“Your mum?”

Taemin glared at Minho for him to shut up as he stowed the phone into his bag.

“You’re bound to talk to her one way or another," Minho shrugged as he stood up, taking his tray of unfinished food with him. " You’re still gonna see her when you go home, anyway.”

The younger boy said nothing in return as his eyes followed the older boy away from the table. He hated to admit the truth behind Minho’s every word. He hated being friends with the most intelligent student in the school. He hated every quality that Minho possessed as a model student, son and friend. But he will never hate the boy.

In fact, he might just like him more than a friend should.

Just then, a girl walking past him got his attention. His hand reflexively shot out and caught hold of her arm, pulling her to a stop. The girl yelped in surprise but when she realised who it was, her furious expression turned into one of a fake feminine look.

“Oh, Taemin-goon. I’m just about to try your special lunchbox,” she said in an overly sweet voice as she showed him the untouched lunch.

He had to push down his vomit when she batted her eyelashes at him. It was a good co-incidence that he hadn’t eaten anything yet. Taemin avoided looking at her as he took back the lunchbox from her outstretched hands.

“I’m glad you hadn’t eaten it, yet. I think I might have actually added one or two cockroaches inside by accident,” Taemin plastered on his fake-ly natural sweet voice that works the magic all the time but right now, he meant it in the sarcastic way.

The girl's jaw dropped and she didn’t have to think twice as she scurried off with her friend.

Taemin waited until she had gone out of sight and scanned the area to make sure that Minho wasn’t going to come back. Then, he set his eyes on the lunchbox in front of him. She had used his favourite one from the time he was five years old. There was Power Rangers decorated all over the rectangular box. That made him smile a little wondering why the girl didn't have anything to say about the childish lunchbox. His charm must really be something. Taemin took a deep breath to ensure that he could suppress any emotion that dared to leak out of his caged heart and pried open the lid. There it was. His favourite food of all time: steak. Taemin has many different sorts of food from various countries in his *Favourites* list but steak would always be number 1 on that list and Key knows that. She also knew that he wouldn’t eat just any steak from anywhere. It has to be her, that particular woman to cook it for him. There was this special touch in the steak that no one could do except for her. He picked up a fork and pushed around the pieces of meat. They looked exactly like he remembered, all yummy and delicious, the aroma wafting in the air around him.

How he missed her cooking.

His fork was still pushing around the food as the angel and devil in his mind fought a valiant battle over the choice of him eating or throwing the steak away. The angel was telling him that it was okay to eat it. Key will never know if Taemin didn't tell her. Besides, it's been forever since he ate her food and he knows he misses it. However, the devil had a different thought to that. It wants Taemin to throw it away right in front of her eyes so she will not dare to cook him anymore lunch in the future. That will teach her a lesson to not try patch back their broken relationship ever again. So now it was up to Taemin to decide. Whose advice should he listen to? Which side of him will prevail in the end? Could he be as hard and cold as he wants to be or will he eventually drown in his soft side?

Oh, to hell with it, he thought as he stabbed one of the meats and hurriedly shoved it into his mouth before he could change his mind. God, how he had forgotten her superb ability in cooking. The taste seemed to melt into his tongue and he had to utilise every ounce of muscle in him to not shiver in happiness. Taemin had lost all the care in the world about his image as he shoved the meat one after another into his already full mouth. He was so caught up in eating that he didn’t notice Minho standing just a few feet in front of him watching him gobble down the food with a big satisfied smile on his face. It was one of the most beautiful sight in the world to the taller male.

Minho walked away with a huge grin thinking, “I’ll be waiting for the remaining you to come home”.

Taemin was halfway through his most delicious school meal ever when his fork came across something flat and smooth at the base of the lunchbox. He stopped chewing and tilted his head in question. He used both his utensils to dig through his lunch and pull out a folded piece of paper. Taemin frowned. Was this paper purposefully left in there by her? What could she possibly want to say to him? Why does she need to pen it down?

He was about to unfold the paper when the school bell rang signalling the end of break and all the students left in a hurry, scurrying off to their respective classes. Taemin stowed the paper into his front pocket and filled up his mouth cavity with the remaining steak before joining the crowd to get to his next lesson.

The letter will just have to wait.

Taemin has never had a phone call that came in the middle of a lesson. So when his cell phone rang while his teacher was droning on and on about the World War 2, he knew without a doubt that whoever that was on the phone will not be delivering him any good news.

He only hoped to have been wrong.

Taemin made up an excuse to get out of class and answer the phone. The moment he heard the title of the person who was talking to him, his heart had already raced ahead of him and by the time the person had told him who it concerns, the phone had slipped from his hand. He stood there for a second longer as his mind refused the words he had heard before his legs got into gear. He had forgotten all about the cell phone as he sprinted as fast as he could to the hospital.

Minho who had just come out of the classroom to check on him only saw his running back.

“Taemin!” he called out but the latter neither stop nor did he look back but Minho noticed the phone he had left behind.

He picked it up and continued Taemin’s abandoned conversation with disbelief on his face, his mouth agape and his eyes reflecting horror.

Please don’t take her away from me too. It was the one prayer that was going through Taemin's head.

“Which room is Kim Gwiboon in? Tell me!” Taemin screamed impatiently at the receptionist when he had arrived at the hospital.

The nurse jumped in panic and quickly keyed in (with trembling hands) the name Taemin had thrown at her into the computer system. When she was done, she looked up at his manic face with fear.

“I-I’m sorry, sir b-but there’s no Gwiboon in this ho-hospital.”

“What?” he shrieked. “Are you stu- where’s the surgical theatre?”

“Go straight along here. Take the elevator to the 5^th floor. It’s at the end of the corridor,” she said in one breath and pointed towards the left.

Taemin wasted no time in pursuing down the direction she had given to him.

The operation theatre was right in front of him but why doesn’t he seem to get any nearer to it. Why does he feel like dying with every step closer to those pale gray doors? What if the doctor only has bad news for him? What if the last thing he called his mother was “old hag”? What if the morning’s message he sent to her is his last? What will he do? How will he live?

Just please be okay, mummy. Please. It was the first time he had called her "mummy" in a long time.

The second he came to a stop outside those doors, they slid open and out walked the doctor with his pale looking mother lying motionlessly on the white mattress pushed by two assistants. There was a large white bandage around her head, crumpling her gorgeous soft golden curls. She would be mad if she knew they were mistreating her hair. Taemin had no idea how he could think of that at a time like this.

“Mum!” he rushed to her side and knelt down on the floor by her head. “Mum, wake up. I’m Taemin. Your son. Please. Please just wake up. Mummy!”

Someone was grabbing him by his armpits to move him away from her but he shrugged them off each time they tried. He wasn’t going to leave her side. Not anymore.

“Taemin-shi.”

He raised his eyes from his beautiful mother’s face and looked towards the doctor who had called out his name. He got to his feet and rushed at the man in white coat and so the assistants used this opportunity to push his mother away while he was distracted.

“Doctor! She’s going to be fine, right? My mum will be okay. She’s a very strong woman, isn’t she? She’ll make it through this!” Taemin grabbed at the long white sleeves helplessly pleading with his eyes for the wise man to agree with his words. He would do anything for him to say yes. Anything at all.

The doctor sighed. He avoided Taemin’s eyes as he shook his head.

“Doctor? Why are you sighing? Why are you shaking your head? What are you trying to say?” Taemin asked shakily. “It’s a joke, right? You’re just trying to scare me, aren’t you?”

“Taemin…” he sighed again. “Let us have a seat first,” the doctor suggested and he guided the young boy to the row of chairs by the wall.

Taemin wasn’t surprised when his legs felt like liquid beneath his weight as he struggled the few steps to drop onto a plastic chair. “Tell me,” he urged.

“Taemin…I’m afraid the fall she had was very bad. Five flights of stairs down three-storeys of a building had severely cracked her spinal cord and skull. There was internal bleeding in her head known as the Epidural haemorrhage and she’s currently in coma.”

Taemin gave the doctor no response as he sat there staring at him with wide eyes and shock on his face. His mind refused to accept the news. It was just too impossible to believe that something as simple as a fall could put his mother in a coma. His mother who has always been so strong in every way.

“Taemin, I’m sorry,” the doctor said gravely as he patted the back of Taemin’s hand.

“No,” he muttered.

“No!” he repeated louder, standing up. “How can a fall from a stairs be so terrible?”

“You lied!” he shouted in the doctor’s face. “I don’t believe this. Any of this! Mum cannot- she cannot- she promised-,” he stuttered before breaking down, a drop of tear slipping down his cheek as his knees finally gave way and hit the cold tiled floor that mirrored his feeling.

His mother had left him alone like he had wished for.

Minho who had heard the conversation between the doctor and Taemin from behind a wall slid down it to a squatting position and buried his face in his hands. Why do these things have to happen to Taemin?

A month had passed since his mother was first admitted into the hospital and she was still there lying lifelessly on the thin sheet of rotten mattress. Taemin would go to see her every day after school and occasionally, Minho would tag along. Taemin would always take a deep breath outside his mother’s room and pray for the umpteenth time that when he opens the door, his mother would be sitting up looking at him with a smile. He imagines that every time he went to see her. He tells himself that today would be the day. Today, when he walked in there, his mother was going to greet him. But every time he opened that door, it was the same lifeless form that he sees.

His prayer never came true.

Taemin was sorting out his own laundry when a piece of paper dropped out of his jeans pocket. He picked it up and smoothed out the paper. When he saw the writing, he immediately remembered it as the letter attached to the last meal his mother had cooked for him. His heart broke when he saw the smudged words and the water marks on the paper. She must be crying when she wrote this.

Listen to this while you read! ^^ [My Love, My Kiss, My Heart]

It read:

Taemin, my precious boy …

I don’t know when or how I had plucked up the courage to write you this but I figured that if I don’t get this through to you now, I will lose you forever. And I cannot afford for that to happen. I cannot have you leave me when I had lost more than enough already. I can't lose you without you knowing the truth that I was supposed to tell you a long time ago.

Minnie, my little son…

I know you hate me. I know you want so much for me to have been in your daddy’s place that night he died. I know you think it’s my fault for taking him away from you. I don’t blame you there. In fact, I think the same way as you too. I stay awake every night thinking that if I could rewind time, I will never let him take my place in front of the lorry. I will never let him leave your side. The two of you would have been so much happier without a mother and wife like me. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for walking into your lives. I’m sorry for every trace of me in your memories.

I have always thought it would be better for you if I left…If I followed your daddy to the after world...perhaps you would have a more carefree life. Perhaps it would be easier for you to not be burdened by such a mother like me but I can’t, in the end. I’m too selfish. I can’t not have you in my line of sight. I can’t die not knowing what will happen to you when I’m not around. I can’t let you go no matter how much I know I should. But I love daddy too. I love him so much I cried every night, hugging his picture to my chest. I don’t know if you have caught me at it…but if you have, I’m sorry for showing you my worthless weak side. I’m sorry for being a useless mother. If only I’m strong enough to leave you, I would have long taken my life. You would long have been free of me.

Taeminnie, my beautiful child…

I think the main reason I could finally write this letter to you is because I know that I won’t be able to see you tear this paper in front of my face. I’m just too afraid of the rejection. I’m scared of your fury. I fear your hatred; my son…for your opinions of me was all that ever mattered be it yesterday, today or tomorrow. I know that you’ve never thought of me as your mother ever since that day…but to me, you will always be my everything.

There is actually so much more that I want to say but I can’t think of them right now. I can’t even stop the tears splashing onto this paper as I write. If only you could see me, you would know how very weak your mother really is.

But there’s something else I want to tell you. I’m leaving for Japan in a week. I’ll be going there to work as a representative of our company for a minimum of two years. I wasn’t the chosen one at first but I fought for it because I know how much you want to get rid of me. Let’s just take this time to really consider the possibility of us in the future and if you still want me as your mother, I’ll come back for you anytime. But if I go home after the two years and you’re not there anymore, I’ll understand. You don’t have to tell your friends about your shameful mother. I’ll never cross path with you again. Live your life well while I’m gone. Live your life the way it should be without me. Live your life as if tomorrow will never come. That is all that I ask of you.

Lastly, I know I don’t deserve it. I know you aren’t willing to give it. But if you can, if you think I’m still worth a little in your heart, please…forgive me…

Forgive me, my son…and if it’s not too much to ask, wait for my return…

Love eternally,

Kim Gwiboon

Taemin clutched the letter to his heart in his trembling hands. Tears spilled out of his eyes in torrents. He wailed and wailed that night screaming for his mother over and over again but he knew, it was already too late. It was too late for regrets. It was too late to grief over the lost time. It was too late to love his mother.

Have you ever wonder when will it finally be too late to forgive?

Three years went by in a flash. Taemin was working, now, in a bakery shop earning a few hundred dollars every month. Minho worked there too although he could have gone into a good college and do a much more useful job than this. They have an argument every now and then about what was right and wrong for Minho's future but it was the older boy's decision in the end and his decision was to never leave Taemin's side no matter what happens. Meanwhile, Key was still in the hospital as lifeless as ever and the hospital bills were getting unbearable. Taemin was doing all he could to pay the never ending large sum of money to sustain his mother. He has been deprived of sleep too because every time he closed his eyes, he would dream of his mother being with him again, all smiles and laughter. To him, it was a nightmare to remind him that his mother’s chance of ever waking up from the coma was less than five percent.

Hey, mum,” Taemin smiled sadly as he lowered himself into the plastic chair beside her bed and held her cold hand to his chest. “You’re beautiful today too,” he said and paused as if to hear her tinkling laughter whenever he used to say that to her. “You don’t have to worry about me. Everything is great, really. I’m doing exactly what you told me to. I’m living my life the way it should be,” he tried to act cheerful.

“Oh, guess what? Guess what?” fake enthusiasm layered his tone. “I’m getting a pay rise next month, I have finally gotten myself a date on Friday night and...and I love you, mummy.”

Tears brimmed in Taemin’s eyes as he held Key’s hand to his cheek to remember her touch when she was still happy and lively. He knows it's weird to be calling your mother "mummy" but Key has always been fond of that title. She hates it when Taemin sometimes called her "mum" because mummy sounds kiddish but she said "mum" sounds insincere. 

“I love you so much, mummy. I really do,” he sobbed. “I’m lonely without you. The house is empty without you. The steak isn’t the same without you. The letter is nothing without you.”

Silence greeted his words, as usual. Taemin tried to pull himself together and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. Then, he dropped his mother’s arm back to her side and stood up.

“It’s time clean up!” he failed to smile. “I’ll go get the basin of water and a hand towel so wait for me, mummy.”

He closed the door behind him and immediately slid down the wall to sit on the floor. One drop of tear escaped from the corner of his eye onto his open palm at the same time a teardrop leaked from Key’s closed eyes. Taemin was crying for his mother to wake up. Key was crying for her son to let her go. They were both hoping for a miracle for two completely opposite reasons.

Whose wish for miracle will come true in the end?

Taemin took his time as he wiped his mother’s arm as gently as possible. This was actually the nurses’ job but Taemin insisted on doing it so they relented. He felt like it was the only thing he could do for her in comparison to all the sacrifices she had made for him.

When he was done, he rinsed the towel and put the basin away. Reaching for the comb on the bedside table, he brushed his mother’s hair; every of his hand was full of love and affection. How he missed those times when his mother would comb his hair for him. How he missed the smile on her face as she proudly complimented his soft blonde hair, saying that he had inherited it from her.

He clapped his hands together as he announced, “There! You’re all clean now. You like it best when you’re all clean and beautiful, don’t you? ”

He waited for a response, imagining his mother rolling her gorgeous apple green eyes at him but no such reaction came.

Taemin suppressed a sigh. “Well, then. I have something I want to say to you.”

He picked up Key’s hand again and laced his fingers with hers. “I’ve read your letter. And I admit to a lot of things you wrote in there. I agree that I’ve thought about the exchange in places between you and dad that night. I’ve thought that I would be happier with dad instead of you. I’ve thought of putting myself in a random kid’s shoes and imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t have you as my mother. But I also have many points that I disagree to. You should know that I’ve never really hated you. I wanted to but I can’t…because no matter what I say, think or do, the fact that you will be my mother is here to stay forever. I also disagree when you say you’re worthless and useless and weak. To me, there can be no other woman that can play a mother’s role the way you can. You are the strongest person in this world. Nobody could go through your pain and still smile at the end of the day. No one can accept the loss of her husband to be shunned by her son the moment he was told of his father’s death. You stood tall through all the accusations of being a and a murderer by the society so I wouldn’t have to see you crumble from the inside out. So if you think you’re shameful and weak and whatnot, where does that leave me, then?” Taemin bit his bottom lip to stop it from trembling too much.

“You slog all day in your office, working overtime and doing extra jobs just so you could buy me what I want when I want. You kept yourself occupied so your mind wouldn’t consume your heart with thoughts of guilt and incompetence. You only cry at night because you thought I had gone to bed but you don’t know. You don’t know how many times I stood outside your room door crying with you. So if you think that working abroad for years to avoid me is the right choice, you’re wrong. I won’t allow you to leave me. I don’t trust you to be on your own. You may look strong on the outside but on the inside, you’re not. You only put on that brave front to not worry me. Your mental strength is good but how good can it be? So if you had flown to Japan for work, I would never have waited for your return after the two years. I will take the next available flight to Japan after you to bring you home.”

Taemin took another deep breath before continuing, “I love you, mummy. I have always loved you. It was me that I hate. I hate myself for not being able to do anything as you grieved in guilt for dad. I hate that I can’t help ease at least a little of your pain. I didn’t avoid you because I despised you. I avoided you so you wouldn’t have to remember that you have caused the loss of my father. I can see you hurting but I convinced myself that it was me hurting, instead. It was me who had lost everything and you were the one who taken it all from me. So if you tell me you’re selfish, what about me? What right do I have to refuse your apology? Why are you apologising to me when I was the one to be blamed for everything?”

Taemin released Key’s hand and turned away to stop the oncoming flow of tears. He had told himself to stop crying like a baby. He had to stop being so weak in front of his mother. He cannot afford to have her worry any more than she already is.

He had his back facing her as he spoke his final words to her. “I have always known that you weren’t really cheating on dad. I heard what you heard from Aunty Jessica. I just needed someone besides me to push all the blame to. So I forgive you. I forgive you, mummy. I forgive you.”

Taemin turned back to face his mother and he closed his eyes as he planted a long kiss on Key’s forehead.

He could no longer stop the tears as he removed the respirator from Key’s face whispering with all the effort in him, “Goodbye, mummy…and I love you.”

Then, he ran out of the room and he never stopped running ever since.

If only he had stayed a little longer, he would have seen the last peaceful smile on Key's face as she gradually faded from this world.

author's note

yeah...this is one heck of a long chapter! 

i hope you didn't cry too much while reading this...

i actually put all of my emotions in here. ^^

erm..should i do a sequel on 2min next? not sure if you guys would want it...

i'll upload the preview soon so you can decide from there...

lastly, don't forget to leave me a comment~