1.

Hi.

How are you? I hope you're wearing warm clothes. I checked the weathercast, it's going to be much colder. You always catch colds very quickly, so don't forget about a hat, scarf and warm gloves. Don't ice-skate too much, carefully dry your hair after swimming and don't drink too much tea, you're always so sleepy because of it. Wear warm clothes.

Bye.

2.

It's me again, hey.

I saw you recently. Once again, you wore this old purple coat of yours which you’ve sewn back so many times. Did you forget your hat? Maybe that's why you sneezed a few times. You're catching cold too easy, you should be more careful. It's snowing here, again. Just writing in case you don't have a window or something. I didn't want to call you, it would be really inappropriate, so I just wrote. I heard you're going to London again. I wish I went there with you one day.

Oh, and Jonghoon hyung asked if you can return his books which he had lent you, he says he needs them to write. You know, I wrote my first poem. But it too much to show it to anyone.

Just wear warmer clothes. Please.

3.

Hi.

I'm wondering if you'll ever reply to any of my letters. I don't expect it and to tell the truth I would be too scared to open it. You're too unpredictable when it comes to heartfelt conversation, even if they are written on paper. As a monologue.

Have you seen our last concert? I saw a few photos on your blog. Did you enjoy our performance? I haven't seen any of your comments. There were a lot of pictures of hyungs. But my photos were nowhere to be found.

Jonghoon told me to thank you for his books. He was a little surprised, when he saw a stamp from France. Much more, when he opened the package. It smelled of you lavender. It reminded me of those delicious muffins you always baked. Sometimes when I close my eyes I still can feel their taste. It was distinct, brought a sunny garden to mind, full of summer scents even if the lavender was from your small balcony.

The company is planning our comeback. It'll be few intense months.

Take care of yourself.

4.

How are you?

 I remembered the taste of orange juice. The fresh, squeezed one, with the addition of juice of half a grapefruit. Chilled, arousing with its sourness, but, at the same time, giving us this fantastic bittersweet taste. Recently I bought that one but I could only look at its yellowish hue changing into orange one. You would know how to call that color, when pink is a little less visible than during sunset.

Nowadays I spend all days with boys in the recording studio. I haven't played that much in a while and I'm feeling the joy of holding drumsticks again. I still have the same pair you bought me a long time ago and scribbled on with marker. They're worn out, scuffed and drawings became blurred dirtying my hands but...I still like them. They're a part of the past, the cooler one, better one.

We don't sleep much. Well, I don't sleep much. Hongki hyung says that too little. I can't not agree with him but when I close my eyes I see things I want to forget. I can't find my own reality which you told me about many times. You left your old dream diary in my place. I read it sometimes trying to understand what's going on in your mind but, as always, you're the great unknown to me.

How did the story with orange juice end? As always. Seunghyun drank it.

5.

Hey.

I heard that the more simple greeting the better. I don't know. I always have a trouble how to start writing a letter to you. I act as it can change something, but it can't. It's just the beginning.

The title of your new song is „Genesis”. It means the coming into being, the origin. Even if I want to deny it, I can understand and identify with the lyrics. Sometimes, when Hongki is focused on the chorus I have a feeling that you're going to wave to me from behind the glass. Even if nobody wants to admit it you ease the tension with your presence. Hyungs started to miss you. They're saying that nobody gives them as much bubble teas as you. I had to bite my tongue not to tell them that I put the money in your wallet for this.

Remember when you caught me? You said that you can afford buying tea for your friends and you don't need your boyfriend's money for that. You where mortally offended and you didn't speak to me for a week communicating with me only by using post-its and leaving them around our flat.

I still don't regret.

6.

I heard you moved out.

 Well that's what Jiho and Minhyuk said when I accidentally overheard their conversation. They probably thought I wouldn’t hear that. I'm wondering if you came back to you parents with that cute smile of yours, greeting your long-time-no-see family you told me very often about. Where have you come back, when you said that your home is here? Why did you leave everything here? Too many questions and no answer.

Jiho took me to your old flat. He kept keys that I gave him a long time ago in case you lost yours again. Nothing has changed. Books are in the same place I saw them the last time, in the same tidiness which you took care of so obsessive. Only your favourite white fur blanket wasn't there. The wicker chair seems like an ordinary wicker chair now, lonely and forgotten. You shouldn't take its own treasure. There were also no clothes. The emptiness of the wardrobe was as sad as looking at wilted lavender flowers. I took them to my flat. If you wanted them back by any chance...they'll be waiting. For you.

7.

Tomorrow is our comeback.

„Genesis” is beautiful, sad, has a poignant charm and at the same time it’s full of unwanted tears. You'll love it. We're looking for suitable Japanese words to translate it. I'm responsible for lyrics for the theme song „Feeling of love”. Even if I can't translate the title it would be much more beautiful in Japanese: 恋の予感. Koi no yokan. It's much deeper than in English, cause it means the feeling when you need just one look to know that you'll be in love with this person. You feel the beginning of love. I think we should have named our album: „Beginning of love”.

8.

 Again, I have sleep problems just as before. And again I don't sleep at night and walk aimlessly around the dorm looking for something to do for my tired mind which doesn't want to rest. My body is aching, I have cramps and I need much more effort to put smile on my face when I'm talking with guys. I spend too much time with them and I think they started to notice that something is wrong with me.

 I started to really miss you and sending letters to your old flat doesn't help at all. I want to escape from here, find you and don't let you go. Repair all mistakes and apologize as long as you'll be mine again. I'm forgetting contours of your face but I see your bright smile every time I close my eyes. I'm full of emptiness that I can't escape.

I want you to give me a sign that you're alright. Everybody is cautious around me, trying not to pronounce your name or any other word which can be related to you. But I want them to talk, I want them to talk as much as they can about you cause it'd give me something. Something to build my new reality on. But even if you'd read those letters probably you'll never answer them. And it hurts me the most.

9.

Hi.

 I'm going to Japan again. But this time alone, to „rest”. Well, that’s the main reason about which guys have been talking with manager. A week passed from the end of promotions but I can't find peace and my nerves are still as strained as they were. I haven't slept all night for more than 2 months now and even if nobody says it, all of them knew the reason as well as I do. But this time it's not constant stage spotlights and sometimes I pray them to be.

Jiho said accidentally that probably you'll come back to Korea for a while. This would explain why they spend so much time near your old flat but when I asked him about the letters he didn't answer. Only Taeil explained to me that they haven't opened any of them. They didn't throw them away as well. They're waiting for you just as everything you left. And even if most of people who go down the street don't know about your existence, for some of them you're important enough to look out for your bright, focused on work face.

What am I going to do in Japan? Probably the same thing as always. Sitting all day, walking, thinking, being bored to death and pretending that everything gets better. But it won't get better.

10.

Come back. Please come back to me.

11.

I'm coming back, Minhwan. Finally I'm coming back.