-Hi. -Hi. -It's my first day here. -Mine, too. -I'm Luhan. -Kyungsoo.

First Memories

Luhan couldn't think of anything else but the uncontrollable way his hands were shaking as he entered the building of SM Entertainment for the first time as an actual trainee. 

His contract signed, his path chosen, Luhan felt a hold around his heart as he walked in as someone whose destiny would have only been defined by his hard work and passion now, and he still couldn't believe it was happening. 

The dream he had always dreamed had started taking its form, and it was scary. Scary as hell. 

He knew he would have never given up now that his lonely, senseless life was starting making sense again, but the feeling of being far away from his homeland, from his friends, from his family.. He didn't even have one anymore. It was too much .

He would have never given up, but being alone was never easy, and Luhan had never been more lonely. 

He took a deep breath and shook his head. He imposed himself to look forward, only forward, and smile honestly at the new life he was about to live. 

He was taken into a small room by the staff member who let him enter and there he was told to stay until his name would have been called, and Luhan obeyed diligently, smiling at the man as he entered and the door closed behind him. 

In front of him were some chairs, all empty, expect from one. 

A thin looking boy with dark hair and big, round eyes had snapped his head up at his entrance and was now staring at him, unblinkingly, making Luhan smile embarrassedly as he bowed his head. 

He walked to the chair two seats away from the boy and sit, hands rubbing each other, shaking, clear sign of his tensed nerves. 

Luhan kept quiet for a while, sending small glances at the boy besides him every now and then. He had a cute face, he noticed, chubby cheeks and big eyes fixed on his tights, full lips pressed together into a tight line. 

"Hi." Luhan decided to greet eventually, a big, nervous smile on his face, and he immediately saw the boy tensing. 

"Hi."

He had a deep voice despite the thin looking figure, and Luhan bit his lips as he noticed he didn't really seem to want to talk.

He still tried. "It's my first day here." 

"Mine, too."

Luhan could have imagined it from the way the boy's eyes remained big and scared the whole time, small shoulders slightly shaking without ever stopping. 

What a coincidence, he thought, they seemed to be the only two boys entering SM that day.

The thought gave him the weak strength to still try and get the boy's attention. 

He pulled off a big, warm smile, tilting his head to the side so he could wish to bring the other to finally glance at him.

"I'm Luhan."

The boy noticed his movements and finally turned to face him, eyes big and still so scared they made Luhan's heart miss a beat. After a short, dazed pause, the thin boy looked away.

"Kyungsoo."

Luhan saw Kyungsoo's swallowing hard, nervousness easily noticeable from the way his adam's apple moved. He smiled, warmed, because he could have never imagined someone could be more nervous than he was. 

Biting his lips, he closed in his shoulders and never stopped looking at the boy. "Sorry if my Korean bothers you. I'm Chinese."

Kyungsoo showed no reaction to his words and Luhan's face fell, his eyes slowly closing and head moving down in embarrassment. He closed in his shoulders even more, "But, you probably don't care, right."

He was biting his lips when he heard the other speaking up again. "Your Korean is fine." 

The words made Luhan look up at the other again, surprised to find Kyungsoo looking at him with a numb expression, but still, he was looking.

"And cute."

A flushed smile took over Luhan's face as he bit his lips, and the boy observed as Kyungsoo went back to his original position with red cheeks and adam's apple moving unnaturally again, tensed. 

"Thank you." he said weakly "Are you a singer?" 

Luhan was quite sure the thin boy was not a dancer, as observing his little body he couldn't see any trace of the muscles that working out and dancing wuld naturally bring on a dancer's body, but he couldn't be sure anyway. He wondered how old Kyungsoo was, too, because he looked adorably young.

"Hopefully." Kyungsoo answered and Luhan smiled at the way his cheeks wouldn't stop blushing. 

"Me too."

Luhan got no reaction again and went silent for long, the silence and the waiting, too long for his shaking body, making him tremble from head to toe hopelessly. He did not want to bother the thin boy next to him again, because Kyungsoo seemed to be really so nervous he could have found him a source of other nervousness but, at the same time, he didn't felt able to stop looking for an excuse to think no more, of what was happing right there, right then. 

"Do you want to sing something?" 

Kyungsoo snapped his head to look at him with eyes wider than ever. "What?"

Luhan never felt more stupid in his entire life. He bit his lips and smiled apologetically, a hand running through his long, dark hair as he looked at the shocked boy.

"Sorry. I was just-"

He trailed off and shook his head, simply unable to find his words. He pressed his face in his palms and stayed like that for long, too many thoughts and feelings inside his body and he was starting too feel like vomiting. When would they come and call his name, for Heaven's sake. 

He couldn't see Kyungsoo looking at him, wide eyes fixed on his tousled hair, and the way something of his expression melted each second more. 

The sound of Kyungsoo's shyly singing voice gave Luhan a shock. 

"The first time I fell in love was long ago. I didn't know how to give my love at all. The next time I settled for what felt so close, but without romance you're never gonna fall.

After everything I've learned, now it's finally my turn. This is the last time I'll fall.. in love."

Kyungsoo kept his head down the whole time, voice shaking and hands shaking even more, and he never thought of looking up at the boys next to him as he finished. His cheeks were burning, and he missed the enchanted gaze Luhan was keeping on him.

Luhan gulped and smiled, thankful for the little courage. "You are amazing. And your English is as well."

Kyungsoo's face almost disappeared inside his shoulders. "You are, too, I guess." he whispered "SM is pretty selective."

With a thoughtful expression on, Luhan looked down, ashamed. Kyungsoo had a lovely, shooting voice, and he was sure no matter what, he would have gone far. 

"Actually, I got casted on the street." he confessed "I don't know why. Probably, they found me pretty, that's all."

Kyungsoo quickly turned to look at him and for the first time, they found the strength to look at each other. The worried, dazed expression on Luhan's beautiful, too beautiful face made Kyungsoo miss a beat. 

He felt strange.

"TVXQ's Changmin was street-casted, too." he said instinctively, even if only to try to give the boy next to him the smallest support. He looked like an angel, Kyungsoo thought for the 10th time. He was nice as an angel, too.

Luhan blushed severely as he realized the other's words. "I'm not him."

Taking a long look of Luhan's thoughtful, saddened expression, Kyungsoo suddenly felt like the one who had to try opening up.

"You are you." he said, smiling a little, supportive smile as Luhan looked up at him again "You want to be a singer, don't you."

"Yes."

"Then, I think being you and working hard will be enough." 

Luhan couldn't stop the soft smile forming on his lips as Kyungsoo and him shared a deep, unexpected look. 

They looked away when the room's door finally opened and a man came in calling Kyungsoo's name, ordering the boy to follow him. Kyungsoo obeyed immediately, standing up and walking diligently away with arms crossed in a sudden, defensive move. 

He briefly glanced back at Luhan before exiting, taking a good look of the supportive, gentle expression the boy had pulled out for him.

"Fighting." Luhan said, shaking his fist, and then smiled bright in Kyungsoo's eyes.

The thin boy smiled back without even noticing, and he later realized his first day at SM had gained a sweet, precious memory.

-

Kyungsoo had never worked as hard as he was working as a trainee. His life had become devastating.

The endless practice, the scoldings, the sweat, the pain, the competition among them all, it all gave him no time to breathe. 

He had been more than once told that his dance talent was shaking, and that his voice's stability was even more, the critiques making Kyungsoo work so hard to improve that he couldn't find time and space for anything else in his life. 

He tried his best to keep his friendships and relationships outside SM alive for how hard it was, and he managed to find time to study as well, but it was getting more and more difficult as time passed. 

A band project rumor had spread since long in the Entertainment company, and the competition to be a part of it became so intense and ruthless Kyungsoo couldn't even think of how to survive. He was a good singer, but not the best. He was a decent dancer, but nothing compared to people like the famous Kim Jongin. He was a cute looking boy, but he had still been told his appearance was his weakest point.

He only did his best, trying to fit with the people he found around him as time passed, even at times when their rudeness would make his worst part fight to come out. He had met Kim Junmyeon, a boy who had apparently been a trainee for six years already, and he was glad to have him often  around during singing and dancing practice. The boy was really sweet and caring, differently from most of the other trainees, and he grew fond of Kyungsoo's friendship after a little while already.

Kyungsoo never met Luhan again for long. 

The only times he got to hear of the first person he had ever met there, it was from other trainees.

"Did you hear about the Chinese boy practicing with Jongin-ah?" he heard a few boys saying one day, during a break from one of their endless dance routines.

"The pretty face?" 

Making a face, another boy joined the conversation. "I would like to punch him in that face. He's been around for, how long, three months? And he already got to practice with Jongin-ah. That's ridiculous."

"Rather he is some kind of genius or he'll turn out to be the classic, ridiculous example of a pretty face getting the spotlight without deserving."

"I've seen him dancing," the first boy said then "And he's nothing special. He'll got shadowed by Jongin's talent soon."

"Well, he's stealing everyone's place just because of his face, so I really hope he will fail."

Kyungsoo glanced at Junmyeon's apparently disinterested face and raised a brow as he saw the boy's eyes fixed on the little group not far away from them.

Junmyeon noticed his gaze. "They are talking about Luhan, the Chinese boy from Beijing." 

"I know."

Kyungsoo saw him shaking his head as the boys kept on talking and then he glanced at him, a bashful smile gracing his flawless face.

"I had a crush on him, at first sight." Junmyeon confessed "I couldn't really tell he was.. a boy, you know."

Kyungsoo stayed there staring at him unblinkingly for long, unsure of why an older boy would share such a ridiculous story with a dongsaeng like him. A little spot in his mind also told him it was impossible not to fall for Luhan at first sight, anyway. 

"Do you agree with them?" he asked after having kicked the thought away, and sent a brief look at the group sit on the floor. Junmyeon seemed to ponder on his question for long, and Kyungsoo could bet there was disappointment in his eyes.

"I can't say I'm happy about the new ones getting all the attentions, but I've met Luhan-sshi a few times, and he is the most adorable guy I've ever met. No one deserves to be bashed like this, especially when he is a hard worker, and Luhan-sshi really is."

Kyungsoo felt slightly sorry for Junmyeon as he heard those words. He had been getting attention for his singing himself, together with two other boys who had entered the company only two weeks before, Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae, two mind-blowing talents, and they all shadowed Junmyeon a bit after they got in. Junmyeon never said a word about it, though. Instead, he was one of the few people always having nice and mature words and advices for everyone.

The rumors about Luhan spreaded among the trainees quiet fast, and Kyungsoo felt bad for the boy every day more, when he had time to think about it. He couldn't stop thinking about the day he had met Luhan for the first time, the day everything had started, and feel a hold around his heart as he remembered the innocence and the brightness in those pretty eyes which tried hard to meet his own on a very special, difficult moment. 

He hoped to meet Luhan soon, even if only to make sure that angel was doing well enough to not care about the harshness all around him.

-

When Kyungsoo met Luhan again, the two of them were asked to meet in a little room with Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae. 

He locked eyes with Luhan as soon as he entered the room, and the Chinese boy blinked at his direction a few times before opening up into a bright, glowing smile that made Kyungsoo lose his breath.

"Kyungsoo-sshi."

Luhan couldn't stop smiling and after a little while, Kyungsoo couldn't help himself from smiling back, shy. 

"How are you doing?" the Chinese boy asked and Kyungsoo only nodded a positive answer. 

"I've heard you're doing great." he said, and that made Luhan blush. 

"I'm working hard to be a me people and I myself can be proud of." 

Luhan smiled what looked like a thankful smile to the smaller boy and Kyungsoo blushed at the memory of those words, months before. He felt strange as he realized that, just like him, Luhan had not forgotten.

They met with the other two boys often since that first time. They would practice singing, harmonization, dances routine while live singing all together, only the four of them. One day, they were told they were the four vocalist most likely to work together for the band project SM was working on, but the immense joy they felt at that news was quickly destroyed as they were also told everything had yet to be decided, and only harder work would prevent them from getting replaced.

Kyungsoo could not really understand what was he feeling that day, a mixture of scared, terrified, exited and grateful feels fighting in his stomach and making him want to vomit.

He got distracted from such thoughts as a warm hand suddenly closed around his cold one, and Kyungsoo looked up to meet a pair of bright, glittering eyes shining brightly in front of him. Luhan was smiling, excited like a little kid, and yet he was shivering like a lost puppy. 

"Let's work hard, Kyungsoo-ya." he said "We're in this together." 

Kyungsoo got a deep shock at the hug that followed. Luhan held him tight, almost suffocating him inside his arms, before pulling away bashfully and smiling apologetic at his unblinking, dazed expression.

"Sorry. You're the first one I met here.. and now, it seems like destiny." 

Kyungsoo felt his heart missing a beat.

-

Destiny was on Kyungsoo and Luhan's side, Kyungsoo had no doubts anymore. 

As months passed the two of them, together with other ten boys among of which were Byun Baekhyun, Kim Jongdae, the old and sweet Junmyeon and, obviously, the star trainee Kim Jongin, got chosen as the final members of a band SM would have launched at the end of the year. 

Kyungsoo couldn't believe it, having entered SM as a trainee that same year, the most fatal year of his life, apparently, and that gave him an immense desire to give nothing but always his best. 

Then, they got the confirmation that the band would have been divided into two sub-unit for their promotions, and that one of the two would have to promote in China, singing Chinese songs, attending Chinese programs. 

Luhan had been the first choice for obvious reasons, and the rest of the Chinese sub-unit got planned on him. 

After months of hard work to prove everyone he had not been chosen for his gorgeous face, at all, Kyungsoo thought Luhan had got what he deserved the most, consideration for his undeniable talent and beautiful personality. 

When Kyungsoo was told he would have debuted into the Chinese sub-unit with Luhan, that was when he felt Destiny was playing a big role in their relationship.

Luhan had slowly built an important spot for himself, in Kyungsoo's heart, and the more Kyungsoo got to know him, the more he wanted Luhan to be a part of his life. 

When Luhan opened to him about the difficult relationship, the almost inexistent relationship now, between his parents and him, Kyungsoo wanted to protect Luhan with all his force.

Whenever Luhan would know about harsh comments spreading behind his back, Kyungsoo would look for him and smile gratefully at the sight of the Chinese boy Yixing already being there to cheer him up.

Whenever Luhan would come to him and complain about his horrible English pronunciation, Kyungsoo would smile shyly and study with him for interminable hours, sharing all his knowledge to let Luhan improve with him.

Whenever Luhan would speak Chinese, Kyungsoo would want to learn the language in order to understand him and make him feel a bit more at home. 

Kyungsoo would always feel grateful, towards Destiny, for having let everything start with Luhan.

-

Kyungsoo felt disappointed the most when the band managers came out with the decision that Jongdae would have replaced him in the Chinese sub-unit, the necessity of a high-vocal range singer in each band being the reason, something nor Luhan or him were. 

After weeks spent into studying Chinese extremely diligently with Luhan, after weeks hoping to share every moment of his career with the one and only man everything had started with, Kyungsoo couldn't believe the unexpected, sudden change.

"I loved the idea," Luhan said one day, in their dorm, while lying on his bed with an English lyrics standing in front of his eyes "Of you and I being together."

Kyungsoo pretended those words hadn't sound so dangerous to him and fixed his eyes on Luhan's back, the only thing he could see from his sitting position on the same bed. Luhan would have never let anyone stay on his bed, but with Kyungsoo, Luhan would always make a welcomed exception.

"But that's better for you, I guess. You won't have to leave Korea."

"Leaving Korea would have never been a problem." Kyungsoo only answered, biting his lip as Luhan turned around to face him and lied on his side. 

"We're still one." 

Luhan smiled supportively, quoting what apparently was supposed to be their band's slogan. 

Kyungsoo nodded, eyes fixed on Luhan as the older boy pushed up and sit besides him, a small smile gracing his lips. 

"I will miss our English lessons." he confessed "You are the most amazing teacher in the world." 

Laughing roughly, Kyungsoo shook his head. "You won't have time to think about English. You'll have to help Minseok-hyung and Jongdae with their Chinese. You know how depressed they are these days."

"They have good reasons to be." Luhan considered thoughtfully, and his eyes fixed on Kyungsoo with innocent curiosity "They will be away from their homeland, forced to speak a language they don't patronize. Everyone would be depressed." Luhan was sure he had been "I still don't understand the reason why you weren't."

Kyungsoo smiled softly, quickly looking away from the close face and the bright eyes studying him with concern. 

Luhan couldn't know he was Kyungsoo's only reason.

-

After EXO's debut, a lot of things obviously changed.

The twelve boys had grown deeply fond of one another, having debuted under the same name, sharing the same dream, working hard to be a passionate team, and the existence of the sub-units quickly became a source of stress for all of them. 

The Chinese members would find themselves at ease in China, getting to speak their language, but the only sight of Jongdae and Minseok's melancholic, depressed eyes as they had to immerse themselves fully in a role too hard for them was enough to make everyone want to go back to Korea, to their bandmates. 

Whenever EXO-M would come back, eventually, Kyungsoo couldn't help but notice how things were quickly changing under his eyes. 

Luhan had no time for him anymore. He had grown extremely close to Minseok, both of them being the same age, sharing the same passions, and everyone could see the immense care Luhan felt for the other boy as he tried to make him comfortable enough not to miss home while abroad. Luhan also had Yixing, his best friend, his Chinese bother, the only person in the world who could make Luhan feel at home even when home was too far away in too many senses.

Whenever Kyungsoo would see the two of them chatting lovingly, in their mother language, he would feel his stomach jump in both gratefulness and bitterness. 

He could not be that for Luhan, he could not be home. 

EXO were still one, but the two boys who had started together, that distant day in that small room, had probably never been.

Kyungsoo tried hard to ignore the question which would torture him whenever Luhan appeared in his thoughts, why he needed Luhan and him to be one in the first place. 

-

"I'm so happy we're going to perform together."

Luhan smiled happily at Kyungsoo as the two of them reunited into a small practicing room, late in the night, after a long afternoon spent working on their dance routine for a special stage for SMTOWN.

Kyungsoo looked up from his English lyrics and smiled that adoring smile he could never stop whenever it was Luhan talking with him. Luhan blinked a few times before giggling.

"I miss you often, you know."

At those unexpected words, Kyungsoo couldn't help but fix his big eyes on him confusedly. 

"When I'm away, I think everything of this new life started with you, Kyungsoo-ya, and I miss you." Luhan continued, gentle, despite a light flush spreading on his fair cheeks "I miss your cooking, I miss your English lessons, I miss listening to your voice when you cook for us. I also miss the way you would come to me and wake me up, patient, despite me being a crazy lazy ." 

Kyungsoo managed to chuckle at those words, the deepest part of him drowning into a mix of feelings anyway. 

"I miss you, too." 

Luhan shook his head and hit his arm playfully, chuckling. "How can you miss me. I am everything you can't stand. Noisy, lazy, messy."

The older boy pouted at his own words, going to rest his chin on a palm thoughtfully, and Kyungsoo smiled a loving smile at the sight. 

"You are you." he said, making Luhan tense for a moment "To me, that has always been enough."

They looked at each other, really looked at each other, for the first time in a long while. Luhan held his breath instinctively, almost touched by the way the thin and reserved Kyungsoo could always be the sweetest and deepest person he had ever met, when it came to him. He would think about it a lot and still feel unable to understand why, and how Kyungsoo managed to make him feel so special and treasured. 

"Let's go back to study," Kyungsoo exclaimed then, after a little pause, and smiled supportively at the older boy in front of him "I want you to repeat your verses a few other times, if you're okay with it." 

"Sure." Luhan nodded, ready, and went back focusing on his lyrics that, at the moment, seemed to be a more accurate detail to pay attention to. 

He still couldn't help himself from letting his hand tentatively fly to take Kyungsoo's one and he relaxed when, after a moment of tension, Kyungsoo let him hold it for the rest of the lesson without a single protest. 

-

Luhan sometimes couldn't help it, as a man who would always try to keep his deepest feelings inside, and he would find himself sitting on a chair in the kitchen, in the middle of the night, sharing silent tears of deep melancholy for the instinctively way he missed his homeland and his family. 

Fate wanted, more than just once, that Kyungsoo would wake up and find him there, weak and broken as he would never be under sunlight, and the younger boy would only silently take a seat besides him, sometimes rubbing his back softly, sometimes massaging his shoulders, sometimes looking for his hands.

Despite the shock of the first seconds, Luhan would soon realize it was Kyungsoo, and let himself go. He never cried in front of the other, but he hid his face in his arms, crying silently as Kyungsoo left sweet, soft touches on his body. 

One night, the night EXO won their very first Artist of The Year, Luhan first felt warm and soft embracing his body, then he heard the sound of a chair moving besides him and he knew Kyungsoo was there, once again. 

That night, Luhan couldn't help but reason on the impressive achievements EXO had collected over the long year, on their hard work, on the things that had changed with the fast increase of their popularity, on what EXO was really becoming. 

For the first time in over a year, Luhan managed not to cry over sad thoughts and deep doubts regarding his life choices, and wrapped the warm blanket around his body more as he turned towards Kyungsoo. The boy looked surprised for a moment, taken aback, and tensed slightly as Luhan moved closer to let the blanket cover his thin body as well. 

The soft, close smile Luhan offered, visible at the moonlight, made Kyungsoo relax. 

"Thank you." Luhan suddenly said, his voice a weak whisper as he spoke, not wanting his words to be heard by anyone but Kyungsoo.

The younger boy had his big eyes fixed on him questioningly.

"Thank you for always protecting me, silent and gentle, every time. Thank you for always being there when I need you, thank you for never asking why, for always understanding with a simple look."

Kyungsoo felt the urge to look away as Luhan's eyes got impossibly deep, the older's words touching topics he had always tried to ignore.

When Luhan's hands took his own, he couldn't help asking, "Why, all of sudden."

Luhan smiled, almost bitterly. "Sometimes I can't help wondering if the path I've chosen is the right one." he confessed "After tonight.. After that award, for the first time, I've managed to think I have."

Fair fingers closed tighter around Kyungsoo's ones and the younger boy couldn't help but look at them, briefly, before going back staring at Luhan's soft features, listing to Luhan's honest thoughts.

"This path.. its first memories started when I met you, and you have no idea how much I own you, for that."

Kyungsoo observed as Luhan smiled, his heart beating a little too fast in his chest.

"The first day, the beginning.. There were you, with me, saying being me was enough and giving me strength to believe in myself when I didn't. I still don't understand how you manage to be so perfect towards me, Kyungsoo, every single time, since the first time."

Kyungsoo looked attentively at Luhan's questioning, soft eyes. "I don't know." he confessed, in a whisper.

He had never known, he had never thought of being perfect towards Luhan to start with, but as he thought about it, with Luhan's sweet face so close to his own, Kyungsoo remembered a distant moment which had managed to leave a deep impression on him.

"It seems like destiny." he said, repeating words he had heard from the older boy that Luhan himself seemed to recall quickly. 

With a flushed smile, Luhan closed his eyes and nodded, moving his body closer to Kyungsoo's smaller one to wrap his arms around it.

When Kyungsoo's hesitant hands moved slowly to answer the hug back, Luhan tilted his head slightly to the side, to bring his lips to the skin of Kyungsoo's neck.

There he left a soft, shaking kiss, and Kyungsoo's entire body tensed at the over-whelming sensation. He could almost feel Luhan's heart beating fast against his own and when Luhan pulled away, bashful eyes held down, Kyungsoo held his own wide open and brought Luhan to look at them.

Luhan melted down at the care he could so easily read inside them, thankfulness and a shy joy exploding inside him as he looked at Kyungsoo and realized that, probably, they had started together because together they were destined to go through whatever life had served for them. 

"Let's walk this path," Luhan said, opening up into a sincere smile for the thin, strong boy in front of him "Together."

Kyungsoo only gifted him with his beautiful, heart shaped smile, and nodded as he held his hands tight in his own. He realized he had worried so much over all the things he couldn't be for Luhan, over those years, that he had ignored what he actually was for him, and what Luhan was for him.

They were soul mates, loving each other with a deep, silent love that had born since their eyes shyly met, the day of their first memories, and would have lasted until the last ones.