“Nichkhun! You’re not concentrating!”

“So… Sorry! Uh, let’s go one more time.”

Once again, the lights dimmed and the mike volume turned up.

Listen, everything happens for a reason
Everything happens for a reason
This is the last time you'll…

Nichkhun stopped abruptly. He couldn’t remember the lyrics to his newest solo, and his concert was tomorrow!

“Stop stop stop.”

Nichkhun turned his mike off and walked down the stage, to his manager.

“Can I take a break?”

“Sure, go rest. I’ll talk to the crew.”

Nichkhun grabbed his water bottle and flopped down on the bench as his manager apologized to the stage crew for his loss of focus. He felt guilty but he couldn’t help it. A lot was on his mind and he couldn’t get rid of them. He was so nervous about his task tomorrow night that he forgot his lyrics. He shouted in frustration and dumped all the water he had left in his bottle all over himself. Nichkhun! You have to wake up! Your performance is tomorrow, focus! Stop thinking about him. He chanted that in his head over and over again, while rubbing his hands up and down his face to make sure he gets that stuck in his mind. He couldn’t even afford to screw his rehearsal up.

“Nichkhun? You okay?”

The said man stopped and opened his eyes to see his manager looking over him with a concerned look. He knew his manager already told him time and again that keeping this relationship with Wooyoung a secret was not gonna turn out good but he refused to see Wooyoung as just a friend when clearly he felt the same way too.

Nichkhun shook his head to express ‘no’, his eyes already filled with frustrated tears. The pressure was too much.

“Is it about Wooyoung?”

“Yes. I know you’re gonna say ‘I told you so’ but I could really do so much better without that.”

“I’m not gonna say that because I know how much weight is on you, with your performance tomorrow night and you’re struggling with Wooyoung but you need to know which is more important.”

“I know singing is my career and it should be my first priority but I feel like I’ve neglected Wooyoung with all those schedules packed till I can’t breathe. Last night was the first time in 2 months I could actually touch him.”

His manager scrunched his face as Nichkhun brought him to imagine what went on last night. “Eww, okay, too much information, Khun.”

“Sorry. It’s just that why? Why is it so hard to date when you’re in an entertainment industry?”

“Fans. That’s your only answer. To be successful, you need fans because they bring in money. Once they find out you’re dating someone, they’ll give up hope and give you up.”

Nichkhun sighed and slapped his thighs as he got up. He turned to his manager and spoke confidently. “You know what? It’s time to find out who my true fans are. If some leave, so be it. Singing is not my first, Wooyoung is.”

His manager gave him a wide smile and two thumbs up but nearly fell back when Nichkhun pounced on him. “You’re the best manager in the whole world.” He said, sincerely touched by how his manager actually cared about him when he didn’t need to. “Yeah, whatever. Now get up there and do your best. And until you do, no dinner for you.” He chuckled and ruffled the star’s hair as he hopped off up on stage to try again. Nichkhun felt his energy beginning to power up again, he felt half of his burden being lifted off him after talking to his manager.

~

“Alright great work everyone! Thank you!”

Nichkhun bowed repeatedly, thanking for their hard work in helping him produce a great rehearsal and tomorrow, the best concert. Finally, off to Wooyoung.

It was pretty late when he reached home, considering he filmed for 6 hours straight, doing nothing but sing, and going out for a dinner treat by his manager after that. The minute he stepped in, he saw two bowls of rice with a few side dishes, all set for eating with their utensils by the side. He smiled to himself at that sweet gesture and he looked around for the man who did all these. He finally found him cuddled on the couch hugging a cushion, sound asleep. Nichkhun walked over and his secret lover’s face gently, trying not to wake him up. Wooyoung stirred in his sleep and Nichkhun immediately shot his hand back.

“mmhfmm khun can we not lie…” Wooyoung mumbled in his sleep and flipped his body to face the other side. Nichkhun couldn’t help but feel his heart cringing at those muffled yet clear words of his. He now knows Wooyoung’s true feelings. Both of them didn’t want to lie but Wooyoung knows not to destroy his happiness so he’d rather help to keep the secret. Nichkhun slowly lifted him off the couch and carried him into their room. As he laid the man down, he could feel the sour sensation creeping up. “I will not let you control me anymore. I know what I’m gonna do. Just wait.”

Closing the door as quietly as possible, he walked out to the living room and pulled out a chair to start his dinner even though he was pretty full. He couldn’t possibly pass up this cold but delicious home-cooked meal just for him. He took some kimchi and stuffed them in his mouth before throwing some rice along. He then tasted his rice to be a little salty and that’s when he realized that he was in fact, crying.