In the midst of lingering guilt and shame, Junhyung tried to browse for how to deal with complicated relationships. Half of the results told him to end the relationship if it was already too complicated, but the older did not want to do that. Stubbornly, he clicked the back button and willingly searched for more solutions. He knew that he should not trust the Internet despite their nearly accurate information, but he was hanging on, and he needed to get up and work it out.

Talk to your partner, one of the random website said. Junhyung raised an eyebrow, and his mind somehow insisted that he had attempted to talk to Dongwoon. From the beginning of their relationship, he learned that introverts like him absolutely hated small talks, and he could only start a conversation with being somehow wishy-washy. He wished that he had the courage to go straight to the point, like what the writer had expected from him for the past few years.

Dear my precious Son Dongwoon, I’m sorry for not being good enough, Junhyung said in his heart, and he was genuine about it. He knew that the fault was entirely in him. If he did not always drown himself in alcohol for no particular reason, none of these would have happened. He would be helping his boyfriend write another book, think of another scene, and share his personal experiences to strengthen the research for the book, but none of those happened. He inhaled an amount of air, creating a happily-ever-after ending of his own love life. But obviously, there was no such thing as happy endings in life, including love lives.

“First of all, both of your contradicting behaviours are getting in your relationship, and it’s a sign that you should end it,” was Hyunseung’s advice when Junhyung decided to call him, earning a growl from the party animal. “I’m serious, Junhyung. I really support you two but if he’s going to keep on crying over this and you aren’t going to do anything about it, then end it.”

Junhyung clicked his tongue. “I’m trying, Seung. But he’s just so complicated. I think introverts make better friends than lovers,” he said, sighing in defeat. His brain was now contradicting with each other on whether to break up or not. Maybe breaking up would be the best choice. Or maybe everything could still be fixed. Junhyung needed answers to his question.

“See.” Junhyung could hear disappointment in the DJ’s voice. “You seem like you’re giving up. And if you’re trying, tell me what did you do to make him happy, other than giving him the freedom to write books. And for goodness sake, Junhyung, I can tell that you really wanna break up with him.”

“No, I don’t,” the extrovert denied quickly. “And please, giving him some freedom is good enough. Which boyfriend would let his beloved ones to stay up for like, three days to write a chapter?”

Junhyung could suddenly see Hyunseung’s horrified face as he went silent for a while. “Junhyung!” the red-haired disc jockey snapped, and for one moment there, he swore that he could tell his best friend really cared. “That is not doing him a favour! It shows that you do not care, just so you know. Three days? You’re sicker than I thought.”

Hyunseung did not hang up, but he was silent, and he refused to answer Junhyung whenever he talked, earning a deep sigh from him. “Hyunseung,” he finally spoke after the two were in silence. “What have I done wrong? What’s happening to us?”

There was only silence on the other end. Hyunseung did not answer simply because he did not know what to say. He had only dated a couple of times before, and his ex-lovers were all girls. He knew that it might not be of much difference with homoual partners, but he honestly did not know what advice he could offer to the broken-hearted male he was calling.

And then Junhyung could not really hear anything at all. He spared a glance at his screen and saw that the other finally hung up. He knew that Hyunseung was not angry with him; he basically left his best friend speechless. Sighing, he locked his phone and threw it on his bed, only to plop down the mattress after. Distressed, he let his whole body touch the bed sheet, his head massaging his temples.

“Dongwoon!” Junhyung called when he saw his boyfriend putting on his jacket. The writer looked back and his hands rubbed the floor, searching for his sneakers. “Where are you going?”

Dongwoon did not say anything for a moment. He knelt down and tied his white shoelace, straightening himself up. “I need to see my editor,” he replied carefully, trying to not let anything strange and suspicious slip through the corners of his lips. “I would be home late, though, since I need to discuss a lot of things.” He received a small nod from his boyfriend before leaving the apartment.

The cool spring night breeze greeted him as he walked towards the east. Truthfully, he was not going to see his editor, and there was absolutely nothing to discuss about. However, he decided to take the long route, which happened to pass his editor’s apartment, afraid that Junhyung might be following him to see where he was going.

He carefully made plans when his boyfriend was distracted. He was sick of all the pressures his life had given him these days, both work and relationship. He needed to calm himself down before resuming his writing. He was basically a week late from the due date of his new novel’s thirteenth chapter, and the editors had been pestering him with constant phone calls. Sighing, he stopped for a while right in front of the apartment his editor lived in, looking around and massaging his temples lightly. After he was sure that no one is following him, he walked straight, and stopped in front of the place he wanted to go ten minutes later. He was greeted by the flashing LED board, and inhaled an amount of cold air before entering.

The club. He was in Junhyung’s favourite nightclub.

The moment he entered the place, he could already feel his energy being drained, as if there was an energy er machine or some sort in the club. But that was just himself – an introvert who needed to recharge after he experienced a lot of interactions. Though he hadn’t even said hi to someone, he felt tired already, and wanted to go back home.

 But no, Dongwoon stubbornly told himself, I have something to do here.

He awkwardly pushed around the crowd of drunken men or women, his ears catching the remixed version of Korean pop songs. He looked up and saw Hyunseung there, moving his hands from the white MacBook Pro to the audio mixer, bobbing his head slightly as the music kept on playing. As if the DJ was a close friend, he quickly approached him. “Hyunseung!” he called as loud as he can. “Hyunseung-ssi!”

The DJ noticed Dongwoon when his eyes caught the brown-haired Western looking man. He nearly jumped in shock and gestured for him to wait for a couple of minutes. When he was done with the song, he took his headphones off, announced that he would be taking a short break, and talked to the introvert like a stranger. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?” he asked genuinely, tilting his head slightly.

“I’m Son Dongwoon, Yong Junhyung’s…” Dongwoon paused for a while as if ‘boyfriend’ was a dangerous word to say. “…. Boyfriend.” He bit his lips in anxiety, and Hyunseung face lit up, recognizing the name.

“Ah, Dongwoon!” Hyunseung said, smiling. His smile, however, quickly faded when he realized that it was the quiet one at the club, not the usual party animal. He knew that the two of them went to the club together before, but it was for the sake of a new book. A person like him was less likely to be spotted in a nightspot alone. “What are you doing here? Where’s Junhyung?” he asked frantically, looking around.

Dongwoon only shrugged. “Listen, if Junhyung came here and asked you about me, tell him that I didn’t go here,” he said, leaning to the DJ’s ear to whisper. “I just… need some time alone here.”

Hyunseung gave him a weird look, but nodded anyway. He knew that the lovebirds were having a pretty awful relationship these days, and he could totally understand the writer’s need to spend some time alone. “But why here, though?” he questioned. “You won’t really get some ‘time alone’ in this place, since it’s really crowded and all that.”

“Personal reasons. Do you know where the karaoke rooms are?”

Hyunseung was surprised, and he did not try to hide it. It was as if Junhyung and Dongwoon had switched their souls. Usually, when the DJ was having a day off, the two best friends liked to go to a different club – if not, a family karaoke, and Junhyung would be spitting out raps, which Hyunseung thought was actually quite cool, and he might do well as a rapper. “Oh, err…” He immediately snapped out of his daydream. “It’s right there.” He pointed at the second floor. Dongwoon thanked him and dashed to an empty karaoke room.

To say that he was nervous was an understatement, though he was not performing in front of anyone, and his voice was most likely to not be heard by anyone in the club. It would be embarrassing, of course, since he was not confident with his singing voice. He flipped through the book of songs and entered the code for a song. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed a microphone and moved it closer to his thin lips.

Why was he even doing this?

He had chosen a soft yet powerful song, and Dongwoon doubted that he could even sing it without his voice cracking. But the system had found the song he was searching for, and the speakers blasted a smooth piano intro. He could not sing as well as Korean singers out there. Hell, he thought that he was even worse than his editor, who claimed to be the worst singer Korea ever had. He could not rap as well as Junhyung, who occasionally rapped in the bathroom like he had been trained for years.

The lyrics naturally slipped off his tongue without him reading the lyrics on the screen. It used to be his favourite song when he was still a student, and it still remained as his most played songs whenever he was in the mood to listen to some sad songs. And for this time, it was more than relatable. Dongwoon exhaled his breath when the song came to its chorus. A thousand of thoughts came to him when he sang it. It was his favourite part, but now he hated it. It was like a summary to his and Junhyung’s love life these days.

“The world is like yesterday…”

Nothing really changed. The club was still the club, the apartment he shared with Junhyung was still the same small apartment, and the Earth was still revolving and rotating around.

“And time is flowing by…”

Time could not be stopped, even if you try to break a clock of yours. Even the second hand of the clock barely ticked as you smash it to the ground again with all your strength, an invisible unbreakable clock would still tick, proving that time was inevitable.

“I am the only one who’s changed…”

You did not change, Junhyung. I did.

“My futile wishes are blown away…”

Wishing for a happy ending was pointless. Hoping that everything would be just fine would only pain me more and more.

“… As they scatter in the wind.”