing to joe’s lips and smirking enchantingly, the elder replied….

 

“no need to tell byung… you know I know”

 

Those words were simple and it sounded right. Yes it was just right. He thought to himself, it indeed sounded like chunji. He who never needed to be reminded of just how much byung loved him was exactly who chunji were.

 

But byunghun forgot that when he stood frozen infront of chanhee’s tombstone, coldly shedding hollow tears wishing for the elder to comeback.

 

So it had saved him. That simple reminder had been ljoe’s salvation and finally he remembered that their love was so great it didn’t even need to be spoken of. Even when they finally started dating, they never really said the love word.

 

Silence was just enough because the love was always there. It’s great enough that even when they wasn’t even looking at each other both of them could feel how strong the emotions they had for each other, it was the one thing that was completely invincible in their relationship. But sadly byung forgot.

So just like the responsible boyfriend chunji was, he’d remind the younger each time it faded in his memories.

 

“you wanna go for a walk?”

 

Ljoe was not too fancy with the idea, he wanted to stay still in the café just staring into each other’s face. Obviously he needed that face after months of mourning and bawling his heart out but then the boy surrendered.

 

The sky was too bright and the breeze was too cool for both of them to miss the closure of beautiful autumn.

 

Falling leaves on their shoulders were left untouched as byung’s hand were perfectly entwined with chanhee’s. Holding each other much tighter than before as they brazes the almost bone chilling breeze. Winter was coming and ending their favorite season together felt nice.

 

God knows how breath taking chunji look accompanied by the gradient of fall.

He rather not blink even when his eyes were starting to sting, that perfect view of chunji clasped tight between his arms was too precious for darkness to take away even when for just a few milliseconds.

 

 Even when stumbling on small pebbles byunghun refuses to take his eyes away from chunji making the elder giggled, amused with byung’s little “persistence”.

“haha dude can you at least look at the road, your tripping over your own feet okay” chunji laughed so hard the his eyes started to for the shape of crescent, an immense eyesmile as he smacks ljoe on the arm. “oh byunggie” that word brought the darkness back into joe’s face the moment he heard it.

 

It made him hold onto chunji even closer, he can’t bear losing this boy again. He won’t survive if it happens again no, that grueling process of pulling himself together.

 

It won’t work twice, he knew. He felt it deep in his guts.

 

Chunji was always the stronger one but somehow that day he couldn’t even budge from byung’s arm lock. So he gave in and snuggled his sore arms each time he felt it was too tight.

 

 

Walking and walking for hours made both of them tired, so sitting on a bench ljoe finally let go. The park was gleaming bright from the bright sun even when it was already 6.30 pm. Time flew just like that and ljoe hated it, so after a few moments of resting, his hand crept back to chunji and held it tight once more.

 

But unlike usual, chunji didn’t get annoyed or whined. Both of their hands were starting to swell but silently they went back to each other’s arm.

 

Resting his head in byunghun’s petite shoulder, the elder curled closer. He was getting sleepy and slowly he drifted to sleep. Ljoe didn’t want him to, fearing that he might disappear again. And chunji felt it, he smelled the anxiety within byung’s heart.

 

“hmm don’t worry byunggie, im just taking a nap okay. Im not going anywhere”

 

Tapping ljoe’s on the lap, he went back to sleep leaving the air silent and cold. But ljoe’s heart was slightly assured by the tight grasp he has on chunji’s hand. But the drowsiness was contagious, byunghun’s lids slowly started to feel heavy.

 

But he swore that he’d never let go of chunji so like that he fought hard to stay awake. Just when he was about to lose the fight a dark figure came approaching. Rubbing his blurred eyes, ljoe looked up to see a dashing buff man in front of them.

 

“hello. Would you spare some time for some magic? Just a moment”

“no tips I promise”

 

The man was tanned, blonde and rather inapt to be a mysterious street magician. But his eyes were deep, black and daunting. Just a brief gaze was needed to convince byunghun to do so. Looking at chunji and smiling gently, he gently caressed chanhee’s hair and pressed his lips on the elder’s forehead.

 

Kissing it in slowly and in so much love coated in desperation. He needed chunji to stay and feared the future.

 

“ww..would you please, read our future for us”

“us?”

 

Looking rather puzzled, the magician immediately brushed off his confusion. Handing byunghun a set of special tarot cards. Ones that claimed can call on the dead and gives real answer. Indeed it was all a gimmick, but only to minsoo the magician of course.

 

But he can’t deny the strong and alluring aura byunghun had carried, an air of desperation that somewhat triggered something within minsoo to test the fair looking boy. A feeling of difference.

 

“by picking one card, another card would follow. The one chosen is your future whereas the one beside is you reality, your present”

“just run your hand over these mystical cards and stop at one the moment you feel something magical fluttering inside you”

 

 

Snickering at minsoo’s corny tag line, the boy moved on and lightly ran his hand over the set of cards spread on the floor and stopped his hand at the end. Smiling, he was still holding on chunji who was sleeping like a child. Pecking chunji’s fingers he spoke….

“now that you’re here, lets love again. Just like we used to but more earnestly”

“and say the words even when we don’t have to”

“I love you…”

Looking straight at chunji he felt the warmth finally spreading throughout his body. He was finally in love with life once more. Tears started to roll down his cheeks, ljoe didn’t even bother wiping it away. He was content enough to bare his weakness and be proud of it.

Lee chanhee was his only weakness and he loved it.

 

 

“ im sorry, this… may sound rude but you do realize that you’re talking to yourself?”

 

Minsoo stared quite worried at byunghun who was staring with such passion at the empty spaces. Talking to thin air and acting as if he was with someone so important.

 

But there was no one.

“what ?” glaring at Minsoo  the boy asked the elder with a stern sentiment. But then he realized something. His hand was cold, sweaty from the chilling breeze and trembling he balled his fist denying the fact that he was holding onto nothing.

 

Stunned so bad he refuses to look back to chunji, it was as if he knew that it would be a sight of devastation. But he has to, he needed to face reality. So he looked to his side…….

 

“obseo…..”

 

Nothing, there was undoubtedly nothing beside him. His logic faltered as his body shakes with fear, a fear he knew too damn well. He was alone. Apprehended from the fact that he was on his own, he looked desperately at the paper bag. Tearing the box apart, all that was left in it was not a half-eaten cake instead a blank white iced cake totally untouched.

 

A bright disgusted smirk painted clear on his face as he stared at it. Reality was slamming against his conscience hard, just as merciless breaking the boy into a million pieces.

 

He didn’t even wondered why, instead he was sure his sanity had finally rusted away and died. Laughing soundless a sign of disgust and pain coated in each breath he took as tears spilled down his pale nose bridge. He’d finally gone crazy, perfectly sane less in his own world.

 

Looking entirely broken he spoke to minsoo who was pitied him bad. Because the elder could actually hear the subtle sounds of byunghyun heart cracking scattered to the ground.

 

“it was my birthday….. but you see it was a different birthday than the usual….”

“I got annoyed, I felt like he didn’t give me any space.”

“ww…we ffought just because I went out for a drink….. still that small matter…”

“I manage to make it huge. Haha, so like that I turned cold to him because I felt like I was dating a naggy girl instead of a real boyfriend”

 

His voiced cracked and broken, faintly echoing through the air. Moving on with the story was never so painful that somehow minsoo who never cared dwelled in tears……. Ljoe was swallowing his own heartbreak to speak.

 

“ but then… on my birthday.  Hh..he.. still made a cake”

“just like this one, he carried it to our favorite coffee house. Smiling so damn bright like we never even fought.”

“ bb…but I turned …..”

“my b…back on him ……….”

 

Now completely broken down, byunghun was on the ground. Staring at the tears pooling beside his knee, drenching his denim pants totally wrecked by his own story… minsoo who was watching kneeled together, warmly rubbing his big warm hands on joe’s back praying to comfort him. It was useless though, byunghun was completely broken.

 

“ but h..hhe wanted me back so he did something ….. ing dumb”

“for this worthless man like me, he r….rra...ran”

“ but the lights were red and he didn’t …. Fu..ck he didn’t see the light”

“so….”

“he even told me once u know…. He hated me running. Because ….”

“he’d fear I would fall…. But he was the one…. God”

“im so sorry chunji, so so … sorry..”

 

With both hands on the ground he was screaming, sorrow was in each veins and it never pulsed harder. Agony was so strong that throughout the year that passed it became too unbearable that he’d gone numb.

 

Rather insignificant to his mind because no matter what he does all he could feel was just burn all over.

 

Finally on his feet, ljoe dragged his limbs away. Politely bowing to the elder, he walked away still drenched in tears and drowned in wallows. Minsoo who was staring at byung’s back just stood silent. He had never seen a back so crushed in his life that all he could do was silently biting his lips praying to god that the heartbreak ljoe has would somehow lessen due to time.

 

Picking up the tarot cards minsoo flipped it and saw something even more tragic. Byunghun chose the card of the black lake. What followed was the one who made minsoo’s heart sank,

 

Running Rabbit.

A tarot card that translate the present and past of a tragic story of a bunny that tried to run and fell into a deep pit. But before it died, the rabbit tore its tail and left it on the cliff so that others would not fall.

 

A rabbit that fell to save others...

 

Shivers ran down minsoo’s spine. A truly magical tragedy happened in front of his own two eyes.There it was. The miraculous reality of the world. Chunji was there, he was exactly where ljoe thought he is….. by his side.

 

Screaming for ljoe, minsoo realized that it was too late.

 

Ljoe was gone and he never knew about chunji. That chanhee was still beside him trying hard to save byunghun from his own shadows. The younger will never know that………… And minsoo never regretted more, if only he knew earlier he could’ve saved a life. A soul trapped perfectly in darkness.

 

 

The black lake tarot card.

A story of a boy who was devastated that he cried and cried until he drowned in his own tears. And because of all the agony, the water of the lake turned pitch black that not a single light could pass through.