Sitting by herself hours after SM Entertainment released the official statement with regards to what was the most groundbreaking news of 2014, she attempted to allow reality to sink in.

What exactly did the tugging in her heart mean?

Why wasn’t it going away?

She was supposed to be happy, wasn’t she?

After all, it was what she had always wanted – a happy relationship with a decent guy. He made her happy and he was decent enough. These were sufficing reasons.

She knew he was going to treat her right.

She could tell that he truly loved her, that he genuinely cared for her, and that he was right for her.

She had been going around in meaningless circles for the longest time and it kept returning to that one same question – what exactly did the tugging in her heart mean?

--

Things had not been quite the same ever since that fateful day about four months ago when Yoona sauntered into the living room with Taeyeon’s arm draped around her shoulder, a shy smile upon her lips.

Jessica knew what that smile meant. She only ever saw it when the girl spoke about her ideal types or things pertaining to romance and relationships. She brushed it off then, thinking it was just some other crush the girl had on yet another idol. But the next sentence that came out of the kid leader’s mouth caught her off guard.

“Our baby Yoongie is seeing someone…” Taeyeon singsonged, squeezing the girl’s shoulders playfully and sitting her down onto the couch right beside the ice princess.

“No way. You’re joking.” Tiffany’s eyes widened as she set immediately set her phone down.

“He just dropped her off. How sweet of him!” Taeyeon went on, further garnering the interest of all the other members, who soon formed some sort of crowd around the doe-eyed, making her more embarrassed than ever.

Everybody was trying to say something at the same time and there was full-on chaos.

“Yoongie, is it true? Tell us!”

“Yeah, say something! Who’s the lucky guy?”

Nothing else was worse than hearing Yoona reply, “Yes, it’s true. It’s Seunggi oppa…”

Despite the ruckus that ensued, Jessica’s mind went blank in an instant, the girl’s words ringing in her ears.

Wow.

That’s awesome. Congratulations, baby girl. I’m so proud of you. You’ve finally found somebody for yourself.

Except none of that ever happened. Jessica simply could not see herself saying those words without breaking down messily. All she could do was sit there, smiling in pretense as the others grilled Yoona for more juicy answers. She never thought this day would come so soon. Like a fragile piece of glass, she felt her heart break there and then.

It was not crumbling to pieces, no, not just yet.

But the pain was real.

I can’t, it hurts, please don’t do this.

--

If anything was to be blamed, it would largely be fan service amongst a long list of things. Not only did it make shippers go crazy and delusional, it apparently had its effects on Jessica as well.

YoonSic, albeit less popular, sailed well. As a matter of fact, no ship ever sailed better and they both knew it. Most, if not, all of their moments were genuine. There was this indescribable bond and chemistry they shared, and Jessica would not hesitate to go one step further and say she felt true bliss each time their eyes met, fingers brushed, or whenever Yoona conjured some silly joke to make her laugh her insides out.

While each precious yet fleeting moment with the girl meant the world to Jessica, she was starting to become unsure about what it had always been for Yoona, since she was able to get herself attached without any seeming regard for how she felt. No, she was not implying that Yoona never truly cared about her, that was not true at all. On top of the recent uproar involving airport security in Hong Kong, Yoona was the person who protected her the most since day one.

Maybe it was never such a big deal to Yoona because of her naturally magnanimous self. Jessica never believed Yoona to be just a pretty face. To her, what was on the inside was easily a million times more beautiful. Truth be told, Yoona was her role model. Jessica would oftentimes observe the girl’s mannerisms, constantly wondering how a person could be so likable. It was something she had been greatly struggling with ever since debut days. She was never one to demonstrate her emotions openly. She thought it made her come across as weak.

Nonetheless, it never stopped her from holding back all her affections whenever Yoona was around. The girl just seemed to hold the key to the floodgates of her heart, unlocking them without effort and making her fall head over heels with every little thing she did. People always told her she was completely different around Yoona. They never really knew the reason. Neither did Jessica. Whatever the two had was clearly too complex for words. Contrarily, everything could be condensed into a single word – love. Jessica would readily tell anybody that she loved Yoona, vice versa.

She told the girl all the time and it was not like she was going to allow some guy to change anything.

“Yoona-yah…”

“Yes, unnie?”

“Saranghae.”

“I love you, too.”

If only the girl had paid a little more attention each time, she would have noticed from the look in Jessica’s eyes that it was not just any sort of love.

It was not familial or sisterly love like what she shared with Krystal, no. It was not a best-friend sort of love, either. Romantic, couple-y, hopeless, call it whatever you wish – that was the kind of love reflected, clearer than the light of day, in