Mind Over Heart
Courage Over Fear'Hey kitty, the usual place in 20?'
I replied promptly before getting ready to leave. Throwing on my coat over some sweater & a pair of jeans, I left the house and started walking to The Coffee House, a few blocks down my apartment.
The fresh smell of coffee welcomed me as I stepped through the double glass doors, giving the cashier a smile before heading to the back of the store. Seated at our usual table was Jongin, otherwise known as Kai to most on campus, and also known as my boyfriend of 2 years to some.
"Hey kitty." He said before showing his usual crooked grin.
I returned the smile and settled down before being distracted by the cup of hot caramel macchiato in front of me.
"Got you your favourite decaf caramel macchiato with a dash of cinnamon on top."
"Is there something going on today, Jongin-ah, you don't usually order my drinks for me...."
His smile faltered by just a little bit before he regained it and said, "well what's wrong if I wanted to treat you extra special today, there's no rule saying I can't right?"
I forgot about the slight emotion change and laughed before I decided to just go along with him. "So, why did you ask me here?"
"Yah were you not listening I just said there's no need for me to have a reason to see you alright? So just relax and hang out with your amazing boyfriend."
"Okay, okay, although I must say, that part about the amazing boyfriend, not that true."
"YAH!" I sniggered when he gave me a light flick on the forhead. So, we ended up just hanging around the cafe, talking about the randomest things until sunset. It was truly an amazing day spent with an amazing someone.
The weirdest thing was that somehow after that day, Jongin started being very distant. I would text him in the morning and he would only reply late at night when he was usually one of those who cannot live without theirs phones with them all the time. Soon the replies took longer and longer, until eventually, they stopped. I've tried calling but every single one ended in voicemail without any returns.
It was a week after that day that I decided to confront him at his apartment.
I stopped in front of his door, took a deep breath and decided to finally knock. I regretted that decision when a beautiful lady, around my age opened the door.
"Hello, uhm may I help you?" God, even her voice sounded beatiful.
"Uhm sorry uh hi, did I get the wrong door? I'm looking for Kim Jongin."
"Oh Jongin? He's bathing right now. Who are you may I ask?" I felt my heart start pounding when she replied. Jongin had never been comfortable about showering in the house when other people that he wasn't close with was around.
I gulped down my fears and replied, "Ah uhm I'm his uh...friend Aeri, just looking for him for uh school stuff, yeah school stuff." I didn't know why, but I didn't have the courage to tell her that I was his girlfriend.
"Ah hello Aeri, nice to meet you! I'm Juhee, Jongin's fiancee! Unfortunately Jongin is quite busy, I'm afraid you'll have to come another day, yeah?" Everything else was tuned out when I heard the word fiancee......my mind was in a mess and I was so confused, I didn't know what to do all of a sudden.
"Aeri ssi? Are you okay?" I snapped out of my trance and looked at her. I should be hating her but I couldn't. She seemed to be genuinely concerned over me and I had only met her for 5 minutes...how could I hate someone like her?
"Ah yeah I'm fine uh haha. Can you just tell Jongin that Aeri popped by and tell him to meet me by the park nearby in an hour? Thanks and I'll get going now then..." I bowed slightly before turning around and walking off with a heavy heart.
I reached the park in 10 minutes and sat at a random bench. What was happening? How did it happen? Why is this happening to me? All these thoughts consumed my mind before tears started falling one by one. Of course Jongin would find someone like Juhee. She was pretty, tall and by the looks of it, she's rich. I, on the other hand, was average looking, of average height, and no where near rich. Jongin was the son of the Kim Electronics, which was a major company that supplied power to the whole of South Korea. Of course he'd find someone better than plain jane me.
I sat there for another 5 minutes with tears running down my face before I heard footsteps nearing. I quickly wiped my face and looked up to come face to face with a slightly breathless and red-faced Jongin.
"I told Juhee to tell you to meet me in an hour, not 10 minutes you know."
"Yeah but I had to see you."
I let out an unknowing scoff and muttered "yeah right, totally convincing for someone who ignored me for a week."
"Yah will you listen to me?" Jongin said, ending off with a huff.
"Yeah sure, what do you wanna talk about huh? How did it feel like meeting a woman outside and coming home to another? Must be great huh?" I retorted.
"I was gonna tell you about this alright! I just didn't know how to!"
"Oh, so you decided to just leave me hanging like that while you welcome another woman into your house?"
"I was gonna reject the wedding alright! It was arranged but...." he trailed off.
"But what? But you found out that the girl that you're getting married to is gorgeous? But you realised how much prettier she is and how much better she is than your girlfriend of 2 years?!" I screamed.
".....but I found out that the girl is my first love who came back for me." He muttered quietly.
"So you're saying that all this while we were dating you had feelings for her? That all this while I was nothing but a rebound?" My tone was getting higher and higher while I felt like the world is spinning.
"All this while I was nothing but her ing replacement?" I shouted. He looked at me shocked but I was losing control. I was never a shouter, let alone someone who cursed, but this was really flipping me off the edge. I stared into his gaze and saw remorse, guilt, and the silent answer to my question.
I flopped onto the bench and let out a hollow chuckle. "I was never rich, I had to bow my head down to everyone, live life as per normal even when I was bullied in school for having to work 3 jobs a day during the weekend, but I've never felt so humiliated and stepped on for the whole 22 years of my life until this very moment." I let out a deep breath before I raked my hand through my hair and let out a slight sob before I continued, "all this while, these 2 years, I gave nothing but my all to this relationship, I let myself get cursed at in school, I let myself get scoffed at for being not good enough for you, and yet all I got in return is-"
"Aeri-ah...."
"Why am I always the one who gets it tough? What did I do to deserve this? I already lost my parents, then I started losing my friend, and just when I thought it'd all be find because there's you, it just all becomes a distant dream and I get pulled back into reality and, and-"
I was cut off by his strong embrace and that musky smell that I was unfortunately addicted to. "I'm so sorry kitty." That sent a clear message to me as I broke down completely in front of the man that was once, or perhaps never mine to start with.
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