D e c e m b e r  3 1  s t ,  2 0 1 3

 

 

  Dear Tao,

 

I’m writing to you, for obvious reasons, because I want to. Does that surprise

you? I always thought that I would write to you someday. It’s funny that it that

it has to be now, at the end of 2013. This year was crazy, but I was happy that we

got to spend it together, in a way, as a team.

 

I bought you a present today. I hope you’ll like it. It made me think of you and

it wasn’t that expensive so I guess you won’t feel like you need to return the

gesture which is fine with me.

 

Tao… you know I love you right?

 

I know it’s hard to tell sometimes because of the wall separating us, because I

keep telling you that now is not the time, that you’re not ready and in the end

you know I’m right so we remain as we are. But, that doesn’t change our feelings,

does it?

 

You’ve been going out with Sehun a lot, but I hear you guys are fighting a lot.

Are you all right? I know I’m not the best at counseling but I have been told to

be a good listener. Come to me, Tao, when you need me. I may believe that we’re

not in the right position to have any sort of relationship, but I’m certainly not

indifferent to your problems.

 

I know you’re homesick, that some of your relationships aren’t going so well. You

miss China, you miss your home. It is understandable and I don’t blame you for it.

But don’t just try to play it off and act cool. You’re giving yourself a bad

image. Not that it matters so much to you, but I don’t want you to get into any

trouble.

 

But I don’t want to write a lecture, I can very well do that in person. I’ll just

get on with what I wanted to say; you make me very happy. I don’t believe I’ve

told you that before.

 

You remind me of a thousand songs, of a hundred melodies. None of them are

particularly related to love, but all are connected by one thing; chemistry.

Perfect chemistry. We are different, you and I, but there’s no saying we don’t go

well together. I admire you for being so open to your feelings. I wish I had that

courage. I wish I had that strength, that honesty, that purity.

 

You belong to me, don’t you? What’s the point of asking, I know the answer; you

belong to me. I know that you would answer if I called you on the phone right now

and just for the fun of it I did call you. You picked up after the first ring.

Do you know what you said when I asked you how you’d been? You said you missed me.

See, I wouldn’t have thought of saying that first off. It unnerves me that you

always have the right word, the right sentence to catch me off guard and send me

in a trance. I always have to be so careful around you, I have to watch my hands,

because they have a mind of their own and, naturally, want to find themselves

somewhere on your body.

 

Do you remember our first kiss? I’m sorry I didn’t stop you, you caught me by

surprise and you know just how helpless I am to your need for my attention. But

what would you say if right now I wanted to push you against a wall and kiss the

hell out of you? I mean it. The thought kept me awake last night and I struggled

with the idea of texting you those exact same words just to hear your reaction.

But I bet you were hanging out with Sehun. I really hope the boy treats you well.

 

But yeah, do you have a new year’s resolution? I have a few. Strangely, they all

seem to be related to you. Maybe it’s because I miss you. It’s funny how we miss

the things we never had. I’ve been thinking that being there for you at all times

is a proper resolution, is it not? I think it’s all I can do as I am really busy

and well… you know the rest. I can only do so much, but surely being there for you

is enough. I know I’m not the best judge when it comes to those things but it’s my

best offer.

 

You know, some girls complain that all the good guys are only in books, but I

don’t think that’s true. I think you prove those girls wrong, and whatever

happens, I think that you’re the best man a woman or man could ask for. I wish I could

take you for my own, maybe I will, in due time, but for now, things remain as they

are.

 

But you do think about me don’t you? What is it that you think about when someone

says my name? I’d like to know someday. Do you think about me often? Is that why

you’re always searching for me whenever we’re on stage, because you’re thinking

about me? I’ve noticed. It might not be with your whole body, but I know your eyes

are searching for me. I’m glad I bring you some sort of assurance. I’m also glad

to see how much you’ve improved and how much you’ve grown. You still can’t stand

to watch horror movies, but I love that about you. Don’t change so much, don’t let

them change you. I won’t let you change either. Be yourself, Tao. I love you just

like that. It’s all that matters, right?

 

Let’s make a lot more memories in 2014. I trust we can still have some midnight

talks if you feel like it and be as crazy as we want. Because you know, that’s us

and how we roll… and I happen to love it.

 

 

See you soon,