I woke up to a blinding white light in an equally white room again. This time, it did not come with a pain on my head, but with the numb feeling all over my body.

“Jonghyun,” was the first word I heard. It was Jinki’s. I also knew it was bad.

Jinki’s eyes were red. Mom cried too. Dad looked tired. I couldn’t speak. I could barely move. But I could feel Jinki’s wet hand on me.

This time, Mom didn’t show up to make another deal. I wondered if she gave up. Now I knew why Dad didn’t put her in the company. Companies needed people with strong will and never gave up.

I was hospitalized for the second time after another attempt of suicide. They found me almost dead on the road. On the day I gained back my voice, they asked me what if I remembered about the accident. “I broke through a red light” I replied. They asked me why. “because I wanted to.” Once again, I was tired of being questioned and having to listen to the chronologies. I didn’t care how Jinki caught up with me. I didn’t care how I was found. I didn’t care how many wounds I had. I didn’t care how long I had been on comatose. All I care was why I hadn’t died yet – again.

Jinki stayed next to me as much as he could. He left when he had to do his shift. He accompanied me at night. He held my hand and talked to me. Just like he used to be.

“Hello,” he simply said when he entered my room after his shift ended. He took my hand. I slipped my hand out of his grasp. I took me a lot of energy to do that. I was so weak it disgusted me.

He took my hand again. I glanced away.

“You’re a bad person. Do you know how many people in this hospital struggling to live? But here you are struggling to die.” I heard he chuckled. “It’s okay, though. I’m worse than you. I’m the reason a certain person wanted to die.” He got my eyes back to him.

He knew. But he still went to that . I tore my eyes off of him.

“You don’t get it, do you?” He moved to sit on the edge of my bed. He leaned forward, leaving only a small gap between us. I wasn’t comfortable with this proximity so I glared at him. “I love you too.”

He kissed me.

“Have you confessed to him?” Mom asked out of sudden on her visit in afternoon. “I never know I have been raising a silly kid like you.” She chuckled. “Do you think I don’t know? I know you’re into him the first day you told me you took him home. You’re worse than your dad. How could you have not confessed to him yet after months of picking him up and taking him home? You’re really alike your father. You both think your object of affection will find out how you exactly feel without saying it out loud.” She was amused. Bad mom laughed on her own child.

“He managed to find out, though.”

“But it doesn’t make him your boyfriend, darling.”

“He gave me false hope that moment.”

“What false hope you’re talking about? She’s his childhood friend. She’s visiting to tell Jinki about her wedding. You didn’t ask. You didn’t let him explain. You jumped into conclusion and killed yourself. You’re unbelievable.”

“You can be Jinki’s mom.”

“Aww, don’t pout like that. And it’s Jinki hyung, not Jinki. He’s six years older than you.”

I hated this convo.

“So, have you confessed to him? Are you guys together now?”

“Sort of, stop asking me it’s embarrassing.”

*****

It took seven months for me to heal. Jinki was there. He was mine. He knew that.

When Mom told me I would be returning home soon, I agreed that it was good news. I couldn’t wait to pick Jinki up in the morning and send him home at night. I couldn’t wait to take him on dates. I couldn’t wait to have sleepovers at his house.

Dad didn’t allow me to drive. I got a driver with me on our first date. Jinki was okay with that. He was an angel. But I was a devil. I wasn’t okay with this. I couldn’t kiss Jinki with my driver around. Jinki paid for the movies and foods. Because he was older and taller. It . I knew it was because he was the one who made money between us. I hoped Dad gave me the company soon.

I wanted my bike back. Mom disagreed. So did Dad. They didn’t trust me. I threw a fit. They let me drive a car. I insisted. They said they would consider it if I had a very good reason. I told them my Ducati was better because Jinki would hold onto me all the rides. Mom said I was a ert. Dad made no comment.

I got my motorcycle back because I got A on Math. I cheated, of course.

We made out in front of his house every night. He didn’t let me in so often. He wanted me to go home faster and study. I bet he was a nerd back then.

On my birthday, Jinki sent Roo back to me. I cried like a baby, in front of him, Mom, and Dad. They planned a surprise party. Jinki’s idea.

I didn’t hate Mom and Dad that much nowadays.

Roo loved me. So did I. But I loved Jinki more.

We hadn’t had yet because Jinki didn’t have outside marriage. What year did we live in?

I invited Jinki for a family dinner. Like an official dinner where you introduced your lover to your parents. I knew my parents already knew him.

“I don’t mind if you propose to our Jonghyun in few months. We can hold your engagement after he graduates from high school.” Mom couldn’t wait to have Jinki as her son in law.

“I actually don’t mind if Jinki wants to marry Jonghyun right after he graduates. Jinki has a steady job. It will grant Jonghyun a bright future. Who wouldn’t want to have their children marry a doctor?” Dad was always fond of Jinki. He was obsessed with doctors.

“I think it’s too early to talk about marriage, Mr. Kim. I want Jonghyun to focus on his study first. He’s after all your only child. What will happen if he isn’t capable of running your company? I might be a doctor but I’m not much of a help in business field.” Mom let out that girly squeak upon hearing Jinki’s comment. I wondered why Dad didn’t get jealous. He didn’t love her as much as I loved Jinki.

“Who says Jinki is the one who’s going to propose? It’s obviously I who will propose to him.”

They giggled.

“No sane one wants to accept a jobless man’s proposal.” I was wrong. Dad was obsessed with working people.

“What makes you think you’re the one who’s going to do the proposal, honey?” Mom added.

“That’s why you have to hand me your company to me as my graduation gift. After that, I will get you a diamond ring, hyung. And I’ll buy a massive mansion for us to live.”

“Aww, look at what Jinki has done to our son. He turned our badly behaved Jonghyun into this cute boy. When he pouts like this, he reminds me of a puppy.”

“Maybe because he hangs out with Roo too much” Jinki smirked.

Tonight, Roo was so going to sleep outside my room.

“We will discuss about this later with your parents, Jinki-ah. We have to listen to their saying, too.”

Jinki fell silent. “They’re no longer here. I lose them on car crash when I was 15.”

I felt like the biggest jerk in the world. I got it now. Jinki was very scared after my accident. He cried a lot, compared to when I cut my wrist. I loved Mom for letting me have a sleepover at Jinki’s that night.

Jinki was the warmest and the fluffiest being in this world. I loved cuddling to him. But I loved him more.

“Sorry, I won’t do stupid things again.”

“Uh?”

“You lose your parents on accident. And I almost made you lose me in the same way.”

Jinki’s laughter was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

“Forget about it. You’re here with me now.”

Jinki’s smile was the most dazzling smile in the world.

“What should I do to make you better? A hug, a lot of kisses, a comforting ? You name it; I’ll do it for you.”

His eyebrows creased as he thought. He let go of me. He reached for his drawer and when he was back, he sat up straight and smiled. “Kim Jonghyun, will you marry me?”

I said yes. I was a man of his words. This called cheating. He took advantage on me. I hated him.

He gave me a beautiful silver band I hated him more.

I kissed him hard as revenge.

I hated how he made me love him this much.

I hated how he turned my world brighter.

I hated how he made me love him more every other day.

I hated how he loved me back as much.

“If I were to know it takes a piece of glass and a crash to end up in your warm arms, I would do it faster, hyung.”

I loved you, Jinki.

Here is the final chapter.

I hope you guys enjoy it!!

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