And you wondered why he was standing in front of your door at night, an opened can of cold beer in his left hand and a new one in his right.

"What is it?" you asked, perhaps a little colder than intended.

"I have work tomorrow," you have said so in the reply of the chat he sent, but now that he was here you knew he didn't care.

"Can I get in?" he asked, the curve of his lips maddening. You were tempted to say no and off but instead you stepped aside, and he strolled inside your house as if it was his own.

“Sit here,” he said from your couch, and being invited to sit inside your own living room made you slam the door with a little more force than necessary. “Beer?” he offered. The cold can was tempting you, but you were no longer a spring chicken who fell into your knees at sight of alcohol. You sank on the couch, mindfully keeping your distance away from him, and shook your head.

“What is it? I really need to sleep,” you pressed, faking a yawn for good measure. He chuckled, but he took out his phone from the pocket of his pants and started fiddling with it, “I want you to listen to the new song.”

“Huh? Why?” dread and worry started to fill you. You recorded for hours and hours, but what was satisfactory for you did not always appease his conquest for perfection. He only smiled and the melody started, your fingers balled up into a fist in annoyance.

“It’s nice isn’t it?” humming lowly, his smile was soft and you hated yourself for knowing the difference. Your own fingernails digging into your palm, you used the sting to distract yourself from the pain elsewhere.

Falling without you

Falling without you

You heard yourself sing and your heart starting to clench once again.

“Is there anything wrong? Do I have to record again?” you asked nervously. You reached for the throw pillow and hugged it, trying to hide your fidgeting hands.

He looked at you and shushed you into silence, the smile still etched on his face was still soft but now with a tinge of…

A long sigh and a short greeting

Is all that my ineptness leaves

I let go of your hand but can’t say it

Can’t say it

Bye

He sighed but he was not looking at you anymore, staring at the blank wall ahead with a faraway look. He was still displaying a smile that was colored in blue, and you were still not quite sure why. But it made you hug the pillow tighter as if it was an anchor, as if you were afraid that you were going to be blown away.

My feelings walk, walk and walk

However much I walk, I end up turning back

My sight is filled with you from that moment

Like that moment, yeah

You wanted to ask why, why and why and why a million times; but you kept your lips locked as if he was holding the key. And when he closed his eyes you closed yours too. It felt like drowning, willingly sinking yourself deeper and deeper even when you knew it would kill you.

You say to let all the memories go

I know what you mean but

Once again, unchangingly, I see