January 10, 2010

 7AM in one of the many, many bedrooms of the house

 Sooyoung was on her knees, and while I liked her position right now, I'm afraid she's not doing what my imagination would've liked her to be doing. She had a paintbrush in one of her hands, and she was busy painting the room a cheerful colour of sunshine yellow. I was leaning on the door frame, watching her at work and wondering what on earth she was doing. 

 "So what is this meant to be?" I asked, glancing around the room. 

 Sooyoung didn't even look at me. She was still busy painting the walls like her life depended on it. "I need to get this room done for the baby." She turned to me (finally) and frowned. "Do you think yellow is okay? I think it's gender neutral, but I thought sky blue would be nice. But what if the baby turns out to be a girl...?"

 I walked towards her and knelt next to her, taking a paintbrush and examining it. "I don't think the baby will demand gender neutral coloured walls, once they're out of your womb that is..."

 She swatted me on the arm, smiling and then frowning. Seriously, how can women do that? Turning from one emotion to the next. I'll just never know. "What's wrong now?" I asked her.

 She bit her lip (an action I'd be glad to do for her) then turned to me, her eyes wide with curiosity. "Would you like a baby girl, or a baby boy first?"

 I started. Well. I didn't think she'd ask that question. Truthfully, I didn't know either. But I had a feeling she didn't want to hear that. "Both genders have plus points. Not that I'm choosing a side," I said quickly, when I see her open . "I'm just asking... does it matter? As long as the baby is happy and healthy, I'm sure if it's Baby Boy Shim or Baby Girl Shim, we'd love them unconditionally."

 Her eyes softened at this, and she shifted slightly so she can lean on a part of the wall that wasn't painted yet. I followed suit, and we just stared at the opposite wall while we sat in comfortable silence. She struck conversation again, "If you had the chance to do it again, would you have still married me?"

 My eyes widened, then looked at her very quickly. She looked so relaxed, but I could tell she wanted a big answer from me. My mind whirred quickly, identifying possible outcomes to different responses. On the one hand, if I tell her everything, then she's going to know I'm in love with her. And I can't have that, because that would mean she has an advantage over me. And I still don't know if she loves me too. And if I told her-
 Aw to hell with everything. I'm so far gone now, I'm surprised she hasn't snuck up behind me and screamed 'I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!' yet. So I took a deep breath and, "Of course I would."

 "Even though I forced you into it?" she asked, a tiny bit of disbelief in her voice. 

 I squared my shoulders. "Yeah."

 "Why?"

 "Because I love you." There. I said it. I peeked at her. 

 She was still looking ahead, and while her silence was definitely deafening, I'm holding onto the thinning strands of hope that Sooyoung might... you know... feel something too. She nodded after a while, and I let out the breath that I have been holding. "Okay." she said.

 "Okay." I echoed.

 "Fine."

 "Fine." I repeated. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, feeling slightly deflated at her response to possibly the worst love confession anyone has ever done. And the honour of that goes to me. Joy. "... hm." 

 "Aren't you going to ask me?" she said suddenly.

 "Uwha?" was my intelligent answer.

 "Aren't you going to ask me if I was in love with you?"

 I stared at her. I really didn't know what to say. So with my mouth open, eyes wide and a dumb shake of the head, I gave her the negative. She sighed in exasperation, then took my face and planted a kiss, right on my open mouth. I was too paralysed by shock to respond, so I just let her do whatever she wanted. Finally she pulled back, and with the look of a woman who knows she has an idiot husband, she sighed, "I love you too you know."

 "Okay," I croaked.

 She got up, taking the paintbrush and kissing me again. She smiled, that gorgeous smile of hers that affected me like no one else could. "Okay." Then she proceeded to paint the wall like her life hasn't changed. 
 But mine did.